Through the Fire Pt. 01

Upon graduation, I managed to pick up a job working for a local landscaping firm thanks to Dad's relationship with the owner Geoff. Geoff had known me for years and when I started work, had stern words with any of his crew that gave me any grief over my appearance.

Those first few months were rough, early mornings, long hot days, gruelling physical work. Landscaping is a lot of digging and wheelbarrowing dirt. I was strong, yes. But I had to build the stamina needed to move stuff all day long. By the time I had been working for Geoff a year, I was seen as one of his most steadfast guys.

He paid me well and encouraged me to attend the local TAFE, standing for Technical And Further Education, an Australian version of a community college, to earn a certification for structural landscaping. Two years later I had the diploma and with my job, lack of a social life and frugal spending habits, I had enough money to buy a house.

Usually, I didn't talk to anyone outside of my family or the guys at work. Even then, I rarely accepted the invites to head to the pub on a Friday arvo, Aussie slang for afternoon, when we finished work. They told me they had my back, but I didn't want to expose myself to ridicule. For example, to avoid the stares of most people, I did my shopping late on a Thursday night, using the self-service checkout. I wasn't quite a recluse, but too many reactions to how I looked encouraged me to avoid crowds of people whenever and wherever I could.

And girls? Pfft! I learnt very quickly to avoid any one-to-one contact with women outside of my mother and sister as much as possible. Early in high school, I fancied a girl, and it took me three months with Harpers encouragement to work up the nerve to even talk to her. I was surprised when I said hello, she talked back to me. I was even more surprised when two days later she came and asked me on a date.

But my surprise turned to humiliation when I turned up for the date, finding the girl making out with Brian DuMont and three of his friends while they laughed at me. When I got home early, Harper asked what happened, but I ignored her, hiding and recovering by myself in my room. It took her three days to get me to tell her what occurred, and the following Monday Harper got suspended for decking Brian DuMont and breaking the girl's nose.

When I got a little older and first moved into my place. I bumped into a nice-looking woman a few times late at night while shopping. She smiled at me and didn't cringe at my appearance too much. But when I worked up the nerve to talk to her, then subsequently asked her out, she tried to say no politely, that I wasn't her type. I got the message; I was a freak.

Lastly was Ava. One of the guys I worked with, Brad, had told me that his wife knew a girl who had been single for a while and wondered if I would be open to a blind date. I shrugged my shoulders with a 'why not' and attended the rare Saturday barbeque at his place meeting Ava.

When I met her, I wasn't put off by the chubby blonde. She was pleasant enough if a little needy. For the first time in a long time, I felt relaxed around a woman that wasn't part of my immediate family. A kiss as I dropped her off home after going to the movies, didn't set off fireworks, but it was my first real kiss, and it was pleasant none the less.

Viewing myself as a hideously scarred freak, I was happy to settle for what I could get. In my wildest fantasies in those few months, I dreamt about being able to lose my virginity to Ava.

Alas, as I stared at myself in the mirror today after my shower, I was ruminating over recent events, I knew that it wasn't to be. I walked into my room and climbed into bed and re-watched for the fourth time an episode of 'The Sandman' on Netflix. The dark and gloomy character, Dream, felt like he could be my best friend, but unlike me, he was smooth and good looking. I fell asleep feeling more alone and depressed than any other time in my life.

The following morning, I made myself a leisurely breakfast and spent an hour in my yard, mowing the lawn and working around my garden. In the middle of the grass, I had a wooden bench that I liked to sit on when I had time and take in the surrounds. I had planted several flowering plants and fruit trees when I first moved in. I enjoyed my time tending them, weeding, pruning, and mulching. While I didn't have a huge property, what I did have, had grown over the years, was well tended, green and lush. Best of all, no one bothered me. I had only met my neighbours briefly, I avoided them and after meeting them and being polite, they also granted me the reciprocal once they saw me.

After my morning in the yard, working out my frustrations from the night before. I grabbed a shower and changed before jumping in my three-year-old Toyota Hilux and headed over to my parent's home. Mum, Dad, Harper and her boyfriend, Trey, all immediately picked up on my melancholy mood. It didn't take much for them to get it out of me.

Harper snorted as I finished the PG version of the tale, minus the swearing and sexual references for my parent's sake.

"She was a fat whiny bitch anyway Bro," my sister spat indignantly on my behalf.

"Harper Bronwen Other," my Mum stated in that mum tone, she used when you knew you were in trouble, "Watch your tongue."

I snorted and when Harper noticed, she smiled.

"Brian," my sister said turning serious and placing a hand on my arm. "When you find the right woman, she won't see the scars, she will see the man on the inside, the real handsome one and the hero that I adore."

I nodded; Harper said things like this to me all the time, I didn't see it, but it was easier to agree with her then endure an argument.

For the next month, things went on as usual. I did hear through the guys at work that Ava hadn't even spent an hour with DuMont before he publicly dumped her in front of a crowd at a popular café. She had been further shunned by several of her girlfriends when it was found out what she had done, several of them being the partners of the guys I worked with. When the guys told me, I smiled and shook my head, but said nothing other than telling everyone to get back to work.

These days, I was the 'leading hand' on one of Geoff's four landscaping crews and we had some lucrative contracts with our local councils. We did a lot of the gardens that you see around parks and highways. They aren't always the most colourful, but they are designed as greenways that absorbed noise and pollution, and our teams did a good job.

We were finishing up a job one Wednesday, about two months after the 'Ava Incident' as the guys at work called it, when Geoff pulled in and walked up to me with purpose.

"Hey Brian, you look just about finished here," he stated.

"Yeah," I nodded in reply. "And a day early too, the earth didn't have the clay in it that the report told us, so it was a lot easier to dig out." I told him referring to the retaining wall and gardens surrounding an area that would be turned into a kid's playground in the next month.

"Good, good," he replied distracted. "Look Brian I was wondering if I could talk to you about something."

My boss's tone caught me off guard, this was something more personal and he was hesitant to ask me about it.

"Yes?" I replied cautiously.

"Look you know we have that fundraiser coming up?" he asked.

I nodded, knowing the one. Three times he had asked me to attend, three times I had said no. Geoff was one of the businesses sponsoring a day out and charity event for the children in the Burns Unit for our city's hospital. The event was a day out for the kids and to help raise funds for some new medical equipment that the government didn't have in its budget.

Yes, yes, I know I am a burns victim myself, and I knew it was a good cause. But seeing other burns victims, much less kids, was frightening for me and very, very, emotional. The thought of seeing them after my own experience, let alone being in a crowd of people that I believed would judge me, drove me just a little crazy.

"Sorry Brian," Geoff told me with a concerned expression on his face. "I'm not asking you to attend, I know you're not comfortable going. But I was wondering if you could help with the setup. I had Baz, helping out, but he's come down with the flu and I don't think he's going to be up for it Saturday morning..."

I left him hanging for a moment before I sighed.

"Sure," I replied, and he exhaled. "But just the setup. After that I'm gone."

[:::: 3 ::::]

The event had taken over New Farm Park, one of the larger grounds around Brisbane. I collected a map of the layout from Geoff; the map outlining where we were helping, and I got to work.

I was impressed at the layout of the event that used the expansive acreage of the park quite innovatively. The organisers had pulled out all the stops. There were rides for kids and adults alike, stalls that would be selling all types of nick-nacks, food trucks selling sweet and savory dishes, a concert stage with charity auctions, fashion shows and even a concert in the later evening.

It boggled my mind, that with the expense going into putting this event together, they would even cover costs, the permits and insurance must have cost a fortune, let alone make any money for charity. When I talked to Geoff about it later, he laughed and agreed, but then pointed out that the amount of people and marketing involved generated a lot more revenue for not just the machines that were needed but the supporting companies as well. Besides most of the people were volunteers and the equipment was being provided for near to cost, being this was all for a good cause.

By getting our crews involved, Geoff expected to get a handful of new jobs and a whole lot of kudos for the company. Before sending me back to help move chairs into a large tent, he also pointed out that the kids that this benefit was held for would also be getting a much-needed day out.

I had to admit that it was true the kids could always use a day out of the unit. When I was in the burn's unit myself, I was often so bored. There were only so many times you could watch the same half dozen VHS tapes of cartoons. Then over the many months after I was out of the sterile tent, I wanted to see more than just the trees outside the windows of the Burns Unit.

I learnt that the setup for the afternoon had been going on for almost a week. However, even in the few hours in the morning I spent the time lugging equipment around, I found it strange that people for once didn't look at me with fear or pity, instead they gave me an appraising glance and asked if I was looking forward to the afternoon and evening.

Most of them were so earnest, it was one of those few times that my bitterness didn't raise up and bite back, so I just smiled and said it should be great weather for an afternoon out. A couple of times I got asked for a business card. I was wearing one of Geoff's shirts and happily handed them out. I always kept a supply in my wallet.

About eleven, I got a text from Geoff to make my way over to the main staging area, so as I arrived, I was surprised to find Harper and Trey standing with Geoff. Now I haven't mentioned Trey except in passing. He is of course Harpers boyfriend, and I would say outside of work and family he's about the only other guy that I can easily speak with. He's my age, meaning he was two years ahead of Harper and I in school. They met at university, and he was not put off by either Harpers arm or my face and body burns. It turned out he has an older sister with Down Syndrome, so disabilities did not faze him in the slightest.

Usually, Trey followed my sister wherever she went. I was under no illusions that they were going to end up married. Six months ago, they had moved in together and Mum had been hinting at potential grandkids in the future to which Harper just laughed.

Walking up to the group including my work colleagues, sister and her boyfriend. I hugged Harper and then shook Trey's hand.

"Hey Bro," Harper stated, smiling at me. "You been helping out this morning?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Baz came down unwell, so I'm filling in, I'll be off in a bit."

"No, no, no," my sister said shaking her head. "Here."

"Here is a change of clothes," she told me while thrusting a backpack into my arms and pointing to a tent. "Go get changed over there and come back, you're with us this afternoon."

All three of them saw the expression of panic on my face. Me, the public, lots of people? Not something I wanted.

"Brian," Trey said quietly. "It would mean a lot to Harper if you stayed. You don't need to do anything other than stay by our side, and you don't need to talk to anyone you don't want to okay?"

I looked at Trey, then Geoff who was looking smug, then lastly, I looked at the pleading expression on my little sister's face. Geoff and Trey both knew that if there was any way to get me to stay, then she would be it.

I sighed.

"Alright," I said defeated. Harper started to squeal, and I held up my scarred left hand. "But I'm not talking with anyone I don't want to, and at the first freak comment I'm out of here."

I returned a few minutes later feeling more exposed than ever before. Harper had packed me a pair of jeans and a blue short sleeved shirt I only ever wore around home. Any time I left the house I always wore long sleeves to hide my burns. But I could hardly complain, Harper had also donned a singlet that showed the large burn scars up and down her arm.

She locked her arm into mine. Smiling broadly, she proceeded to point me in the direction she wanted me to go. However, before we started walking, I noticed someone.

"Hey Baz," I said to the person coming up behind Geoff. He turned.

"Hey Baz," he also said before turning to look at me and then back to Baz, "Glad to see you're feeling better."

"Yeah Baz, miraculous recovery," I added sarcastically. Both had the good grace to blush. I looked down at my sister who still had her arm locked in mine and she beamed, knowing her conspiracy had the outcome she wanted.

"Brian, bro, you're going to have a great afternoon," she told me as she led me away from the crowd and towards the food trucks. "I'd like you to buy me one of those pulled pork sandwiches..."

You know what, after the food and wandering where my sister wanted, she was right, I was having a great afternoon. Harper never let go of me for more than a moment and I felt happy.

We walked through some of the stalls that were still doing last minute setup. A few times she knew the vendor and introduced me as her brother who had saved her life when we were kids. I was surprised when several of the vendors called me a selfless hero and after seeing my burns, would not accept payment when I went to pay for something that caught Harpers eye.

I was also surprised when we ran across a couple of our original doctors that had been with us as kids. Both times they hugged Harper and me, telling us how good we both looked. I think they were being polite, especially to me, but they smiled and spent a good half hour walking around with us, introducing us to various people they knew. They were also taking a page from Harpers book, explaining that I was one of the bravest people they knew, selflessly running into a fire to save my sister and then using my body to shield her at my own expense.

Again, the vendors would not accept payment for our dessert. The word hero was being brandished about liberally, and while I blushed, I must admit it felt good not to be looked at with disdain or like a freak.

As the day progressed, our parents turned up, and Mum hugged me like she hadn't seen me in months, telling me how proud she was of me for coming out for the event. Even my father gave me a hug and smiled, I was surprised when the word hero also passed his lips during conversation.

Harper was beaming after each chat, and I could tell she was trying to hold in a 'I told you so' as I worked to hide the smile that was threatening to break out on my face. Everywhere we went throughout that afternoon I wasn't the hideous hulk, I felt like I was someone, like a real person.

We were having a great time and then the kids from the unit arrived.

The Burns Unit had hired a couple of special transport buses that could drive the kids the ten minutes from the hospital to the park. Unfortunately, not all the kids could come, some were too sick, or the risk of infection was too high. But when I asked, the doctors told me that a special meal, entertainment and toys were being brought to those kids, so they didn't totally miss out.

When the buses arrived and they started unloading the kids, the group I was standing with, including my parents, Harper, Trey, Geoff, two of my childhood doctors plus a half dozen of my workmates and their partners, were able to help usher the kids through the public to the area reserved for them.

No one questioned it when we parted the crowd, we just helped.

As I watched the kids, I saw in their faces they were unsure how they would be seen by the grownups. I got a small window into what adults may have thought of me when I was a scared child covered in horrendous burns. I watched as everyone moved out of the way. Most smiled with looks of pity, some turned away, and I saw a number of ladies, wipe a tear away as the procession of kids made their way through the groups of people.

Most of the kids were able to walk, their burns and scars healed enough or not dire enough to require too much assistance. But there were also those in wheelchairs, deemed fit enough to come out for the afternoon, but not strong or well enough to move under their own power.

As we slowly made our way with the kids, the crowd continued to part for us. I felt the injustice of these kids unable to play, run, jump or in some more extreme cases move without help. But they were here, and this entire event was, in a sense, just for them. As we moved into the games area, the stalls ready with various arcade amusements, I smiled while at the same time felt a tear roll down my scarred cheek as I watched various groups of children try their luck.

"Are you alright Brian," I heard Harper ask me at one point, watching a group of four kids play a ring toss and each win a toy. I sniffed as I watched another group giggle, placing the ping pong ball in the mouth of a carnival clown. I looked back and forth, both wanting to laugh at the scene, and cry out in anguish for the unfairness that was my... I mean their lives.

I swallowed.

"Yes," I whispered hoarsely. "Harper, I... I feel I have been so wrapped up in my own selfishness. I mean these kids... I could have spent..."

I let my shoulders slump forward. I should never have avoided the Burns Unit. When Harper or my parents or my doctors asked, I should have been there, not hidden away.

Feeling overwhelmed I fell to my knees, watching as each child, won a prize at each game, no matter what the outcome of the game. I felt my heart break as I saw two kids, most likely a brother and a sister, play a game together. The sister was in a wheelchair, most of her hair gone, her burns covered almost as much of her body as mine did. Her brother was also burned, both his arms were wrapped as was one of his legs. I couldn't help but stare as Harper who was holding me, saw where I was looking. She smiled.

The little girl was whopping as her brother had played the game for her and he was proudly accepting a large pink unicorn on her behalf. Both were beaming and I was rocking backwards and forwards, feeling like it was Harper and I all those years ago.

"Common Brian, let me introduce you," My sister said after a few moments, helping me to my feet and over to the children.

There was security all around the kids now they were in the games area, the public were not allowed too close as the kids were being shown a good time. But Harper was known to them and the three of us, including Trey, were let through immediately.