Ugly Pt. 03: Fucking Ugly

I mentioned this girl, the one we call Ugly, in my last story. She's one of the instructors where my friend and I work out, but she's far from the ugly her name implies. Even when I first met her, when she was overweight, she still wasn't ugly by any definition. So, why do we call her that, if she's not ugly? Well, in Turkey, when someone is playing with a baby, one of the things they do is tell the baby that they're ugly. They don't say it to the parents, because that would be insulting their child. They say it directly to the baby, the way we say "you're a pretty baby, yes you are", using that same baby talk tone of voice. And when you say it to the baby, everyone here knows it means exactly the opposite. But, babies aren't the only ones people do that to. Sometimes adults use it as a way of flirting with someone else. When they do it that way, it's more like telling each other that they are uglier, meaning the one they say it to is beautiful.

That was the case here, except I'm not the one who started saying it to her. I don't even know which of the two of them said it first. I just know that my best friend and this girl call each other ugly every time they see each other. And, I'm not even sure whether it's actual flirting, or just friendly banter. Well, considering my friend's reaction to me and Senem, and how he felt I should be going after Ugly instead, I'd say his side of it is definitely not flirting. Her side of it I'm not too sure about one way or the other. I mean, she seems to light up a little whenever my friend is around. Yet, other than their ugly words, she hasn't said or done anything I would call flirting with him. Then again, she's done even less than that with me and my friend still thinks she wants me. That was the whole question here, why would he think not only that I had a shot with her, but also get pissed at me for being with someone other than her? There was obviously something going on that I didn't know anything about.

Before I get back to that, let me tell you about Ugly. She's one of the instructors where we go to exercise, and more specifically, she teaches the step aerobics class. I noticed her the first day we started there, not because she was beautiful, but because she was too out of shape to be an instructor. I mean, she was 20 or 30 pounds overweight, and all of that was in the wrong places. Big fat ass, heavy thighs and a gut that was worse than mine when I started. She did however have a very cute face, and a nice personality, the same thing we always say about fat chicks, except in this case it was true. And, for some reason I liked her better than the other female instructors right from the start.

There was just something about her, fat and all, that I found attractive and sexy. And I was the first of us two to talk to her about something other than our exercise routines. Admittedly, the things I said came out all wrong in Turkish. Like asking if one of the posters on the wall was her when she'd been in better shape. Or commenting that it must be difficult to get back in shape after her pregnancy, when she'd never been pregnant. She didn't take offense to the things I said, probably because she understood that I wasn't trying to be insulting even if it came out that way. Especially the pregnancy remarks, which she took as me trying to give her an excuse for being so out of shape.

She didn't stay out of shape for long though. I mean, she was leading at least 4 step aerobics classes a day, so she started losing her fat quickly. At least I didn't screw up my comments about her looking better or about being jealous that she got in shape so fast while I still looked like shit. And, she started waving at me every time she saw me enter the gym. But that all changed for some reason, and I think the reason was me. Because, the better looking she got, and the more attention she got from other guys, the less I felt comfortable trying to strike up conversations with her. Probably because, even though I had no designs on her, she was getting more and more out of my league all the time.

When she was overweight, and no one else paid much attention to her, she felt more approachable. And as she got better looking, I felt like I was a mere mortal trying to hit on a goddess. Like I said, it wasn't her putting up walls between us, it was me. And like I also said, while I wasn't trying to get anything going with her, it started to feel like I was. So I backed off, way off, and left her to the guys who might actually stand a chance with her. And because I backed off, so did she I guess, because the hello waves and the conversations that went with them slowly stopped too.

That is until her schedule changed. Because of my hernia, I was unable to take part in any of the other special sessions, such as Pilates. The only one I could have taken was step aerobics and Zumba, which was the class that Ugly taught. The problem had always been that her last session started before I could possibly get there to participate. With her schedule change though, her last session now started late enough for me to barely make it there in time. And, in order to get rid of my gut quicker, without being able to do things like sit ups, I needed her class. She was very happy that I joined the sessions, though not because she wanted to be near me. It was because I was the only non gay male who was willing to join them. All the others, with the exception of the one gay guy, were women and that bothered her for some reason. Probably because she hoped her classes would have a broader appeal than they did. But, since they were more or less dance type exercises, what did she expect. No self respecting man would join that kind of class, unless like me, he had no other class options.

Me joining her class also got us back on our old friendly terms in a way. That's because another reason men don't do these types of classes is that they are more difficult for men to do. Women are naturally better at dancing and can easily follow all the moves. Men don't generally have that good of a dancing rhythm without lots of practice. Also, because men's legs are heavier than women's, the dance steps take more out of us than they do women. The fattest and most out of shape women have no problem following any of the routines, while I was struggling with even the most basic ones. So, our conversations were now me telling her how bad I sucked at this, and her giving me encouragement. That and her worrying sometimes that I might be having a heart attack, when I'd suddenly stop to catch my breath. About the only thing that wasn't part of doing her job as a trainer was her trying to get me to do some of the truly girlish moves. You know, rolling my hips and wiggling my ass the way only women can or should. Whenever she did those, she'd look at me and try to get me to do them too. Then she'd laugh at my violent head shakes that said there was no way this side of hell I was doing that. My point is that there was absolutely nothing to indicate any sort of sexual or romantic interest on her part. Just her doing her job as an instructor, and having a little harmless fun trying to get me to do certain moves that she knew I wouldn't do.

For my side of it, there was no romantic interest either, although there was a certain amount of sexual interest. Like I said earlier, I'd found something about her strangely attractive even when she'd been overweight. And once she'd started losing weight, she became even more attractive. With her belly fat melted away, you could easily see that she had a nice set of tits under her shirt. Not huge balloons and not tiny little bumps that needed a padded bra. Somewhere in the middle of those two, and a pair that most girl's would be envious of. But, since I'm more of an ass man, the changes in that area interested me a lot more. From the day we met, when she had a big fat ass, I saw it getting tighter and tighter every time I went there. And, not only was it getting tighter, the cheeks were separating into distinct globes that invited your tongue to slide between them. Add to that the fact that I always had a perfect view of her ass during her classes, and you can imagine the interest that generated in me. Just a physical interest though, filled with fantasy daydreams, not a romantic one. The difference in our ages coupled with the fact that I'm married, stopped any such thoughts before they even started.

So, what made my friend think there was any possibility of her and me getting together? And why did he believe in it so strongly that he got angry when I hooked up with Senem instead of her? Of course he was aware of the problems with my wife; he is my best friend you know. He knew about the lack of sex, knew about the games and he knew about the lies. He also knew there was no way out for me because I loved my kids too much to get a divorce. Actually he was more pissed off by the situation than I was and hated my wife for what she was putting me through. I was more depressed than angry, and sort of resigned to the whole mess. It was he who convinced me that my wife had forfeited her rights to expect fidelity from me, and that I was stupid for remaining faithful. I'd believed that denying her the romance that women crave, and interacting in a pure business type manner, would show her the error of her ways. But he told me that as long as I was paying the bills, she had no reason to change her behavior. Unfortunately, he proved to be correct when she flat out stated that our marriage over as far as she was concerned, and her only worry was not hurting our children with a divorce. So, he should have been happy for me when I found Senem, instead of getting all pissed off.

Admittedly, he'd made several comments before I found Senem, about how Ugly would be a lot better for me than my wife was. And he'd even mentioned once or twice how he wished she and I could get something going between us. But, I never took any of that seriously, and always told him that I had no way to get someone like her. I mean, what did I have to offer her? I was 33 years older than her, and while I don't look my age, that's a huge gap to cross. I'm not rich, even if I do make good money by Turkish standards. And most importantly, I am married, even if it's a fucked up marriage, and have no plans to get a divorce. So, what did I have to offer her that a lot of other men hadn't already offered her? If I was single, and she was even slightly attracted, she might be tempted by the financial security and possible opportunity to leave Turkey that marriage to me could provide. That's obviously what had attracted my 21 year younger wife, and gave her a reason to marry me and to fake sexual interest in me. With that, I would have maybe a one in a million chance with Ugly. Without that, I had less than a snowball's chance in hell, and I told my friend that many times. Had he argued the point with me, and given reasons she might be interested, I might have understood his anger a little. Since he hadn't, and had actually agreed that my chances were next to zero, why the hell was he mad at me?

I could speculate forever and still not come up with the answer. So, I did the only thing I could in that situation, I asked him directly why he was pissed off at me about this. He said the answer was simple; I was wasting my time on some cheap married slut when I should be going after the real prize. My reply was that Senem wasn't bad looking and she took care of my needs without asking for anything in return except that I take care of hers. So, I wasn't wasting my time with her. Chasing after Ugly when I knew I didn't stand a chance with her would be wasting my time. Besides, if he thought she was the real prize, why wasn't he chasing after her? His answer was that he'd like to, but she wasn't interested in him that way. Oh, he wouldn't chase her because she wasn't interested in him, yet he expected me to chase her? They had that flirting thing going on that had given her the Ugly nickname, which was way more than her and I had. We didn't flirt at all, just talked sometimes about her class, and he thought I had a better chance than he did? He said that yes, they had that thing where they called each other ugly, but that was all they had. It was me she watched all the time, and me who made her face light up whenever she saw me.

I told him he was imagining things, and he told me I was both blind and stupid. My response was that if she didn't look at me when I could see it, or didn't talk to me about anything other than exercises, how was I blind and stupid? His answer was to ask what I did to encourage her. Did I look at her when she could see it, and did I talk to her about anything except her work? If I didn't show any interest in her, how could I expect her to show any in me? I told him it didn't matter if I showed interest, because she knew I was married and that we'd just had a baby. She wouldn't want anything to do with a situation like that, because there was no future in it. My friend's next answer popped out of his mouth too quick, and he knew he'd stuck his foot in it. He said she also knew that my wife had fucked up our sex life, and that left plenty of future for both of us.

Of course, I immediately asked how the fuck she knew about my sex life, and he admitted that he'd told her about it. And when I wanted to know why, he said because she'd asked him about it. I told him he was full of shit, because no girl would just come up and ask about my sex life. He laughed and said she didn't, she'd just asked why I looked so tired all the time and so depressed half the time. When we'd started going there, I hadn't looked that way, and she'd wanted to know if something was wrong with me. He'd told her I had problems at home, and when she pressed for details, he'd ended up telling her the whole story, including how pissed off he was about the situation I was in. Her voice had been sad when she said how sorry she was to hear about my problems. But, her eyes had told a different story, one that said she was happy about it. That's what made him think she was interested in me. Why else would she be happy about my problems, except that it meant she might have a chance with me. I told him that he was reading things into her questions and her expression that didn't exist. She'd probably asked about me in the first place to make sure I wouldn't die in the middle of her class. Asking for details of my problems could be plain curiosity, and he might have seen relief in her eyes that my problems weren't physical. It was a nice fantasy, and I appreciated him thinking that I actually had a chance with someone like her. But it was just wishful thinking on his part that he'd found a magic cure for my problem.

Just because I told him those things, and I honestly believed what I said, that didn't mean I wasn't doing the same wishful thinking. I used to do that kind of wishful thinking about my wife, but I gave that up after having my dreams shattered too many times. Since Ugly had never lied to me, it didn't hurt to fantasize about her the way it did to fantasize about my wife. The fact that she and I had never been together did nothing to deter my fantasies. Nor did the fact that there was virtually no chance of us ever getting together. That tiny spark that my friend had planted in my brain, with his wishful thinking, was all that it took to get my mind going in that direction. And the more I fantasized about it, the more I wondered if there might not be some truth in what he had said. Was it possible that he wasn't just wishful thinking, and that he was right about the things he said? My wife had told me she had a thing for older men, even though I no longer believed any of the things she said because she lied so much. Could Ugly have that for real, could she actually like mature men, and actually be interested in a guy over 30 years older than her? And the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to know the answer.

Yes, I know that finding out for sure that she wasn't interested would completely kill the fantasy. But if there was even the slightest chance of turning that fantasy into reality, wasn't it worth it? What wasn't worth it though, at least not to me, was taking a chance on losing her as a friend. So, I had to find a way to do it that wouldn't make her hate me or lose respect for me. I mean, coming right out and asking for a date wouldn't be smart. What kind of slime bag asks another woman out right after his wife just had a baby? Even her knowing my situation might not be enough to keep her from thinking I was a total asshole for doing that. The answer was in something my friend had told me. Why would Ugly do anything to openly show interest in me if I'd never done anything to show interest in her? Was she keeping our conversations on a mostly professional level because I'd never taken it past that point either?

I could easily test that by taking things up a notch and watching how she reacted. There were plenty of ways to make our friendship more personal without actually hitting on her. I could even do a small amount of flirting, as long as I did it in a joking manner. It was only an obvious attempt to put the make on her that would get me in trouble. And when I tried it, the things I did seemed to have an effect on her. The more I brought up subjects besides exercising, the more she brought up things herself. And, the small compliments I started giving her made her react more cheerfully whenever she saw me. None of these things meant anything though, because they only showed friendship, not sexual interest. Then again, I'd stayed away from making any sexual comments or jokes, so what did I expect? It wasn't until I decide to video tape our class that things changed.

I mentioned before how much I sucked at following the steps in the dance routines she used. Part of the problem was that we only had three half hour sessions a week and the routines differed from song to song. Had I had more classes, or if each routine lasted longer, I might do a lot better. And, I mentioned the idea of taping one of her classes so that I could practice at home. She had nothing against me doing that, but I still hesitated because the other participants might not like being filmed. So, I decided to try it a different way, by wearing my cell phone around my neck and using it to tape things. That way, the only thing it would get clearly was her, since I usually tried to be right behind her. It of course came out terrible because my jumping around to do the exercises made the camera jump too. The quality of the picture was ok, but you couldn't see any of the routines clearly with the camera jumping like that. However, some of the girls noticed what I was trying to do, and instead of getting angry, they actually loved the idea. They gave me enough encouragement that I finally brought in a real video camera and a tripod to try again with. I still set it up to be centered on Ugly from behind, since it was the easiest way to learn the routines. And because it only covered about a third of the room, those who were camera shy could easily avoid being in the picture.

Naturally the result was a million times better, and reviewing it with Ugly was what changed everything. Since it was shot from the back, it showed a lot of her ass while it was in motion. And, like all woman, she was worried that the video made her ass look fat. As her ass is in my mind the best part of her body, you can imagine how quickly I told her there was no way her ass could look anything but beautiful to me. I probably shouldn't have said it the way I did, saying it looked beautiful to me, because she turned and gave me a strange look, like I'd grown two heads or something. Then she smiled and asked if that was why I was always right behind her in class, so I could stare at her ass. Ok, I'd wanted an opportunity to see how she'd react to some real flirting, and this was it. So, I pretended innocence and said that I was honestly watching her feet so I could follow the dance steps. Watching her ass would be too distracting and I'd fall flat on my face. Then in fake embarrassment, I confessed that I only did my watching after class was over. Then I waited to see what my admitting that I stared at her ass would do.