Two Down the Tubes

And she went on and on berating me and it was all bullshit! I did everything she wanted even when it was something that I didn't want. When we moved into the house we bought I spent a ton of money and time giving myself the backyard I'd always wanted. It was a little over a quarter of an acre and I put in trees, flower beds, a koi pond with a waterfall and an eighteen by eighteen patio with a gazebo.

I had it just where I wanted it when she told me she wanted a dog. The last thing I wanted was a dog because dogs dig. It's their thing; it's what they do. I could see all the money and work I'd put into the yard going up in smoke. She kept after me and finally I gave in and let her get a dog. And the dog did just what I knew it would do and in less than six months the yard was trashed. None of the flower beds survived and there were holes all over the place. Then she found out that the dog she got, a Siberian Husky, was a pack animal and needed another dog to keep it company and she hounded me until I said okay and she got another husky.

Next she wanted to rip out the carpet and put in hard wood flooring and I didn't want to do it because I knew what would happen to the floor with two dogs in the house. Again she kept after me until I gave in. Less than a year after the floor went down it had to be refinished after the dog's toenails had done their work. A year later it had to be refinished again for the same reason. Another nine months and a third refinish only that time the company doing the work said next time the floor would have to be replaced since there wasn't enough surface left to do another refinish. Ida had to go out and buy a dozen or so throw rugs to cover the floor to protect it. Basically putting back the carpet that shouldn't have been removed in the first place.

She wanted a Mustang convertible and I tried to talk her out of it by pointing out how impractical they were in bad weather. There just wasn't enough weight in the rear end of the car to give decent traction in snowy or wet weather. But she kept after me until she wore me down and she got a 1993 Mustang convertible. It had the 5.0 engine and a five speed and she drove it like she was in a NASCAR race and sure enough when the snows came she was out running around in the car and the rear end broke loose and she spun out and wrecked the car.

Did she learn anything from it? Not Ida. She took the insurance money and bought another Mustang. It has been wrecked twice, both times in bad weather, but neither time bad enough that it couldn't be fixed.

There were a host of other things. Simple shit like we would go out for dinner and I'd want to go to restaurant A and she would want restaurant B so we would go to B. On vacation I would plan on going to C and she would say she would rather go to D and I'd give in and D it would be.

When the kids had grown up and gone I wanted to sell the five bedroom house and get something more suited to just the two of us (and the dogs) but she argued and argued to keep the house so we would have rooms for the kids and grandkids when they came to visit. As usual I let her have her way.

I saved money and vacation time so I could take Ida on a cruise on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. When I sprung it on her she spent a week trying to talk me out of it. Instead she wanted to use the time and money to attend a family reunion in Marquette, Michigan. Michigan's Upper Peninsula in December instead of a Caribbean cruise? Seriously? But as usual I gave in and gave her what she wanted and now here she was telling me that I never do anything that she wants?

Things were rather frosty around the house for the next two weeks and then everything came apart on us.

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I was in the middle of a difficult project at work and it had caused me to work late a couple of nights. I'd always called home and let her know I'd be working and not to hold dinner for me.

It was a Wednesday night and I'd called to tell her I would be late. When I got home I found that she had been drinking. Drinking a lot. In fact to my mind she was falling down drunk and in all of our years together I had never seen her drunk. A little high and giddy sometimes, but never drunk.

She started in on me as soon as I was in the house with the "You never do anything I want" shit. I tried walking away from her, but she followed along.

"It was a simple thing. You could have gone. I'm your wife. I'm more important than your damned job!"

It went on and on as I made myself a sandwich for dinner. I had to get away from her before I blew my top and made things worse. I took my sandwich and went into the bedroom we had turned into a den/home office and I locked the door behind me not that it did any good. She beat on the door and kept up her tirade. I got on the computer, put on the earphones and went into "My Music" and tried to drown Ida out, but it didn't work.

And then things got nasty. She started telling me all the things she disliked about me and how she had put up with them for all these years and now I paid her back by refusing to do one simple little thing for her like going to a high school graduation.

It hurt! It hurt bad! For almost four decades we had been together and she had that low an opinion of me? She finally ran down and left, but the damage was already done. I'd busted my ass for her, gave her everything I could and that was what she really thought of me? God did it hurt!

Half an hour later I shut down the computer and left the den. Ida was sitting at the kitchen table with an almost empty bottle of vodka sitting in front of her. I just shook my head and went off to bed. I was just starting to nod off when she came into the room, pulled the covers off me and started hitting me on the back with her fist.

"Don't you go to sleep on me you worthless bastard! I'm not through with you yet."

There was no real force behind the blows and they didn't hurt, but she had finally pushed the button that set me off. I got up, grabbed her by the arms and told her to shut the fuck up. She tried to push me away but I held onto her arms. Then she tried to knee me in the balls, but being drunk made her clumsy and slow and I saw it coming. I twisted my body just as she stumbled and started to fall and it pulled me off balance and we fell to the floor. She was cursing me and I still had a grip on her arms and as she struggled to get up I tightened my grip and held her down. Like I said I'd had enough so I unloaded on her.

"Shut the hell up Ida! If I'm so damned worthless get a goddamned lawyer and divorce me, but shut up!"

She started crying and I got up, left her on the floor and went to one of the spare bedrooms that had a lock on the door and I went to bed. I did not sleep well. Some of the things she'd said cut pretty deep and my mind was in so much turmoil that I slept fitfully most of the night. Ida was still asleep when I got up in the morning. I put on a pot of coffee, had some, filled a travel mug and went to work.

While I was at work Ida killed our marriage.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I found out later that when she woke up she called our family doctor and told the nurse who answered the phone that she wanted the doctor to call me in for a check-up. The nurse asked why and Ida told her that she thought I had some form of dementia or something and I was acting weird.

"Just last night he bruised me pretty bad."

In our state it is the law that if medical personnel suspect spousal abuse that they MUST notify the authorities and as soon as Ida hung up the nurse called the police. An hour later the nurse called Ida and told Ida that she had notified the police and that they would be coming to the house and they would see to it "That your husband never abuses you again."

When I got home from work that night, early for a change, Ida was a basket case. She was crying when she told me what she had done and what the nurse had said and then told me that she had never meant to get the police involved.

The words were no sooner out of her mouth when the doorbell rang and when I went to answer the door I saw two police cars through the front window and when I opened the front door I found three police officers standing there. Two were male and one was female. One of the males was wearing corporal stripes and he asked me if I was the home owner and I said I was. They told me why they were there and asked if my wife was available. I said she was and they asked me if they could come in and speak with her so I invited them in.

They immediately split us up and the female officer took Ida into the kitchen and the two male officers asked me if we could go outside on the patio and talk. Once outside they told me about the call from the doctor's office and then they asked me what happened. I told them what had happened and then one of them asked me if her blows had caused me pain.

At that point I fucked up big time. Bear in mind that my only previous experience with the police were traffic stops so all it was was them handing me a ticket and then telling me to be careful from then on. I should have kept my mouth shut but I said:

"Yes there was pain, but it was emotional pain."

And it was. Some of what she said to me cut me to the core. It hurt. It hurt bad. But there was no physical pain to speak of. I didn't find out until later that the officer just wrote down "Yes" to the "Did she cause you pain."

The two male officers left me and went into the house to confer with the female officer talking to Ida. The two male stayed inside and the female came out to talk to me. She wanted to know how Ida got the bruises on her arms. I explained how I had grabbed her to keep from being hit and kneed in the balls and then fell to the floor. I told her that Ida bruises easily and was always getting bruised when she bumped into furniture and things.

She went back into the house and five minutes later the officer with the corporal stripes came out and explained to me that in spousal abuse cases the law required that one of the parties be removed from the premises and that after hearing both of our stories they were going to be taking Ida to jail. While he was telling me that the other two officers were putting Ida in the back of one of the police cars.

To me it was pure assed bullshit! To my mind what happened between Ida and me didn't come anywhere near spousal abuse to either party, but it didn't matter; Ida was still on her way to jail.

I'm not going to go through all that came after; the court appearances, the money spent on an attorney, talking with the court's victim's advocate and all the other garbage that I've come to believe are in place for no other reason than to perpetuate jobs in the legal system.

The upshot was that Ida spent a night in jail and after three months of legalistic bullshit and six grand in attorney's fees the charges were dismissed.

Once she was home I received a constant barrage of I'm sorry, and I don't know what came over me and please forgive me. She was loving and affectionate and she did her best to make it up to me in the bedroom. At least for the months following her incarceration and until all the charges were dismissed.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To understand the next part you need to know a bit more about me. I loved Ida completely and I did my absolute best to make sure that she knew it. I sent her flowers at work, I brought flowers home to her for no reason at all other than to let her know I was thinking of her.

I gave her cards, candy, flowers and gifts on birthdays and anniversaries, both real and made up. Things like the anniversary of our first date, our first kiss, the first time we handed out Halloween candy together, the date she took her Mustang to the carwash for the first time and a bunch of others.

But the thing I did most was touch. I could not be around her and not touch her. If I walked by her or she walked by me I reached out and touched. Even after being together for almost forty years we still held hands when we walked. In a restaurant sitting opposite each other we held hands across the table. At night in bed my place was snuggled up to her and touching.

It didn't hit me right away, but I came to realize that Ida was pulling away from me. We used to wake up in the morning wrapped around each other, but after a bit I became aware that when I woke up she was a foot away from me. Our sex life fell off to nothing. I heard "Not tonight; I don't feel good." "I have a headache." "I think I might have a yeast infection." Those and all of the other excuses that women have when they don't want to play.

Whenever we went somewhere walking she would always be a step or so ahead or behind; just enough to make hand holding awkward. In restaurants her hands stayed busy doing something or stayed in her lap so there was no hand holding. I noticed that honey, baby, sweetheart and lover-bunny disappeared from her vocabulary.

It all came to a head one Saturday morning when we were at one of our favorite restaurants for breakfast. We had just ordered and Ida's hand was on the table. I reached over to take it and she snatched her hand away.

"Why did you do that" I asked.

"I don't want you touching me!"

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"You know damned well what it means. You had me thrown in jail."

I looked at her stunned.

"I didn't have you thrown in jail. You did it to yourself when you called the doctor."

"Bullshit! You lied to the cops and they believed you and took me to jail."

Calling me a liar on top of everything else that had been going on made me snap. I stood up and called to Mindy and told her to cancel our order and I headed for the door. At that exact moment I didn't give a shit whether Ida got up and followed me or not. I was in the truck and was turning the key in the ignition when the passenger door opened and Ida got in.

"You were going to leave me there?"

"Damned straight I was. You don't want anything to do with me any more so I was giving you what you wanted. I took me away from you."

"How was I supposed to get home?"

"Hitchhike, walk, call a cab, whatever."

"Why are you acting this way? You know yo..."

"Just shut the fuck up Ida. I don't want to hear a fucking thing you want to say. You spent a night in jail; so fucking what! I've spent the last five months living in a deepfreeze because of your stupid fucking phone call."

"It wasn't..."

"Just shut the fuck up Ida or I swear to God I will pull over and shove you out of the truck!"

Was I pissed? You bet I was; in spades. How mad was I? Ida had just heard the F word out of my mouth more times in the last five minutes than she'd heard it in the previous forty years. She wisely shut up because she believed me when I told her what I would do and she was right. I would have done it in a New York minute.

When we got home I told Ida to meet me in the kitchen in five minutes and then I went into my home office and got some papers out of a file folder in the desk. I went to the kitchen and Ida was sitting at the kitchen table. I sat down opposite and held up the papers I had in my hand.

"This is a copy of the police report and when we are done here I will make you a copy if you don't already have one. You say I lied and got you thrown in jail? Let us just take a look at the record."

I then read the officer's report.

Officer Connors who spoke with Ida asked her to explain what had occurred between her and David that caused the bruises on her. Ida stated the following:

1. Two days ago (July 28, 2015) she got into an argument with David.

2. She'd had a couple of drinks (six screwdrivers) and was intoxicated.

3. She was upset with David that he was not paying attention to her.

4. She felt David was putting her last instead of putting her first in his life.

5. While David was asleep she went and woke him up to speak with him about these things.

6. Upon David waking up "Her tongue got the better of her and she said some hurtful things.

Officer Smithers asked Ida if she remembered hitting David and she stated the following:

1. I may have poked him a time or two.

2. It was possible that she hit him, but could not remember because she was intoxicated.

3. She did recall waking him up and then arguing with him.

4. David was probably telling the truth as he had never lied.

Based on Ida's statement that she had awaked David and that she may have poked him a time or two and that it was possible that she hit him it was determined that she was the primary aggressor in the incident and as such she had to be removed from the premises. She was arrested and transported to the Calhoun County Detention Facility.

"Those are your words as recorded by the officers who were here. Bottom line is that your phone call to the doctor and your own statements to the police are what got you thrown in jail and I'll be damned if I'll let you lay the blame on me!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did hearing her own words read back to her change anything? No; not one bit. In her mind I was guilty and she was never going to see it any other way.

I ended up moving into one of the other bedrooms and for the last three years we have led separate lives together. That's right; separate lives together. We live together in the same house, but she goes her way and I go mine. She doesn't tell me what she is doing and I don't tell her what I am doing.

I gave divorce about thirty seconds of thought before dismissing the idea. Why give up my basement workshop, the three car garage where I restore old cars, the hot tub on the deck just to live in a two room apartment or condo? And even though the backyard had been trashed by the dogs she just had to have I could still sit on the deck and watch the koi in the pond while sipping a cold one and listening to the waterfall. And there was no need to achieve single status since at my age developing a relationship with another woman wasn't at all likely.

Financially it wouldn't be a problem. My share of the equity in the house after sales costs would be about 200k and there would be no alimony because Ida's retirement check from her State job was six grand more than my social security check, what I made as a consultant and pension check from the airline combined.

I doubt that Ida gave any thought to a divorce because she loved the house and wouldn't want to give it up. She needed the big backyard for her dogs - she had three now- all Siberian Huskies and they needed room to run. That and most apartments and condos don't have garages and her precious Mustang would have to be parked outside.

So there we are; living separate lives together.

The point of this sad little tale? In Loving Wives infidelity isn't the only thing that can kill a marriage.