To Love Caleb

Caleb was leaning back in his friend's car, feeling cornered and claustrophobic. It was not a strange thing considering how many people were sitting in that same car. Why everyone had to come especially this night he could not understand. There was no way eight people would fit into one car and be comfortable. He hadn't even looked forward to coming and seeing this film in the first place, drive-ins were not something he fancied or found fun. He hadn't liked the fact that everyone shared the same opinion that he had been neglecting them since he moved away to attend college. In order to repent that he found himself here with severe breathing difficulties. He had to roll his eyes and make a face of disgust upon hearing the smacking sounds of a heavy make-out session in the back seat. He didn't even have to look back to know Gemma was sitting in Tommy's lap, with her tongue down his throat. He also knew that Anna and Lucas were doing the same. So he had signed up to witness a semi-orgy between his friends. Great.

In the front it was as crowded as in the back. His best friend Jason had his girlfriend half way in his lap, while Jason's little brother Jude was squished between him and them. Lily and her long legs took much of the minimal space so it was up to him and Jude to make themselves as small as possible. For Jude it was easier since he was smaller, but it was hard for Caleb to find some comfort for his large self.

In his opinion Jude was way too young to be hanging out with them. He was just twenty-one after all, barely. He didn't quite fit in the group since they were five years his senior but Jason had wanted him to tag along since he had been sad over the break up with his boyfriend a few months before. Caleb thought it was time to get over it and cheer up. The bastard that had dumped him wasn't worth it. He would soon find someone else to play with and he was just twenty-one so it wasn't the end of the world.

He liked Jude, the same way Jason liked him. It had been easy for him to take after Jason and feel as he felt for his family, who had become his family. He had never admitted it to them directly, but he considered Jason's family his own and he missed them greatly when being away. Jason's mother was the only mother he had known, his dad the only man who took the time to teach him sports and some manners. Little Jude and Seth had become brothers naturally.

"Ouch!"

Jude winced when Lily shoved her elbow on his side when squirming in Jason's lap.

"This is just stupid. Jason, thanks for letting me tag along, but I can't sit here another minute" Jude said feeling hot, cornered and bored. This movie sucked.

"No, Jude. Stay. Caleb, let him sit on you lap, he will be better off" Jason thought.

"What about me? He can't spend two hours on my lap." He could not help but feel silly.

"He is right. Just let me get out" Jude said to Caleb, making him feel like a jerk when he sounded hurt like that.

"No. You can sit with me" Caleb gave in because he could not see Jude hurt. He had been through enough with the break up and all. Or maybe he just had bad feelings for not coming home for so long. Or maybe he was just a jerk, plain simple.

"No."

The blunt refusal made Caleb look directly at him. Jude looked embarrassed and a little scared. Caleb didn't like it. He noticed that Jude was warm. A hue of glistening sweat was covering his skin and his black curls were damp with moisture and clinging to his temples and neck. He had always worn his hair too damn long.

Jude was looking at him, his golden brown eyes lit by the lights and the moon. He reminded Caleb of a puppy and he never liked puppies because he always felt sorry for them as if he could never please them. Jude was now giving him those puppy dog eyes unintentionally and that combined with his full pouty lips he kept chewing made him feel worse. Jude had known since he was little what buttons to push. Caleb's eyes lingered there a bit and he suddenly felt as he was hearing some bell ringing at the back of his head, but chose to ignore it.

"Jude, sit over with Caleb before I puncture your lunge" Lily said impatiently with her high pitched voice.

Jude did not look happy but he did scoot over and unto Caleb's lap. It was not an easy task to make it a smooth transition to get one of his legs over Caleb's so he could straddle them. Jude may be smaller, but he was not little and there was just no room for him to make a gracious transition.

Had Jude been able to sit still it would have been OK, but he couldn't. He was fidgeting back and forth, not quite comfortable sitting on Caleb's lap and it showed by the way he was trying to move as far away from Caleb as possible. He thought he was making things easier on Caleb but since Caleb was a man in every sense of the word, he reacted as any man would. He grew hard.

The shock was great for both him and Jude. His wish that he hadn't noticed was crushed when Jude went still. Caleb tried to sit still himself, just so that Jude wouldn't notice. But he had and he felt the heat creep up his cheeks and neck. This was not something that was supposed to happen. Not with Jude or any other boy of any kind. As if that wasn't enough Jude was just a kid and he himself was a pervert, Caleb reasoned.

The tension and the heat grew bigger as he felt himself embedded in Jude's warm body, their jeans suddenly feeling as sheer as lace. He looked down to see the waistline of Jude's jeans revealing a glimpse of skin so close to his belly and he suppressed a wish to growl. Seeing Jude was suddenly so very still told him that he was very much aware of what was going on and the thought made him even hotter and he swelled even more. The smell of Jude's beautiful black hair hit his face, the rich honey scent bringing him back to his senses a bit. This was Jude, he wasn't supposed to notice the way his hair smelled. If he just stayed still it would go away. But then he was hit by the image of him grabbing Jude by his hair, turning him to get a glimpse of the hot golden eyes and diving into that mouth of his and take what was his. The thought disturbed him less than he liked and he tensed. He didn't know what to make of Jude shifting in his lap, something that made him harder and hotter. First he thought he was just uncomfortable, but then he moved again and this time he recognised it for what it was. Jude was wiggling in his lap. There was no mistake about it the way he rocked his bottom over his cock back and forth like that. Automatically he grabbed him by his hips to hold him still at the same time as he wished more than anything that he would do it some more. He was appalled by the way he was thinking about little Jude. Jason's baby brother, for Christ sake.

But thoughts of wrongness were soon replaced by those of him holding Jude trapped under him while he came under and around him, his mouth open so that he can slip his tongue in Jude's mouth with ease while he draws him with him over the edge.

Jude did it again, moving just the slightest so that no one but him could feel it. And he felt it, alright. His cock did, too.

"Don't. Move" he whispered so only Jude could hear, but Jude was not listening to any warnings. Again he moved oh so little and Caleb felt too big for his jeans. He wanted too much just to lean back against the seat and let Jude ride him till he came. He had never before thought how erotic hair could be, but now he was turned on by the way that long black hair was covering most of Jude's neck. It made Caleb want to slide his hands over it, move it to the side and then press his lips against Jude's neck.

He was hurting. His cock was hurting. The way he seemed to swell second by second was nothing but painful. When Jude leaned forward, supporting his weight on the dashboard so that he positioned the underside of his cock to directly touch Caleb's Caleb knew he had to flee in order not to make a fool of himself.

"I need something to drink" he grumbled and with much effort was able to raise Jude off his knee so that he could slip from under him. He made his way through the cars and headed for the secluded area of the park where the massive tree could hide him from the rest.

He was panting heavily as he was resting his back against the tree. Carefully he managed to unbutton his jeans and take out his overly sensitive cock and with a moan grab it and rub it gently. He could not go back without coming; he needed the release if he was to be able to sit there with Jude in his lap. He knew damn well the smartest thing would be to run home as fast as he could and not get tangled with Jude more than he had done, but he knew he was not always the smartest one out there. Damned Jude, he cursed as his fist was slipping up and down his cock.

Images of Jude on his knees in front of him with his mouth parted about to take him in was what took him over the edge and he filled his hand with his seed, welcoming the much needed release. He kept his eyes shut as he let the sensation of his orgasm take over his body, soothing the tension and relaxing his mind and bones.

His eyes jerked open as he felt someone take his hand. Jude was the last one he wanted to see, especially now. Jude was the reason he had had to do this. Jude was the reason of the sudden ache he felt inside. He felt naked and it had little to do with the fact that his pants were at his ankles and his cock lay open to Jude's eyes. It was the way he looked at him with those golden eyes that made him feel this way. He saw now that Jude was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. He had thought this even before this night, but that had always been something else and had blamed it on the fact that Jude was gay and it was okay for him to be more beautiful than most girls he had ever seen. Caleb was very much aware of his faults, the double standard and the prejudice he couldn't let go of. But all that mattered now were eyes that reminded him of amber surrounded by thick black lashes to add to the warmth of them. His black hair matched the thick black eyebrows with the hard slant at the end. Turning his attention to Jude he noticed the full lips parted. He longed to kiss him. Jude's creamy dark skin was glowing in the moonlight. He could see the moist on Jude's skin caused by the heat and he so wanted to reach out and lick it away.

Jude stepped closer, still holding Caleb's hand and he realised he had no place to go. Then he realised he didn't want to go anywhere either, but stay right where he was. With Jude.

His brown eyes grew big when Jude lifted his hand and kissed his palm, the one he had used on himself. The one still wet from the seed he had spilled. He wanted to laugh when he sensed himself grow hard again, at how silly he must look but then he saw Jude's pink tongue dart out, take a lick on his palm and all humour escaped his mind. There was just the moment, the heat Jude was causing him and the beauty that took his breath away.

"Jude" he moaned as sensation spread from his palm to the rest of his body.

"I am sorry, I just had to" Jude said, looking just as sorry as he felt.

"You don't have to anything" Caleb breathed and drew back his hand.

"When it comes to you, I do" Jude said and moved closer still. He was thankful Jude didn't look down, but somehow he had the suspicion that he knew exactly what was going on. He almost jumped when he came in touch with the buttons of the jeans that covered Jude's erection.

"What are you talking about?" he managed to ask.

"I missed you since you've been gone" Jude said.

"I missed you, too, Jude. You know that."

"I am afraid we aren't talking about the same way of missing someone" he smiled seductively and Caleb winced inside. He had missed it completely, Jude growing up in front of his eyes. This was not innocent little Jude, this was a man that was set to drive him mad.

"What do you mean?" he wondered.

"I guess you have missed me the same way you missed Jason, mum and dad and Seth" he said and Caleb nodded.

"You are my family" he said truthfully and Jude smiled again, a loving smile this time.

"We have grown up together since we were little. You were to me like Jason and Seth were, a brother whom I loved very much" he said lovingly and another kind of warmth spread trough Caleb. He had a family. Maybe not by blood, but by choice and love.

"I were?"

"Yes, were. Things changed long time ago, Caleb" Jude said and turned his back on him. Caleb took the opportunity to get his jeans up but did not manage to button them all the way. When Jude sat with his back against the tree, Caleb did the same. Suddenly he just wanted to sit there and listen to him forever.

"How did they change?" Caleb asked after a while. The silence had become too loud, strange as it may be.

"Do you remember my school dance when I was fourteen?" Jude asked and Caleb smiled.

"I spent the day out shopping with you for the perfect clothes. I had never and will never take you shopping again" he said and Jude laughed. Caleb looked at him, the way he lit up when he laughed, those cute little fangs of his appearing, making him smile the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

"Never once did you complain. I loved you so much for that because I was so nervous and dad had given up long time ago. Sometime in the middle of the day I came out of the dressing room and you were talking to the sales girl. She was so pretty, with long blonde hair and big breasts."

Caleb had to smile at the way Jude said that with resentment. He could not stop his eyes from wandering down Jude's body and see that he had filled out the past years. He was no woman and would never have breasts, but he was still beautiful with his broad shoulders and long limbs.

"Anyway, I came out in this awful orange shirt that you gave me because you were so preoccupied with her and that is the only time that I have wished I was a girl" Jude said with a grimace of contempt on his face and Caleb laughed. Jude tried to look upset with Caleb for laughing, but he didn't quite manage that because he supposed it was funny that he had wanted to be a girl. Seth had been the only one teasing him of being a girl after he came out, otherwise no one would even consider it seeing he was not a very feminine man.

"You laugh, Caleb, but that was one of the lowest moments of my teenage life. It was at that moment that I heard the girl laugh, giggle actually. I knew you had said something naughty to her and I hated you both." Jude smiled as he remembered how he had been so mad, such teenage drama.

"That upset you, too?"

"Yes. At that moment I had this vision that you had touched her and that was why she was giggling. And as that thought hit me I saw a vision of you touching me" he finished off whispering.

Caleb was shocked. He had no idea what to say, or what to think. Jude had been fourteen and thought that. He had trouble catching his breath.

"Ehmmm....it is normal for young boys to think that about guys like in your case. Everyone discovers their sexuality at some point" he rambled without knowing what he was saying.

"The point is that I discovered mine with you. I had the strangest sensation all over my body then and I could not stop thinking that you were touching me all day" Jude confessed.

"But that went away, right?" Caleb asked, not knowing what he wanted the answer to be.

"No. It was two weeks later that I touched myself for the first time, with your name on my lips."

Caleb went still at his words. Flahes of a young Jude touching himself while moaning his name was too much. Flahes of Jude today touching himself moaning his name while he lay in the bedroom next to his.

"Oh God" was all he could say.

"I have loved you since that day, Caleb. Not in the same way I love Jason or Seth, but in the way a man loves a man. With lust."

"Hell, I don't know what to say" Caleb said lamely.

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know, I guess. What happened tonight here between us is a dream for me" he said looking Caleb straight in the eye. He was so brave, Caleb thought. He didn't know if he would have had the courage to confess such a thing.

"But you have had boyfriends" was all he could come up with.

"Yes, I have. But they were not you. Do you want to know why I was dumped this time?"

"I am not sure" he said truthfully and Jude laughed.

"He said I called out for you during sex one too many times" Jude said frankly and that threw Caleb off guard. Then the thought of Jude having sex with those guys reached his mind and he was disgusted.

"Jesus, Jude. I don't know what to say" he said again.

"You don't have to say anything; I know I have shocked you."

"Yeah, you can call it that."

"Can I ask something of you?"

"Anything" he said before he could think.

"A kiss."

"A k-kiss?"

"Yes, just one. I have wanted this for years. I need to kiss you" Jude said with all the need in his voice and Caleb could not deny him anything. There was so much he should be thinking about. Who Jude was. Jude's age. The parents that would not appreciate or understand this. The fact that he had not come out to anyone but Jason and wasn't sure that he was ready to come out fully. He should be thinking about Jude and the fact that this would raise his hopes if what he had just told him had been true. But he couldn't really gather his thoughts enough to be considerate, he was feeling too much. He meant to tell Jude just one kiss, but he never had the chance, simply nodded. Jude rose to his knees so he could face Caleb. Resting his hands on his knees he leaned closer, his scent reaching Caleb's nostrils before Jude's mouth descended on his. This was more like the Jude he thought he was, shy and gentle. This he could handle, he just had to remain cool and calm and it would be over. Jude would have his kiss and he would have his sanity back. Then Jude moved his lips to Caleb's cheek and kissed him so softly, resting his soft lips there while touching his face with his hand. The gesture of softness in midst of his passion was what did him in. With a moan he grabbed Jude behind his head and turned him to him, taking his mouth with unrestricted passion and greed. Jude never protested but yielded in to him, meeting Caleb's tongue with his own, mating. They took turns in leading the kiss, coaxing each other into one another's mouth. They could not get enough of each other, separating only to draw air or switch angles on their kiss. Slippery, hungry tongues would not let go of the other's. Caleb opened his legs, letting Jude come between them so he could draw him closer. Jude went willingly in, putting his arms around Caleb, burying his hands in Caleb's hair as he sucked on his tongue. Caleb pushed him away as soon as he felt Jude arch himself against his groin.

"Jude, stop" he breathed and Jude backed away. Both were panting heavily.

"I am sorry" Jude said again and blushed. Caleb's brown eyes grew sad when seeing him like that.

"No, don't say that. It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is. I am the one who is pushing you to do something you don't want to" he said and sat back in the soft grass in front of him with his legs stretched.

Caleb rested his head back against the tree, looking at Jude under his lashes. Jude's hair was hanging loose like a curtain around his face. He was biting his lip while twisting his hands nervously. Caleb's heart contracted.

"Do you know that I love you, Jude?" he asked out of the blue.

Jude looked up, meeting his eyes. He could see the love in Caleb's deep brown eyes, the simplicity and the sincerity of his words.

"Y-yes" he choked, trying hard to hold back the tears that wouldn't be held back.

"Why are you crying?" Caleb asked. An unnatural calm had possessed him, something he knew he wasn't really capable of. He knew the storm was about to descend on him.