Thespian Love

My first insight into things beneath the surface came when, having noticed that Nigel was never present at the private sessions I had with Nerina, I wondered why.

Most of the husbands among the villagers, for a start, would have been highly incensed that some other man was kissing and cuddling his wife, even if it was only acting; but that he knowingly let it happen not only in his absence but even in his presence was to me incredible, especially if it involved a wife as attractive as Nerina. My curiosity about this got the better of me one day when Nerina and I were alone.

"Nerina, doesn't Nigel mind us being together like this?"

She gave a short laugh, shrugged her shoulders and said ambiguously, "It probably suits him."

I couldn't understand how or why it "suited" him, but I took Nerina's word for it.

It was after that I noticed that Nigel paid particular attention to Brenda and the other younger women in the cast, and whether younger or older all the women, including Props, whose name I can never remember, seemed to adore Nigel and hang on his every word. At the same time, there appeared to be a distance or remoteness between Nigel and Nerina.

As for the other men, they were never actually nasty to me, but they kept their distance and focused a lot of attention on Nerina, often making what I thought were suggestive remarks to her. In fact there seemed to be a lot of flirtatious behaviour all round.

Having lost whatever hopes I'd had with Brenda I did a bit of flirting on my own behalf with Props, but since she was a Big Wig's daughter, and obviously enamoured with Nigel, I got the cold shoulder very quickly.

Finally I had to conclude that the one person in the group that genuinely liked me was Nerina. She insisted we continued our private rehearsals right up until the week before opening night. By that time my feelings for Nerida had gone beyond liking to a sort of love, if having severe pangs of sexual desire for her can be so classified.

When it came to our love scenes, these grew increasingly fervent and when she kissed me during our last private session she nearly blew the top of my head off. She parted her lips and almost forcing my mouth open she thrust in her tongue. At the same time she began to make a rotating movement with her hips.

When she stopped she laughed softly and said, "There, now you know what a really passionate embrace is like."

Apart from what I am sure you will understand were the obvious physical effects of these scorching few moments, it made my stomach rumble embarrassingly. The village boy was learning some lessons fast.

In the last week we had moved into the church hall for the final rehearsals. It was here that I managed to attain something like hero status with the group.

The stage was lit by one ordinary light bulb; there was no other lighting to enable the actors to move in anything other than a sort of twilight. Now my acquired skills as an electrician came into there own.

Working in what spare time I had I made up a few flood lights from used tins plus a control board. Of necessity there were strict limits on how many of these lights could be used since anything more would have blown the fuses.

I recruited the plumber's apprentice to come and work the simple on and off switches on the control board – no dimmers or fancy stuff – and for once I even won Nigel's approval. Now at least the actors would be seen in something above a perpetual eventide. I got an extra reward from Nerina in the shape of one of her special clinches, right in front of the company, and not while we were rehearsing.

I have said little about the effect Nerina was having on me. Apart from gratitude for all her kindness and help, and the somewhat stirring and confusing sexual feelings her teaching had aroused in me, I had begun to feel a genuine love and admiration for her.

I have learnt since those days that this is one of the dangers involved in play acting; you can begin to confuse what happens on stage with real life. I had begun to fantasise about Nerina – to dream about her – to fancy myself in love with her. Along with this I felt the futility of this love for reasons I have already given, and had no thought that my love was returned by Nerina.

She had been teaching me about acting love on stage, that was all, and at times I wished I'd neve been involved with the Thespians. I had lost my chances with Brenda, and had been given a hopeless vision of what might be if only the situation had been different – if only I was another Nigel.

I suppose this is what my father meant when he talked of the dangers of "Getting above your station in life."

However, I had held on and now the opening night was approaching. To Nigel's despair some of the other actors were still struggling with their lines, and in fact Nerina and I were the only ones who were word and moves perfect, no doubt thanks to all those extra private rehearsals we had undertaken.

On the opening night nerves were stretched to breaking point and beyond with one of the actors loudly wailing that he couldn't go on. He was finally got on stage by main force applied by the stage manager and Nigel.

Awaiting my first entrance I stood paralysed with fear and when I did go on it was by a sort automatic reflex action. Once on I was encouraged by cheers from some of the village boys. At the time I didn't realise that they were more derisory than approving; once started I found I was flowing along quite nicely and actually started to enjoy myself when the laughs came.

Most of the actors managed to get through the play with only a few stumbles and prompts from Props who had taken on that task as well. The plumber's apprentice only made a couple of mistakes, plunging the stage into darkness at the wrong time.

At the beginning of the second act the stage curtain got stuck halfway and despite repeated attempts to move it, in the end we had to wait while the stage manager climbed a step ladder and oiled the curtain track. The audience cheered wildly at this addition to the evening's entertainment.

During the third act I had to wear a morning coat. This had been borrowed and it was about four sizes too small for me, exposing a liberal slice of arm, and the trousers came half way up my calves. It felt as if I was tied up in a straight jacket and one of the coat seams split while I was engaged in a passionate embrace with Nerina.

Nerina turned on one of her super-special kisses that seemed to go on for ever, much to the delight of the audience who whistled and howled their approval.

At the end of the play we lined up on the stage bowing and smiling at the audience as they applauded and cheered. They started to yell for the stage manager who had to come on to be cheered all over again for his oilcan appearance.

The vicar made a speech about how the play had shown us all the true meaning of marriage and its sanctity, and that there were a few people around the village who could learn some lessons from our performance. He was booed and hissed, but he didn't seem to mind because I think he was used to that sort of reception.

Then after the curtain closed – without jamming – the actors all hugged and kissed each other and all the nasty remarks they'd made and the arguments they'd had during rehearsals were forgotten – well, for a while anyway, and everybody was calling each other "dear" and "darling."

Then it was off to the Price-Evans house for the after the opening night party it was in fact both the opening a closing night since there was only to be one performance. There was a mountain of food and the available drink included wine. I had never tasted this beverage and after an experimental glass or two I decided that I quite liked it.

Some dance music records were put on the radiogram and everybody started to shuffle around. I'd learned to dance at the village hops and found myself constantly whirling Nerina around. She clung closer to me than any of the village girls had ever done, and she kept whispering in my ear about how well I danced. This got me all stirred up.

I'd had quite a few glasses of wine and was feeling somewhat serene, and then I noticed people seemed to be drifting off somewhere. I thought it must be time to go and I was in the midst of saying goodnight to Nerina when she said, "Don't go yet Trevor, I've got something to ask you, help me to clear up a bit and then I'll tell you."

There seemed to be no one else to help so I agreed, curious to know what she had to say. The place was a hell of a mess but we managed to get the worst of it cleared away. Nerina said she could finish in the morning, and putting on another dance record she said, "Dance with me again, Trevor."

It was while we dance, she clinging closer than ever, that she began to do her asking.

"Have you enjoyed the play?"

I explained that I hadn't at first, but because she'd been so helpful I had in the end.

"You like me, don't you Trevor?"

Emboldened by the wine and her closeness I said, "Yes, I think you're lovely."

"Even though I've been cruel to you?"

"Cruel?"

She laughed and said, "I worked so hard to try and get you to make a move, so now I've got to make it. You've never been with a woman, have you?"

"I-I-I've been out with some girls."

"No, I mean really been with a woman, you know...intimately..."

I got her drift and stuttered, "N-n-no."

"Would you like to, with me?"

"But you're married and..."

"Would you like to, Trevor? Oh, that was a silly question, I know you'd like to I can feel you want to, but then, I've felt you a lot of times when you've wanted me, so why don't we sit on the couch for a while."

"But someone might come..."

"No they won't."

"Nigel might..."

"He's busy."

We, or it least I, sat on the couch. Nerina remained standing, and to my amazement she took off her knickers. I can see them in my mind's eye now; silky and lilac coloured they were; I believe they called them "French Knickers."

That done she calmly began to undo the buttons of my flies and taking out my poor throbbing penis.

"I'm going to make you feel better, darling," she said, "So lie down and let me help you."

She pulled up her skirt and sat straddling me still talking, "I didn't mean to be cruel because I thought you'd do something, so it's your own fault you silly boy that we haven't done this before."

I felt something warm and wetly soft start to enclose my penis. Of course, I knew what it was but had never realised how beautiful it would be. She slid slowly down my length and when she had all of me in her asked, "Is that nice, darling, do you like it?"

"My God yes," I gasped, and despite my heated state and slight inebriation I remembered the possible consequences of what we were doing.

"Nerina, I might make you pregnant if I..."

"Don't worry, sweetheart," she said, smiling down at me, "Just let it all go, I want you to."

With that she started to ride up and own on me, slowly at first, then more quickly. She went on talking saying, "Oh Trevor, you don't know how much I've wanted you, you've been cruel to me a well and...oh...my God...Trevor darling...oh...oh...eeeow..."

She was beating up and down on me wildly, and at her loud cry I came, taking her word for it that it was okay. I think I panted, "Nerina...Nerina...I love you...," and felt a wonderful relief as I emptied myself into her.

Long after I stopped pumping into her she stayed sitting across me saying, "I do love you Trevor...I do love you..."

I think I was in a near dream state, hardly able to believe what had happened; my first time with a woman, and with lovely Nerina.

When she had recovered slightly but while still sitting across me, she said, "Come and see me tomorrow afternoon, I want to talk to you about the next play."

"Next play?" I asked, amazed that she should be thinking about another play at such a moment.

"Yes, darling, the next play, I'd like you to be in it."

"Well...I...er...Nigel may not want..."

"Never mind about what he wants, I want you."

She removed herself from me saying, "You'd better go now, but tomorrow afternoon at two, and we can talk about lots of things."

She kissed me goodbye and that started me off again, but she said, "No, not now, darling."

On the way home I began to wonder if it had really happened or if I'd been dreaming. Later that night, deciding it had been real, I started to realise the enormity of what had happened – if Nigel found out? If word got round the village? If my parents found out? I could hear my father's voice, "This is what comes of getting above yours station in life and play acting."

The next day being Sunday I went to church in the morning. It was my turn to read from the bible and one of the passages railed against the adulterer and the drunkard, among a whole list of other transgressions.

The vicar chose to preach on this passage and we were treated to half an hour of listening to the evils of which we were guilty. I sat cringing in the pew as he told us of the punishments awaiting the adulterer. Afterwards outside the church, I overheard one of the men say, "I didn't realise I'd been having so much fun."

Nerina had also been in at the service and as she left she looked at me and winked, but said nothing. I had heard that people, after a few drinks, did things they afterwards regretted and had wondered if Nerina was suffering from remorse. Her wink gave me some reassurance that all was well.

The question of the next play was not touched upon immediately after I arrived at her house. Instead I found myself clutched to Nerina's bosom as she kissed me.

"God I need you," she panted, "we should have made it one o'clock instead of two. I've got some things to teach you."

She hauled me off into a bedroom and without a pause started to strip herself. I stood mesmerised by this performance not knowing what to do. I had never seen a naked woman before and what was revealed once Nerina had removed all her clothing left me breathless.

"Come on Trevor, get your clothes off, we're going to do it properly."

I still stood staring at her entranced by her breasts and the little tuft of hair just above the crease at the top of her legs.

Nerina laugh softly and said, "Of course, you've never seen a naked woman before, have you? Do you like me?"

"Y-y-you're beautiful," I replied, feeling as if there was something stuck in my throat.

She smiled and said, "Good, now let me help you get undressed and then we can get onto the bed."

She started to undress me and between us we managed to get my clothes off.

Details of what happened that afternoon I will not relate; let it be sufficient to say that the village boy began to serve another sort of apprenticeship even more electrifying than my other one.

Towards the end of that afternoon the next play was discussed and I was delighted to learn that I was again to be partnered in love scenes with Nerina. Rehearsals for the play were begun, but it was never performed by the St. Monica's Thespians; other things intervened.

The first event concerned Nigel and Props. If I had to guess who Nigel was most likely to run off with I would have picked Brenda, and indeed, she seemed more furious than anyone except Props' parents when Props and Nigel departed the village scene together.

My father, of course, had his little comment to make; "No good will come of it, it's like a heifer running away with a boar."

This event was, however, as nothing compared to the next scandalous event.

When Brenda showed all the signs of having – to use a local colloquialism – "One up the spout," close enquiries were made by her parents. I gathered that after some tortuous inquisitions the daddy of the future event turned out to be the vicar.

Neither the vicar's wife nor the ecclesiastical authorities were amused, but the coarser denizens of the village found the situation hilarious, while others pretended to be scandalised, but I suspect were in fact highly gratified at the downfall of their fiercely moralistic mentor.

Once all was revealed the vicar departed the village scene to be followed soon after by the now blooming Brenda.

It may be ungentle-manly to say so, but before she left Brenda made an effort to restore friendly relations with me, proving to be far more ardent than she had been even at the height of our less than frenzied previous encounters. Aware that she was seeking a permanent if substitute father for her coming offspring, I declined to get involved. In any case I had my own entanglements elsewhere.

A couple of years after I had left the village a letter from my parents told something of the Brenda/vicar outcome.

Brenda went in search of her unfrocked lover and found him. In the meantime the late vicar had undertaken some studies that led to him becoming some sort of counsellor or social worker employed by what was then known as the "The Marriage Guidance Council." He and Brenda entered into a state of marital bliss that last for about twelve months, at which point Brenda left him and had been unheard of since. Meantime one had to agree that the erstwhile vicar was well qualified to engage in counselling people having marriage problems.

With Nigel, Brenda and Props vanished from the theatrical scene work on the play staggered to a halt, never to be revived – at least, not in my remaining time in the village. The St. Monica's Thespians shrivelled and died, Nerina and I did not.

I was in a dilemma over Nerina. She showed no signs of unhappiness at Nigel's desertion of her; if anything she seemed glad. Our relationship outlasted the Thespians and delightful though our bedtime frolics were, I wondered at times if she was just playing some sort of Big Wig game with me.

The village being what it was rumour soon spread, and this was expressed cogently by my father when he asked, "Is there something going on between you and that Price-Evans woman?"

I replied that we were just good friends and he came back with his oft repeated phrase, "No good will come of it," then added, "Friendship between the likes of us and our betters always ends in tears."

It might well have done if it had not been for Nerina. I was in love with her – absolutely besotted – but never sure how she really felt about me, despite her declarations of love. This went on until two events intervened to bring matter to a head.

First, I finished my apprenticeship, and my boss announced that there wasn't room in the village for two electricians. Thus I was faced with the need to leave the village and seek my fortune elsewhere in the predatory world beyond.

The second event was announced by Nerina in roughly the following terms:

An impatient sigh and then, "Trevor, I always seem to have to take the lead. I know you love me and you should know I love you, so why haven't you asked me if we can get married once my divorce from Nigel is through?""

I tried to explain how I saw the great gulf between us but she got even more impatient.

"After all that's gone on between us you still think there's a barrier between us? Really Trevor, you're being ridiculous. Anyway, something has happened that you can't get out of."

"Oh...er...what's that?" I asked nervously, having for some reason visions of policemen and courtrooms.

"You're going to be a father."

Staggered by this revelation I protested, "But you always said it was all right if I...you know...let it all go."

"Yes, but I didn't say I couldn't get pregnant, did I?"

I had to agree, she hadn't said so, but I assumed that she couldn't.

She went on, "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Do?" I replied, more than a little confused, "I won't even have a job after next Friday and I'd been planning to leave the village."

"And me; is that how much you think of me?"