There and Back Again Ch. 091-092

Despite the cold weather, as we hit flatter ground, the misery of walking abated. Everyone was in better spirits. I was looking forward to seeing Wynne, and even Dariel again, and in the meantime, it had become a mostly tolerable journey. We laughed and chatted together as an enormous group, sang rowdy songs around the campfire, and generally tried not to think too hard about the troubles we'd be walking into after we returned to Redcliffe. Alistair and I made love frequently, and it was always new and exciting. He was thoughtful and inventive, and finally stopped worrying about the little bruises and aches I was left with the next morning. I worked with Morrigan to make healing potions and poultices, Zev to make poisons, and Leli started teaching me archery, which I was terrible at. And every day that it didn't snow, I sparred, becoming more and more proficient with my two daggers. On Zevran's advice, I sparred without the amulet Sereda had given me, so I didn't learn to depend on it.

At the first campsite with a stream, we all took turns washing up in the frigid water. I went last; after sparring with Alistair, we decided to bathe together, and it was cold enough we didn't expect any funny business to be happening at the stream. Last minute, I remembered the box Sereda gave me. I finished washing my hair, got dressed, then sat on the bank and unwrapped the gift.

Instead of soap or something similar, as I expected, I found a little grey stone attached to a stone handle. Confused, I gripped the handle and lifted, and was gifted with a full-on spray of warm water in the face. I squeaked and dropped it, and the water stopped running. Alistair came over in response to my squeak, laughing at me sitting there, soaked, with water dripping off my nose and out of my hair.

I gingerly picked the thing up again, and examined it. I realised that somehow, Sereda had a warm water rune, such as those we'd seen in the baths in Orzammar, placed into a shaped stone piece that could be held or sat on a surface; she'd given me a working shower-head. I held it facing Alistair and turned it on, laughing at him as he sputtered indignantly. He made a grab for it and we wrestled like children, accidentally (and purposely) spraying each other until we were both out of breath and giggling like mad.

"This is the best possible present Sereda could have given you," Alistair finally said with a soft smile. "It's the one thing I've heard you consistently miss from Earth."

"I know, right? In Orzammar I was plotting ways to get hold of some of these for wherever we end up living after the Blight, but I was thinking I'd have to buy a whole tub and have it shipped. It never occurred to me to get just the rune and make it portable." I sat up on the bank, cold now, soaked as I was. "I'm definitely not showing everyone else - they'll just want to borrow it all the time."

Alistair laughed. "And how else do you expect to explain why we're both soaked, despite the weather, after washing?"

"Um...you threw me in the water? That'll work."

"And Aedan will murder me!" he whined.

"Not my problem!" I giggled.

With a growl, Alistair grabbed me, pushing me onto my back and leaning over me. He kissed me breathless, then trailed kisses down my neck until he reached my damp torso. He grasped one breast, squeezing it softly into a peak and closing his lips around the nipple, stiff from the cold. He sucked gently before giving it a nip with his teeth, sharp despite the cloth covering. I gasped and twitched at the contrast - the warmth of his mouth and the cold of the wet cloth, the pleasure of the stimulation with the sharp pain of the bite, my expectation that I'd be scolded with the sudden flush of desire.

"It is now, if you want me to finish this later," he whispered, smirking at me once before jumping to his feet and scrambling a few feet away before I could grab him and drag him back down.

I sighed, sitting up, wringing out my wet hair, and then slowly climbed to my feet. "You are evil."

He laughed and led the way back to camp, grinning the whole time. We got a variety of strange looks from our companions when we got back, which got both of us giggling again. I quickly showed Leli the little shower - which she was delighted with - before wishing everyone a good night and climbing into the tent I shared with Alistair. I was shivering by that time, and the two of us wasted no time stripping off our wet clothes and climbing under the covers together.

He warmed me up rather efficiently with body heat and friction, before I fell asleep smiling, curled into his chest, warm and sated and content.

I noticed Anders being very attentive to Solona during the journey; he set up her tent, most nights, and brought her tea or her meal when we made camp. If she complained even the slightest about being stiff or sore, he was there to heal away her aches. He didn't push her to talk, but like Alistair had done for me, he was just always there if she needed the smallest thing. She tried not to respond to the attention, I could tell, but would still blush and have to hide a smile every time. I gave Anders a proud smile when she wasn't looking; he flushed and grinned before hurrying over to carry one of her bags.

We encountered only a couple of scattered bands of darkspawn as we travelled, to everyone's relief. My new armour worked fantastically, and the amulet Sereda had given me made me feel invincible, at least a little bit. Aedan and Zevran picking apart my performance afterwards kept that from going to my head.

I began to feel nervous as we approached Redcliffe. When I woke on the morning of the day we would arrive, I felt nauseous, entirely not looking forward to seeing Eamon and Isolde again, nor to receiving their judgement on our betrothal. Alistair, too, seemed nervous, and we washed up together with the shower before dressing silently. I wanted to be presentable as a young noblewoman when we arrived, so despite my misgivings, at Leli and Aedan's urging, I wore my velvet dress instead of armour. I strapped one dagger to my thigh, and one hung from a sheath at my waist, but I felt ridiculously vulnerable travelling through the countryside in a dress. Leli did my hair in a braid, and even talked me into a few cosmetics for effect.

Fortunately, the road near Redcliffe was clear of both darkspawn and bandits, and we made it to the castle without event. I got more and more nervous, the closer we got, and my subdued attitude wore off on the rest of the group. We were all tired after weeks of walking, but once my nerves became more apparent, no one spoke for the last couple of hours.

The patrols on the road, on horseback - interesting, as we'd not seen many horses in Ferelden - sent word ahead so the castle knew to expect us. Alistair stopped me just in front of the castle and kissed me once, hard and desperate. We pressed our foreheads together briefly, then without a word, turned and went inside.

We were met by Theron - whose hair had grown, the brown dye almost entirely washed out now - Eamon, Isolde, and Teagan, as well as Wynne and Dariel. Dariel stood with an elf that I recognised from the game, the Dalish emissary, Caron, as well as Mithra, one of the hunters we'd met in the Brecilian Forest. Dariel and Mithra stood suspiciously close together, and I smiled. There was also a mage I didn't recognise standing with Connor, and a Templar without a helm. The mage was a middle-aged, plump woman with a pleasant face, and the Templar an older, grizzled, grey-haired veteran with a dramatic facial scar who, for all that, had a kind look.

Theron gave us all a smile and winked at me, making me grin; my grin brought out the scowl on Isolde's face, but she mercifully stayed silent. Alistair held my hand tightly, and I saw Eamon's forehead wrinkle when he noticed. He welcomed us back to Redcliffe, and invited us all to have a rest before meeting for a planning session in the morning.

"But Alistair, if you would, might I have a word before you settle in?"

Alistair and I exchanged meaningful looks, and then reluctantly parted hands so he could follow Eamon into his study. I noticed Teagan shooting Eamon a dirty look, and Isolde shooting a similar one at me, and wondered what in the hell that was all about.

Theron rolled his eyes, then came over and offered his arm to me. "Walk you to your room, my Lady?"

I giggled and took his arm; everyone else had already scattered, back to their usual rooms I assumed. As we walked along, Theron surreptitiously looked around, and when we were alone, he quickly turned, pulling me through a random door in the hallway. It was some sort of storage closet, and there was barely room for the two of us, once he closed the door. At least there was a lantern lit, so it wasn't fully dark.

I was briefly worried he'd resumed his previous, lecherous attitude towards me. "Theron, what th-"

"Shh." He interrupted me with a finger on my lips. "I need to tell you what Eamon is talking to Alistair about. I was hoping for a chance to give you both a heads up, but Eamon ambushed Alistair before I got the chance. And I promised Eamon I wouldn't tell, so we have to be quick and quiet."

I sighed. "Go ahead." I was sure I knew - trying to convince Alistair to put me aside for some nice, noble bride chosen by Eamon to breed Theirin heirs.

"He's going to try to convince Alistair to break things off with you," I knew it, I just knew it... "and try to convince you to marry me."

"That's just so typical - I hate his elitist sh...wait, what?"

Chapter Ninety-Two: *Changing Plans

"Eamon's going to try to convince Alistair to break things off with you," I knew it, I just knew it... "and try to convince you to marry me."

"That's just so typical - I hate his elitist sh...wait, what?"

He shushed me again. "He wants me to put aside Anora - you know that, and honestly, he may be right - and he thinks that if we can garner proof of you being the 'lost Cousland', I will gain support in the Landsmeet if I marry you, especially after what Rendon Howe did to your parents."

"What makes him-" My face was red, my voice increasing in volume and pitch, and Theron covered my mouth again. I lowered my voice and started again. "What makes him think I would agree to such a thing? I'd be a terrible Queen! I don't know anything about Fereldan politics, and no one in the Landsmeet knows me from Adam. Why...?"

"Blood matters, to him, Sierra." He sighed. "And it honestly wouldn't occur to him that you'd have any say in the matter. Usually marriage alliances are negotiated with the family. You think Anora or I had a choice? He thinks he just has to convince Alistair to step aside, and then make a deal with Aedan or Fergus. What you want would never be an impediment, in his mind. As for your abilities - it wouldn't matter. If he was responsible for finding Ferelden a new Queen, he'd have a lot of power in the Landsmeet. He wouldn't expect you to be involved in the politics - he thinks you and I would be off somewhere acting clueless, leaving him to run the country."

I barked out a laugh. "He's in for a nasty surprise, then. Alistair isn't going to step aside." He wouldn't, would he? No. He wouldn't. "And I won't agree to the marriage. Neither would Aedan. I don't know what Fergus would think, but it doesn't matter."

I looked at Theron's face, arranged in a carefully neutral, mask-like expression. "It's not about you, Cailan." I hadn't called him Cailan since Lothering - it felt weird, but it seemed important to making my point. "I'm in love with Alistair, and he loves me. And I would truly be a terrible Queen. What Ferelden needs right now is not another puppet monarch, only with Eamon running the show instead of Loghain. Ferelden needs its King strong, and you need, eventually, to find someone who will help you, not push you aside or be incompetent beside you. You need a Queen, a real one, and that's not me."

"Just so you know, I don't agree with you about your competence. Not at all." He raised his hand to forestall my interruption. "But I know it's not what you want, and I would never get in the middle between you and Alistair. He's suffered enough from being disregarded by Theirin men."

I smiled softly. "Thank you, Cailan. Theron." I shook my head. "I hope you find what you're looking for, one day. Just don't marry Celene, or I'll kill you myself, even if it means Alistair becomes the King."

He laughed, briefly, and then his face fell. "Let's worry about what I'm going to do about Anora, first, before we plan my wedding to anyone?"

I winced. "Can I ask? You can tell me to screw off, but...do you love her?"

He considered, which was really enough of an answer in itself. If someone asked me that about Alistair, I wouldn't have to hesitate. "I...do, I suppose, but...it's not romantic. I care for her, but I'm not in love with her, if that makes sense."

"It does. Hard to be married to someone in that situation."

"She feels much the same, which is why we managed to put up with each other, I suppose. She was rather better at the whole 'running a country' thing."

"If that was true, why is Loghain her regent? Why would she need a regent at all?"

He looked at me, eyebrows raised. "That's...a very good point. A question I intend to ask her, when we get there."

"I get the impression Eamon's reasoning about you needing an heir is really just an excuse to oust Anora and get more power for himself."

"Definitely, though I'm guessing that's not the question you really want to ask." He smiled sadly, but not defensively.

"Well, the heir thing...I mean, I hate to ask this, and you'll probably have my head chopped off or something, but...are you sure, totally sure, that the issue lies with her?" I grimaced as the question popped out, seemingly without permission.

He sighed. "I am."

"I...oh. You sound rather sure about that. Do you...?"

He looked away. "Before I married Anora, there was someone. She would never have been able to be queen, and anyway Anora and I were betrothed at birth, so I wouldn't have had the choice even if Seinille wasn't an elf. She was beautiful, and kind, and smart, and funny...she worked in the Palace, and, I suppose 'things led to things'. We had a daughter, Mara. You'd never have had to ask if she was mine - damn Theirin nose. I loved her more than anything I could ever have imagined. I provided for her, but I couldn't claim her as mine with an elven servant for a mother. When Father found out, he was so angry...but he didn't come down as hard on me as I expected, which makes sense in retrospect. Despite his anger, he doted on Mara. Now I know he was probably looking for something of Alistair in her little face."

"Where is she now?"

He looked away. "Gone. There was a plague in the Alienage when she was two. I tried to get to them, I tried so hard...but Father wouldn't open the gates. Wouldn't let me send for her. Said there'd be too much suspicion if we broke quarantine. I hired a smuggler to take in supplies - poultices, herbs, food...but I know Seinille. She shared them with her neighbours. Nursed the sickest ones when no one else would. She used the last of the supplies on Mara when she got sick, but it wasn't enough. They both died."

"Oh, Theron, I'm so...I'm so sorry." I'm such a bitch for bringing up this trauma. "It wasn't your fault. I can't even imagine..."

"No," he replied tiredly. "You can't. And I hope you never can. A year later Father died, and a few months after that Anora and I married. I tried to put it behind me. I wanted to be a good husband, but I wasn't ready. I couldn't cope with losing them all, and I withdrew totally. By the time I saw that, saw what was happening...Anora and I had drifted even further apart, and I'd abandoned my duties so long that I was just in the way when I came back. So I just left her to it. And every month, when we hadn't conceived, Anora would be so sad...she didn't want my comfort, so after a while I stopped offering. Played at being a hero, a warrior, and left her."

I considered his sad face for a moment before reaching up - he was almost as tall as Alistair, I noted - and pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry." It was all I had to offer, but I got the impression no one else had known, or if they had, none had offered any comfort at all.

He stiffened for a moment before hugging me back tightly, but just briefly. He turned away, composing himself, and when he turned back, his mask was back in place, jocular expression belying any emotion. He's a better actor than I gave him credit for.

"We had better be moving if we don't wish to be caught in here."

After peeking out the door of the closet, he offered me his arm again and ushered me out, walking me the rest of the way to my door. "Goodnight, my Lady." He kissed my hand, and I rolled my eyes when he winked at me. I went into my room, closing the door softly behind me, taking a big breath.

My things had been delivered to the room, and I changed into my usual linen sleepwear. A servant came by and asked if I'd like a bath; I declined, but did accept the offer of having food brought up.

"For two?" I requested, and she nodded quietly; I was grateful she didn't ask more questions than that. I'm sure most of the servants know anyway - seems to be how things work in this world. I wasn't sure that Alistair would risk coming to my room after his talk with Eamon, but I hoped he'd find a way. After my conversation with his brother and his with Eamon, I needed to be with him.

I picked at some food, read a little from a book I'd found in my room on Fereldan history, and finally dozed in the chair in front of the fire, still hoping. It was late when I was disturbed by a soft knock on my door. I stretched my neck as I crossed the room; I'd gotten a kink from sleeping sitting up. I opened the door to see Alistair looking haggard. I stepped back and he followed me inside, closing the door behind him.

He held out his arms to me, and I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding as I fell into them. "Are you okay?" I asked.

I felt more than heard him nod. "Fine. Just tired."

"Theron told me what Eamon wanted."

He stiffened, and I stepped back slightly to be able to see his face. His hands tightened on my arms. "He did, did he?"

"Yes. He doesn't agree, Alistair. He wasn't trying to convince me. He was warning me."

He relaxed and pulled me to him again. "I told Eamon no."

"I know." I pressed my face into his chest, squeezing my arms around his waist.

"You didn't doubt me?" He looked down at me with a skeptical grin.

"No. Well, maybe for a moment. Like, a tenth of a second. And then I remembered it's you."

His smile was brilliant as he leaned down to claim my lips in a heated kiss. His voice was a low growl in my ear when he pulled away, leaning down to nip and suck at the skin on my neck. "Mine."

I moaned, arousal shooting straight through to my core as he pulled me even closer so I could feel him, already hard and ready, between us. "Yes. Yours."

He kissed me again, backing me against the wall, lifting me so my legs wrapped around his waist. He fumbled with my nightgown, finally managing to lift it up and off. "Mine."

I gasped as he ground his hips against me, the rough fabric of his trousers rubbing me intimately. I started fighting with the buttons on his shirt, biting his bottom lip until he hissed and rolled against me again. "Yours. I swear."

I finally got the shirt off him, scratching my nails down the smooth plane of his muscular chest. He was panting as he fumbled with the laces on his trousers, and then I finally felt the heat of him pressing up against my wet folds. He adjusted his grip on my hips and thrust, and then he was in me, filling me, stretching me delightfully, and I let out a long, ragged moan.