Three Square Meals Ch. 136

John frowned, unable to refute their arguments. "I think my guide might have been referring to the psychic abilities I've given to each of you..."

"You mean the powers I begged you for?" Dana asked, with an impish grin.

"I recall doing the same thing..." Calara noted with a wry smile.

Helene gently kissed his cheek. "I asked for them too, John. I wanted to contribute to our family in any way that I could."

"And don't forget that gifting us psychic abilities actually has a cost to you personally," Sakura reminded him, her expression conflicted. "I hate the idea that me having psychic speed took something from you... but I will always honour that sacrifice you made, by fighting to the very best of my ability."

"I didn't know about that!" Jehanna exclaimed, her eyes widening in alarm.

"It's not a sacrifice when you give back far more than I lost," John said, giving Sakura a look of reassurance. When she acknowledged him with a smile, he turned to focus on the former reporter. "I haven't changed my mind about giving you psychic capabilities... if you're still interested?"

"Of course!" she exclaimed, although her elation was tempered with newfound anxiety.

"Okay, so what else?" Dana prompted him.

John glanced at Irillith. "He said that I couldn't wait to subjugate an authentic thrall."

"And I've thoroughly enjoyed being subjugated," the Maliri hacker said, giving him a wicked smile. "But you can't really claim the credit for recruiting me. Don't forget that I crept into your bedroom and stole that third load from your sleeping bedmates."

"Actually, that was something else he mentioned," John said, his expression chagrined. "My guide said that a woman only needs to swallow once... and then after that, she's under my influence and incapable of turning down an offer to join me. He said that you all became my indoctrinated slaves the instant I fed you that very first time."

"Why are we wasting our time discussing this nonsense?!" Alyssa suddenly blurted out in exasperation. "The guide was lying about everything! He made up any old bullshit just to unsettle you and give himself an advantage in your duel!"

John stroked her arm and said quietly, "I know it's frustrating having to wait, Alyssa, but it's important we talk about it. I'm sure that-"

"It's all a bunch of crap!" Alyssa interrupted, rolling her eyes. "You don't establish a connection with a girl when you feed her for the first time. I know that for a fact, because nearly all of these girls only appeared in our psychic network after you fed them three times!"

"But-"

"I haven't finished!" the blonde snapped, her patience wearing thin. "Women don't become your 'indoctrinated slave' after the first time you feed them... that's a bunch of bullshit! Don't you remember healing those girls we rescued from the pirates on Underworld? We all parted ways without any problems. I'm sure they would've loved to stay and be your fuck buddies, but you wanted them to have a fresh start away from combat. They left the ship and that was that... we have no psychic connection with those women in any way whatsoever."

John looked at the exasperated young woman in surprise, then ruefully nodded in agreement. "Alright, I guess he was lying about those things too."

Alyssa's expression softened and she moved to sit in front of him, holding both his hands in hers.

"Look... I understand that the fight with your guide was deeply personal and stirred up a lot of painful emotions. He played on all your worst insecurities, bringing up issues that you've felt terribly guilty about for months. You just have to remember that he was only trying to distract you and make you lose focus; he would've said anything to give himself the best shot at winning. It's over now, John... and you need to be back where you belong, reconnected to all the women that love you."

"I just need a couple more minutes, beautiful," he said, looking at her with sympathy. "I'm nearly done... I promise."

"Ugh... fine!" she snapped, scowling with irritation. "What accusation do you want us to blast holes in next then?"

John was distracted by her outburst and it took him a moment to regain his train of thought. "The guide said that he wasn't planning to leave Maliri territory after taking Edraele as his matriarch, so there was no need for him to order any assassinations. He would have just visited each of the House matriarchs in turn and used their genetic predisposition towards Progenitors to convince them to become his thralls."

Alyssa looked at him sceptically. "So he implied that you secretly ordered the assassinations?"

"Yes."

"More lies," she declared, in a tone that brooked no argument. "If you weren't being so stubborn about all this and had remade our connection, you could ask Edraele to confirm it yourself."

"So... what does she say about it?" John asked quietly.

"You already know this, John," Alyssa said with a weary sigh. "The guide only managed to give one order to Edraele before I interrupted them, which was to help him subjugate the Maliri. Before we left Valaden, you asked Edraele to help you stop the Maliri slaughtering each other. She evaluated how many Maliri would be killed before you returned to Genthalas and could put a stop to it yourself, then used her own initiative to assassinate the matriarchs and their eldest daughters from the highest ranked Houses. What Edraele did wasn't your fault... it was just an unfortunate set of circumstances that actually saved tens-of-thousands of Maliri lives."

"And you don't think I had some kind of ulterior motive..." he asked, feeling self-conscious. "Like ending up with the Young Matriarchs?"

Alyssa looked him in the eye and shook her head. "If you were just after blue pussy, Edraele could keep you balls-deep in horny Maliri girls every day for the rest of your life. With Jade's help, you could have already knocked up over a thousand women."

The Nymph moaned softly, her emerald eyes glinting with arousal.

Alyssa jerked a thumb at the green-skinned shapeshifter. "See, she'd be totally up for it. So no, I don't think you ever had any ulterior motives. You tried to stop all the killing, then did your best to give the Young Matriarchs exactly what they needed to feel secure in their succession. Frankly, we've all been amazed at how reserved you've been around the Maliri... they're all panting to be bred by you, and you've only indulged yourself four times. By most men's standards, you're a paragon of virtue!"

"Thanks," he said with a wry smile. "I'll polish my halo later."

"Alright, next..." she said, impatiently gesturing for John to continue.

"Um... the guide said that I'd deliberately been exploiting the chaos Larn'kelnar stirred up to install my own puppet leaders in the neighbouring empires."

"Well, I pushed you into turning Niskera into the Glowing Queen, so you can't possibly blame yourself for the Trankarans." Alyssa began ticking off the empires with her fingers. "I also connected to the Ashanath Command Web and helped win them over, so that was me again, not you. You just wanted to reward Lynette with the benefits of the Change; she dreamed of becoming Fleet Admiral long before you two ever met. We've already discussed the Maliri, which just leaves the Kintark..."

"He implied that I exploited the invasion just for an opportunity to take control of Tamolith."

"That's not true either. You were just trying to prevent a massacre by the Brimorians," the blonde stated, shaking her head in disbelief. "You only recruited Tamolith because you felt guilty about her kids being murdered and you wanted to save as many Kintark from her grief-induced wrath as possible."

Calara moved closer and interjected, "From a strategic viewpoint, the Kintark Empire will be of minimal value in the Progenitor War. They could become a valuable source of minerals and other natural resources in the future, but installing a puppet ruler for just a trade partner seems unnecessary to me. Regarding the other empires, it's obvious that you were simply trying to help them recover from various catastrophes. I honestly think your conscience is clear, John."

The rest of the girls murmured their earnest agreement.

Alyssa gave him a reassuring smile. "Nobody knows you better than we do and none of us have any doubts that you've always acted with the best intentions. I've been in your head for all of it and I know you better than anyone. You're a good man, John... you don't have anything to feel guilty about."

He opened his mouth to respond, but she leaned in to silence him with a quick kiss.

"Just let me say one last thing?" she implored him, love shining in her eyes.

John nodded. "Okay, go ahead."

Alyssa turned to gesture towards all the girls sitting around them. "I can speak for everyone here because I know how they all feel about you. We love you, John... and it's not because you've bewitched us with your wicked Progenitor ways. You've been compassionate, kind, brave, selfless, generous, and loving... and cared for us physically and emotionally. How could we feel any differently towards you?"

She placed a hand on his chest and continued softly, "You've got a big heart and the only crime you're guilty of is stealing ours. Torturing yourself with guilt and self-doubt isn't helping anyone, because at this point... we're all in. Everyone we care about is in mortal danger from Xar'aziuth and the Progenitors, and you need us to have any chance of defeating them. We all know what's at stake and we're with you all the way to the end."

He was touched by her sincerity, the warm feelings extending to the rest of the girls as they echoed their commitment to him.

"Thank you... all of you," he said, giving them a profoundly grateful smile. "What you said was beautiful... and you've all done a remarkable job of putting my mind at ease."

Alyssa grinned at him. "Yay! Now it's time for the fun part!"

"Hold on, Alyssa. There's one thing we still have to discuss; something I know for sure that the guide wasn't lying to me about," he said quietly, looking into those enchanting cerulean eyes. "You."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her happy expression faltering.

John let out a heavy sigh, laden with remorse. "He said that when I made you into my matriarch, I turned you into my wicked conscience. That's the reason why you're always encouraging me to recruit new girls; I changed you so that you'd always urge me to indulge my true desires."

Alyssa's eyes opened wide in alarm and she clapped her hands over her ears. "I don't want to hear it!"

He reached for her left arm and pulled it down, but she resisted and fought against him. "Stop it, Alyssa. You need to listen to this... it's important."

"You didn't do anything to me!" she protested, struggling in his grip. "He was lying!"

"No... it was the truth. He said that I did it so I could blame you for anything I did that was morally questionable and keep my own conscience clear. He said that you've just been doing whatever I've secretly been wanting all along."

"Get off me!" Alyssa snapped, her eyes conflicted with a riot of emotions.

She summoned several telekinetic hands to pry his fingers loose, then fell over backwards onto the bed when John voluntarily released her.

"We need to talk about this, Alyssa," John implored the furious teenager. "No normal girl wants her boyfriend to start a harem and get dozens of women pregnant! I must have twisted your personality beyond all recognition! What I did to you was horrible!"

"Don't you get it?!" Alyssa snarled, her eyes blazing. "I was thrilled to become someone you wanted... someone you needed! I was nothing before I met you! Nothing!"

John shook his head and looked at her with sympathy. "Don't say that... that's not true."

"It is true!" she shrieked in frustration, her anger bubbling over. "You have this fucked up, rose-tinted idea of what my life was like before we got together! Do you really want to know what it was like for me growing up on Karron? Do you want to know the real Alyssa Marant?!"

He slowly nodded, shocked by her outburst. "I think you need to let this all out, Alyssa. Keeping all this anger bottled up inside isn't good for you."

Behind her, Helene gasped and doubled over, the shimmering light from her eyes bathing the entire room in a teal glow. Her empathic aura failed to touch Alyssa though, leaving the blonde isolated in a pool of shadows.

"Alright then!" Alyssa snarled, lurching towards him. "You asked for it!"

Before John could do or say anything, Alyssa reached out to touch his head. Her fingertips lightly brushed against his temple, but the telepathic impact on his subconscious was like being battered by a meteor strike. She imparted all her long-suppressed memories of her childhood, flooding his mind with a succession of sights, sounds, and feelings that left him stunned.

~~~

Alyssa's earliest memories were of her father, gazing up at the haggard miner with the adoring innocence of a child. Even then, what should have been happy moments were stained with worry, as he always drank too much from the brown bottles. He got up to make them some dinner, swaying unsteadily on his feet before falling over. She rushed over to help him up, but she was too little and he was just so big.

"Love ya... Pebble. Jus' gonna... rest a bit..." he muttered, before his voice trailed off into rasping snores.

"I love you too, daddy," she replied, his slurred words making her feel safe and warm.

Alyssa fetched her dog-eared pillow and a worn blanket, then curled up next to him on the floor, her doll, Holly, clutched in her arms. Camping on the kitchen floor was fun, but Alyssa hoped he'd wake up soon. She hadn't eaten since breakfast and her tummy was rumbling.

~~~

"Daddy?" Alyssa asked, anxiously twisting the ragged doll in her hands.

She'd been building up her courage to ask him this all day and now he was back home from the mine, she couldn't wait a moment longer.

He wiped the dirt from his face with a grubby rag, then opened the fridge door, bottles clinking as he rummaged around. "Yeah, Pebble?"

"Did Mommy leave us because I did something bad?" she asked fearfully, dreading the answer. "If I say sorry, do you think she might come back again?"

Her father didn't answer... then his shoulders started to shake as he started crying. Alyssa stared up at him in horror, her little heart breaking as she watched him sobbing with grief. She felt so awful for hurting her Daddy, she loved him so much.

~~~

Alyssa lay awake in her bed, not able to sleep she was so worried. The glowing lights on her faded stars and moon clock said that it was 3:27... but her father still wasn't home. There was a knock on the front door, the sound shockingly loud in the middle of the night.

"Daddy!" she cried out with relief, leaping out of bed and rushing to answer it. He must have lost his keys again and got locked out.

She flung the door open and blinked in surprise when she saw the burly foreman standing there in the rocky tunnel.

He knelt down on one knee, wringing his hardhat in his hands. "Alyssa... I've got some real bad news."

"Where's my daddy? Why didn't he come home?" she asked, staring at him anxiously.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," the man replied in a choked voice. "We tried real hard to save him... but he's gone."

She stared at the foreman in shock, her mind refusing to accept what he was telling her. He tried to explain that there'd been a cave-in... that her father had been badly hurt. Doc Clemence had tried to save him... but there was nothing they could do. It finally sunk in that her daddy was never coming home... and now she was all alone.

~~~

"You're stayin' in Dorm Seventeen," the gray-haired woman muttered, a cigarette hanging precariously from her lips. "Got that?"

"Yes, Mrs. Simmons," Alyssa said in a hushed voice as they walked along the cold ferrocrete floor.

She darted nervous glances at the closed doors they passed, feeling a shiver of fear run down her spine. There was something bad about this place... something scary. She clutched her doll and the stars and moon clock just a little bit tighter.

"I'll getcha some new clothes in the mornin'," the warden of the orphanage said, eyeing Alyssa's grubby threadbare dress with distaste. "You ain't got lice 'ave you?"

"I- I don't think so," she replied, looking down in embarrassment.

"'Ere we are," Mrs. Simmons declared, stopping by the door marked with a faded number seventeen. She slid back the bolt and pushed open the door. "Hurry up... get in there."

Alyssa cautiously walked inside the dimly-lit room, the other seven inhabitants staring at her from their bunks. They were all bigger girls, older than her by a few years... and all old beyond their years.

"Mrs. Simmons?" Alyssa asked tremulously, turning around to look at the warden... just as the door slammed shut in her face.

The girls darted sly looks at one another, then watched their new roommate in silence. There was one empty bed, covered in a coarse grey blanket. Guessing that it was going to be hers, Alyssa walked over to it, then jumped in surprise as the girl on the top bunk dropped down in front of her.

"Who are you then?" the bigger girl asked, peering at her suspiciously.

"I'm Alyssa," she replied, feeling nervous and unsure of herself.

The girl broke into a crooked grin. "I'm Kacey. Don't be scared... we all know what it's like being the new girl. Just keep away from Cliff the janitor and you'll be alright."

"Okay... I will," she replied, relaxing at the girl's friendly tone.

Kasey glanced down at the clock and the doll Alyssa clutched in her hands. "What've you got there?"

"This is Holly, she was from my mommy," Alyssa replied, showing her the much-loved doll. "My daddy gave me this clock so I'd know when he was going to be home."

Thinking about her father brought tears to her eyes and Alyssa bit her lip to stop herself crying.

"Ah... she's cute," Kasey said with a friendly smile, looking at the doll.

She suddenly snatched it out of Alyssa's grasp and threw Holly to a girl sitting across the room. "Hey Tiff... want a new dolly?"

"Give her back!" Alyssa cried out, running after her most treasured possession.

Tiff threw it to another girl and the rest all laughed at Alyssa as she tried to rescue Holly. They were all much bigger than her and she felt so frightened and helpless. Another girl grabbed the stars and moon clock and tore it out of Alyssa's hands, then started throwing that around too... until someone misjudged a throw and it smashed on the floor. Alyssa fell to her knees beside the broken clock and burst into tears, trying to frantically gather up all the pieces.

The room went quiet as they watched Alyssa sobbing over the last present her father had given her.

"Here's Holly..." Kasey muttered, dropping the doll in her lap.

One of the girls had torn off the doll's head and they all smirked at Alyssa's heartbroken wail of despair.

~~~

Alyssa held out her bowl and the cook slopped in some watery-looking soup, then tore off a chunk of bread and dropped it on her plastic tray. She hurried across the dining hall, then sat on a bench beside Mia, keeping the tray close in case anyone tried to steal her food. They'd been friends for nearly a year now, ever since the older girl had been sent to the orphanage. Alyssa had warned her who the worst bullies were and what to watch out for... and their friendship had grown from there.

"Kasey's gone missing!" Alyssa whispered under her breath. "When we woke up this morning, she wasn't in her bed!"

Mia shivered, nervously fiddling with her braid of brown hair. "I thought I heard screams last night..."

Alyssa darted a worried glance at her friend. "What do you think happened to her?"