Tied Up in Knotts Ch. 21

"That seat is so uncomfortable," he said.

It was Thailand all over again. Then Penn draped his arm around my shoulder and I slid my hand over his knee. I couldn't hide my smile.

That week we went to the dealership. I thought a car would be better for commuting but Penn was adamant that I get another Suburban. I also thought a used one would be better but Penn insisted otherwise.

"You're going to drive this until it dies anyway, might as well buy a new one."

I ended up leaving with a newer version of the one I had. I mean, it was completely different and fully loaded but it was the same color and it was still a Suburban. Later, I asked Penn why he'd been so set on me getting the same thing.

He shrugged. "I can't imagine you driving anything else. It's part of who you are."

"My old one wasn't close to being fully loaded. Not even in 2001 when it was built."

"Yeah, well," he smiled. "I'll always give you more than Lee did."

"Oh," I laughed. "I didn't know this was a pissing contest."

"There's no contest."

I leaned over and kissed him. This was my life now.

****

We celebrated Penn's forty-first birthday in Hawaii, with his family. It also represented one year together. We hadn't explicitly talked about marriage but it was there. I could tell Penn was waiting for me to ask him. The entire time we were in Hawaii, he (and his family, because they couldn't hide anything and were constantly watching our every move with bated breath) looked at me every time we went for a hike, a walk on the beach, or whatever else, like, 'is this when he's going to do it?'.

His family had done a bang-up job of not interfering in our lives, but I was pretty sure they tried to play cupid more than once during the holiday. There were just too many randomly romantic moments to claim them all as a coincidence. Including but not limited to one game night where I constantly drew Penn's name followed by a random love song; like a remix of I Love You by Surf Mesa and Marry You by Bruno Mars and one dinner at high-end romantic restaurant where the entire group got held up and it was just Penn and I and a solo violinist.

Penn was on the verge of a heart attack each time, waiting for me to kneel down. He covered his disappointment better than his family. Ryan didn't look at me afterward. If he had, he would've had to admit he'd meddled—and that it backfired.

We left Hawaii the same as we'd arrived, dating.

In mid-late October we were hanging out at the house. It was done and off the charts beautiful. Penn had killed it. We were talking about moving to Bend and seeing what it had to offer. We couldn't decide if we were ready to sell the house or rent it. But we'd been peeking at possible fixer-uppers in the area.

We were cleaning the kitchen. The music was playing like it always did in the kitchen. That Dermot Kennedy song started playing, the one that played almost a year ago, the one that Penn had secretly been obsessed with since. Every time it came on, he would glue himself to me. It was undoubtedly our song.

Penn stopped loading the dishes. He cupped my face and kissed me, then started dancing. His hands slid down my back, pressing against me against him. He never took his eyes off me; he never did when this song was on. And the words couldn't have been truer, for either of us. Everything I held dear resided in those eyes.

I roped his moon and he roped mine.

Something about the way he looked at me did me in. We were both hard by the time the song was over.

"Do you know what today is?" I asked. We were still standing in the kitchen, wrapped up in each other.

"October 19^th?"

"Yes," I laughed. "But what else?"

Penn shook his head; he had no clue.

"One year ago today we had sex with no condoms."

Penn laughed. "Ah yes, how could I forget."

I walked to the other side of the kitchen. I opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out a wrapped box. I held it in front of me as I walked back. Penn's eyes widened; I knew they would. The gift was about the size of a ring box.

I held it out. "I bought this for you."

Penn stared at me then he slowly plucked the box from my fingers. He was nervous. He was trying to play it off like it was no big thing. But if this wasn't a ring, he'd have a hell of a time hiding his upset.

He stared at the box for a moment before opening it, then I felt his heart drop. He smiled though he failed to mask his disappointment. "I thought we were celebrating not using condoms?"

He started fidgeting with the small box of condoms I'd given him. It was his attempt at hiding the fact he was shaking.

"Do you remember what I told you when we first talked about not using condoms?"

"Not really," he said. He was pretty over the conversation at this point. He was hurt and annoyed and not in the mood to humor me.

"I told you my plan. But when the condoms ran out, you wanted to have sex anyway." I took the box from him and started opening in. "I told you we could wait. I wanted to prove to you, with evidence, that my long game was strong. Remember."

He couldn't even look at me. "Yep."

I moved his chin until he was looking at me. His eyes were dark and full of hurt.

"I never did provide evidence."

He rolled his eyes and was about to argue with me—about to tell me that I'd proven it over and over and over. But then he saw what I was holding and he froze. In the condom box was my evidence, in the form of a gold band.

"I'm not sure I could ever compete with your long game. You were there long before I ever thought you into existence. But now your existence is all I know. This last year has been strange for me. No matter what I did, I couldn't get enough of you. I wanted you every second of the day. Being away from you was like living in high elevation; I couldn't breathe and I felt tired all the time. It felt like I was tied up in knots all the time. Then I realized, I was. Well, I'm tied up in one Knott in particular." I held my finger up, the ring sitting on my knuckle. "Will you let me prove my long game?"

He ripped the ring off my fingertip and shoved it on his ring finger like an addict getting his fix. He grabbed my shirt and dragged me to the bedroom before slamming his lips to mine. I shivered when his fingers dug into my hips. I loved it when he was needy and desperate. His hands slipped to my ass, grabbing and kneading me.

I pulled his shirt over his head and ran my hands across the planes of his chest and down his arms. Penn's fingers dipped under my shirt and slowly pushed it up, his fingers slowly caressing my skin as he went. He was hard for me.

When he finally pulled my shirt off, he stared at my chest and ran his hand over my body.

"There's one issue," he said, still too transfixed by my body to look at me when he spoke.

"What's that?"

He looked up. His expression was so serious I wasn't sure what was coming. "I've thought about this a lot and I don't know what to do. If you take my name, you'll be Nash Knott."

I smiled. "Nash Knott, huh?" I tried it a few more times. It was kind of funny sounding, almost like a comic book name. "You could always take my name," I suggested.

Penn looked at me like I was joking. "Have you ever said it aloud?" he asked.

"Penn Cushman," I said. It took me a second and then I started laughing. "Okay, that's funny. But seriously, we're not in second grade. No one's going to make fun of you."

"My brothers will one-hundred-percent call me Pin Cushion for the rest of my life."

I laughed again because—well, it was funny. "We could be Knott-Cushman."

Penn seemed to like that because he went back to undressing me. And when I said his name hyphenated with mine, he jerked my pants off so fast I didn't even have time to fall—like pulling the table linen off without disturbing the china. When he was finished undressing me, I pushed his pants off then made him sit on the bed. I spread his legs and kneeled between them.

Penn leaned back on his elbows and watched me. I rubbed his thighs then ran my hand all the way down until I stroked his cock. "You know what I'm looking forward to? Sucking my fiancé's dick."

Penn smiled as I ran my tongue from the base to the tip. He bent his legs so they spread further apart for me. I took the invitation and opened my mouth, slowly taking him in. I milked him good and slow, running my lips up and down his shaft as my tongue lapped every inch of his aching erection.

Penn twitched in my mouth. I could practically feel his cum getting ready to boil over. I lubed up my finger and slowly slid it inside him, then another. I could tell he was getting ready to cum so pulled out of him long enough to scoot him up the bed. He looked good laid out for me, hard and needy.

He lifted his legs up. I gripped the back of his thighs and pushed his legs towards his chest until he was fully exposed. He handed me the lube like the very best assistant. Some might think that this kind of thing wasn't sexy but I disagreed. I couldn't have been happier with how in tune we were. I loved that sex wasn't a production. It was a confession of love.

"Are you bummed you'll never have sex with anyone besides me ever again?" I asked as I applied the lube.

"Yes, it's very upsetting," Penn deadpanned. "I'm upset," He used his foot to somehow bring me closer. It caught me off guard and the lube bottle went flying as I fell forward, barely catching myself with one hand.

I was hovering over him and we were face to face. I used my free hand to press my cock against his ass. He didn't even flinch when I pressed the head of my cock in, or when I slowly pressed my whole length in.

"It's not too late to call off the engagement," I warned as I bottomed out.

Penn thrust his hips up, forcing me to go even deeper. "Shut up and fuck your fiancé."

I couldn't argue with Penn when he was begging me to dick him. I gave him the best I had which wasn't a lot because he was so damn hot. I lost it. Lucky for him, my long game was strong. Penn rolled us over and rode me until I was hard again, then I flipped him over and fucked him into the mattress. He came, moaning, as I called him all sorts of hot, fiancé related terms.

I did a subpar job of cleaning us up before Penn batted me away so he could big-spoon me.

"What am I supposed to tell people?" he asked as we lay in the darkness.

"About?"

"The engagement."

I frowned even though he couldn't see it. "What do you mean?"

"You proposed with a condom box. That's not exactly romantic."

Except it was and he knew it. I smiled. "You loved it."

"I wanted to murder you."

"Until you realized I was proposing," I corrected. "Then you loved it."

Penn smiled against my shoulder. "I did love it."

"You have to admit, I have a good long game."

Penn reached around and cupped my dick. "You sure do."

"I'm trying to be romantic but you just want me for my body."

Penn laughed and wrapped his arms around me. "Your body has its perks, I won't lie." Penn softly kissed my shoulder as we laid in silence. I thought about what he said, about telling people how we proposed. He'd been waiting for me to propose for months. Every sunset beach walk, hike, or dinner had been a potential proposal. I wondered if I had disappointed him.

"Are you upset with the proposal?"

Penn propped up on his elbow and pushed me on my back so he could look at me. He looked shocked. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because I proposed with a condom box. I thought it was cute, but, you're right, it's lame."

"I never said it was lame," he said. "I was teasing. I loved it. It was perfect."

"You're not embarrassed to tell people about it?"

"Some people might not get all the details, but I'm definitely looking forward to oversharing with my brothers."

In the middle of the night I woke up on my stomach with Penn kissing the back of my neck. He was laying on top of me and I could easily feel his lubed wood nudging itself comfortably against my ass. My heart rate spiked the way it did everytime he got alpha on me. But the best part was seeing his ringed finger next to my face.

I smiled, leaned forward, and kissed his hand, then smiled again when he involuntarily pressed forward. I rotated my hips so he had a better angle and closed my eyes as he slid into me.

There was something about the middle of the night that made Penn extra frisky. I asked him about it once and he said, "It reminds me of the first time I touched you in Thailand, when you were sleeping. You had me so turned on. Also, you're always so stated in the middle of the night."

He loved having me all loose and pliable and I enjoyed laying face down while he rode my ass before passing out on top of me.

He used his legs to close mine, making it extra tight for him. I could tell by the way he moved that he was getting close.

"I'm going to cum inside you," he growled in my ear. His voice was deep and still very sleepy. "I'm going to fill you up."

"You already did," I moaned.

Penn pressed me deeper into the mattress, moving just his hips before stilling as he came inside me, just like he'd done the first time one year ago and so many times since.

****

Two weeks later we were back in Lincoln. His family was throwing us a big engagement celebration dinner. They pulled out all the stops and took over the upscale restaurant bar that I only ever attended when it was with Lee's law firm.

We were the last to arrive and the whole place erupted in howling and meowing which had become a term of endearment. Eventually, we were shuffled to the bar. The bartender asked for ID, which I'd left in the truck. A few people tried to hassle her, claiming a break because it was my big day. I waved them off.

"It's not her fault I'm so young looking." I turned then turned to Penn. "I'll be right back."

We had parked far away because the parking spaces were really narrow and Penn had a big truck. I went as fast as I could. I just wanted to get back to Penn and the celebration. I liked seeing the look on his face when he got to bask in the fact he was finally engaged to Nash Cushman. That was me. I'm Nash Cushman.

I hated that I was missing his joy.

The restaurant was beautiful. It was very rustic and the main entrance was no different. The double doors consisted of two giant slabs of solid wood with two-foot metal pipes for handles. There was no 'whipping' the door open, I tried and almost threw my shoulder out.

When it finally opened, I rushed through only to end up face to face with Lee.

"Nash?" He asked. He was still dressed in his work suit though he'd lost the tie. "I was wondering when this would happen."

I also wondered when we'd run into each other. It was bound to happen. Lee's smile seemed sincere. I didn't want to hang out with him but I wasn't going to be rude either. I had spent the first part of my adult life with the man. I could be civilized. The divorce had been years ago. I was engaged now. My life with Lee seemed a lifetime ago. I glanced past the giant glass wall to the bar where everyone was having fun.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Good!" he said, seemingly happy I wasn't blowing him off. "Came out with a couple of friends for drinks. It's not usually busy but it looks like the Knott's have taken over the bar." Lee's expression changed to one of excitement and he gently swatted my shoulder. "I just heard that Penn is gay," he said, shocked. "I knew he and Cam had split a while ago, I guess we know why."

"I heard."

Lee looked at me. "You're still friends with them?"

I smiled. "Yeah, you could say that."

My friendship with the Knotts had been a source of contention between Lee and I. Even now, Lee looked jealous, though not nearly as bothered as he had been years ago. I glanced at the bar again and found Penn and his brothers watching me. I tried to convey that it was fine. They must have misunderstood because they disappeared before reappearing a moment later in the lobby.

"Hey," Ryan said to Lee and me, glancing between us and gauging the situation.

"Hey! How are you guys?" Lee asked. He always had been a sucker for the Knotts.

"Good, good."

"You guys stole our usual Friday night spot," Lee teased. "What's the occasion?"

I saw the moment that Penn and his brothers realized that Lee had no idea about anything.

Logan wrapped his arm around Penn's shoulders. "Our little brother got engaged."

Penn held up his hand, confirming that what his brother just said was true.

Lee was surprised. "That's awesome. Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Penn said, politely.

"The real congratulations goes to us," Ryan smiled then walked over and put his arm around me. "Logan and I are gaining a kick-ass brother-in-law."

I held up my hand to confirm that what Ryan just said was true.

Lee was speechless. I can't say I was upset by it. It felt good to see him squirm a little as he learned his ex-husband was now engaged to be wedded to his dream family. Lee had a harder time finding the words this time around. Lucky for him, Ryan was feeling generous.

"Sorry we can't stay longer but I need to get these two back. There's a room of people waiting to hear all about how Nash proposed with a condom box. I'll spare you the details like I wish I had been," he winked. "It was nice seeing you, Lee. Bye."

Ryan pushed me towards Penn, who put his arm around me and led me back to the party. I didn't even look back to see if Lee was watching. I didn't care. This was my life now.

We missed the previous Halloween because Penn still wanted space from his family. But things were better now. Mostly, Penn and I were engaged and Penn wanted to make sure everyone knew. We didn't go all out like we had when we dressed as Lt. Dangle from Reno 911 but we were still a big hit.

I custom made shirts that had a wolf on one side, a cat on the other, and they were howling/meowing at the moon. Penn wore wolf ears and I had cat ears. Everyone lost their shit when we showed up.

We held off moving to Bend until after the wedding. I was fine with a small wedding or whatever but Penn had other plans.

"I want everyone to see me marry Nash Cushman."

So, in April, two weeks after my birthday, Penn and I stood in the middle of a Willamette Valley vineyard, in front of four hundred people, and said I do. Nathan was my best man and Jason was Penn's. He'd asked if I was okay with that, given their history. Their friendship brought me nothing but happiness.

And when we danced as a married couple for the first time, it was to that damn Dermot Kennedy song.

Penn called it. Penn's brothers congratulated us by calling us Mr. and Mr. Pin Cushion and, later, asked how the Pin Cushions were doing. His nephews punctuated it with a solid chorus of howling and meowing.

I'd been to a lot of weddings. I'd even been in a few, including the one I had with Lee. But there was something about ours that was different, and the difference was Penn. I don't think I had ever seen him so happy. I don't think anyone had ever seen him so happy. I was happy, too, but Penn was out of this world happy. He shined so bright I could barely look away. Everyone saw it, the way his joy poured out of him. Anyone that knew him knew what it meant that he was marrying Nash Cushman. It was a privilege and an honor I didn't take lightly.

It was a privilege to have him hold my hand and drag me around the venue so we could experience every single thing there was to experience on one's wedding day.

There was a brief moment when Penn got pulled away but not until his brothers were watching guard over me. We stood, drinking wine and watching Penn talk to the vineyard manager about something.

Ryan turned to me and smiled. "If there's one thing I know to be true in this world, it's that you just got married for the last time. I hope you know that."