Three Cheats to the Wind

"Oh, I think I know just how much, but I want to take it a little slow. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. You're still getting over your marriage, so, there's no rush."

"Thanks for understanding. You're a lot more understanding than my 'little' brain."

She raised an eyebrow as she smiled at me. "I was going to say something like, 'That thing poking my stomach doesn't feel little at all,' but that wouldn't be something to say if we're taking it slow, would it?"

I chuckled to hide how nervous I suddenly felt. "No, saying something like that would definitely change my timeline."

"Luc, I've been craving you since the moment you told me your name in the airport, but let's let things develop at a relaxed pace. I'm good with that."

Cold showers worked for a few weeks, but by Christmas we knew we were in love and we let our passions loose.

Now I've never run a marathon, but intimacy with Sam was the most strenuous workout I've had since football drills at Purdue. Thankfully her favorite position was riding cowgirl so I had some time to catch my breath. I wanted to be sure I could keep up with her, so getting into better shape became my top New Year's resolution.

Several months later, Sam moved into my home just in time for Valentine's Day. There was no question that we were exclusive and on the fast track to commitment. We planned on a small and intimate wedding that summer.

Sam had played competitive volleyball and stayed very active with various sporting activities. Hiking, kayaking, biking, and jogging consumed our weekends when we weren't busy with bedroom Olympics. She was active in a local gym and I decided to join too. We were making a contest of working out, so I bought us both Fitbits and an iPad app that allowed us to monitor our fitness progress both individually and as a couple. I was getting into the best shape of my life.

The wedding was set for the first Saturday in August. We each invited our immediate families and a few friends. Melanie, my personal assistant, was coming with her husband. Aubrey and Dennis were flying in to attend. I felt I had it right this time and I couldn't wait for Sam to become Mrs. Riley.

The wedding was informal with only 37 invited guests, so Sam never had the stress that turned many women into bridezillas. Sam's sister was maid of honor and she didn't bother with other attendants. We had our minister perform the ceremony right at the reception hall thus avoiding transportation issues or wasted time.

I stood with the minister as I watched for my bride to walk towards me. Before the procession I scanned the guests. Melanie was several rows back and beaming at me, but I didn't see Aubrey or Dennis. I hoped they didn't have flight problems.

We said "I do," kissed, and started the party. The longer the reception went on, the more concerned I was that I didn't see Aubrey or Dennis. About two hours into the reception I felt my phone buzz with an incoming text.

[Aubrey] Luc, I'm sorry we missed your special day. I didn't want you to worry or spoil your celebration, but Dennis' cancer came back. He went to the hospital yesterday. Don't worry. We're fine, but I hate that I wasn't there for you. Call me when you get back from your honeymoon.

I told Sam and she agreed I needed to call Aubrey immediately. I did and she tried to convince me things would be okay, but we knew each other too well. Dennis was in trouble, and she was not doing a good job of hiding how frightened she was.

Sam and I honeymooned in Hawaii and I did my best not to dwell on the struggles Dennis and Aubrey were facing alone. All things considered, it was a great trip and I was comforted by Sam's understanding and attention to my emotional needs in addition to her considerable skills in meeting my physical cravings.

A few weeks later in mid-September, Sam and I flew to Dallas for a long weekend to visit Dennis and Aubrey. I walked in their door and their son and two daughters almost tackled me with hugs as they greeted their "Uncle Luc." What really knocked the wind out of me was the sight of Dennis. The big, strapping center from my high school football team was thin and frail. His complexion was gray and he had the look of death looming over him. I struggled not to appear shocked and tried my best to treat my friend the same as I always did.

After dinner, Sam helped Aubrey with the dishes and Dennis took me aside to his den.

"Luc, you probably figured I'm not gonna beat this."

"Come on, Dennis. You're a fighter."

"Life is a fight we all eventually lose, my friend. I'm okay with it. I'm more worried about Aubrey and the kids. They'll be okay financially—I took care of that, but promise me you'll look out for them, okay? I'm guessing they'll stay here in Dallas, but the kids will need contact with their godfather, Uncle Luc, and Aubrey will need her best friend."

"You didn't need to ask, but I promise. You know I love you, man. Don't ya?"

"I know. The feelings are mutual. You're a good man, Luc, and a good friend."

I couldn't stop my lips from trembling. "I thought guys weren't supposed to cry."

Dennis struggled to speak with an obviously tight throat. "Real guys do, buddy."

Can a silence be both warm and sad? That was how it felt for several moments until Dennis changed the subject.

"By the way, Sam seems awesome. I hope you guys have a long, happy life together."

Two weeks later, Dennis was gone. The service and burial were in Washington where their families lived. Aubrey and the kids stayed with us for a few weeks as we tried to help them through the difficult process. Again, Sam was great and a true partner through a tough time.

Several months passed before Sam approached me with an idea.

"You know Hugh, the owner down at the gym? He is looking to retire and asked if we might be interested in buying the place."

"Really? What ya wanna to do?"

"My career at Microsoft is nice, but this is more like my dream. It's something I'd love to do."

"Well, I really don't want to change careers. I'm too well established and have made a killing in the market. Why don't you do it yourself?"

"Alone? I guess I could, but I don't have that kind of money."

"Maybe I can help. What's Hugh looking for?"

"I have enough to pay what he wants for the business, but he also wants to sell me the building. That part of it is two million I don't have and don't think I could raise."

I had been looking at setting up an LLC for the purpose of investing in real estate since my portfolio had grown considerably and therefore allowed me plenty of freedom to branch out into other investments. We moved forward with my LLC and named it Riley Investments. Sam set up a separate LLC in her name for the gym, after which Riley Investments set her up with a line of credit to make some improvements and cover her for fluctuating operating costs during the first several years of operations.

Our accountant and lawyer drew up the agreements, and our new ventures launched smoothly. The night all the paperwork was filed I was smothered with kisses we celebrated energetically between the sheets for the whole weekend.

Microsoft asked Sam to stay available as a consultant at a substantial hourly rate. We talked about the pros and cons, but we both knew that the extra income would really smooth out her finances. It didn't take long to see that the new business was going to be a grand success.

Owning a business and doing work for Microsoft, which included making occasional trips, created a heavy load for Sam. She had the energy, but I had to chip in at the gym if she needed to be out of town. We were happy, though, and even started making plans for starting a family. Sam thought it could work if she eventually gave up the Microsoft work.

Just after our first anniversary, Sam had to travel to Atlanta for three days to support some software development. As usual, we talked every night and shared the details of our days. On the second night of her trip, she called just after 3 p.m. West Coast time, or 6 p.m. Atlanta time.

"Hey, Sam! How was your day?"

"Awesome. We got a lot done but there's a lot more to do. I can't talk long since some of the team is getting ready to continue work over dinner. Can I make it up to you tomorrow?"

"Sure. I'm heading over to the gym tonight to check on things so I may as well go see how the staff is holding up."

"Sounds good. Love ya, babe."

"Love you, too."

I went to the gym and decided to get in a workout before taking time to check things out in the office. I was satisfied that things were going well, and stayed to lock up at nine. I was tempted to call Sam, but it was after midnight in her time zone and I was sure she had put in a long day.

I grabbed a shower and wanted to waste some time playing a game on my iPad. The Fitbit app caught my eye and I decided to see how my progress looked. I opened the app and I felt the blood drain from my body. My gut twisted up in pain as I saw the evidence of my life falling apart.

Sam was exercising. Her Fitbit was active. At almost 1 a.m. her time, why would she be exercising? The more I looked, the more I recognized the pattern and I knew immediately what she was doing. I had to call her.

On the first try her cell rang until it went to voicemail. She had a distinctive ringtone for me, so she had to know who was calling. I tried several times and it still kept going to voicemail. Finally, on the fifth try, Sam answered.

"Babe, is everything okay?"

"No, it's not."

"Are you hurt or in the hospital or something?"

"Hurt? Yes. I've been hurt badly."

"Oh, no! What happened?"

"What's his name?"

"Wha... whose name? What are you talking about?"

"The guy you're riding cowgirl. What's his name?"

"What are you saying? I'm not..."

"Tell me, Sam. Why?"

"Luc, I... How did... Are you here?"

"Are you gonna answer my question?"

"Oh... damn... how did you know?"

"Next time you have sex with someone other than your husband, TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN FITBIT!"

I disconnected the call, turned off my phone, and threw it across the room. Sleeping wasn't an option. I took a walk to try and cool down and, instead, walked miles crying my eyes out. This couldn't be happening. Not again. How do I keep ending up with wives that can't stay faithful?

I walked back home with some planned tasks to accomplish. We kept our finances separate, but we had a few joint accounts and credit cards for household expenses. I went to the computer and emptied the accounts into one of mine, and closed the ones I could online. I sent a late-night email to my law firm asking for a divorce attorney appointment as soon as possible.

The next day I took off work to get my things in order. I had the divorce papers ready with the prenup in place. I met with my accountant and lawyer to start the process of calling in my loan to Sam for the gym, which was a clause in the loan documents that allowed me to demand full principle with sixty days' notice.

How could I be such an idiot? How did she fool me? Every fiber of my being ached and I wanted her to experience that pain and more. The vengeful fool in me wanted to ruin her.

I hadn't talked to Sam since the incident, so I didn't know what her plans were about coming home. It didn't help that throwing my phone destroyed the little sucker, and I had to buy a new one. I immediately blocked Sam's number.

I needed a friend, so I called Aubrey. She calmed me down and begged me to be a little less vengeful. She was my conscience when I didn't want one, but I promised her I'd try.

I thought of stopping at the pub, but if Sam kept to the original travel schedule she would be due back soon. I wanted to get the confrontation over with and hoped I'd arrive home before she did. I wasn't so lucky.

I walked in to Sam sobbing. She ran and tried to hug me, but I pushed her away.

"Don't touch me, Sam."

"Oh, please, oh God... I'm sorry. Please, please forgive me."

"Sorry. Not gonna happen."

"Don't leave me, please. I don't want to lose you."

"Lose? No. You threw us away."

"Luc, please, I was stupid. I thought..."

"Thought? Thought what? That you could get away with it? Or maybe that I wouldn't mind? Or you brain told you that it wouldn't matter if you smashed our vows, or that you could deal with the consequences, or that you can disrespect me while sleeping around and it wouldn't make a difference? Or how about the thought that risking killing my love for you and tearing my heart out was worth taking? You didn't think. Or maybe you thought there was a guy with bigger equipment out there for you, or a better lover. Was that it?"

"No, no!"

"Then what stupid thought crossed your mind? Go on, give me your justification."

"It wasn't justified, alright. It was just stupid, recreational sex."

"Recre... You gotta be kidding me. How often do you have recreational sex, huh? Are you banging guys down at the gym? Taking on trains in the ladies room? I can't comprehend how you could even come up with that as a reason."

"I just thought..."

"There you go again trying to tell me you thought this through. If your libido was the problem, I was only a phone call away for a little phone sex. If you can't go two or three days without, then you're outta control."

"Please, Luc. Help us get past this."

"Let me sum it up for you, dear. You let another man, who you still haven't named, get intimate with you in a way that only belongs to you and me. Don't give me any crap that it's your body to do what you want with. It's yours and mine. Forsake all others, until death do we part. Remember that? Well there was a death. Our marriage died as soon as he got you into bed."

She wailed a deeper cry than I ever heard from a human. I wanted to enjoy her pain, but it was killing me too.

"Get yourself under control, shut up, and listen. You'll be served the divorce papers in the next several days."

"No, no! Please, not divorce. Help me make this..."

"Listen, Damn it! The prenup conditions related to cheating are in effect. You'll get very little outta this. I'm also calling in the loan. There's a principal balance of just over three hundred and fifty thousand. You'll have sixty days to pay it off or lose the gym to me."

"No, Luc. You'll ruin me."

"I said shut up and listen. I won't call in the loan if you sign the divorce. Fight it, then I go for everything."

"I don't care about the money or the gym. I just want you. Please let's work through this."

"No, Sam. You knew my painful history with cheating wives. You swore you wouldn't do that to me, and yet a year later you did just that. I'll never trust you again especially if you show so little respect for me when you knew what this would do to me."

"Damn it, Luc. I made a big mistake. I'm not perfect, but neither are you. Are you telling me you've never wanted to get with another woman?"

I fought my temper to stay calm. I bit my lip so hard that I could taste blood. "Yeah, I'm not perfect. We all have fantasies. The difference is, you acted on it. I never would have."

Please..."

"Stop begging. It's making me sick."

"But we were planning a family."

"WHAT! Can you really think I'd want my children to have a mother that thinks the way you obviously think? I want kind, respectable, moral, loving children that make this world a better place. I don't want their lives influenced by someone who could do what you did."

She started wailing again, and I really didn't want to hear it.

I left and told her I'd be back in a day or two after we both calmed down. It was hard leaving a destroyed woman that I loved bawling uncontrollably on the floor. At first I had hoped she felt as destroyed as I did, but I felt terrible guilt for how I left her. Plus, I had to get outta there before I broke down. I didn't want her to see that.

After several days, I had cooled down. We did talk and I agreed to go to counselling to see if we could save things. I didn't want to be a three-time looser and I really did care for her. I just didn't know if I could ever regain that feeling that she was my life-mate.

After six weeks of meeting with a counselor, we drove home from our final session and Sam was uncharacteristically quiet. I glanced at her a few times and saw tears softly falling down her cheeks. Like a lot of guys, I'm not particularly observant, but I knew that night was going to change everything.

We walked silently through the front door and Sam broke the silence. "Can we sit and talk? I need to tell you a story."

"Sure, Baby."

I assumed she chose to sit next to me on the couch to avoid making eye contact. Sam heaved a huge sigh, and fought for composure as she started her tale.

"When I was a kid, my dad and I were really close. I was his princess, and he was my hero like a dad should be. My sister and I always snuggled with him on the couch when we watched a movie, or just relaxed as a family after dinner. Even through my teenage rebellion years, dad and I were close. When I was sixteen, I made a purity pledge to him at our church that I would save myself for marriage. I didn't make the pledge lightly. I meant every word."

"Our church had similar events when I was a kid."

"Yeah. It was a thing back then. Anyway, I started dating a guy from my Sunday school class. We had been dating about a year and he kept bugging me to get intimate. On my eighteenth birthday, I gave in and Pandora's Box was opened. I couldn't get enough."

"I know how you are."

"Yeah. Anyway, everyone else in the family had to go out to a banquet one night and my boyfriend and I were home alone. Of course, we were naked before the family car left the driveway. About fifteen minutes later, we were going at it and, yes, I was riding him hard. I looked up and saw my dad in the doorway staring at us. He was diabetic and had forgotten his insulin so he had to come back to get it. His mouth quivered as if he were going to say something, but instead he just walked away. I covered up enough to chase after him even though I had no idea what I was going to say. Just before going out the front door, he turned to me. He had tears in his eyes and I felt like I was hit by lightning. I couldn't move. Then he calmly said, 'You're a grown woman now and can make your own choices.' Then he left."

"He took that rather calmly."

"No, not really. I hurt him horribly. The thing that broke my heart, though, was the look in his eyes that night and every day thereafter until he died. Before that, whenever he looked at me there was a look of love you couldn't miss. I would swear his eyes twinkled. But since that night, that look was gone. When he looked at me, I felt like all he could see was me riding my boyfriend—a sight no father should have to see."

Sam's face wore the tears and pain as she recalled her past. I felt a chill run down my spine as I realized why she forced herself to tell me about this awful milestone from her past. I wanted to speak, but decided to let her finish.

"After that, we never snuggled again. Oh, sure, we hugged when we greeted or parted, but the closeness of 'Daddy' and 'Princess' was gone. We were loving, but we were 'Father' and 'Daughter' now."

She paused to gather herself and I hugged her, partly to comfort her, but mostly to let her know I understood.

"Luc, I see that same look my dad had when I look into your eyes now. Whenever you look at me, you see me riding some faceless guy and you relive my betrayal. I can sense that you desperately want it to go away so we can go back to the way things were before I screwed up, but you can't help it."

"I'm sorry. I don't hold on to it to punish you or anything. I still love you."

"I know you do, but that look will always be there. You can't trust me no matter how much you want to. No matter what I do to make you believe I'll be faithful and will never stray again, in the back of your mind you'll always fear that old saying, 'Once a cheater—always a cheater.' There's nothing either of us can do. I broke what we can't fix to make things the way they were."