Touched & Fucked but Not Loved Ch. 01

In one swoosh, I pulled out his shirt from the back of his pants and quickly moved my hand on the side of his belly.

I couldn't believe it - I had my hand on his bare skin!!

Things I had never felt before happened to me that very second.

My brain went in overdrive and I had to cross my legs to conceal my cock which came to full mast instantly.

It was then he just jerked his head towards me and simply asked, "Bro, what are you upto?"

He didn't sound disgusted or put off by my reaction, so I just tried to pull off a cute wide eyed expression with my curled lips and said, "I want to."

He just started laughing at that.

In hindsight, I would have literally pulled out a gun and shot myself in the head for even thinking about what all I just did or said but at that moment, I was way to drunk to think straight!

He held my gaze for a few moments and smiled his ever so infectious sexy smile, but soon he and I became aware of the company we had.

And just to ease the embarrassment I think, PP started whining to Rachel about me touching him inappropriately and I laughing and repeating, "but I want to, but I want to."

I think we all were pretty drunk cause Rachel started encouraging me and joining in our laughter like a 10 year old.

I kept my hand for a while after that but all the lust had been replaced with the laughter of our banter and I just couldn't bear the pain in my stomach from all the laughter.

PP gave me a mock shock look that he was scandalized and then just went about ordering more booze for us.

He did refuse to tuck in his shirt though and left it like that.

It was a short shirt and PP will outright deny it if I ever were to confront him, but after a few more drinks, he purposefully bent forward in front of me to pick up something.

And that's when I saw him flash his black Jockey underwear.

All my lust immediately came rushing back and in no time my hand was touching his smooth bare skin again.

But now I was so much more tempted - I was hooked.

So I shamelessly slid my hand down his pants seeing the underwear.

I didn't go inside his underwear but I could feel his ass cheeks through the thin fabric.

I was delirious with lust!!

His ass was the most delicate thing I had ever held in my hands.

I wanted to just remove his pants and eat his ass out, bite it, jiggle it, play with it.

As all these dirty lusty thoughts entered my mind in a nanosecond, PP jumped off and just screamed my name in a shocked tone.

He then turned to look at Rachel signalling her with his hands of what I had done.

I don't know if she ever understood that I was actually molesting PP but she just burst in a bout of laughter at PP's reaction.

But through this all, PP never once shook my hand off his ass. He did look at me though again and said, "AJ, no!"

I swear I have never been so assertive in my life about anything and never been so sure as I was at that time, that I want to do this.

I just said, "I WANT TO!"

I think he saw the resolve in my eyes and just gave up and let my hand be on his ass.

Acutely aware of the fact that there are others around us, I withdrew my hand after a while to save PP any further embarrassment.

I knew he was more concerned about people's reaction to my hands down his pants than his own so I understood and gave him space.

He later blabbered that if anyone else had touched him like this, that guy would be in a lot of pain, but it was me, his brother in arm and he could never be mad at me for anything.

I just smiled at him like a silly ass and gave him a quick peck on his cheek saying, "I love you too PP!!"

Soon after, I was completely sloshed and knew I had reached my alcohol limit.

This time it was PP's turn to settle the score in his own devious way. He called for kamikaze shots for the table and insisted I have one.

He literally held me in his arm and tried to force me to take the shot.

I was delirious with pleasure of his touch and I think he felt my hard cock also brush against his thighs.

But I knew I couldn't drink more. I kept pleading him to stop and he insisted saying why should he if I didn't stop touching him when he had protested.

Oops! He had me!!

In a rush, I blurted out "PP, I'll suck you instead."

I froze! Completely! I couldn't move after having said this.

But what surprised me even further was the reply PP gave, "Yes. You suck me. But drink this first."

As if lost in a trance after hearing his reply, I let his hand guide the kamikaze to my lips and pour it all in in one shot.

All this while my eyes were locked on his with neither saying anything.

Our eyes were doing the talking and we were engaging in highly erotic foreplay.

Sadly, my body immediately revolted to the alcohol and I had to let go and ran off to the washroom to puke.

The entire moment was ruined cause my wuss of a body couldn't hold 1 more fucking shot.

I was cursing myself in my head.

As I was puking in the WC, I didn't realize when the cubicle door behind me opened cause I thought I had bolted it.

I felt someone's broad hands massaging my back gently to ease my puking and I was horrified to turn back and realize it was PP.

I don't like to have people see me in my weak state and I definitely didn't want him to see me at such a low.

I asked him to please get the hell out but he stayed there with his eyes so soft and supportive that I just gave up and went about doing my business.

With my body involuntarily jerking, I didn't realize when my ass started rubbing against his dick and I started to feel his dick move.

He also was maybe shocked by his body's reaction for his hands stopped moving.

With neither of us saying anything, I finished and got up to face him.

I swear I had never wanted anything else more than to lock my lips on him right there at that moment and I know he would have responded to my touch.

But I had just puked my guts out and I didn't want him to be uncomfortable with the idea. I myself was completely grossed out with my behavior.

So even though I wanted to cash in on the blow job he had promised me just moments ago, I slowly reached out for the door, unbolted it and made my way around him to exit.

He took a few seconds to gather himself and followed me soon after.

I became too self conscious and didn't try anything else with PP after that.

When we called it a night, he came up to me and held me in a tight embrace from the back, folded my arms in his passionately around my chest, pressed his body against mine and bit me on my ear and then my neck.

The way he bit me, I instantly knew he was a bitter.

That he loves to bite when he fucked.

And I loved being bitten - it was such a major turn on for me - I used to beg my wife to do it but she isn't a fan of the whole pain is pleasure thing in bed.

But bites (both soft and hikey level) are one of the most erotic action for me.

Leaking precum, I saw other eyes on me and he felt the same stares, so he let me go.

PP just kept repeating in his drunken stupor, "I love you AJ! You are the best!"

I kept repeating, "right back at you my love" till we bid farewell.

My cock remained rock hard till I reached home and my underwear had stained from all the precum.

I got a late night call from PP and I knew he had drunk dialed me cause he kept repeating "I love you bitch" and "You know that I love you AJ!" at-least ten times.

I could just respond with giggles. I know that if that night, had we both been by ourselves, something would have happened.

But alas, the magical night was still a few years in the making.

Over the weekend, when the drinks wore off, the shame of my actions set in.

I was so embarrassed to have behaved like such a slut with one of my dear friends and I didn't know how he felt.

Come Monday morning, knowing I can't delay the inevitable of meeting him, I willed my steps towards his desk.

Thinking he will be irked, I stole a look at him and dryly wished him morning, gauging his eyes for a reaction.

He yet again surprised me by beaming the most incredible infectious smile of his I have ever seen, got up from his desk and took me in his arms in a warm welcoming embrace asking how I am.

I melted away in his arms instantly and just smiled knowing I didn't lose my friend.

We soon returned to our friendly banter and normal life resumed.

But there was a change in the air.

PP had relaxed the notion of personal space with me completely and we usually kept close distance whenever we spoke.

He had started giving me more physical contact in our interactions and I had started smelling his scent a lot.

Perfumed or natural, I loved his scent and kept my nostrils on overdrive when I was around him.

I know he gives a lot more attention to the women he pursues but I chose to remain happy and content with the connection I have with him knowing no one else has it.

I know he gets to fuck around a lot and has a super hot sex life but I remain happy knowing I get to spend the better part of the day gazing at him, drinking him up, soaking him up in my desires, even if I don't get to spend the nights with him.

I also see him giving me subtle signals (if I can call them that) every now and then.

- I had caught him at-least a few times checking me out when he thought I wasn't looking.

- When I would turn and look at him he will instantly look away and act busy or when I would be in a discussion with a colleague and he would look at me.

(I would see him through my periphery vision cause my attention was mostly on him through the day);

- Give me a friendly pat on the back and then proceed to gently massage my shoulders every now and then;

- This one time he came up from behind while I was chatting with Rachel and he held me in an embrace like he did that night at the party.

Rachel called it the love handle position and even after her teasing, PP refused to withdraw till I moved away.

- Then this one time, we ended up together checking out a guy in our office cafeteria laughing how he had a bubble butt and him nonchalantly saying that he loves the idea of anal sex.

I know I would also be giving him lot of these non-verbal or verbal signals, but his actions kept my libido in overdrive in office.

February 2017

Maybe I was misreading signs cause I wanted to see a specific pattern - that PP was bi-curious - but I didn't stop myself from these indulgences.

Heck I didn't care!

He oozed of masculinity, wonderful personality, sexy persona - every single fiber of him was pure sex and I loved fantasizing about him even if nothing was ever to happen between us.

No tax on thinking right. Wrong!!

Over thinking and fantasizing soon makes you question reality.

So when I got an opportunity where my wife was travelling to her mother's and I was home alone, I invited PP over for drinking and smoking some nice pot with him (a first for me).

We both agreed to keep this evening off the radar with Rachel maybe cause both of us wanted to explore and satisfy our curiosities.

I had stocked up enough alcohol for him to recreate the magic of that epic party of our's last year.

I expected that if same circumstances transpire, this time we will go all the way since it will be just the two of us.

Not so surprisingly, the exact opposite of it happened.

Long story short, he came, we drank, we smoked and too soon, I got too close to him than comfortable even with our new established standards.

He immediately withdrew and said he had to leave and be with his family.

Fucker said that he had just come for a while to tick the box of hanging out with me.

"Shocked" was not the emotion I wanted to feel at that time.

I had thought I'll ask him to stay the night and make crazy stupid love. I had EXPECTED that he will happily comply.

I was such an ASS!! Never should you expect anything when it comes to the matter of heart or of cock. You should just let destiny take its own course.

The first time we had partied everything was spontaneous. This time I was setting it all up and forcing magic to happen.

Obviously, I came across too strong!!

I realized later that alcohol mixed with A grade hash consumed in less than an hour leaves you completely incapable of thinking clearly.

To make matters worse, if alcohol made me high, I learnt that pot made me a sex addict. I was so fucking horny I got desperate that I was not getting the fuck I had imagined.

Utterly bitter and disappointed, I did something I am still ashamed of till this date.

I physically tried to stop him from leaving. When he got up, I pulled him to me and didn't let him leave.

He was uncomfortable - I could sense it in his conduct, I could hear it in his voice when he said he had to go.

I know he was making a dumb ass excuse but I just wasn't ready to back down.

Then, being the brilliant host I was turning out to be, I started undoing his shirt.

Now, just wait a minute, let me clarify that it was not just done out of my lust for him - I had done it to steal his shirt so that he can't leave.

Yes! I know - not my brightest of the ideas - but what I didn't realize was that this could come across as me forcing myself on him - Sexually!!

Thank the Gods that before I could undo his last button, I stopped realizing this other interpretation of my action. And just went back to begging him to stay.

Through this ordeal, PP just silently looked at me without even stopping me from unbuttoning his shirt.

When I started begging him to stay, he curtly told me that he genuinely did have to go, sobered himself up and darted straight out the door.

If I was horny before, I was horny and miserable as fuck after he left.

I knew somewhere in my mind that I had crossed boundaries and behaved like a shameless pervert yet I couldn't help but feel irritated with PP for cock blocking me and leaving me alone when I was high.

What if I were to jump off the balcony wanting some fresh air in my drunken high stupor. Bloody asshole PP was for leaving a friend like this. I wanted to kill him!!

All this however changed when my senses returned next morning.

Realizing what I had done, I wanted to just find a hole and bury myself. I had no way to justify my behavior.

I felt so irritated with myself.

Why do I always end up behaving like a complete jackass when I am with him?

It's like I become this completely different person who is devoid of making any sane or rationale choices.

So come Monday morning, I did my next walk of shame, feeling way worse than I did last year, and approached him silently.

He had an impassive look on his face and just curtly acknowledged my presence.

As a person, I was always afraid of what people thought of me so I have never really cried in front of anyone.

But that day, the entire office but PP was lost to me. I knew I would break down if he didn't forgive me.

Standing in front of him, I just bellowed a low key hi and without even making eye contact at first blurted,

"PP, I am really really sorry. I know I crossed boundaries with you and made you feel uncomfortable.

"There is no way I can redeem myself but I'm sorry. You are a dear friend."

I ended up looking up at him while finishing my apology.

He continued to stare at me a little and then just smiled the devious smile I have grown to love so much and said, "Let's just forget about it."

I was happy he chose to forgive me but the reply he gave left me wondering a little.

In the past, he had always simply said, "it's okay" or "I understand" - not only for sexual undertones or harmless flirting we indulge in every now and then, but also in general as a way of life.

But never had he let on that he regretted what transpired between us.

All my thoughts of confessing my true feelings for him took a backseat hearing this, clearly accepting that he is straight as an arrow and has no interest in me physically.

Maybe all that sexual undertone was actually one-sided.

Though heart broken, I had decided to accept it as fate-acompli, and wanted to cherish the role PP played in my life as a friend.

Since that day, I had also secretly vowed to never sit next to him again during our parties in the fear of making him uncomfortable again.

I had also ensured I never initiate any type of physical contact, platonic or sexual. Whenever he made any physical contact, I just reciprocated.

December 2017

Things had been progressing normally for all of us at work.

Through these months, in the hopes of getting closer to PP without damaging our friendship, I thought of ghosting him when the opportunity presented itself.

He had rekindled his love for the game, Clash of Clans.

So one day on the pretext of understanding the game, I took his user details of the game, downloaded the game on my phone and started building my own kingdom.

I thought there would be one-on-one chat window like other games I used to play where I can start a conversation with him under an alias name.

Alas, the universe again got in the way of my not-so-clever plans!!

Clash of Clans had no such feature. Instead, I realized that a clan of players can only chat among themselves.

So I tried joining PP's clan and I kept getting rejected by the admin for not having a strong army.

For a good number of weeks, all I did was live and breathe Clash Of Clans.

Soon enough, I got strong and was accepted in his clan.

I tried connecting with PP, giving him gifts and what not, but never got any revert.

Soon enough, he left and joined another stronger clan and the fucking administrator of that clan kept rejecting my request to join even though I was a strong player.

Dejectedly, I realized this was all a lost cause and my dream of secretly romancing PP would not materialize.

So much for believing that Rom Com plots can turn out to be true!!

While I was figuring out how to get more intimate with PP, one fine day out of nowhere PP took me to a meeting room and decided to drop a bomb on me.

He had accepted an offer from another firm and was soon to move out.

I was completely blind sided by this.

Left speechless and flabbergasted, I feigned a mock "Oh! I'm so happy for you" shit while dying inside a little. I thought I was having a stroke!!

I had grown to love our chat times, random breaks out sessions, coordinated pee breaks where he refused to wash his hands and then try to touch me with them giggling like a 5 year old, our unplanned lunches at the cafe, my secret longing glances at him and his body across the floor through the day.

These all small little things had become such an integral part of my day.

He had become such an integral part of my life!! I couldn't just let it all slip away!!

I knew if he moved out, life will take over and we will loose touch.

I wasn't ready to accept that this was how it will end.

So I decided to fight for him.

Funny right! Life came a full circle for me - When I had first met him, I despised him and now I am fighting to ensure he stays in my life.

I reached out to Rachel and was disappointed to know that she supported his move. It was a better paying job apparently which was so not a valid or a genuine reason.

I mean more money for anyone is always good, but PP already lived such an entitled life.

He always kept getting showered with gifts by women trying to woo him, many were more than happy to sponsor his alcohol to get him intoxicated and he didn't mind the free booze, every good thing he owned was gifted to him.

He actually had trouble remembering the last thing he bought for himself apart from his underwear. And that too he had managed to get exchanged for a different size a few times.