Traveler

"Me too," he mumbled.

She was disappointed with his reply, but then what did she expect; that he'd welcome her with open arms? She knew better, or at least she should have.

"Dawn, how did you know I was here?" He had to see if his mother was lying to him again. He was so ready to simply wash his hands of her and everyone else in Chicago.

"Shannon," she answered.

"Shannon! Ah yes, your best friend. The bitch I was supposed to have raped. How the hell did she know?"

"I assume she works here. She was studying for her nurse's certificate, remember? She wanted to go on and get her BSN. She texted me just a little while ago, saying she saw you getting into the elevator. She stopped by the desk where you got your visitor's pass and asked what room you were going to."

He stayed silent.

"And she's not my best friend, not any more. When I found out that she lied to me I told her I never wanted to see or talk to her again."

"Obviously, that didn't last," he remarked.

"Yes it did—but she was the one who found you. She saw that video of you saving the dog and recognized you. She texted it to me but when it came, the display said the sender was unknown. I probably wouldn't have opened it if I knew it was from her. It was the first time we'd communicated at all in three years."

This was a different story than the one he had concocted in his head. "Are you sure all the rape crap wasn't something you and her dreamt up just to get rid of me?"

Oh God, she wondered if that's what he had been thinking all this time. The thought was painful and she almost moaned out her answer. "No, no, no, Al. Why would I ever want to get rid of you? God, you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

He finally looked over at her. There were tears streaking her cheeks and a distraught expression on her beautiful face. Now that the shock of seeing him was wearing off, she was getting her wits about her again. "Al, I...I don't want to take you away from your dad, but is there any way you could spare me a few minutes before you go back?"

"No time like the present," he said as he abruptly stood. He was still floored from learning he was the bastard son of someone he'd never even met. He had to get out of there. "We can go down to the cafeteria. You're buying."

He was already out the door before a shocked Dawn hurried to catch up with him. Neither said a word until they got their coffees and took a seat by a window.

"I...I appreciate you giving me some time. I know you must be worried about your dad so I'll keep it brief."

Al didn't even acknowledge what she said. He just sat there staring into his coffee like it was a black hole devouring his thoughts. Dawn assumed his attitude was aimed at her. "Look, Al, I just wanted you to know, what you said in there...about me trying to get rid of you...that..."

"Huh," he suddenly brought his head up and looked at her. "I'm sorry, what'd you say?"

"Al, are you alright? I know you're mad at me and I don't blame you at all, but-well, you're acting kind of strange."

"Yeah, well... You know why my dad's treated me like shit all my life?" He didn't wait for her to respond. "Because he's not really my dad. A year after he and my mother were married, she had an affair with an old boyfriend who knocked her up." He saw Dawn's eyes widen with surprise. "Yeah, can you imagine that? That man in the bed up there has been treating me like crap all this time to punish her," he said while shaking his head. "God, talk about a screwed up, dysfunctional family. You've got to go some to beat mine," he sneered.

Seeing him in so much pain again only refreshed in her mind the pain she caused him years earlier. She couldn't do anything about his parents but she'd give anything to be able to right the wrong she did him.

"Al...I...I don't know what to say. That's horrible."

"Looking back, maybe I should have guessed it was something like that. I always tried to be the best kid I could be yet nothing was ever good enough for him. He never hit me but the verbal abuse was unrelenting." He looked at his ex-girlfriend sitting across the table, with sad eyes. "That's why your accusation hit me so hard. For once in my life I thought I had found someone who had faith in me—who actually knew me for the person I was. Ha," he chuckled, "silly me."

His words cut like a knife. She tried holding back the water works. "Al, she had been my best friend since we were kids. She knew how much I loved you and I couldn't imagine her purposely wanting to hurt me like that. It didn't make sense," she said.

"So what happened anyway? Did she confess? How'd you find out she was lying?"

"Your boss at the bar, he told me you were working that night. When I found that out I confronted Shannon and she admitted the whole thing."

"Did she tell you why? What did I ever do to her?"

"Nothing, Al. You never did anything to her. It was all Terry Belshaw's idea. As fast as you left our apartment that day, he was right there to take me out to dinner. Shannon told me he was in love with me and paid her to break us up. He told her he could give me all the things you never could. She said she thought she was doing me a favor."

Al had to laugh. "So did you marry him then; live in a big mansion with servants catering to your every need?"

It was the first time she'd ever seen any meanness in Al. His question was hurtful and insulting and he knew it. "No, Al, I didn't marry Terry. The last time I saw him or Shannon was at graduation."

What a day it'd been. First he learns about his dad and mom and then finds out that his friend was in love with his girl and conspired against him in college. Evidently there wasn't a soul in the world he could trust...except for Jack.

"Well," he responded apathetically, "it doesn't make any difference now, does it. It's all over and done with."

Dawn was trying in vain to control the tears as a couple broke free and trickled down her face. She wiped them away. "Don't...don't you have any feelings left for me at all?"

He stared at her for a few seconds. "Yeah, anger—anger and hurt, sometimes even rage. You were my one hope for some happiness. I had dreams of you and me living out our lives together, dedicated to each other, raising kids, spoiling our grand kids, the whole nine yards, and you yanked it right out from under me. I don't give a damn what Shannon told you. You should have known I could never do anything so monstrous."

A moment later he abruptly stood up. "I've got to get going."

"How long will you be in town?" she pleaded.

"I was planning to stay two or three days but I don't see any reason to stick around now. If I can change my flight, I'll leave tomorrow," he replied. "Thanks for the coffee."

That night there were so many things whirling around in his head, Al found sleep to be unattainable. After leaving Dawn he left the hospital without going back up to the room. He was pretty sure he was going back to Stonington the next day but he wasn't sure if he wanted to stop by the hospital before he left. He had a strong urge just to get on a plane and never look back.

There was one problem with that. Al knew he'd regret it. Even after three years of living with the anger and bitterness, deep down he was still a nice guy, he really didn't want to add regret to the mixed emotions he already felt. On top of that, seeing Dawn again stirred feeling he thought he'd lost. What he wanted to do and what he could live with doing, were two different things.

Ralph's confession was actually cathartic in a way. At least it answered the question, why; why wasn't he ever good enough, why could he never do anything right in the eyes of his dad? He now realized he had nothing to do with his dad's attitude.

And as for his mother, hell, if it wasn't for her cheating he wouldn't even be there. As disgusting and repulsive as he found the act, he couldn't argue with the end result. The sun was coming up by the time he'd made some decisions.

The next day he called the airlines from his motel room but he couldn't get a flight back home until later that night. He took a nice long, hot shower before going out for breakfast. He was no hurry. He had a lot of time to kill. It was almost noon by the time he got to the hospital. His folks were surprised to see him.

"We...we didn't think we'd ever see you again," his mother whimpered.

"Yeah, well..." he took a deep breath. "I hadn't planned on coming back but last night I realized that if I go through life hating, that makes me like you," he said, looking at the frail man in the bed. "And I don't want to be like you."

Ralph had taken a turn for the worse during the night and could barely talk. His brain was still functioning though. He could still understand. Al could see it in his eyes; eyes that, for the first time that Al could remember, had tears leaking from them.

"I forgive you, both of you," he said, looking from one to the other.

His mother broke out in sobs as Ralph closed his eyes and weakly nodded his head in gratitude. Al tried comforting his mother for a little while before saying his goodbyes. He was waiting at the elevators when he saw a bunch of nurses rush into the room. He hurried down the hall and stood in the doorway as he watched while the medical team worked in vain trying to revive the only man he ever knew as his father.

In spite of the torture and pain she suffered at the hands of Ralph's cruelty, Al could see the anguish in the face of his grief-stricken mother. He put his arm around her and led her out of the room.

So much for leaving tonight, he thought. Regardless of what she did, she was his mother and there was no way he could leave her until he knew she was settled and would be alright. Later that night he called Coral and explained the situation. He asked her to tell her dad he wouldn't be back for several days. She told him her dad would understand and he should stay as long as he felt the need. With that off his shoulders, he called the airlines and cancelled his reservation.

Over the next couple days he helped his mother buy two cemetery plots and make arrangements with one of the funeral homes. As visiting hours started, Al was surprised to see the man actually had friends. When Dawn walked in they were both surprised to see each other. After hugging and giving them both her condolences, she waited for a moment when Al was alone.

"I'm surprised to see you here. You were pretty angry when I saw you last and you said you were going home."

"Yeah, well, I had my ticket, but when I saw mom after he died I knew I had to stick around for a few days—long enough to get her settled in."

"Do...ah," she looked down, knowing he was going to reject her, "do you think we could go out to dinner some night?"

"Why?"

A little aggravated at his dismissive tone, hers had an edge to it. "Because not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of you, wondered if you were okay and cried over what I did to you. In spite of being asked out numerous times, I've not had a single date since then. I couldn't without knowing what happened to you, and because I still love you and pray that somehow you can forgive me."

Her short but fiery diatribe was impassioned and took him a little by surprise. As hard as he fought against it, he couldn't help a slight smile in reaction to what she had said. "You're joking, right? No dates in three years? No way."

"No, I'm not joking. There's a teacher at school—we eat lunch together but every time he's asked me out I've turn him down. It...it would've been like cheating on you. I just couldn't do it, Al, at least not until I knew you were okay."

"Let me think about it," he said. "Maybe after the funeral."

She found a card in the lobby and wrote down her number. She gave it to Al with a last ditch plea then gave his mother her sympathies one last time before leaving.

After three days, Dawn had just about given up when her phone rang. He picked a burger joint they used to go to when they were still in high school.

"Last of the big time spenders," she joked as she sat down in the booth. He told her he picked it because the place was full of good memories. She had to agree. It was actually the site of their very first kiss.

"How's your mother doing?"

"About as good as can be expected, I guess. How the hell she can grieve like that for someone who tortured her for so long is beyond me," he said with a little anger in his voice.

"I guess love does funny things to people," replied Dawn.

"Huh," he chuckled derisively. "Yeah."

As soon as the waitress left after taking their order, Al had a question. Since the funeral he'd been hung up on something she said.

"Were you BS-ing me when you said you haven't had a single date in all this time?"

It seemed like as good a time as any to counter with the question she'd been afraid to ask. "No, it's the truth. What about you, Al, ar...are you married?"

"No, I'm not married, or engaged, or anything like that. Honestly, I do have a friend with benefits relationship. She's older than I am. She's..."

"Coral?" she asked.

He was shocked at first, but then he remembered they had talked over the phone. He confirmed her guess with a nod.

"She sounds like a nice person," Dawn commented with a touch of sadness. "Are you in love with her?"

"I'm fond of her, very fond actually, but no, I'm not in love with her. Not like I was with you," he admitted.

"Is...is there any of that love left, Al?"

He wondered the same thing. "I don't know, Dawn. You broke my heart. Even with all the crap from my folks, I don't think I've ever been hurt so badly. Besides, I have a new life, now. I have a job, friends, a place to live..."

"Where are you working?"

"I work on a fishing trawler with Coral's dad. He's quite a guy."

"You mean like a fishing boat?"

"Yeah, exactly."

It hadn't registered before then but she did remember someone telling her he worked as a commercial fisherman. "What about your art? Al, you're a graphic artist. It's what you've wanted to do since you were a kid. You were only a few months away from your bachelor's degree."

"I left everything behind me, Dawn."

"Oh, Al," she moaned with moist eyes. "Please don't turn your back on everything you worked for—everything you love."

"Dawn, are you sure you still have feelings for me or are you just feeling guilty, or maybe feeling sorry for me?"

"No, that's not it. Al, I've loved you since the first time we met. Yes, I know—I let you down-I let that lying bitch put doubts in my head but I never stopped loving you, never."

"You could have fooled me," he remarked. "I believe your exact words were, 'I think under the circumstances we should stop seeing each other.'"

She wasn't surprised that he remembered what she said, word for word, she also remembered. "And as painful as it was to say that, I can't even image how painful it was to hear," she sadly replied. "Sometimes we hurt the ones we love, Al. That doesn't mean we stopped loving them."

They dropped the conversation there because their food came; a big juicy burger, greasy fries, and a malt-it was almost like old times.

"Jesus," she said with a smile. "I haven't eaten here in years. To tell you the truth I was a little disappointed when you said to meet here. I was hoping for a place a little more romantic, but you're right, this place holds a lot of great memories."

He just looked up and smiled. His mind was preoccupied with some of the other things she'd said. Maybe he'd do a little fishing of a different sort. "So tell me, now that you know I'm okay, is that teacher going to get lucky?"

She seemed to be thinking about her answer as she poked a fork at her fries. "Probably not," she finally responded.

"Why not? Not your type?"

"No, it's not that. I...ah..." she let out a small sigh. "I guess I just haven't forgiven myself yet."

"It's been three years, Dawn. Let it go."

She laid her fork down and looked up at him with salty droplets of regret. "How am I supposed to let it go, Al? We should be married by now. We should have a child with another on the way. We should be saving for a house and building a future together. I ruined all that. How do I let that go?"

She scooted out from the booth. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after-all," she said. She stepped over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so sorry, Al. I do love you and always will."

The neon sign in the window partially blocked his view but he watched as she got in her car, wiped the tears from her eyes, then drove off. He sat there for a minute, wondering if that would be his last memory of her. He looked down at his plate and decided he was no longer hungry either.

He spent two more days in town to make sure his mother would be okay. To his surprise, Ralph had a life insurance policy that would allow her to stay in the home and not have any financial worries as long as she didn't go on any crazy spending sprees.

He was standing by the front door with his suitcase in hand. His mom gave him the biggest hug he could ever remember. "We've all let you down, haven't we, son; every one of us. I don't blame you for wanting to leave and start a new life somewhere else but please don't forget about us, honey. Let me know how you're doing from time to time, please."

"I will, mom," he replied, putting the suitcase down and returning her hug. With that, he was out the door. He had forty-five minutes to sit around O'Hare before his flight boarded—forty-five minutes to go over the last ten days in his head. It was a lot to think about, not to mention the stirred up emotions he was feeling. For a second he hesitated when they called his flight number.

He watched out the window as the ground quickly fell away and the industrial complex of Elk Grove disappeared into the distance. Only the drone of the jet engines remained to accompany his thoughts.

***

"So did you see him?"

The sound of her former friend's voice was like fingernails scraping across a chalkboard. "Yes, I saw him."

"I knew it was him as soon as I saw him in the hall. So—are you two getting back together?"

"Shannon, what's makes you think something like that is even possible? He has a completely different life where's he's living. He's no longer interested in me nor is he ever coming back to Chicago."

Shannon was truly sorry to hear that. When she saw him in the hospital she had fantasies of the three of them becoming friends again. She missed the good times she and Dawn shared together for all those years. When she looked back at what she'd done she couldn't believe she had been so immature as to think she was doing her friend a favor. She was afraid to be honest with herself. If she was she'd have to admit to the jealousy she felt over her friend being so in love. She'd have to admit that it played a part in her decision to go along with Belshaw's plan. Shannon was having a tough time with the realization of what she'd done and her true motives for doing it. If there was some way she could rekindle the friendship maybe she could somehow make up for it, but that didn't seem likely. She knew the answer before asking the question but she still had to ask. "You, ah think we could have coffee together sometime?"

"I don't think so," Dawn flatly replied. "I don't think I could face you without trying to strangle you, Shannon. Not that I wasn't stupid for allowing it to happen, but you ruined my life. I doubt I'll ever find again, what I lost with Al." Just hearing herself say the words was almost unbearable. "Please don't call anymore," she wept before hanging up.

Shannon never felt worse than she did at that moment. Somehow, with all the mystery surrounding Al's disappearance, she always had hope that he would come back and things would still work out somehow. Now it appeared those hopes were dashed forever.