Travels with My Aunt

Travels with My Aunt, by Graham Greene, a review by Steven Perkins, English 131, The Modern Novel

Travels with My Aunt (1969) by English author Graham Greene is about a dahlia-tending retired bank manager named Henry Pulling whose eccentric Aunt Augusta leads him from his staid ways into a world of adventure, criminality and sexuality.

Aunt and nephew board the Orient Express bound for Istanbul -- Greene's second trip on that line, Stambul Train (1932), two years predating Agatha Christie's best-seller Murder on the Orient Express (1934) -- and

I'm sorry, Prof. Rennick, but I can't do this, write a paper about an old virgin guy with his even-older aunt.

I like your class and everything, but in traveling with my own aunt, something happened that shouldn't have. That's where my head is regarding travels with an aunt.

Sorry. Prof. Rennick. Maybe I should drop the class.

Steven Perkins

***

Steven:

By no means drop. You're a promising student. While I don't normally tailor individual assignments, I'll make an exception. Write about what happened. I'm looking forward to your writing.

Holly Rennick, Asst. Prof., English

****

Prof. Rennick,

Here's as much as I've written. Sorry it isn't very good

Steven

Travels with my Aunt, by Steven Perkins

Aunt Hannah, my favorite aunt, taught history in Vermont, but to get away from old New England, she worked summers as an interpretative ranger at Dinosaur National Monument in Utah, where things are actually much older than New England. She'd stop at our place in Colorado, coming and going.

The thing about her was that she liked to joke around. We'd be walking around and she'd just grab my arm like we were going into the Academy Awards, and on we'd go. If we were at some family thing where you were supposed to kiss your aunt, she'd sometimes sip her tongue into my mouth for a second. Nobody would know except maybe my mom, but being sisters, they were always trying to get one up on the other. If we were wrestling around, she'd not care what I'd try to pull off, but she'd maybe goose me to get even.

It was the summer after I graduated that she offered to haul me to college. Wouldn't charge me gas, as she'd have to buy it anyway. I'd help with the driving. When we got tired, we could just pull into a rest stop and catch a few winks. It's not how my folks would have done it, but then again. Aunt Hannah wasn't into Super 8s where Dad gets points.

So off we went, her ranger outfits and my college things in the back.

Made it to Illinois the first day, good enough mileage that my aunt thought we deserved better than a truck stop where a serial killer might be lurking. Let's find an older motel off the freeway. Been there since the 50s, some of them.

And so there we were at the Tom Tom Motor Inn, though the Indian tie seemed to be that of immigration. The whole family runs a motel and then the kids study medicine or computer science. Whatever my aunt said to the girl behind the desk -- she was reading what looked to be a text on neuro-something -- the girl looked my way, smiled, and produced a different key.

I was surprised that our room had just one bed, but my aunt pointed out that this made room for the Magic Fingers chair, which we discovered worked for two squeezed together.

My offer to sleep on the floor she thought ridiculous -- we were related, after all -- and should she roll onto my side, give her an elbow.

Like I'd want her to wake up? If she did, though, being Aunt Hannah, she'd probably tell me to not be such a rascal and go right back to sleep and I could get back to feeling her up. Nephews can get away with it.

I went into the bathroom to put on my pajamas, and when I came out, she was already in hers, ones that maybe rangers go for, having cartoon bear cubs on them. I hoped her grin meant that she thought I appreciated the critters.

When I said what a fun day we'd had, "You're so sweet, Steven. Let's hit the sack."

"OK, Ranger."

"And our goodnight kiss?" pecking me one on my cheek, a follow-up on my mouth. "The college way."

A minute or two later, she sat up and pulled off her top, explaining, "A cute boy like you will probably see lots of these in college."

That's as far as I got, Prof. Rennick. Maybe I should write about something else.

Steven Perkins

***

Steven:

Great start. Your story lingered after I hit the sack, what good writing can do -- make the reader feel like she's part of the story.

What you have at this point is a tale of embarkation that now requires an arrival, something perhaps I can help you with, as my job is to encourage budding authors.

Two things you might be interested to know about Greene::

1) Greene's parents were themselves first cousins.

2) Greene's Journey Without Maps (1936) chronicles a sojourn with his cousin Barbara, but how they spent their unchronicled time remains a subject of speculation.

I mention these to point out that you may have something in common with Greene regarding subject matter. It's smart to pattern yourself in such footsteps.

I suggest we meet off-campus to pursue your piece. As my days are booked, an evening would be best, and as reminiscences benefit by recreating the setting, I suggest the Pilgrims Motel in Worcester. You'll like their scale model of the Mayflower. The couples took turns sleeping in the Mate's cabin, something I might make use of if I write a Pilgrim novel.

We can work late and drive back in the morning.

Please don't mention our collaboration to others, however, as I prefer students to respect my office hours. Let me know where to pick you up, but let's say not in front of your dorm.

Holly Rennick, Asst. Prof., English

***

"So here we are, Steven. We want to replicate your story's setting as best we can. This place look anything like the Tom Tom?"

"It has one bed and a wooden dresser."

"They used to have a Magic Fingers, but it broke."

"The lady at the desk seemed to know you."

"Naah."

"She called you, 'Professor."

"My demeanor, probably. So your aunt comes out of the bathroom. I'll play her role. Look the other way while I get my bra off. There we go. Do I look like her, more or less, other than I'm not in PJs?"

"She's taller and..."

"I mean my front. Writers need to be observant. Now let's get in the bed. Good. Now a goodnight kiss. Lovely. You were going to feel her up on the sly, I believe. Where'd you learn?

"My mom when we're watching old movies on the TV. When she dozes off. I do it under the afghan."

"Where's your dad?"

"He's more of 'Early to bed, early to rise' type."

"She got her bra on?"

"Not if she's in her nightie, but I thought I was writing about Aunt Hannah."

"They're sisters. Genetically about the same. Synonymic characters. What you're doing with one, you're doing with the other."

"What's that word?"

"Synonymic. Your reader -- that's me -- identifies with them and becomes another character in the greater story. Triune. So we're watching Gladiator and I just fell asleep. Go ahead."

"So you're Mom?"

"Same difference. So back to the Tom Tom. Then you had sex with your aunt, I take it."

"Not exactly."

"You slept with the Indian girl at the front desk?"

"No way!"

"Good, because I'd dock your grade for the mysterious female cliche. An aunt makes a better story."

"I guess."

"So what color of panties did she have on?"

"Black.":

"Your mom have that color?"

"She has lots of colors."

"Be right back. Got that kind in my overnight. Want me to change in the bathroom?"

"You probably should."

"Good idea. Develop suspense. Be right back."

"So let's get like you and your aunt started out to recreate your story better. Excellent. You talked about the day's drive for starts, right?"

"Yeah, about the cornfields."

"And then she said her shoulders were tired and would you give them a little massage?"

"How'd you know that?"

"It's usually the shoulders, where you have him start. She was sitting or lying down?"

: "She was in my lap"

"Like this? Go ahead and show me how you did it."

"Maybe about like this."

"After a while, though, you went further around, I'm guessing."

"Maybe."

"Her breasts were like your mom's?"

"Kind of."

"Like I was saying, a synonymic character. My nipples about like theirs?"

"Pretty much."

"Then she did something special to you, correct?"

"I tried not to actually say it."

"Good. Let the reader figure it out. Do it much, yourself?"

"Do what?"

"Masturbate."

"It's not what my story's about."

"How about a side assignment for both of us? Extra credit. We'll write about it and critique what each other comes up with, author to author."

"How many words?"

"The more the better."

"So you're going to, uhh, do what Aunt Hannah did?"

"Like to, but then we couldn't finish the story. Have her say that she shouldn't go all the way, what aunts always say.

"But that didn't happen."

"Fact as fiction, fiction as fact. I don't teach journalism. You think that Indian girl at the Tom Tom didn't guess that's why you got the room? Sandra up at the desk, same thing. Fact to them. You need to take off your pants."

"Prof Rennick, I don't think..."

"There we go. Put mine there by my glasses. Seen many women naked?"

"Maybe Mom through the shower door when Dad's doing National Guard. Communications. She says not to come into the bathroom until it gets steamy."

"I love anticipation. But back to your Aunt Hannah. That's who I am, your aunt. Get on top of me. I mean her. That's right. More up on your elbows."

"I shouldn't let it touch you, though."

"It?"

"My cock."

"I masturbated you at the Tom Tom, right?"

"That was my aunt."

"This story's triune, remember. Just a thought. Mention when you started getting hard, just don't use 'iron rod,' that sort of metaphor. Women readers love titillation."

"At the Tom Tom, or here?"

"That's why we came to this place -- to match the ambiance. Back to your story. Done it before?"

"Done what?"

"You know, what you wanted to do with your aunt."

"Not really. Some of my buddies did it with Claire, but I never got the chance."

"Just as well. It should be with someone you have a relationship with?"

"Like my aunt?"

"That's who I am. Give me your hand. Feel that? Think of it as hers. Move your finger a little. Exactly. You can tell she's ready, right?"

"Ready for what?"

"Never mind. I didn't drive you halfway across the country without this in mind, right? Maybe add something about you thinking about us doing it in one of those cornfields. No. Better in a hayloft."

"Actually, Prof. Rennick, it's you who got me thinking about it."

"That's my job, to get you thinking. You're a promising writer, just need to learn some tradecraft for certain situations. Time to work on the climax."

"Like you talked about in class?"

"That, too. So let's go back to your mom. She's been wanting it, herself."

"My mom?"

"'There's this Greek myth you can read, but you need to be modern. Tell her her dress is really pretty. Help her in the kitchen and get close. She won't mind a bit. Put your hand around her neck when you kiss goodnight. When she presses herself against you means you can feel her up a little. You can feel her up a little with your other hand. She'll be in her pajamas so she won't be wearing a bra. Bring her a special soap when she's in the shower."

"I saw some at Target."

"Sisters want the same thing. So let's work on a passage where she's the one. You're on the sofa and you've gotten her pajamas off under the afghan. So what do you do?"

"I don't think even if I got her that soap she'd..."

"You'd be surprised. Let's give it a try. I'm her. You'd get on me like we are now. I'd say don't, but you'd tell me I'm very special. I'd say your dad can't find out and you'd promise to keep quiet about it. So let's work out how it goes. These paragraphs will get thumbed through lots of times. Could be what catches a producer's eye, even."

"So who am I with?"

"Like I said, triune. I'll show you what to do. See, it fits perfectly. No problem. And now out and back in. That's the ticket, only maybe a little slower. Just because it's a short story doesn't mean it has to be fast. Whoops! Hold on, We'll get you back in. There we go."

"Thanks, Prof.Rennick."

"I'm your aunt, remember? Could be your mom. Harvard found in this survey that mothers and sons often first do it while watching TV. Offer her a backrub and say her bra strap's in the way and let the rest happen under the afghan. She'll help you."

"In case Dad looks in to say goodnight, right?"

"Exactly. Maybe pick a movie with lots of background sounds. Your story about your mom can be another chapter. You're doing great. Stevan. She'll love it."

"I don't want to make a baby."

"No worry. I came protected, as pregnancy from a student might cost me tenure. With your aunt, though, there's probably a Walgreens around. With your mom, your dad will think it's his. Maybe a little slower."

"We're just doing this for my story, right? It won't really count because Aunt Hannah's going to want me to be a virgin."

"What we're doing is just academic."

"What if my mom finds out about my aunt?"

"She knew that when her sister drove you to college. There's probably another story about whatever deal they made, but let's finish this one first. We're getting there, buddy!"

"Yeah. They're sisters."

"Do they have a younger brother?"

"Uncle Walt, you mean?"

"Probably related to their deal. Which one did I say I am?"

"I forget."

"Doesn't matter. Just keep doing what you're doing!"

"I think I'm going to come, Mom, but my professor says it's OK inside you because Dad will think it's his."

"Right. Watch my eyes so you can describe how we finish. Hang on!"

"Wow!"

"There's going to be two very pleased sisters."

"Thanks for teaching me."

"A ubiquitous synchronic climax -- mentor, writer and characters! Might win a new-author award.'

"A ubiqui...?

"Never mind. Parents' Weekend's coming up, but students whose folks are too far away can invite another relative."

"Gotcha."

"Ask Sandra for a student discount and don't book the room with stocks. It's for another type of guest."

"Sorry if I..."

"Don't worry about it. Sandra changes the sheets, need it or not. When I write this up, I'll maybe do it as a readers' theater, but it will be tough, me playing so many roles."

"Tri... what?"

"Triune."

***

Steven:

I'm pleased that you stopped by to share your progress on the writing assignment. I especially liked the futuristic postscript about your mother. Longing can be so difficult to put in words.

I'm looking forward to our continued author-to-author relationship,

Holly Rennick, Asst. Prof., English

****

Dear Aunt Hannah,

School's going great. Parents' Weekend is next month, but as my folks are so far away, it can be aunt's weekend, and you'll meet my English prof. She's terrific, reminds me of you. She's helping me work on a story based on a work by Graham Greene and says I have talent.

As for where to stay, there's a great 1950s sort of place -- the Pilgrims -- up in Worcester. We could have dinner at Chowder Corner and there's a Walgreens nearby. There's a restored flax mill we could tour. Or maybe we could skip the mill and just catch up.

love, Steven

***

Dear Steven,

Thank you for such a fun Aunt's Weekend. I loved that place you found for me, the bonnets on the walls, and all. Your professor was so friendly. She wanted to know all about me. She even took notes.

I'd never have imagined I'd get such a very special aunt's surprise, one that only a very special nephew could achieve. As the Pilgrims probably weren't always totally Puritan, it's not like we were out of period. Good you knew about that drugstore. Sorry we weren't able to get to the old mill.

I'd be delighted to drive you around on other weekends, the region having lots of historic lodgings. Such places often have short-term rates.

Or we could go to Pilgrims again. The lady at the desk said they have a special room with period apparatus that's entirely safe.

love, Aunt Hannah

***

Steven:

Your story surpasses what I'd expect from a novice author.

You might be interested in my English 131, Prose to Film. Should your aunt not wish her performance filmed, I could take notes and later play her part. Working title: "The Scarlet Letter, the Prequel," about Hester and her brother.

As artistic works are submitted anonymously for jury review, we'll use pseudonyms in the credits. Mine is "Phyllis Dilda." PhD, get it? Yours could be Stu Dent. Your aunt's could be her name spelled backward.

I've booked us at the Pilgrims for this weekend for a rehearsal. I have a video camera and tripod. Sandra will handle the handheld.

Holly Rennick, Asst. Prof., English

***

Dear Mom,

You ask about my schoolwork. My English professor's having me read a story about a Greek king named Oedipus. If there's a video, let's watch it sometime. I'm taking a massage class for PE and can show you what I've picked up

Aunt Hannah's been driving me around on weekends, checking out historic places.

love, Steven

***

Dear Steven,

I read that very story when I was in college. Rather gruesome in places, as I recall, but that's balanced by its climax. Our library has the video. I'm crocheting a new afghan.

Hannah's such a dear to drive you places. I loved your postcard from Sleepy Hollow Motor Resort. Remember to thank her.

Dad says hi. He's rebuilding his hydraulic lift.

love, Mom

***

Dear Mom,

I'm looking forward to vacation. As much as I like the girls here, being away makes me realize how pretty you are. I can help you in the kitchen. I found some herbal soap I think you'll like.

My professor's assigned me a summer writing project for possible publication by Harvard, so I'll be earning credit while I'm home, but I'll have lots of time to watch movies with you. My professor's going to give me some videos to critique, but says I can ask you to help check physical plausibility.

love, Steven

***

Dear Steven,

What fun it will be to have you around! Dad will be doing his Guard deployment thing, but it's important they be there to protect us.

Sorry if my quilting may still be on your bed and the guest bedroom re-flooring won't get finished till Dad gets back. It will be a bit crowded until Hannah heads on to be Little Miss Ranger, but she and I slept together as girls and can shoehorn you between us.

love, Mom

P.S. You really needn't have mentioned about me being pretty, but I think of it when I drift off to sleep. That plus watching movies. Just a sentimental old mom, I am.

***

Dear Mom,

No way you're an old mom. If you weren't my mother, I'd want to date you when Dad's away, but I can't say that without sounding like I'm hoping for a peer-type relationship.

I forgot to mention that my professor's going to direct a reality family movie and wants to film us while Aunt Hannah's there. Her camera's good in low light. She'd like Aunt Hannah to wear her bear pajamas for the first scene to show she's a ranger, but you can be in your nightie. I said fine.

love, Steven