Triumph

"You got him in the end, at least. I never had that chance."

We listened to the crack and hiss of the fire as it took hold. Behind us, a crow cawed once, twice in the twilight. I knew he was watching me, and I tried not to return the glance.

"Stars are coming out," he said, after a while.

"I used to love sitting out here and watching them."

"Used to?"

"It's been a while since I've done... many things." I took a gulp of vodka. "Sometimes I feel like I'm a ghost, counting down the days till the end of things."

"You're too warm to be a ghost. There's some life in you yet."

"Mm." I raised a bony arm, letting my hand dangle. "Not much."

"True, you do need to be force fed some ice cream."

"And you don't?"

"I'll have you know that it's a firm part of my diet."

"How do you manage to look as good as you do, then?"

I suddenly realised what I'd said. "Sorry. Mouth was on autopilot."

I could feel the embarrassment creeping up over my scalp; I knew I was blushing guiltily.

"I'll take that in the spirit it was intended," he grinned. "I climb a bit with Ross, obviously. And I run. And I don't eat all that much, really. So I've always been skinny."

"Buff."

"Skinny with mooscles," he drawled. We laughed softly together.

"You, on the other hand," he continued, "look like you're just not eating much."

I shrugged. "Food hasn't had much savour for me recently. I eat when I'm hungry. Mostly I just drink," I added, to see his reaction.

"Not the healthiest diet, but excusable sometimes. I did it a lot at first when Ross got taken away."

"And then?"

"I woke up in hospital after ragging the tits off of a 600cc superbike on the M1, drunk out of my mind. It... let's just say I had a religious conversion at that point and realised I was circling the drain. So I cleaned up, registered for medical school as a mature student, decided I hated it, and started my own company."

"And now look at you. Stuck here talking to me."

"Exactly. No place I'd rather be," he returned.

"Uh... ok, wow, that kind of took the wind out of my sails."

"It was intended to. I've had a nice day," he added. "I've enjoyed talking to you."

"Surely you're not thinking of leaving now?" I said, aghast.

"Nope, but I was thinking of raiding your kitchen and seeing what we could cook."

"Oh thank god," I murmured. "The roads here are deadly at night."

"Then it's an even better idea that I go nowhere." He stood, wincing again as his knee clicked. "Damn thing. I need a robotic one."

"Does it hurt much?"

"Nah, it's just irritating more than anything else. Goes with the territory of being a moron on a motorcycle. I learned my lesson... eventually."

He reached out to me, and after a moment I took his hand. He pulled me to my feet.

"Let's go see what you have by way of vittles."

"I wouldn't get your hopes up," I smiled. "We may be living on the smell of some onions tonight."

"We could always trap and spatchcock one of those crows," he muttered.

I laughed.

--

It wasn't quite the smell of onions, but I couldn't in all honesty call the long-frozen chicken and potatoes a spread. Alan foraged in my small garden and managed to find some passable herbs to garnish with, but it was still less than I'd have liked to serve him.

He was amusingly cavalier about it, and the faint tinge of alcohol also helped to lessen my own sense of inadequacy as a hostess.

And the night was warm and clear at least. So we set our table outside by candlelight, and watched the sky for satellites.

"I've missed this," I said quietly. "I've missed having something as simple as having someone to share a meal with."

"You've been alone a long time, haven't you?"

I sighed. "Three years, more or less. Feels like most of my life, to be honest. Peter was... everything to me. He gave my world a frame of reference. I've been... lost, I guess. Since then."

"Makes what I've been through pale a bit."

"We all have our scars," I said quietly. "I'm still breathing. And... at least I had that time. I guess... I guess some people don't ever get to experience what I had."

I looked away, unable for the moment to bear the sympathy in his eyes.

"Shooting star," I said quietly.

He swung round to look. "Bright one. Good catch."

"This was one of my favourite things to do at night. Sit outside and listen to the world and dream of what the next day would bring."

"You should start doing it again."

"I know. But... it's really hard. I'm sorry," I said softly. "I don't want to moan about myself anymore, these are my issues and it's unfair to lay them on you."

"Consider this my 'I can handle it' face," he replied gently. "You look like you haven't been able to unload for a long time."

"It's difficult with Janice. She tries, but she's always going to be a reminder of what I used to have. It's not her fault, it's just how it is."

He nodded. "I get that. Hard enough when it's friends; when it's a parent..."

I sighed. "Yeah. I feel like... like I betrayed her. First her granddaughter and then her son..."

"Well for what it's worth, this stranger didn't see any bitterness there."

"You're not so much of a stranger anymore. We've shared a meal and you seem to be a decent guy. Janice likes you."

Alan grinned. "So I've schmoozed the chaperone then?"

I laughed at him. "I don't need a chaperone. I don't do anything that needs chaperoning."

"Touche," he responded, smiling. Then, "I've really enjoyed today, Heather."

"How so?"

"I don't get to socialise much out of work or Ross and his entourage. It's nice to spend time just being around someone different. Someone interesting."

"Interesting? Me?"

"Very," he said, softly. "You're an attractive girl... sorry, woman, who rides a motorcycle. That's a fairly small population. And you're outdoorsy and self-sufficient. Maybe not always through choice but it's clearly part of who you are. I like talking to you."

"You're not so bad yourself," I returned, flushing. "You've... these past few days have been better than many I can remember recently."

"Mm. So I'm doing something right then."

"You are."

I watched him a moment, then stood and dragged my chair alongside his. I sat and, heart thumping, leaned my head against his shoulder. The faint smell of leather and aftershave clung to him.

I closed my eyes. And shivered as he wrapped an arm around me.

"You ok?"

"No. Yes. I don't know."

"Do you need me to move?"

"No... don't... just... don't do anything right now."

"Not even this?" He gently trailed his hand down my shoulder.

"You... you can do that," I breathed. "That's... that's really nice. Really, really nice."

"Mm." I felt him shift slightly. "You feel like someone who needs a bit of TLC."

"This just in - the Pope is Catholic", I whispered, squirming. His voice, so soft in my ear, was lighting fires deep inside me. I leaned into him, tucking my face into his neck, enjoying the soft sound of his breathing.

"Can I stay here forever?"

"We might get cold in a bit," he answered softly.

"Good point." I sat up, and breathed. Then I stood and, taking his hand, pulled him up after me. I stepped into him, pulled him to me, and held myself against him. After a moment I felt him embrace me, and the gentle sigh he let out set the butterflies loose in my stomach in a way that I had forgotten I knew.

--

"Heather?"

"Mm?" I answered, languid, enjoying the soft pressure of his hands on my back. I lay face down on my bed, head pillowed on my arms, with Alan kneeling alongside me.

"You need to tell me if you want me to stop at any time."

I sighed. "I will, Alan. Trust me... if you go too far you'll know. Right now... oh god, right now... just please don't stop what you're doing because it is so fucking good."

"You've been a recluse for a long time," he said softly. "I'm not surprised my poor attempt at this is giving you goosebumps."

"I've got goosebumps? I hadn't noticed," I managed, shivering.

"All the way along your neck," he added, helpfully.

"Your hands are amazing. So strong," I breathed. "You should do this as work. You'd corner the market in any woman over the age of twenty..."

"Really?"

"Dashing, hot mature guy with a body to die for and the ability to turn women to jelly? Of course."

"Hot?"

"Very," I managed to whimper.

"Thank you, that means a lot coming from you."

"A... broken little... girl who's currently... powerless to resist you..."

"Mm. I was going more with slim but beautiful woman who's for some reason known only to herself let me touch her."

"That's the... whisky talking," I managed, blushing fiercely.

"Maybe. But you are beautiful."

"I'm skinny and moussy."

"Nonsense," he said, as he shifted his hands down my back and started to massage the small of my back. "You're your own harshest critic. On your tummy like this you're at least an eight."

"An eight?"

"Maybe an eight point five."

"On what scale?"

"The Richter scale."

I couldn't help it, I started to laugh. I curled into a ball, holding myself, tears rolling down my cheeks. Gasping for breath, each time only descending into yet more uncontrollable whoops.

Eventually I managed to regain control. Shaking, worn out, still giggling a bit, I got to my knees and wrapped my arms around him.

The kiss, when it happened, felt as natural as sunrise.

--

I lay half on him, head pillowed on his chest, enjoying the way each breath lifted me and pressed him against my breasts. I could feel the heat between my legs, and for the first time in forever I wanted someone there. Wanted him there.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He breathed out. "Just thinking."

"Of?"

"How to avoid messing this up."

I lifted myself onto an elbow, and smiled down at him. "Explain."

He laughed softly. "I'm with a girl I like, who seems to like me. I'm waiting for the shoe to drop."

"Mm," I answered, wriggling up so that I could look down at him. "You're doing things to me I'd forgotten about. I don't think a shoe is going to drop. My panties might though."

"Oh really?"

"Really really,' I breathed. "You've got me thinking things..."

"Such as?" he said as he brushed my hair back from my face.

"You know what." I demurred, blushing.

"Heather."

"Mm?"

"You need to tell me if I go to far."

I smiled, then caught his hand in mine and kissed his palm. "I will, Alan. Right now... I'm in a moment I'd thought I'd lost and I want to be lost in it."

He took a breath, and I squeaked as he suddenly pulled me down to him.

I could taste the whisky on his lips and the woodsmoke on his skin. I could hear the pounding of my pulse in my ears. I could feel the little sparks of electricity running down the small of my back as he held me to him and slowly forced his leg up between mine.

"Oh god," I moaned, as I broke to pant for breath. I ground down against his thigh, whimpering as I felt the need ramping up in me. I arched against him, hunting his earlobe, nibbling it and gasping at the way he ground up against me. I curled my fingers into his ribs, clawing him, pulling myself down. I felt his hands slide up under my vest, up along my lats to my shoulders.

"Wait... wait..." I gasped. I pushed myself up, and in one movement pulled the vest up and off me. Then I reached up behind me to unclip my bra, which joined the vest in an unceremonious heap on the floor.

"Christ," I heard him breathe.

I paused, grinning, shifting my hips in small circles on his belly. "You like?"

"I like. Very much."

"Then kiss them," I breathed, leaning forward and bringing my breasts to his lips.

His tongue sent little jolts down to the small of my back, and I hissed out something unintelligble. I felt him curl his arm over me, and in one smooth movement he rolled me onto my back. I writhed as he pinched my left nipple between thumb and forefinger, and moaned as he tongued and gently bit the right.

"Alan, oh, oh god..." I cried. I felt his hand fumbling at the button of my jeans, and almost without thinking I lifted my hips and pulled them down my thighs. Then I flailed, grasped his hand, and guided it down to me.

And groaned, deep in my throat, as he slipped a finger under the crotch-band of my underwear and stroked it along my soaked, engorged lips.

"That feels so good," I whimpered. "Stroke me, stroke me, tease my pussy, I've missed this so much."

He took my nipple in his mouth, tonguing it as he slowly parted me. I ached, I burned, and I cried out as he slipped a finger into me. I clutched his hand, pressing it hard against my mons as I ground myself against his palm.

"Heather," I heard him moan.

"Do me, do me," I begged, grinding. "Do me."

He curled his finger over in me, pressing on the front of my vagina, and I felt him start to shift his hand up and down against me, driving himself millimeters in and out of my aching body. I felt my muscles spasming, legs shaking, and I knew that it wouldn't take much of this to make me come.

It didn't.

--

"Oh, oh, oh," I whimpered through the aftershocks, curled up against him, leg thrown over him as he gently stroked a fingertip against my clit.

"That felt amazing," he breathed.

I nodded, fiercely, still gasping for breath. "Oh fuck, Alan, it has been so long. So long since I felt that."

"Well... I'm glad you enjoyed that so much," he chuckled softly. "Major ego boost for me, you know."

"Good," I panted. "Good. That means I'll get more."

"You're damn right you will. Holy God,woman, you are distracting."

"Distracting? Me? I do protest," I whispered.

"I've been thinking about little else since I met you."

"Little else other than..."

"Maybe, just maybe, getting a kiss from you."

"You aimed low," I murmured. "But here you are."

I lifted myself up onto my elbow and leaned over him, gasping slightly as the underside my bare breasts brushed against his teeshirt. The kiss I gave him was slow and lingering, and I sighed out a deep breath as we broke for air.

"So tell me what else you were dreaming of," I murmured into his ear as I wormed in closer to him.

"Seeing your boobs," he returned.

"And..." I fished.

"And you... naked."

"Mm... I'm already good as, you know."

"Let me help you with that, then," he offered. I rolled onto my back, grinning, and obliged him by lifting my legs so that he could slip my jeans and patched woolen socks off of them.

"Panties too," I breathed.

"Are you sure?"

I laughed. "I'm functionally naked here, Alan. They're soaked. Because of you. And I want you to see me... to see all of me."

I hooked my fingers under the waistband of my underwear, and then shimmied them down my thighs, then off one leg and then with a kick free of the other.

I spread myself slightly for him, flushing, enjoying the way he stared and then tried not to stare.

"See how wet I am for you?" I asked, softly.

"Uh huh," he managed.

"That's a good thing," I continued. "That's a great thing. I want more. Of you."

"Heather..."

"Yeah?"

"Can I... can I taste you?"

"Mm. I'm not clean. Maybe after I've showered."

"Now there's an image."

I glanced down pointedly at the bulge under his own jeans. "Maybe if you give me a good reason to have that shower, you'll get your wish."

I reached out, and slowly stroked down along his crotch. He took a ragged breath.

"I don't have any protection on me."

"I don't care. I want you."

"You are making it really hard to behave," he groaned, as I squeezed him gently.

"Mm. No sympathy," I purred. I slowly unzipped him and slipped a hand inside. "Oh wow," I breathed, and he echoed me. "Alan, you're so hard."

"You should feel it from this side... I've been rock-hard for you since you leaned against me earlier."

"That long?"

"Uh huh."

I felt for the waistband of his underwear, then, with a frustrated "For fuck sakes" I popped his waistband button and pulled his pants and underwear down. Then I pushed against his chest so that he fell backwards onto the bed, and raised myself onto my haunches so that I could get a proper look at him.

"That is a delicious penis," I informed him seriously, after I'd given it the respect it deserved. I shot him a smile, then leaned down to take him in my mouth. I was amused at the strangled noises he let out, but they faded into the background against the feeling of a cock, his cock, against my tongue. He was hard, and hot, and ready, and I needed him. I took as much of him as I could in me, let him thrust once, twice, then before I could think it through or get cold feet I slipped him out, clambered up onto him, and nestled him against my dripping, aching slit.

"Heather," he protested weakly. I felt him throb against me, felt him part me.

"Shh, shh, I want it,' I groaned, as I slowly, achingly slowly, lowered myself onto him.

It was blissful.

"Oh... oh..." I moaned. "Oh god, oh baby, that is so amazing." I tried to slowly slip him deeper. But as his head passed my entrance my legs spasmed, and with a yelped "Oh fuck..." I fell forward onto him, crying out as he slid all the way into me in one unplanned, unexpected stroke.

"Fuck fuck fuck oh god fuck," I panted. "That is so fucking deep in me, I wasn't... I wasn't expecting... oh... fucking... oh..." I added as he pulled back and drove himself into me.

"You are so tight," he groaned, as he pulled out slammed himself into me again. He grasped my shoulders and forced me down onto him, spreading me wide over his thrusting hips.

"Oh... oh god... fuck me Alan... fuck... me," I wailed, burying my head in his neck and clasping myself to him.

Every push of his cock felt like it was splitting me down the middle. I was so unready for this, stretched drum-tight over his engorged penis and yet so desperate for him sunk to the hilt in me that I could not even conceive of telling him to stop. It hurt, hurt like hell, but mixed with the pain was the fire of need, the primal urge to have his head deep in me. To have him possess me.

I could feel another orgasm building.

I squeezed my eyes tight against the tears, gasping, sobbing maybe, as he panted and laboured between my legs, his rock-hard penis pistoning hard, fast, deep in my pussy. I heard his ragged breaths in my ear, the way he moaned my name, and I felt my belly tighten and my muscles squeeze him in sympathy.

It seemed to only take moments, and I felt him start to throb. I ground hard down against him, burying him in me as I felt him start to come. And that was the push, the nudge I needed to push me over the edge into my own wailing petit mort, cheeks still wet with tears I hadn't been able to stop.

--

"Are you ok?"

His voice, so soft and gentle, and his arms clasping me to him.

I swallowed, then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. I'm ok."

"You should have told me to stop. I would have."

"I didn't want you to. It just happened faster than my body was ready for."

"Are you sure?"

I felt him shift, felt his cock move in me and I grabbed hold of him. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare pull out of me. Not yet. I need you close like this, all of you. Don't you dare pull out."

He took a breath, then sighed it out. I could feel his cock softening slowly, and as it did I could feel his cum leaking out between him and me.

"Talk to me," I breathed. "Tell me how good I was. Tell me that was as good as you thought it would be."

"Can't you feel?" he whispered in response. "It was better."

"Did I meet your fantasies of me?"

"Heather," he said softly. "You just gave me the best sex of my life."

"Mm. Good," I whispered. Then I scrubbed at my face with the back of my arm. "I'm ok, Alan. Just... took me a little by surprise how much I needed that is all."

I closed my eyes as he gathered me to him, and for a moment we lay there, me spread over him, the damp heat of our lovemaking on our skin.