Trading Control for Love Pt. 01

"What were they like? What are you favorite memories of them?

She quietly reflected on the questions then said," My father had two great loves; money and power. Everything else including me was window dressing. I was saddened when he died but I did not cry. Neither did my mother. Our dry eyes were not out of anger or relief. Rather, he was so distant, that his death was like losing an acquaintance we did not know very well. So, no, I cannot say I loved him. I believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone. I really do not have any favorite memories of him. My mother was just as bad with her love of social status and gossip. She gave me more attention than my father but only to be assured I did not embarrass her. Her passing was also like saying goodbye to an old acquaintance. Thanks to some top therapists, I have accepted the reality the pressures of maintaining a social standing as well as guarding the family fortune were more important than putting in time and effort towards raising well-adjusted children."

Her face looked sad after this confession. I don't know when I have felt so unhappy for another person. The cliché phrase "poor little rich kid" kept running through my mind.

By the 8th date, the dynamic changed. Mary asked, "Tell me about your divorce."

"You probably have all the information thanks to attorney Kimbrough. Essentially, my wife was a narcissist who refused to change. Looking back, her mother was the same. At a high school class reunion, I confided to a classmate about being taken for granted, always at fault, and never allowed to make a decision no matter how small. He said it sounded like a toxic relationship and sent some links to my email account.

I read them and realized he was right. She spent money on clothes and shoes which were never worn. The cash she hoarded would miraculously appear when our bank account was over drawn. She fooled many people into thinking she was a sweet caring victim of circumstance. After her Mom passed away, she began seeing a therapist. Sex had been a dead issue for some time. She announced after one of the sessions the therapist declared I was a narcissist and withholding sex was a form of emotional cruelty."

Mary's face was unresponsive.

I continued, "It seemed odd a therapist would make such a diagnosis without meeting me. I thought the more likely scenario was the narcissism label was applied to her and she transferred it to me. Regardless, I asked how this was arrived at and she stormed off. She began divorce proceedings almost immediately. Soon after the divorce was finalized, she married a much wealthier man. Haven't heard a word since."

"It takes two to make a marriage and two to make a divorce. Looking back, what would you have done differently?"

I pondered the question. Looking up I said, "Taken off the rose colored glasses a lot sooner. I enabled her by avoiding disagreement and keeping emotions inside me. The longer we were together, the more things were buried. It wasn't fair to either of us to stay so quiet. Because of the pent up feelings, when I did speak my mind, it came across as more intense than the situation warranted. She would act deeply hurt and run to mommy. Or, she would laugh and say I was jealous. She was never willing to accept responsibility for her actions."

Mary nodded and appeared satisfied with the answer.

Changing the subject, I said, "Your family and attorney Kimbrough are quite a team. There is an impressive article in Wikipedia on the Rothman family. It's long on paragraphs but short on information. What are you willing to share about your first marriage?"

She make eye contact with the waiter who took her black card. When he returned tipping him the usual $100, she stood and asked, "May we talk about this in the car?"

"Certainly," I said hurrying to follow her out to the waiting limousine. Percival was right behind me.

Before entering she said, "Give your keys to Percy. He will park it at your place then take an Uber home. When we are finished, you will be dropped off a block or so away from a popular club. From there, you can get an Uber ride home."

There was no "by your leave" or even asking if I was OK with this idea. Once my flash of anger left, I nodded and ducked into the car while Percival requested mine. I hoped his big frame wouldn't damage the Honda Civic.

She pressed a button lowering the glass partition and asked Phillip to drive around for now. The barrier went up quietly forming the perfect sound chamber. I sat next to her but at a discrete distance. Our knees almost touched.

She smiled demurely saying, "This is the first time a man has been alone with me in a car since the divorce over 30 years ago."

"I am honored."

"You should be," she retorted with a look of mischief in her eyes.

"So, what can you tell me about the idiot who let you slip through his fingers?"

She stared at the carpeted floor collecting her thoughts.

"David came from a very wealthy old-money family. We were both 21 and got along very well. While love was a factor, the far bigger consideration was our social standing. My family is usually very good at exposing gold diggers but David's family was scandal free and very well known. So, a minimal background check was run and everything checked out."

She produced a white silk handkerchief from her purse and began twisting it.

"It wasn't until after the honeymoon we discovered his family was on the verge of bankruptcy. Their hope was we would bail them out. Our fathers talked and David's father agreed to selling a manufacturing complex in upstate New York. The money allowed his family to save face and my father acquired one impressive bargain. In the meantime, David began affairs with practically every woman in our circle within a few weeks of our return from Europe. One of his attempted conquests was my former roommate from boarding school. She contacted me and I got in touch with our family attorney, Albert Kimbrough. He made arrangements to have a recorder in her apartment. Millie called David and invited him to her place. He showed up drunk and they talked. In between the times he tried coaxing her into bed, he proudly proclaimed his love for me. And for Jane, Theresa, Rosalie, Ann, Paula, and Cynthia. Millie knew them and he declared those were women he slept with. Then he laughed because I had no idea what was going on. Millie gave him enough liquor for him to pass out. She called Mr. Kimbrough. He came over, listened to the tape, and began divorce proceedings the next day."

"Am I correct this Albert Kimbrough is related to Meredith Kimbrough?" I asked.

"Albert is her father"

"What became of David?"

"We had a prenuptial agreement with a stipulation that if he were involved in adultery, there would be no money and no expectation of alimony. The last I heard, he was married to some woman in California whose parents made a tidy fortune in software development. They wanted status and respect so marrying into an old established family seemed like a good idea. I am not sure if they are still together or not."

The poor handkerchief was in a variety of knots.

"The Wikipedia article mentioned a younger brother. Where is he?"

"Joseph? Lord knows. The last I heard he was wandering the shale oil fields of Wyoming trying to find himself. He is such a tortured soul. He wanted to be active in the family but could not stand the pressures and expectations which went with it. He had a drug problem which seemed immune to effective treatment. Looking back, our father put a lot of pressure on him to take over the reins and safeguard the family money. That is probably what drove him to drugs. I hope he is doing well."

"So are you overseeing the family money now?" I asked.

"No. To the irritation of various accountants and financial advisors, I can read a financial statement with the best of them. But because I am a female with 'those monthly issues' even though there was never any indication my periods caused me to behave differently, my father transferred power to Albert Kimbrough. He set up a group of financial advisors to oversee things as my father's health deteriorated. Now that I am menopausal the fear is 'hot flashes' and estrogen imbalances will cause me to make hasty ill-informed decision. Meredith oversees the group now and keeps me updated. I think they are convinced she is a lesbian therefore not tempted to be seduced by these men or their sons. There is also an independent auditing firm which does a semi-annual review to find any anomalies. Meridith and I review the books once a month. The financial advisors think Meredith is a financial genius when it is really a collaboration between us."

She used air quotes when saying "those monthly issues" and "hot flashes". She let me hold her hand.

"You mentioned it takes two to make a marriage and two to make a divorce. Looking back, what would you have done differently?"

"Part of that has been dealt with as any person who attempts to be my friend is given a more thorough background check than David experienced. And if it is a man, the background check is even deeper." She sighed saying, "And part of it is accepting the reality I am not what most men want."

"What do you mean?"

"My experience has been men are looking for a gravy train who is good in bed, doesn't ask questions, is so caught up in her little social universe they can do as they please, is at his beck and call for sex, and lacks a brain."

There was a pregnant pause then she hastily added, "But you are not like that. Which is why we continue dating."

"Do you stay in contact with your former roommate, Millie?"

"Yes. She is the only person in this world I trust besides Meredith."

She looked at me with a half-smile and said, "But you are getting there. I genuinely want to spend more time with you, Robert."

My surprised look alarmed her. I hastily added, "I didn't know if you had any feelings for me or saw me as novel diversion from other men in your life. Sorry for acting so startled."

"I am not known for wearing my heart on my sleeve. I probably inherited that from both parents."

"Thank you for sharing a painful part of your life. What are you favorite past times?" hoping to move toward happier subjects.

For the first time she smiled saying, "Using our money to do good in the world. Especially with children."

She stared at our clasped hands, sighed deeply, and added, "There were a couple of miscarriages while married to David. Frankly, sex with him mirrored Eleanor Roosevelt with her husband, Franklin. She told her daughter sex was an ordeal and I understand what that means. At 54, I am too old to have children. I even checked into invitro fertilization hoping to use a sperm bank. Over 90% of my eggs have abnormal chromosomes. Probably just as well."

The long silence was broken when I asked, "May I hug you, Mary?"

She eyed me cautiously for a moment then leaned toward me and I put my arms around her. I rocked her gently back and forth as her arms surrounded me. Her head was buried in my shoulder while she quietly cried.

I lost track of time. I only knew I wanted to be with this incredible woman for the rest of my life. Then Mary looked into my eyes and laid another bombshell statement.

"I could use a beer now."

"Wait. What? Did you say you could use a beer?"

Dabbing her eyes with the horribly wrinkled handkerchief, she grinned saying, "Only if it is a Yuengling. Blame Millie for corrupting me."

"Blame? I want to send Millie a thank you note."

That quip lifted the dark mood. The hug broke. She lowered the screen and asked I be dropped off a block or two away from a club in about 10 minutes. Phillip nodded and the glass closed again.

"Thank you for being so kind and caring. I.....I.....want to invite you to my home. But I need to check with my attorney."

"Thank you for being so open. I know it was hard. I am honored by your trust. Checking with Attorney Kimbrough is a good idea."

We resumed the hug until the car stopped. I exited then turned and shook her hand. She glanced at my erection and smiled. The limo drove off and I walked toward to the busy club just up the street and contacted Uber.

Ms. Kimbrough phoned me 3 days later to say Mary would like me to be a guest at her place. She gave me the address for dinner the next evening. "Take an Uber or taxi to the restaurant. When finished with dinner, you will accompany her in her car. You will have the option of spending the night. Any questions?"

"Will I need an overnight bag?"

"Everything you need is at her home."

"Then I have no questions. Thank you for the call. It makes me very happy."

"I think you are making Mary happy. Keep up the good work, please. God knows she needs to meet a nice guy for a change."

"What do you mean?"

"Good day Mr. Lawrence."

We were stilted and formal at the restaurant. Small talk did not come easy. The long silences made me uncomfortable. I wanted to discuss going to her place but didn't want to risk being overheard. Because we had little to say, dinner went by quickly. Soon, we were headed to her gated community sitting near each other but not touching.

The compound was surrounded by thick high stone walls. Phillip pushed a button on the dashboard and the heavy iron gates slid open. A guard greeted Phillip and waved us through. There seemed to be security cameras everywhere. I wondered how many other cameras were operating in concealed locations.

We arrived at her little mansion entering through the front door. One of the staff greeted us and led the way to a well-furnished parlor. The room was large with high ceilings, overstuffed furniture, and enormous paintings on the walls between cathedral windows.

We sat on the couch at the same distance as though we were in the limousine.

"This is a beautiful home," I exclaimed. "I thought you would live at a sprawling family estate."

"The family estate is nice but there are people going in and out day and night. There is little privacy. Here, I can relax and let my guard down a bit."

"Would you like something to drink?" asked the staff person. He wore a black 3-piece suit, black socks and shoes. The white button-down collared shirt with solid dark blue bow-tie looked like something from an old movie.

"Two Yuenglings, please, Joseph."

As Joseph left for the drinks I asked, "You're not trying to get me liquored up and take advantage of me, are you?"

She laughed saying, "I had not thought about it. But it sounds like a good plan."

The drinks arrived in their cans, pull tops opened, sitting on a silver tray. Mary dismissed Joseph for the evening.

"Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would be with a beautiful woman drinking a can of Yuengling beer from a silver tray," I declared.

"And never did I imagine such a handsome man would be in my parlor enjoying a beer," she replied.

We smiled awkwardly at each other then finished the drink.

"May I resume the last hug we shared?"

She concentrated at the clasped hands in her lap. Then slowly stood and sat next to me hip against hip. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Then her head was on my shoulder. I gingerly wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

"This is nice," I whispered after a few moments of silence.

"l am glad. I like leaning on you, Robert."

A few more moments of quiet and I felt her body relax slightly.

"Robert, please understand, seeing your erection is very flattering. I would love to make you a very happy man. For now, cuddling like this is as far as I am comfortable with going."

"I think I understand. Would you like to talk?"

"Yes I would," she said grasping my hand on her shoulder.

I inhaled deeply then asked, "What did you mean about sex being an ordeal?"

Her hand loosened for a couple of seconds, then tightened.

"I was a virgin on my wedding night with David. He knew that. He also knew I understood little about the mechanics of sex. The only advice my Mother gave was to take the birth control religiously until ready to start a family, keep myself ready for sex day or night unless it was my period, and tell him what a great lover he was. I asked her why should I be ready for sex any time and tell him he's a great lover. She replied that I could get anything I wanted that way. As though such a view was painfully obvious."

"With all due respect, your mother was a fool."

She chuckled.

"I am not sure why this confession is happening but may I continue?"

"Of course."

"I emerged from the bathroom in a long sheer white negligee and white panties. David lay on the bed naked with an almost obscene erection. As I was about to join him he told me to lose the clothes. I did and crawled onto the bed. As I lay next to him, he pushed me on my back then roughly squeezed and rubbed my breasts. I remember making a whimpering noise because my expectation was for a kind and gentle touch. Then he sucked hard on my nipples. A finger entered my vagina. He muttered something about the pump being primed. He spread my legs and his penis was in me before I knew what was happening. I remember the pain as the hymen tore. I heard rutting noises as he went back and forth. After a few thrusts he moaned and grunted while I felt something was being deposited in my vagina. He withdrew and lay on his back. I looked at him and said that was terrific."

"His loving reply was, 'Damn right.'"

"I wondered if our wedding night was over while thinking 'Is that all there is?' when he repeated the assault. I said again he was terrific and he agreed. After the third attack, I affirmed his prowess while he rolled over and fell asleep. Hearing him breathe heavily, I lay on my side and cried myself to sleep. That night was the unchanging blue print for every night we had sex. His affairs were a relief."

Her grip kept increasing as the story unfolded. My hand was hurting when she finished.

"Sex should never be an ordeal. I'm saddened you were treated so badly by the bastard."

"Thank you, Robert. I appreciate that."

She yawned and relaxed her hand.

"I guess confession is good for the soul. I don't remember when I have felt so relaxed. And safe."

"I'm glad, Mary."

"Please indulge me. There is a bathroom by the front door if you need it. I am going upstairs to my bathroom then will return with a blanket. I want to snuggle with you tonight here on the couch if you do not mind."

"That's fine," I said softly.

She looked up at me. Her face registered surprise. She sat up and tenderly kissed me. As I prepared to hold her close and return the kiss, she stood and gracefully went up the stairs. I found the downstairs restroom and wondered if she was serious about cuddling all night. I also wondered what I was expected to wear or not wear when she returned. I decided it was better to be fully clothed.

She returned as I sat down on the couch. She had removed her shoes. Otherwise, she fully clothed as though ready for a late night fund raiser if one should materialize. Mary sat next to me, unfurled the blanket and covered us as she lay against my shoulder.

"Mary, how come you looked surprised when I agreed all we would do is cuddle tonight?"

"I have only had three other men in my home. Each were offended that all I wanted to do was cuddle and they left when they realized I was serious. Robert, please know there is a side of me which wants very much to rip off your clothes and make passionate love. But that side is outweighed by still needing to be certain about us. And a fear you will find my naked body a turn off."

"It's flattering you are at least willing to imagine passionate love with me. I can't imagine your body being anything but thoroughly captivating. You are definitely worth the wait."

I decided not to remind her of last November. Here it was mid-March and the best I could do was cuddle. But I knew I was falling deeper in love with her so waiting was not a problem. Our eyes made contact. She seemed torn on what to do next. Another gentle kiss and then her head lay back down. We yawned within seconds of each other then drifted off to sleep.