Ugly Pt. 04: Fixing My Wife

I've written plenty about the sex problems my wife and I had, especially about the lies and broken promises. In actuality though, they weren't so much lies and broken promises as they were the actions of a typical prick teaser. I mean, telling me two hours before bed time that she was horny and wanted to fuck after our kids were in bed. Then, when the time came, she would no longer be in the mood, or have some excuse for us not having sex. And every time she made the offers, she'd swear and promise that she would still be in the mood, despite the number of times that wasn't the case. The actual ratio of broken promises was more than 5 to 1, meaning that she'd make those promises at least 10 times a month, yet we'd only have sex twice. I think even professional prick teasers have better ratios than that, so it was pretty bad.

No matter what I tried, I couldn't get her to stop making promises she wasn't going to keep. And, she wouldn't stop getting upset that I didn't believe her when she made them. Of course, the biggest one of those was the repeated promises about how things would get better if we had another baby. I don't recall exactly how many arguments we had about that, about knowing she was lying, but it was a lot. And, sure enough, once she was pregnant, all sex ceased for one reason or another. One month after the baby was born; she still wasn't in the mood for any type of sex. So, I went looking for sex partners on the internet, in plain view so she could see what I was doing. And that resulted in me finding Senem as I recounted in the story Now What. While she knew I was looking, I don't think she was ever aware of my affair with Senem. Not that I did anything to hide it, I just didn't come right out and tell her because that would be rubbing her face in it. And since we met on what would normally be an exercise night for me, there were no obvious signs.

Three months after that, she still wasn't interested in sex, which is when I spent my first night with Ugly as told in the story Fucking Ugly. This one she definitely knew about right away, because I was with Ugly until the next morning. And, for the first time in our marriage, rather than apologize for having done something wrong, I flat out told her that this was the way it was going to be. She had driven me to this point, with her games and lies, and she knew that something like this would eventually happen. So, she could either accept that I was going to get my needs taken care of elsewhere, or she could file for a divorce. The choice was hers. Of course, she tried every trick she knew to convince me that what I was doing was wrong and that I should stop. But, she was fighting a battle she couldn't win because I'd been ready for her arguments even before Senem. I may not have had the guts to do anything until then, but I'd rehearsed the fights in my mind for a long time.

Her telling me she knew all along that I'd cheat on her like every man does was met with the fact that even the strongest man has his limits. And, there was no judge who would blame me, except to say I should have done it long ago, or I should have divorced her. Divorce was still an option if that's what she wanted, but again, the judge, even a female one, would be on my side not hers, once they learned the whole story. Besides, I wasn't cheating, because what I was doing was out in the open, not behind her back. As a matter of fact, wasn't it her who had told me to go get laid, and who'd said that my sex life was not her business? Her next argument was that I'd end up leaving her for the other girl. My answer was almost the same as the first one, that if I didn't do this we'd end up divorced quicker, because I wasn't going to live without sex anymore. So, she could risk possibly losing me to another woman somewhere down the road, or she could lose me now. Her third argument wasn't the same day, but it also got a similar response. What I was doing to her was cruel and it was tearing her apart inside. For that one, I just reminded her of the pain she'd put me through for 9 years. If my repeatedly telling her the whole 9 years how much she was hurting me didn't make her stop, what made her think I'd stop after only one week?

She did make one attempt to convince me to give up seeing Ugly by offering to change her ways. However, she proved it wasn't a serious offer by asking it the form of a hypothetical question a few days before I was to see Ugly again. If she promised to take care of my needs from now on, would I stop seeing this girl? I obviously told her I had stopped believing her promises a long time ago. And, I told her that I knew she'd only take care of me long enough to get me to drop Ugly, then she'd go right back to her old ways. She didn't even try to argue that her offer was genuine, so I knew it wasn't. Had she been serious though, she had a few nights where she could easily have shown me that she was at least willing to try. But, other than that one question, she did absolutely nothing to back up her offer. In other words, the end result was that she accepted the situation because she knew it was her fault and she knew she wouldn't do what it took to fix it.

You may think that I didn't do enough to try and figure out why she did the things she did. The fact is, that over the almost 9 years that we had this problem I did everything I could. I tried talking to her about it, both to find out what was wrong, and what I could do to make things more pleasurable for her. The answer I got most of the time was that there was nothing wrong and that she loved the way I made love and wouldn't change a thing. If that was really the case, she'd want sex more often, wouldn't she? And when I'd ask about the broken promises, she had no explanation as to why she kept making promises that she wasn't going to keep. Add to that that it was always the wrong time and place to talk about our problems, even when we were alone, and you can see that I was getting nowhere fast. Pushing the issue did get something out of her, what she labeled as things she hadn't wanted to hurt me by telling me. Things like me needing to take a shower before coming to bed, or work on making my stomach smaller. But, while they might be things she wanted, with one exception that I'll cover later, they had nothing to do with our sex life. That is, me doing them didn't make her more interested in sex, and it seemed the more I tried the less sex I got.

I also tried other things to increase her interest in sex, or to at least find out what she was interested in. Things like talking dirty to her, watching porn with her, reading dirty stories to her and even writing some of my own. These weren't totally ineffective, but their effects were extremely short lived. For example, the first time we watched a porn film together, it heightened her interest, and she wanted to watch more of them with me. However, less than two weeks later, she completely lost that interest, and is still not interested in watching them. The same thing applied to the dirty talk and the written fantasies. She'd shown interest in them initially, yet a week or so later she'd lost that interest. More importantly, none of those things did what I'd most hoped they would and that was get her to open up and start telling me what her fantasies were. Even me writing my darkest fantasies, the ones I'd never do, didn't make her feel comfortable enough to do that.

Now, let's go back to the one reason she had given me for not being really interested in sex that actually had something to do with sex. It had something to do with me not being forceful or aggressive enough during our lovemaking. The first time she mentioned it was after our doomed attempt at becoming swingers. I've talked before about how she willingly did things with him that she still refuses to do with me. And it wasn't just once; it was on three different occasions that she did these things with him. In answer to my question of how she could do them with him, but not with me, her answer was because he told her to, and she couldn't say no to him. When I asked for clarification, she said that since we were swinging with him and his wife, he expected her to act like a slut. And, since his wife also did all those things, how could she do any less without disappointing him? It was ok to disappoint the man she loved, but not ok to disappoint some other guy? And, after we quit swinging because of her jealousy, we had quite a few arguments about her still not wanting to do those same things with me. The main reason for the arguments was not just that she had done them; it was how willingly she did them.

For example, when he told her he was going to fuck her in the ass, she immediately dropped to her hands and knees and spread her ass cheeks for him. And, she did it that way all three times, with a big smile on her face. Yet, she still refuses to do it with me because it would hurt too much. The same goes for other things, like kissing me after I eat her pussy, or putting her lips anywhere near my dick after I've fucked her. But, when he told her to suck his cock, even right after pulling it out of her asshole, she went after it like she was starved for it. So, it wasn't just the acts themselves, it was the enthusiasm she showed that really bothered me. Had she hesitated at all, before doing these things, it wouldn't have bothered me half as much. And her only explanation was that same one, that she did it because he told her to, and she couldn't tell him no. I only recently learned that the wording she used was way more important than I thought.

The next time I ran across the subject of aggressive behavior was during some of our fights about her broken promises. During a couple of them, she told me that if I wanted sex that bad I should just take it. When I asked if she meant I should rape her when she broke her promises, she said that in those situations I shouldn't take no for an answer. Well, I tried to do it that way for a while, but it didn't work out for either one of us. That's because every time I tried it, she'd immediately start a fight saying that she really wasn't in the mood. The first time she did that, I stopped, and the next day she bitched that I hadn't gone far enough in the game. The next time I tried, she bitched that I'd gone too far and had hurt her. The real problem was that there was no rhyme or reason to whether it was too far or not. If I stopped at exactly the same point two days in a row, one would be too far and one wouldn't be far enough. And, since she refused to use a safe word because it would kill the realism, 9 out of 10 attempts ended with us not talking for days for one of those two reasons. In the end, I just got tired of having to rape my own wife for sex, and with the fights that came whether I raped her or not.

So, I started ignoring her broken promises and ignoring her too, which only resulted in more promises and more fights. And it kept going that way right up to the final lies to get pregnant. And once she did get pregnant, our sex life died completely because she had gotten what she wanted from me. As I said before, we only tried making love once, a week after we were sure she was pregnant. And, she immediately wanted to stop because she said it was causing her pain. Then came the nausea and the bloating, and whatever other complaints she had. So, the entire time she was pregnant, she didn't want to make love at all. This from a woman who swears up and down that she really loves sex. After our daughter was born, I waited a month for at least something, but when nothing came, I looked elsewhere. And, I completely dropped all romantic ties with her, only doing the minimum to keep our kids in the dark about our problems.

When I started seeing Senem, I didn't expect any changes because my wife didn't really know I was fucking her. When I got together with Ugly though, I figured she'd take some kind of action to convince me to give her up. But other than asking if I'd quit if she promised to take care of my needs, she did nothing at all. I mean, if she really wanted me to stop seeing Ugly, she should prove to me that she could keep such a promise, right? Instead, she just accepted that I was going to keep fucking Ugly, and made no attempts to have sex with me. If you think that made me happy, because I got to fuck both Senem and Ugly without her bitching all the time, you're wrong. I actually love my wife, and enjoyed making love to her when she was in the mood for sex. The only reason I was seeing other women was because we didn't have a sex life. And the only reason I wouldn't accept her promises is because we both knew she wouldn't keep them.

My best friend, being my best friend, knew all about the problems her and I were having. I don't just mean the fact that we were having problems, I mean the details as well. It was he who first mentioned that she might be the kind of woman who wanted to be taken. He said that some women were total sluts who would do anything a guy wanted them to. But, they were ashamed of the fact that they wanted to do all these nasty things. So, they wouldn't do any of those things unless they were sort of forced to do them. That way they could feel better about acting like a total slut by saying the guy made them do it. And, he thought my wife was playing the games she did to get me pissed off enough to force her to do the nasty things she wanted to do anyway.

The first time he told me that was when we first started having problems, not long after our son was born. I told him I didn't agree, because she was a virgin when we met, and we hadn't really done anything but normal lovemaking. His answer was to say that just because we'd never done those kinds of things didn't mean she didn't want to do them. And, just because she'd been a virgin when we met didn't mean she didn't want me to force her to be a slut. The next time he brought it up was after her and I had tried swinging to kick start our dying sex life. He said then that she had done all those things with that guy because he'd been aggressive enough for her. And, she wouldn't do them with me because I wasn't aggressive enough. He also thought that jealousy had nothing to do with why she had wanted to quit after only having fucked the guy three times. He said it was because she had wanted me to treat her the way that guy had, and I hadn't. So, rather than risk our marriage by continuing to do things with him that she couldn't do with me, she'd made up the jealousy thing.

You'd think that the fact that we tried the forced sex thing, and failed miserably, would have made him change his mind about my wife. Instead, he said that it only proved his point for him. She'd asked for it, and she'd told me when I was too soft as well as too hard, hadn't she? So, that meant it was something she definitely wanted me to do. The reason it failed, according to him, was that I went about the whole thing wrong from the beginning. First off, I was using the wrong kind of force to get her to do what I wanted. She'd told me what kind of force I needed to use when she told me why she did those things with the other guy. Like she said, he'd told her to do them, and made it plain to her that he wouldn't take no for an answer. He didn't pin her to the bed, and force her legs apart, or grab her head and push it towards his cock. He just told her to spread her legs, or told her to suck his cock, and she did it. That was the kind of force she wanted, to just be ordered to do those things in a forceful manner.

The second mistake I'd made was in apologizing for going too far and hurting her. When she'd told me I was being too soft, my response shouldn't have been to ask how hard I should be. It should have been to promise her that I would be harder with her the next time. And, when she'd told me I'd gone too far and that I'd hurt her, I shouldn't have ever apologized for it. I should have told her that if she did the things I wanted I wouldn't have to hurt her. That way she'd know I wasn't going to take no for an answer and that I'd do what was necessary to get what I wanted from her. By asking her to tell me how far I should go, and by apologizing to her, I'd shown that I would take no for an answer. All she had to do was tell me I was going too far, or hurting her, and I'd stop. That's why I'd failed, because she didn't want me to give her a way to refuse. So, to succeed, I'd have to take that option away from her. And only then would she be happy and give me the things that I wanted.

Before I continue, I need to explain some things about my best friend. I already mentioned, in Fucking Ugly, that he doesn't trust younger women because he thinks they're all trying to force you into marriage. As a matter of fact, he has a general distrust of all women regardless of their age. They're manipulative, and will use whatever tricks it takes to get what they want from men. It's just that older women have less of a reason to play those games so they are the ones he usually spends time with. His distrust also colors his views on sex too, and he feels that most women prefer men to be aggressive instead of loving and understanding like I try to be. So, I kind of took the things he said about my wife with a grain of salt, since I had no way of proving what he said was right, and every reason to believe he thought the same things about all women. Also, at the time these events occurred, we only got together about once every two weeks, so his advice always came after the fact. Now that we go to the gym together twice a week, we talk a lot more often and while these things are happening, not after they are history.

The next time the subject came up was when I told him about getting together with Senem. He had asked me how I was going to handle my wife when she found out about it. I had told him that she'd already seen that I was on the internet looking for sex partners and I'd told her then that I was serious about finding one. So, since she'd said then that my sex life didn't concern her anymore, I'd just tell her the truth. Her not taking care of my sexual needs had made this necessary, so she'd just have to live with it. He then asked what my response would be if she said she was going to start seeing other guys too. I told him that I really didn't care anymore, but I also doubted she'd do that, because she obviously wasn't interested in sex. That's when he repeated again that she wouldn't play her games if she wasn't interested. But, what she wanted was something I wouldn't or couldn't give her, and that was to take her like she wanted to be taken. So, if I wanted her to let me fuck other women, all I needed to do was find her a guy who would treat her like a cheap slut.

I ignored that one too, and it wasn't until after both of us were fucking Ugly that he brought it up again. By the way, it took her about a month after our second date to get him in bed. But, she'd made it clear that she was still going to spend her Friday nights with me. That's kind of what brought the subject up this time, although I didn't realize it at the time. He'd asked if my wife had started trying to convince me to stay home on those nights by offering me sex, and I told him no. She'd asked the question whether I'd quit if she started taking care of my needs, but she hadn't actually done anything. He said that was probably because she knew I wouldn't give her the kind of sex she wanted. I rolled my eyes and told him I already knew what he thought about women, but not all women liked forced sex. Since I'd never come right out and said it that way, I was a little surprised by his answer. He said that his believing all women were manipulative bitches didn't mean he thought all women wanted to be treated like sex slaves. As a matter of fact, he only knew three other women who got off on being treated that way.