U-N-I Ch. 16

Damien was gone when Jimmy and I left the studio. I had almost finished editing the songs we had recorded and some of them actually sounded a lot better. I decided that there was no point in working on new demos anymore so my stay in New York was drawing to a close. It was after six and since we had been inside the studio for the past four hours, we went to grab something to eat.

"So, whatcha doing tonight?" he asked as we were waiting for our order.

"Dunno, I think I'm just gonna head back. What about you?"

"Yeah, so am I. I'm fried. Although, there's this going away party slash baby shower Lisa wants me to go to with her but I don't give a damn! They're her old college friends. Do you mind if I use you as an excuse to bail on this one," he smirked.

I smiled,

"Sure. I'll cover you if she asks," Lisa was his girlfriend but they weren't living together so it was unlikely that she would be asking me any questions.

"Thanks. How much longer are you staying? D'you think you might still be here next weekend then?" he asked because he was planning to host a party at his place for his birthday.

"I dunno. I kinda have to go back to Dublin - but I'm in no hurry," I sniggered.

"Yeah, come on, it's my 30th. It's gonna be the party of the year. You don't wanna miss it," he said with a broad smile, overplaying it a little.

"Yeah, I guess I have to stick around for that," I answered enthusiastically.

"Why don't you ask Rob and Jordan to be there?" he asked.

I hadn't got into details as to why I had come to New York by myself. We had often worked with him but we weren't close enough friends to talk about our personal lives.

I smiled, "Yeah, sure, I will. But I don't think they'll be able to make it."

-----

When we got back to his apartment, we hung out for a couple of hours and then I changed into something comfortable and decided to have a relaxing evening just watching TV in bed. I didn't want to think about anything or anyone other than what was on the screen in front of me. I flipped through the channels. After a good five minutes of this, I began watching a random movie that really wasn't good and ended up falling asleep during a commercial break.

I awoke the next morning, feeling confused and lonely. I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. Seeing Damien had just reminded me of how much I was missing Rob and I kind of wanted to fly back home or do what Jimmy had suggested and ask him to join me here. I didn't want to but it seemed like I was going to be the first one to cave after all.

My morning erection was semi hard and I began thinking about Damien and how it had made me feel to see him again. I was slightly worried that he would find some way to run into me again. I didn't trust myself around him. Rob hated him so much that he had succeeded in making me have negative feelings toward him as well ...but seeing him... I knew there was still something about him that I liked more than I was willing to admit.

I lay on my stomach and buried my face into the pillow. I screamed as quietly as possible into it, and concentrated on not rubbing my crotch into the mattress. I felt so conflicted. My cock was fully hard now and I could have easily made myself cum, but I dared not touch it. To do so would be like cheating. I didn't want to get off while thinking about Damien. Although no matter how hard I tried not to, I couldn't stop myself from imagining what it'd be like to be with him.

I let my mind wander and imagined taking his cock inside my mouth. I wondered what he would taste like, I wondered how big his dick was. Was he cut or uncut? Would he leak a lot of precum from finally feeling my lips and tongue around his shaft, from finally getting to do this with me. How turned on would he be to watch me suck him off?

Then I imagined his back pressed up against my chest. I wondered what his skin would feel like, I wondered what he would sound like as my cock entered his tight opening. Would he moan quietly or loudly? Would he want it slow or fast? I imagined my hands gripping his thighs, and I wondered if they would feel smooth to the touch, or be dusted with tiny hairs. My cock was leaking beneath me. I closed my eyes tightly.

Then I began thinking that he'd want to fuck me - Would I let him?

Of course no, I wouldn't. That would be the ultimate betrayal. Rob was the only one who had ever fucked me and I intended to keep it that way. I was mad at him for not making an effort but my feelings for him hadn't faded at all. I didn't want him or love him any less and I wasn't even remotely less attracted to him. It was more like my feelings for him had become encapsulated, completely apart from the feelings I had because he just wouldn't fucking listen.

I forced Damien out of my head and began thinking of Rob. I wanted to feel his lips against mine, I wanted to kiss him and look into his piercing green eyes while I held him tight against me, rubbed my dick against his balls and slid it between the cheeks of his muscular ass. I wanted to make out with him and caress his body and feel him caress mine and hear him groan with pleasure as he'd feel the tip of my cock pop inside him... I missed the closeness we had, I missed making love with him.

I reached for my cock began stroking myself. I quickly felt my cum building up. I gasped as my body began convulsing and I shot my load onto the sheets. Then I lay on the bed, my heart pounding a little.

After a moment, I yanked my phone out of my charger on the nightstand and opened the Youtube app. I searched for our own songs and began listening to "Sparks", which was a song from our first album. It was probably one of the saddest and most relaxing songs we had written back when we were confused and lovesick teenagers and it seemed to be the perfect song to listen to. The lyrics we had written all together so long ago sounded particularly relevant once again. I closed my eyes and listened to the melody, the lyrics and his voice, the combination of which brought a lump to my throat. I took a deep breath and swallowed.

Did I drive you away
I know what you'll say
You say, oh, sing one we know
But I promise you this
I'll always look out for you
That's what I'll do

My heart is yours
It's you that I hold on to
That's what I do
And I know I was wrong
But I won't let you down ...

I listened to it a second time and when the song ended, I choked down another dry lump in my throat and thought it was probably better to stop racking my brain over Rob so I decided to leave the apartment and go out.

I showered, shaved and had breakfast. Unfortunately, as I looked out the window, it was raining. I checked the weather app and it predicted that the rain would be continuing through most of the day. I tried to think of how I could be spending my free time in a constructive way, since I had nothing planned. I thought about cleaning out my things in case I left soon to go to Dublin, but being a borderline obsessive-compulsive, I knew that they were already in perfect order and it wouldn't take me long to pack.

Then, I thought about calling Rachel, but I knew she would just talk to me about Rob, which would probably just depress me for the day. I decided to go to the gym. Since I was in New York, I had fallen off of my regime and so it was time to kick it back into high gear. Jimmy had told me about a nice private gym he sometimes went to and I knew I wouldn't be hassled if I went there.

However, I was there for about a half-hour when a guy that had been staring at me from the other side of the room walked over to me.

"I'm sorry," he said. "but I just wanted to say that I saw you in concert last year and I thought you were amazing."

I released the dumbbells I was holding and stood up,

"Thanks a lot. I'm glad you liked the show."

The guy was over six-feet tall, blond, and had a killer smile. I could see his body was extremely well developed, as he was only wearing a tight tank top and gym shorts.

He extended his hand to me and I shook it,

"Oh, it wasn't just the show I liked."

I felt myself blushing somewhat and turning my head to the side.

"Oh," I said.

"I'm Jake," he said.

He hadn't yet let go of my hand. I eased myself out of his grip and told him that he probably knew my name. He was very good-looking and he never broke eye contact.

"Listen," he started, staring at me intently, "I live just a few blocks from here. Would you like to come over for some coffee?" he paused, "Maybe talk about your music?" he smiled, completely self-assured.

I smiled back, thinking that it was a good thing that I didn't like coffee. I already thought Damien was straightforward but this guy was the kind of guy Rob had to deal with all the time. They'd always hit on him first so I didn't have to do it often. I had met plenty of aggressive guys, but I began thinking that this one was definitely nearing the top of my list. It wasn't that I was thinking about going as much as I was thinking that I was probably free to do so.

I mean, Rob and I were sort of on a break and the guy was totally hot and obviously wanted me, but I already knew that I wasn't going to have 'coffee' with him.

"I'm sorry," I said, "but as you must know, I'm kind of in a relationship," it felt like the right thing to say, I certainly didn't want some guy to start a rumor that Rob and I might not be together anymore.

"It's a shame he's not here."

"Yeah, he can't exactly be seen in public places without attracting a crowd."

"Apparently, neither can you," he said, still staring at me.

"I don't think there's gonna be a crowd of fans waiting for me outside. I sure hope not."

He smiled, not missing a beat,

"I'm in a relationship too," he stood there, waiting for my response.

I looked at him for a moment, thinking about both how arrogant he was, and how much I would have liked to have seen him with his clothes off.,

"It was nice meeting you," I said, sitting back down and picking up my dumbbells again.

"Yeah, you too."

He walked back to where he had been working out and I was somewhat shocked at how unfazed he was by being rejected. He probably knew that he would find some other hot guy in the next hour that would be more than willing to have 'coffee' with him.

After my workout, I showered and left the gym. Stepping out, I checked my phone and noticed I had a text from Rob that said:

" U know there's a picture of you and Damien going around Twitter. Fuck, are you really that mad at me?"

"Oh, come on!" I said out loud as I walked down the stairs and a guy looked at me with wild curiosity as he was walking up, possibly thinking that I looked familiar but finding it difficult to place me.

"What the fuck, bloody paparazzi," I immediately thought, I couldn't believe they had snapped pictures.

I texted him back immediately,

"Nothing happened. He showed up out of the blue because someone he knew told him I was working with Jimmy. We just talked for a few minutes. Don't start imagining things."

I walked a few blocks and stopped into a small coffee shop that seemed to be deserted enough. I ordered a Latte as I waited for his response but it didn't come. I sat in a booth in the back of the café. It seemed to be the perfect location for privacy. I didn't want any employees or customers listening to me in case Rob would call.

After a few minutes, my cell phone rang. I was slightly disappointed when I saw it was Rachel, and not Rob, because I wanted to make sure he believed me. Although I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him, knowing he was probably upset and we might start arguing.

"Hey, how you doing today?" she asked.

"Not great," I moaned quietly, worried about what Rob might be thinking.

"Why? Are you about to cave?"

"Maybe. It's getting hard," I said with a sigh.

She laughed, obviously thinking about getting sexually frustrated,

"Oh, come on, Rach!" I complained, not in a joking mood.

"Sorry," she said with a laugh, then added, "he was out again last night. I can't believe he's gonna make you cave. Don't cave. Come on, be strong. He's starting to get bored here. I think he's about to go to L.A. Don't cave now," she insisted.

"I'm almost done working with Jimmy," I explained. "I miss him... and something happened yesterday...," I said.

"What happened?" she asked with curiosity.

For some reason, since she seemed to be in a better mood than I was and since I probably needed to lighten up, I decided to lie to her and have a little fun. I wanted to see how she'd react if I told her something had happened with Damien, so I thought of what I could say for a few seconds.

"Mark? What happened?"

"Are you kidding? Like...haven't you seen a picture of me on Twitter?" I said.

"No...why? What's there to see?"

"I did something really stupid," I mumbled.

"Already? ... What'd you do?" she asked intrigued.

"Damien showed up at the studio!"

"Noooo!" she exclaimed.

"Yes! Like, he was literally sitting on the stairs waiting for me."

"Oh my god! How did he know you were there?" she almost yelled.

"Beats me," I said and then proceeded to tell her the excuse Damien had given me.

"Jeez! I can't believe he still hasn't given up on you," she said.

"I know, right. I was like, gobsmacked. He started asking me questions 'cause we're supposed to be recording in London and stuff."

"What'd you tell him?"

"Just that we were taking a break from the band for a while, because we all needed some time off. So obviously, he asked me if I was taking a break from Rob too."

"Gosh, he must've been psyched!"

"Yeah, well, he was smirking!"

She let out a slight laugh and asked unsurely,

"Mark, please, tell me you didn't have sex with him?"

I let out a loud sigh.

"Did you?" she yelled, perplexed.

"Well... there was ... a blowjob...," I stuttered and waited for her reaction.

I could literally see her mouth drop open as I heard her gasp.

"Is this like a handshake to you guys?" she exclaimed in shock.

I couldn't help but laugh,

"I'm kidding. Nothing happened."

"I... I don't understand. Like, how... did something happen or not?" she asked again, taking in what I had just said.

"No, no, I was just messing with you. I turned him down. Nothing happened."

"Oh come on, that's not even funny. Why would you joke about that?" she complained.

"I don't know. I just wanted to see how you'd react."

"Jeez. Not cool. You scared me. I hope you rejected him loud and clear."

"I did. But I don't know why. Every time I see him, I can never really directly reject him. For some reason, I always find myself enticing him and letting him think I might be tempted."

"Are you ... tempted?" she asked cautiously.

"No. Maybe. But that just pisses me off. I don't know why I'm doing it! But I did better this time," I laughed. "He might've understood."

"Jeez, admit it. You're into him!" she exclaimed with a laugh.

"I am not!"

"Oh , come on, be honest!"

"Well, he's attractive. I don't know, there's just something about him...."

"Yeah, you like the guy. But come on, Rob's a lot more attractive. Seriously, why do you think Rob's so jealous of him, he can see it! Now if you really don't want anything to happen with him - and I sincerely hope that you don't - then reject loud and clear once and for all! And don't have sex with him if you run into him again, please. You know, I don't know what you see in that guy, everyone hates him but you!"

"Of course you all hate him. He's trying to make me break up with Rob!"

"Don't let him! See, you said Rob was crazy to think something might happen with Damien. Well there you go, he's back again... at the worst possible time!"

"I'm not gonna cheat on Rob with him. I don't even wanna be with anyone else, really," I sighed.

"I hope not. You know, I don't care how open your relationship is, I'd rather not know. But Damien's off limit. That would just destroy him. What are you trying to do, kick him while he's down?"

"I didn't do anything!" I exclaimed loudly, "He showed up. I didn't go to him."

"Fine." she answered, sensing I was getting slightly upset. "You know, you can probably pick up some random guy and Rob might not be too upset about it, but Damien is not some random guy!"

"Don't you think I know that!"

"Seriously, just pick up some guy at the gym or something."

"Funny that you should say that," I said with a chuckle.

"Why? Did you?" she wondered.

"No, but I was just at the gym this morning and a really hot guy would've loved to take me back to his place."

She laughed,

"Gosh, it must suck being you."

"Yeah, you have no idea," I joked.

"I hope Rob won't find out that Damien's trying to get into your pants again!"

"Too late, he already knows."

"What? You've told him?" she asked in surprise.

"No. I didn't have to. The fucking paparazzi did it for me. He sent me a text half an hour ago."

"Wha...What'd he text you?"

"His exact words...," I said and told her word for word what Rob had texted me.

"They posted pictures?" she asked dumbfounded.

"Apparently. Or maybe it was from fans following me, I dunno. We just talked outside of the studio for a few minutes. I didn't think there were any reporters or anyone following me. I'm in New York, not London. And they're always after Rob, not me. So I figured... if he's not with me, then they're not gonna care about what I do."

"Well, apparently you were wrong. They do care. You know why? Because that sells papers if Robbie Myers' boyfriend is seen with another guy who appears to be gay. That's a rumor the public would be interested in! They know you're postponing the album, they wanna know what's going on."

"Shit! I can't believe this," I mumbled.

"Jeez. What's happening to you guys?"

"I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have left. It was a bad idea."

"Oh don't do that again. You know it was the right thing to do. He needs this and you're the only one who's got enough influence on him to make him go. You're the only one he actually listens to."

"Not anymore he doesn't!"

"He will. He will!" she repeated. "He may be stubborn as fuck but he loves you too much not to do what you ask him to do. You had to give him that ultimatum or he would've just let things get worse. It wasn't a bad idea ... But you hooking up with Damien, that's a bad idea!"

"I know - and I won't. Look, can you talk to him, please?"

"Oh, I don't know Mark. I've tried, but ... Jordan I can handle, he listens to me. Damon too, we've been talking every day - but Rob," she sighed. "First... he gets really defensive when we try to talk to him ...and second, I don't feel like I'm close enough to him, you know, to tell him what he should do. I know it's my fault, but we've never really been able to reconnect. I haven't let him, and in a way he hasn't let me either, 'cause he's always felt bad for sorta stealing you away. But Damon hung out with him yesterday and he said it seemed like he was -- considering it."

"Yeah? Well, can you just tell him that nothing happened with Damien. I know I should just call him - but I don't think I can. I can't hear his voice right now. And I don't wanna get into an argument with him. He hasn't even tried calling me, so I suppose that means he feels the same."

"Alright," she agreed. "I'm gonna go see if he's home. I suppose I have to be your intermediary since you guys don't seem able to communicate lately," she said jokingly.

"Thanks." I breathed.

She grew silent. As we were talking I kept glancing over at four girls. They'd walked into the café shortly after I had and were sitting a few tables away. They'd obviously recognized me and kept looking discreetly over at me, whispering and giggling with each other. One of them tried to take a picture with her phone while I wasn't looking but I noticed it. I could tell that she had posted it on social media. I began thinking that it was probably time for me to get out of there.