Unavowed

"I think I know what this is about," Lucas remarked over the phone, a clatter of a key ring came through the speaker, "I'll be right over."

Olivia thought about his response in the time it took for him to arrive at her door. She thought of all the previous text messages exchanged, nothing crass, nothing blatantly sexual, it could easily have all been excused in the event that she was found out by her husband. She always texted, never called.

A phone call might make her weak, impulsive. She was deeply aware of her lack of will power when she was presented with such easy access to terrible situations. So she always texted, usually. Today she woke up and something had felt different. Perhaps it was in the particular way the left side of the bed was still practically made up, not a stir in the sheets where her husband should have slept the night before.

Perhaps it was because of the dirty clothes left thrown across the floor and not in the hamper she specifically asked her husband to put his things in. Olivia was feeling vengeful. It was the same vengefulness she had felt the day she had met Lucas.

A few weeks before, at a decidedly impromptu party Olivia's husband had thrown (in celebration of, himself as far as Olivia was concerned,) she met Lucas. The small bar they were in filled up quickly with people she knew, people she barely knew, and a few people she had never met before.

Olivia had noticed Lucas when he walked in. She noticed that, not unlike herself, he wanted very much to not be noticed. He slouched away from the center of the room with a practiced skill. She thought to herself about all the boisterous and proud men she knew in her life, and immediately felt a deep desire to know someone different, this stranger in particular. There was nothing overly special about him, averagely tall, dark features, brown eyes.

She thought of her husband's eyes, which were blue, and remembered an article she had read once about how blue eyes were the least loving.

Olivia excused herself from a particularly boring conversation about her husband's many achievements, ordered another drink, and moved quietly in the direction of the man who caught her interest. She was unsure of her intentions, but she felt a wickedness about it and pushed her way through her nerves.

Olivia glanced around the room and found her husband completely preoccupied, telling herself she was just going to get to know the guy, no harm, no foul. Her husband neither knew nor cared where she was in the room, and for a minute her heart dropped and she felt a familiar dread. She felt trapped and useless, cast off.

She shook the feeling, straightened herself and found what she hoped was a friendly smile as she approached the man she intended on flirting with. He was in a quiet conversation with a man she vaguely knew, and mentally calculated if the man would know enough to run off and tell her husband that his wife was off flirting with another man, but then she noticed that he was maybe two too many drinks into the evening, and was swaying slightly, slurring a bit about some woman he knew a long time ago. Exaggeration. Olivia grazed the stranger's arm and startled him, "oh hi, am I in your way?"

Olivia shrugged, "no, no, I was actually heading directly your way," she had hoped it sounded flirty, and quickly realized that she had been long out of practice. She cringed inwardly, but held her smile until he responded, "oh?" with a surprised look.

He turned to face her, abruptly leaving the drunk in the middle of his tale about the tiny brunette he had once dated. "So, who forced you to come here?" She was acutely aware of her strained posture- Her body language read that of a toddler being forced to do something she absolutely did not want to do.

She relaxed a bit, and glanced behind her at, what she could only describe as, grotesque masculinity; her husband stood statuesque in the middle of a crowd of sycophants, telling a billowy account of his many trials and how he overcame them just by being awesome. Exaggeration. She rolled her eyes and returned to Lucas, pointing slyly over her shoulder at the scene behind her.

He breathed a laugh, a took a long gulp out of his drink, something dark and smokey. He leaned in a bit closer to Olivia, and introduced himself "Lucas, nice to meet you" he jutted his left hand out to shake hers, and she immediately froze and thought to hide her wedding ring, at the risk of ruining whatever she thought she was doing.

She could feel the weight of the guilt already and shook his hand anyway, she could excuse the flirting if she told herself that he knew she was married. "Olivia,"

Lucas trailed off into conversation and Olivia was enthralled. She watched his mouth move and his teeth glitter in the bar light. She watched his neck move and his shoulders jerk when he laughed, and she watched his hands, tracing circles in condensation on his glass. She thought to grab one and thrust his fingers in her mouth, a momentary fantasy that made her blush.

Lucas noticed, "ah," he mused "maybe you need something to drink, you look a bit flushed," Olivia looked down at her glass and realized that it was bone dry. She glanced over her shoulder again, and her husband, still clueless, had moved on to another version of the same tale with a new audience. Lucas took her glass from her hand, "maybe you need something different," Olivia blushed again, and Lucas immediately corrected the innuendo, "to drink, I mean," he briskly laughed and Olivia laughed, "you have no idea," Lucas left to get more drinks and Olivia moved to a booth in a corner behind the bar completely out of view from her husband.

She had figured the guilt would come later, and she was okay with that, she could atone for the flirting later when she was home, less tipsy, and alone. For now she was determined to enjoy herself, no matter what that took. She watched Lucas round the corner with two drinks in his hands, both clearly whisky. He sat them down on the table in front of Olivia, and gestured toward the booth, "is this seat taken?" Olivia thought about how defiant she was being when she told him he could sit. Across from her, away from the crowd she noticed how brilliant he looked, wild and genuinely friendly.

She felt a warmth off of him that was foreign. She liked him, and how at ease he made her feel. She gripped her glass with both hands in an effort to control the impulse to touch him, to run her hands along his and feel his physical warmth.

"So," he sighed, after taking a drink, "tell me about this," He tapped her wedding ring with his finger. He was intuitive, she sensed that much, but she was shocked at how forthcoming he was. She assumed this was to be the end of the conversation, and braced herself when she said, "it's kind of complicated, but to sum it up, we fell apart, and he refuses to let me leave," He leaned back in his seat, and took a breath.

He quickly glanced around the bar, and muttered something about pride that Olivia didn't quite catch. He returned his gaze to her, and it felt a little softer. He placed one of his hands over hers, completely engulfing it, and with his free hand he gestured in the general direction of Olivia's husband, "you can't force love, and you can't force happiness." Olivia, exasperated and a little tipsy, giggled, "you sound a tad like a fortune cookie, Lucas." He laughed wholeheartedly and the two of them sat trading snickers, and conversation that ranged from the philosophy of marriage and how out outdated it was , to favorite films.

In a comfortable lull in conversation, Lucas sighed and asked if Olivia wanted to take this (he motioned with a quick flick of his wrist pointing first at himself then to Olivia) any further than the night. Olivia was shocked. She had not thought about taking things further, she had no idea what "further" even meant. She only knew for certain that she was feeling more like herself that night than she had in years.

She sat for a moment thinking about what to do. Lucas waited patiently and drank a bit more of his drink. She noticed his hands on the glass again, actually she noticed every bit of exposed skin he had to offer and she felt the urge to see more, to know him, to touch him, to taste him. She felt a quick chill run up her spine and she said "of course, yes, I want this to be more than just tonight." Lucas' eyes lit up slightly, and he kept his voice secretive.

He spoke low and quick as if he was masterminding a great heist, "listen, I'll give you my number, we can talk, text, whatever you want, I'm usually free, but you better move quick because the party is winding down and he'll probably be looking for you soon."

Olivia noticed that conversations had grown few and far between. It was getting late, and her husband would be running out of stories soon, it was true. She grabbed her phone from her back pocket, unlocked it, quickly found her contacts list and slid the phone to Lucas. He typed his name and number in succinctly. He handed Olivia's phone back, and grabbed his drink as he got up to leave, he turned and winked at her. She slumped back in the booth and watched as he moved his way through the crowd.

Her husband came drunkenly around the corner of the bar, and motioned for her to hurry along, he had no audience left, it was time to leave. She gathered her things and followed him out the door. Riding a wave of confidence and a slight buzz she had gained from her conversation with the stranger, she thought about asking her husband to bed with her when they returned home, but she knew the answer would be a hard "no," so she squelched the idea and climbed in to the back of the cab taking her and her husband home.

Her husband had his head leaned against the window with his mouth hanging open and his eyes closed, drunk. She loathed him, but she wanted to continue feeling the bubbly way she felt, ignoring him, Olivia opened her phone, saw on the screen "Lucas Sutter" his phone number, and in the email portion of the contact page he had typed "you don't always have to be lonely ;)." She felt a deepening pull in her belly, and forced a wicked smile off her face until she was safely home and in bed, alone.

Over the next few weeks, Olivia texted Lucas frequently. They sent little messages about their days to each other, and quite often in the middle of the night, they discussed the ins and outs of Olivia's situation.

She told him about the lack of physical love, and then the lack of emotional love between her husband and herself, the marriage felt more like a trap than anything else; how she was neglected and denied everything she asked of him, and how she knew she was not entirely faultless in it all, and how the guilt ate away at her slowly.

Lucas consoled her and often offered sound advice. He often reminded her that he was open to anything she wanted to explore, and most of their conversations ended with Lucas imparting some reassurance about Olivia's worth.

Olivia stood at the window overlooking her driveway for five minutes before she realized that maybe she should worry about what she was wearing. While she supposed her intentions were clear, it occurred to her that maybe Lucas would enjoy seeing her in something titillating. She quickly ran to her dresser, where she kept most of her underthings.

She rifled through the very back and pulled out a piece of lace that barely covered any of her. She had bought it with the intention of seducing her husband, but when she had put it on she found herself in the mirror looking rather bawdy. Since then, lingerie had made her feel embarrassed and indecent, and she had avoided sexy underwear ardently. Olivia scoffed and threw the piece to the side. She stood up, and looked herself up and down in the full length mirror hanging in her closet.

She admired that her breasts were small, and round, so she took her t-shirt off and snatched her bra off, throwing it in the back of her closet, she found a clean t-shirt hanging up and put it on, admiring the way it clung to her and vaguely exposed her nipples. She glanced down at her shorts, worn out from years of wear, clinging to her thighs and hanging loose around her waist.

She was okay with them, she didn't have much else in her closet that showed her body off in a way that made her comfortable. She pulled the waistband back to glance at her panties. Black cotton. She laughed at herself, she had bought them because they were comfortable, and decided that at least black was a "sexy" color. She stood in front of the mirror again and felt satisfied, and more seductive than she had felt in a long time, she returned to the window to wait for Lucas.

Ten minutes later, he was quickly knocking at her door. She swung the door open and a wave of excitement rushed over her as Lucas glanced at her for a moment and then enveloped her in his arms. He picked her up slightly and moved her further into the doorway.

Lucas reached back and shut the door behind them, one arm still wrapped loosely around her waist. She was speechless, but it went unnoticed because before she could say anything, Lucas had expertly lifted her chin with his hand and found her lips with his. His kiss was soft, and attentive, he didn't push Olivia, and she noted that his breath was warm and inviting.

She opened her mouth and found his tongue, inviting him to kiss her deeper. There was a deeper discussion happening between them; in their kiss she admitted to being scared, and he assured her she was safe with him. Olivia pulled back from the kiss and invited him down the hallway to her bedroom, Lucas followed behind her, and as juvenile as it felt, she hoped he was checking her out. She swung her hips slightly more than was needed in hopes of keeping his attention.

As Olivia reached her doorway, Lucas reached his hand out and took hers. He pulled her into him and brushed his hands through her hair, he looked worried and she appreciated that. He sighed, "are you sure about this?" He still had his hands wrapped around her hair, Olivia was breathless, she found herself enamored by his kindness, his lust. "Yes, absolutely," she shook her head and reached behind her to open the door to her bedroom.

Lucas walked into the room, Olivia was amazed at the level of comfort that came from him, she was amazed at the lack of care he exerted over her husband's things. It was as if he had been here in her room about to commit adultery with her dozens of times. She shrugged to herself, as far as she was concerned he was welcome. Now that he was here any worry or doubt, shame or guilt she had felt was long gone.

She had been neglected for far too long, spent countless nights begging for her husband to make love to her, to fuck her. She thought to lock the door behind her, although it was only noon and her husband was not due home for another 6 hours at least, she still felt safer with as many doors between herself and her unfortunate spouse as possible. Lucas was standing by the bed, looking at Olivia.

His eyes were scanning her and she enjoyed knowing there would not be much effort in getting her naked. She hopped onto the bed, tossed her pillows on the floor and sat up on her knees. "What now?" she asked Lucas, who was smiling and looking decidedly hungry for whatever she had in store for him.

He leaned over the bed and hooked his hands behind her back, and gently lowered himself on top of her. She noted his warmth again, how it seemed to radiate off of him in waves, she mused to herself that she felt safer here in an admittedly dangerous situation than she ever did with her husband. Lucas moved his hands out from behind her back and positioned himself so that he was kneeling over Olivia.

He ran his hands over her arms, up to her shoulders and down over her breasts, where he stopped briefly to feel the shape of her body beneath his hands. She felt a breath escape her mouth when he brushed against her nipples, still clad in the thin t-shirt. Lucas swept his hands across her belly and slightly beneath her waist band where she gasped and felt her stomach lurch in anticipation.

He grinned down at her, and moved slowly down her legs, his warm hands searching every inch of her while she lay still beneath him. He ran one hand down the inside of her thigh, he pulled his hand back up and grazed the seam of her shorts and she felt herself move into his open palm. She was aware that her breath had quickened. She wanted him to touch her more, every bit of her wanted to feel his hands.

She wanted him inside her and to feel his breath mingle with hers. Olivia moaned and arched her back a little bit. She raised her arms above her head to signal to Lucas to take her shirt off. He pushed his hands beneath her shirt on each side of her and she felt his hands slide up across her ribs and then her shirt was off.

Lucas kissed her and leaned back to remove his own t-shirt, leaving it crumpled on the floor beside the bed. He leaned in to kiss Olivia and she closed her eyes to meet his mouth with hers. He moved artfully between her top lip and her bottom lip.

Weaving an intricate pattern, he moved along her chin, down her neck and across her shoulders, pressing his lips into her as he traveled. "Your skin is so soft," he hummed in her ear as he kissed the lobe and moved back down her neck, she felt the heat of his breath and it sent chills down her spine and through her legs.

He grazed her left nipple with his lips, and then her right, flicking his tongue quickly before kissing her skin. Her bare flesh was on edge, every nerve felt awake. Olivia felt the impulse to feel every inch of him, she lowered her hands onto the back of his neck, and ran them across his shoulders, she reached down and slid her hands into the back of his jeans before sliding them around and finding his zipper.

She felt, more than she heard, him gasp as she unzipped and unbuttoned his jeans. He quickly stood to slide out of them before he returned his attention to Olivia, he surprised her by wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her pants down, panties too.

She thought briefly about how silly she had been for fretting about what her underwear looked like. She was naked, underneath a man who was not her husband. Vengeance, she thought, this is what vengeance feels like. Lucas, still in his briefs, lowered himself on Olivia again and pressed himself into her naked body.

His hips were angled between her legs so that she could feel the weight of him, and all he had to offer her, she felt him growing hard as he moved slowly over her body. He held his weight on one arm and moved his legs to either side of her, moving his hand between her legs, she knew how wet she was and waited for him to feel it himself, to know that she was ready for him to give her what she was so longing for.

Lucas rolled a finger slowly over her clit, making her gasp and moan. She moved her hips and pushed herself into his palm. He gently pushed one, and then two fingers inside her, moving in a way that made her cling to her sheets and rock her hips with his motions.

He was enjoying teasing her, and Olivia was enjoying being teased. He was moving slowly but purposefully. She felt the sense that Lucas wanted her to enjoy herself as much as he wanted to enjoy her. She met his gaze as he moved his fingers out of her and back to her clit where he rubbed her back and forth quickly.

She felt herself on the verge of an orgasm already. She noted happily that he knew what he was doing as she held herself back from finishing before she had the chance to feel his dick. Olivia moved her hands between his legs and she felt the length of the him through his briefs. She gripped her hand around him and he held eye contact with her.

Gently, she pushed him aside and he rolled over on his back. Before Olivia straddled him she hooked two fingers around his briefs and pulled them down to his ankles where he kicked free of them.