Tied Up in Knotts Ch. 12

Penn must have thought that my ramblings were cute because his smile was full of affection. "Are these questions you want me to answer or are you just rambling?"

It was my turn to laugh, then growl because he was being cute and it was a little frustrating. "I'd love for you to help me out here."

"Well..." he swung our hands back and forth. "I knew I like boys from an early age, I just didn't know what that meant. Eventually, I pieced it together thanks to cable tv. I didn't know anyone else who was gay and had no clue what to expect. I wasn't scared or anything, just unsure. It was never an issue because I didn't like anyone until high school. That's when I fell in love. He was younger and wildly unapproachable. The whole thing made me depressed to the point that my parents noticed. So, Mom sent Dad on a fishing expedition. Turns out all I needed was an opening to sing like a songbird. My poor dad. I didn't realize how bad I needed to tell someone. They were great, of course. So yeah, I've always liked boys. And no, Cam didn't care. She loved me as a friend, she got to gain her citizenship, and got to use me as a repellent against relationships."

"How'd it stay a secret? How did I never know?"

"My family might be loud as hell but they're discreet. At first it was a secret because I wasn't ready to come out. Then it was a matter of being compassionate about my broken heart. Then I married Cam, which didn't go over well. They love Cam but boy did they think I was throwing my life away. I don't know, maybe I was. But after that, there was no reason to tell people. I wasn't around much and when I was, I wasn't exactly in market for a boyfriend. I don't think very many people think Cam and I are married but there's actually a lot of people who know I'm gay. They just know I'm not interested in being set up, so maybe they have no reason to discuss my sexuality?"

We made it back to our hostel/hotel where we had a small room with two twin beds waiting. We crossed the lobby, still holding hands, and made our way down the hall. I pulled the key card from my pocket and unlocked the door.

"Do they know about me?" I asked as I pushed past the door. The room was dated and simple but clean. And cheap.

The click of the door shutting was followed by a half scoff, half laugh of disbelief. "Do they know about you? Jesus Nash, what do you think?" He spun me around until we were chest to chest. He rested his hands on my hips and smiled. "I know my family is friendly, a little too friendly, but do you think my brothers go around and kidnap everyone? Force everyone to spend all summer on the lake? Make them come to lunch? Drag them out against their will? Didn't you find it weird that they started bailing on lunches? How they kind of disappeared, leaving the two of us? Did you see other people showing up on Sundays?"

Yes, of course I found it strange. Now that he pointed it out, it was all so clear. It made perfect sense. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled in frustration. "That's why no one wanted Lee around."

"It didn't have anything to do with Lee, they were just protective of me. They actually liked Lee as a person, until they found out he cheated. They wanted me to be happy and they knew I liked you. I'm not sure what Ryan was hoping to accomplish by dragging you into my life. I knew you were happily married and I never asked them to interfere. I definitely never asked or expected them to exclude Lee. I never asked them to do anything. I was just happy to be your friend. In my wildest dreams I never thought I'd be standing in a hotel room with you. I dreamed—" he shook his head like he was trying to wake up from dream. "But never thought it would happen."

My skin flushed when Penn slid his hand up my chest and hooked it around my neck, pulling me into him. His lips lingered as if he was giving me a chance to say no. Not likely. I finally had my answers. Part of me thought they were too easy and convenient, nothing that I was going through had been so easy, it made me nervous, but I trusted Penn. I had to. Not trusting him would ruin everything I wanted.

The only thing I would've said no to was letting the moment pass.

The kiss was light, our lips barely brushing at first, but it was enough to leave me wanting more. I spent my whole life being reserved, saying no, taking the high road. But I needed him. Wanted him. And he wanted me. Fuck if I didn't need to be wanted—need someone to look at me the way he looked at me. Someone to desire me the way he desired me.

We stood there, in the middle of our hotel room, making out. One hand cupped my neck while the other slid down my back before squeezing my ass. I moaned. It had been so long. I played with the hem of his shirt, gradually slipping my fingers under the soft fabric so I could feel his warm skin. I couldn't get enough of his stomach; firm but oh so soft to the touch.

Crazy how things had changed. A year ago, I thought he hated me. He looked at me with contempt in his eyes, annoyed and irritated by my presence. Oh, how wrong I'd been.

I was about to pull his shirt off when he gripped my wrists, stopping me. "Just...let me have this moment. I only get to unwrap you for the first time once, and I'm going to do it the right way. I'm going to savor every second."

When he finished unbuttoning my shirt, he traced his fingers down my chest, slowly spreading the fabric. His fingers ghosted across my belly then back up my chest. My eyes rolled back when he buried his face in my neck, smelling me before tasting the skin from behind my ear to my shoulder. When he had his fill, he slowly pushed the fabric over my shoulders, not enough to make it fall, just enough to drive me wild.

He continued tracing my skin, inching the shirt off at an agonizingly slow pace. I practically cried when he finally let the damn thing fall to the ground.

"I have dreamed of undressing you for so long. I can hardly believe it's happening." His lips were warm as he kissed my cheek, my neck, my shoulder blade, and my shoulder while his fingers worked the waistline of my pants. He slowly unbuttoned my pants then pushed them down. "Fuck, you're perfect." His fingers ran down my stomach along the faint v line and my dick twitched in my boxers at his touch, the same way they did the night he had played with me.

He dropped to his knees and showered my stomach in kisses. I could feel his adoration in each caress. By the end, his face was nuzzled in my crotch. I ran my fingers through his dark hair. It took every ounce of willpower not to hump his face. I know it sounds crass but the temptation was strong. I took a deep breath and dropped my head back when his fingers started tugging on my boxers.

"You know what the hottest thing about you is?" he asked. I tried to answer, I swear, but I couldn't find words. Words were too hard. Almost as hard as my dick. "It's that you have no clue how hot you are. You go through life oblivious to those around you. You don't see the way people look at you."

He pulled the fabric down, only exposing my ass. "This ass has been my undoing. Running on the highway in black spandex or clad in tight jeans...it's taunted me."

Fuuuuuck. My breath caught as he kneed my ass checks. Each movement pressed my achingly hard cock against his face. The way he mouthed my cock over the underwear made me greedy with need. My fingers tightened in my hair as I gently thrust my hips. Penn nudged me back a few steps until I hit the bed then he stood up and, with a look of pure need, encouraged me to scoot up the bed.

Penn zeroed in on my bulging erection that was just for him. Then he slowly pulled the elastic down until I was freed. My dick slapped my stomach. I couldn't remember the last time I was so hard it hurt. I lay there as he finished pulling every shred of fabric off until I was completely naked.

He licked his lips and spread my thighs, running his hands from my knees to my crotch.

"However hot you think I am, you're hotter," I said, sitting up I lifted his shirt over his head. "You're breaking the thermostat." He smiled back at me with those big brown eyes, his hair messy from the shirt being pulled off, his face and neck flush with arousal. He was crouched between my legs like a damn vision. "Your goddamn body is sculpted to perfection. You make me think the worst thoughts." I reached for his pants and pulled them off with far less grace and sensuality then he'd done to me. He made me want dessert first because I was glutton for him.

Seeing him naked was my undoing. I whined and tossed myself backward on the bed. Seeing him nearly naked a few times hadn't prepared me. He was fucking perfect. All solid, soft, and tan lined.

"It's not fair," I pouted. I actually pouted. Penn crawled over me until he covered my body; hovering but not quite touching. Fuck, my body reacted. A heat waved rolled through and my dick jumped. Penn laughed. Good for him. "Keep looking at me like that and—" I pulled him down until every inch of his skin was on every inch of mine.

The slow, leisurely thing he had going flew out the window. We rutted against each other. Everything about it was desperate and needy.

"I'm going to suck you," Penn said between breathless kisses.

"Yeah, okay."

"I'm going to blow Nash Cushman. I'm going to suck your dick."

Despite the sexual tension, I laughed. "Penn Knott is going to blow me. You're going to suck my dick."

"Hell yeah, I am."

And he did. He blew my damn mind. There was nothing slow or sexy about it. It was wet, sloppy, and full of passion. He sucked me like it was the only thing he'd ever wanted.

"I'm getting close," I warned, and I was. The pure desire in the way his mouth moved brought me close to the edge. He pulled off with a pop, pushed my legs to my chest, then leaned over and kissed me.

"Touch yourself. I want to see you bring yourself off."

Having him hovered over me, his dick pressed against my ass, watching me touch myself at the same time that he touched himself was more than enough. It only took a few tugs before I came between us. A few seconds later Penn followed, he moved in time to cum on my stomach instead of my ass.

Penn collapsed on me for a moment as we tried to catch our breath, then he gently set my legs back down. He was careful not to put all his weight on me, though I could have handled it.

"I just came all over Nash Cushman."

"Stop saying it like that," I laughed, running my hands up and down his back, feeling the dips and curves.

"It's true. I just watched Nash Cushman orgasm."

"Stop," I groaned, though him saying my name like I was a longshot, made me feel really fucking good.

There wasn't a lot of room on the little bed but he slid off and propped himself up on his elbow. His other hand explored my stomach, down to my hip, and back up to my chest. I laid there and watched him as he studied and explored every inch of my body.

"You want this, right? Penn glanced at my hardening dick and laughed. "I'll take that as a yes?"

"Sorry," I blushed. Everything about him turned me on. "But yes, I want this."

"Fuck, that's good to hear. Really good to hear."

"I have to be honest, though."

Penn was still exploring my body with his fingers and it was really distracting. "Of course, I expect no less."

"I don't know how fast we can move. I may hate Lee and everything he did to me but that doesn't mean I'm in the best spot to move on."

Penn stilled, then moved until he was covering me again. He was warm and smelled good and I was sure I never wanted to be anywhere else in my whole life.

"You can have all the time you need and we can do this at your pace. Knowing you return my feelings is more than enough. I'm not asking for more than you can give and, trust me, I can wait as long as you need and go as slow as you want."

I held his hips and ground myself into him. "What if I don't want to go that slow?" I jerked my hips again, a little faster.

"Oh, I can go faster."

I felt him harden against my hip as he began to rut me. I flipped him over and straddled his hips. I grabbed both of us in my hand and began to slowly work them. It was a little dry but the stimulation along with the visual, was more than enough. It didn't take long to spill again.

We both passed out after that, curled into each other.

****

"C'mon Penn, I need both hands."

"No, you don't." Penn stood behind me at the toilet. "I'd be happy to help if you can't manage." He started to unbutton my pants with one hand while his other hand intertwined with mine.

I had been nervous to leave the hotel because I didn't know what to expect. I worried about what our relationship would look like in the light of the day. Who knew I'd lose a hand because he refused to let it go of it or that he'd try to help me pee?

I shoved his hand away and laughed. "I can do this myself, you pervert."

He stood behind me as I peed; smelling my neck and rubbing my stomach. It was weird but kind of sexy at the same time. Can't say Lee had ever done such a thing. "You're ridiculous," I laughed and tried to put myself away with one hand. Penn was more than happy to help when I couldn't quite manage to get everything situated.

He let me wash my hands though but wouldn't leave the restroom until we were hand and hand again. I shook my head with a smile as we exited.

I still had so many questions. The weather was warm, we were happy, walking in and out of shops, shopping for nothing in particular. It was now or never.

"So, who broke your heart?" I asked.

Penn's face morph between nervous and embarrassed. "Who's your straight crush?" he countered.

"No," I shook my head because I wasn't about to tell him. "Nope."

"Okay," he shrugged and went about his business.

I pulled his hand. "You're really not going to tell me?"

"You're really not going to tell me?" He countered, again.

"Okay," I sighed. "But you're not going to like it." I leaned against the makeshift fence and faced Penn. "Okay," I said, giving him one last chance to back out. He stood his ground. "My straight crush, the guy who I barely had a small nothing crush on was—Ryan."

Penn looked at me in disbelief. "As in, my brother?" I nodded. He looked at me for a moment then turned away. He didn't look happy but he didn't let go of my hand either. He continued to look at merchandise though he didn't seem very interested.

"So, are you going to tell me?" I asked, still curious who had been his first love. I had disclosed my end of bargin.

Penn pulled me along to the next vendor. "I don't know. It's kind of embarrassing."

"Oh c'mon. It can't be worse than me admitting I had a small, practically nothing crush on your brother."

"It is when it turns out the guy that broke my heart was pining after my brother the whole time."

It was my turn to stop and stare in disbelief. "What?!"

"Yep," he looked away, a sad expression marring his beautiful face.

"Hey," I pulled him back until he was facing me. "You like me all the way back in high school?"

"My senior year. You were an incoming freshman."

"How did you even notice me?"

He was clearly irritated about the Ryan thing and would barely look at me. Pouty Penn was pretty damn adorable though, so I let it slide. "I went to a cross country meet and saw you. You were gorgeous. All blonde and lanky. It was after the meet, though, the way you walked around and encouraged your teammates. You radiated happiness, confidence, and beauty. I was hooked."

"I was a baby." I laughed. "A nobody. A freshman."

"No." The word was firm. "You were everything."

"You were Penn Knott. You were like," I tried to find the words. "A superstar senior."

"And you were Nash Cushman. Even as a freshman you had everyone eating out of your hand. You were respected and adored by everyone. Not that you cared. You were in your own world. Doing your own thing, putting people to shame with how wonderful and thoughtful you were."

"I don't even—what?" I turned away and laughed. His version was so different from mine. "I'm so confused. You. Liked me?"

"Yes, me." Pen glanced my way for a split second, a smile threatening to curve his lips. "I tried to talk to you like a million times. I even begged my cousin, Seth, to bring you to my wrestling meets so I could impress you. Clearly it worked since you love my brother."

"I don't love Ryan! I'd hardly even classify it as a crush," I pinched him, demanding he acknowledge how ridiculous he was being. "I do remember Seth inviting me to watch wrestling and I remember watching you but—"

"You didn't notice me. Yeah, I figured that out," he frowned.

"Like you said, I was in my own world. It's not like I ever expected someone like you to notice someone like me. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I tried. You were always busy and something always came up every time I found the courage. It wasn't until your junior year that I managed to approach you."

I vaguely remembered Penn but seniors weren't really on my radar. I didn't know Ryan until after graduation and only noticed him because he was so out-going and hard to miss. Penn was much more reserved. For the life of me I couldn't remember anything that happened my Junior year that involved Penn.

"Oh god, you're really making me feel good about myself," he groaned when he realized I had no clue what he was talking about. "It was Seth's birthday. He had a bonfire up the old country road."

"Oh," I looked at him and smiled. "I remember that night! You gave me a peach Snapple."

I wasn't much of a party-goer but Seth was one of my best friends back then and begged me to come. I remember Penn offering me a non-alcoholic drink, never hackling me because I wasn't drinking. We talked about College. He told me all about his classes and he asked about my plans. But the thing I most remembered about that night was...

"Oh..." That was the night things started between Lee and I. He was there, which was strange since he graduated and wasn't friends with Seth, but we'd already been talking on Messenger and I was enamored the cute blonde who was studying to be a lawyer.

"Yeah, 'oh'," he frowned. "After that, it was all Lee all the time."

"I'm sorry."

"Why? Because you fell in love and devoted your life to someone? Don't apologize for that. I wished it was me you noticed but I always commended your devotion to Lee. I never saw you so much as glance at anyone else and, trust me, I was watching. It's so rare to have that level of commitment. I can only hope to earn a fraction of that someday."

I clung to his shirt, speechless. Penn Knott, who had been in love with dorky ol' me in high school, wasn't bitter about me being with Lee. There was no resentment or jealousy, just admiration. I wasn't worthy of such compassion and understanding. He was a saint and I needed to give him something. Some kind of assurance.

"I may not have noticed you or given you the time of day in high school. I may have even had a little itsy-bitsy tiny crush on your brother. But I'm not as perfect as you claim. In all the years I was with Lee, I never looked or thought about another man—until you. Suddenly, my mind kept slipping."

Penn eyed me suspiciously. "I don't believe you." But he wanted to.

"You guys excluding Lee wasn't the only reason I put a stop to hanging out. Yes, it was part of the reason, but the bigger reason was that I was terrified of my growing feelings for you. I wasn't willing to put myself in a compromising position."

Penn crossed his arms and tried to give me a stern look but he couldn't contain the joy he felt knowing he had single handedly breached my impenetrable walls. "Yeah?"

"Oh hell yeah. How could I not?" I ran my hands up his muscled chest. "Not only were you incredibly sweet and understanding; funny and real. You're so goddamn good looking it's unreal."