Unconventional Ch. 08

Roxanne quickly gathered herself. Now was not the time to fall apart. She jumped up and followed him.

"Wait! Jarrett wait!" she called. She rushed behind him and grabbed his arm. He shrugged her away. He didn't want her to touch him. Roxanne let go.

"Jay, please," she said.

He about-faced. "What do you want from me?!" he said aloud.

"Just please talk to me. Why can't we just talk about this?"

"Because this conversation is not going to go the way that either of us want it to go. I'm not going to tell you to not take the job."

"That's what it feels like. This is something that I want to do for the rest of my life."

"Opportunities come around all the time, Roxanne."

"I feel like you're asking me to choose between this job and you. How is that fair?"

"How is it fair for you to decide where we go from here? You just made up your mind that you don't want to give us a chance," he said, eyes darkened and piercing at her. She couldn't read his emotions but she knew that he was upset.

"I can't keep doing this with you. I love you but I can't make you believe that I'm not going anywhere."

Tears rolled down her cheeks again. "I love you too. I just don't know what you want me to do," she said.

He sighed. There was nothing that she could say to counteract anything he said. He wasn't wrong but he wasn't completely right either. Emotions were high. She didn't want to tell him what he wanted to hear but she also didn't want to say anything that she didn't truly believe. They were at an impasse. She tried again to reach for him and he pulled back.

"I honestly need some time, Roxanne, before I say something that will really hurt your feelings and I don't want to do that."

He turned away from her. Every fiber in her body wanted to take back everything that she said but she didn't know where to begin. Quietly, he made his way upstairs.

"Where are you going?" she called, now standing at the bottom of the stairwell. He didn't answer her. Go after him, her head shouted, but she had no idea what to say to him to make him stay. If she took everything back now, she'd sound like a crazy person. Like she changed her mind only to keep him.

Jarrett tried his hardest not to slam the door but he couldn't help it. It made a thud and he remembered he had to keep his emotions in check for the sake of Roxanne's mother. He didn't want to disrespect her house in such a manner. It was not his house. If it was his house, it would be completely trashed. He would've destroyed everything in his path; punched the wall and smashed everything.

"Fuck this shit!" he said to himself.

He clenched his fists; not having an outlet for his anger. Immediately, he packed his bags. He decided not to breathe the same air, let alone be in the same house as Roxanne O'Brien. She was bringing out the asshole in him. Let her find her own way home, he thought. He never threw his belongings so quickly into his suitcase. He didn't know if he had everything. It didn't matter. He just had to get out of there.

***********************************

Charlotte quietly got out of bed and walked past the guest bedroom. She ran into Jarrett in the hallway, fully dressed and ready to go.

"My bad," she said as soon as she ran into him.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I didn't see you."

She managed to peep into in his room and saw his clothes thrown into his suitcase. The room was almost spotless.

"Are you two leaving early?" she asked casually.

Jarrett didn't have an answer for her. He didn't want to divulge the fight they had earlier. He didn't want to talk about it to her sister.

"I was straightening my room," he answered.

"I was going to the kitchen to cook breakfast. You coming down?"

"No, I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay. See you later, then?"

They made it downstairs at the same time. Roxanne was still in her pajamas, sitting at the piano and playing quietly by herself.

"Roxy," her sister called, but then she noticed the discord in the room. Roxanne looked up and saw that he was dressed and ready to go. Jarrett did not speak to her nor did he look her way. Jarrett left the house without saying a word to her. She watched him walk out the house and to his car. He didn't have his bags in hand, so she knew he'd be back.

It was at that moment, Roxanne knew that she fucked up. Her mind kept telling her to move, to fucking say something, but her body didn't budge. Her lips didn't move. She just watched him walk away and disappear inside his car.

Two steps forward, ten steps back, Roxanne immediately thought. "Fuck!" she shouted.

Charlotte whipped her head around. "What's going on with you two?" she asked. She sat down beside her sister and closed the piano for her full attention.

"I fucked it up, Charlie."

"What happened?" she asked again.

"What always happens, we got in a fight. And now I don't even think we'll go back to being friends."

Charlotte rested her hand on her chin, leaning on the hood of the piano.

"You think Jarrett's solely interested in being your friend?" she asked.

"No. He wants more but we're so different, Charlie. I'm—"

"Crazy," Charlotte interjected, "And he's not. He's secure. And you don't like that because??"

"Because I don't know what I want. It wouldn't be fair of me to string him along if it's a means to an end."

"Well, obviously, he means something to you or you wouldn't have brought him home. You never brought anyone home."

"So?"

"Your picky ass brought a guy—a nice guy, mind you—home."

Roxanne realized her sister's point.

"I know you, Roxy. You like to pick fights. You can be a little bipolar sometimes; happy one minute, angry the next. Not everyone can deal with your mood swings."

"He can."

"Then maybe he's the guy for you. But you gotta stop being so difficult, Rox. I saw the two of you last night. You guys were amazing together. You both looked really happy."

"I was happy. I was the happiest I'd ever been. I've never been with someone who knew me so well. Who can see past my bullshit and still care. And last night really felt good."

"My advice to you: patch it up."

Easier said than done, Roxanne thought, he was really mad at her.

"He doesn't want to talk to me, not after the fight we had."

"Patch it up. If he didn't care, he wouldn't still be here."

"This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gotten that fucking phone call from Charleston."

"What happened with that?"

"They offered me the job. I got the call yesterday before we got on the road."

"And you didn't tell him?"

"Why should I?"

"Now it all makes sense," Charlotte said, "You had no intention of being friends until you got the call, am I right?"

"Yes and no."

"Damn Roxy. You've really got to figure this out."

"I love him, Charlie, but I don't want to give up my future career for him. It's the job of a lifetime, Charlie, in Charleston. And it's close to home. I miss y'all like crazy and I always wanted to come back home after graduation," Roxanne said.

"Let me ask you this: has he ever given you a reason to believe that he's going anywhere any time soon?"

Roxanne paused.

"If you have to think about it, then he probably hasn't," she replied, "Anything can happen. You don't know. He might move with you."

"I can't ask him to change his life around for me."

"How do you know he wouldn't? Oh, I know, because you wouldn't. Not everyone is as selfish as you are, Rox."

"He won't talk to me. I just think we need some space."

"Roxy, he drove you here. The car ride home is gonna be hella awkward. Figure this shit out, girl."

Angela came downstairs and greeted her girls.

"What are you girls talking about? Where's your little friend?" she asked.

Charlotte and Roxanne stared at each other and didn't reply.

***********************************

Roxanne waited all day for Jarrett to come home. She didn't know what she would say to him. Her knees shook as she waited in the living room, balled to her chest. All she had on were her slippers and an oversized sweatshirt. She listened for his car to pull up to the driveway.

"Sitting there like a basset hound isn't going to make him come back here any faster."

"I don't know where he went, Charlie." Roxanne kept her eyes on the driveway.

She finally heard his car pulling into her driveway. Her heart pounded. She felt even more nervous than before. She watched him get out the car and casually walk up to the front door of the house. Roxanne met him at the door, opening before he could knock.

"Hi," she said quietly.

He opened his mouth to speak but his words were caught in his throat. He wanted to kiss her and start over but he stopped himself. He didn't want to want her but he still did. He slightly brushed past her and into the house. Charlotte managed to make her mother and herself scarce so the two of them could talk privately.

"I know you're still mad at me but I really need to talk to you."

He was still being cold towards her. He glared at her with such an intensity, it made her shiver.

"I've been doing some thinking on my way back here," he began, "This isn't going to work out. Let's wash our hands of the whole thing. When we get back home, we'll go back to work like none of this ever happened."

"What happened to not letting this affect our friendship, Jarrett? Why can't we go back to being friends?" Roxanne said.

"I can't be your friend either."

"Jarrett," she began, "I know you're upset. I'm not trying to hurt you on purpose. You asked me what I wanted and I want this to work but I don't know how."

Before he could think, he said it. And he meant it.

"I can't be with someone who doesn't know whether she's coming or going. You say you love me now, but I don't want to become invested and then you change your mind. I know why you want to go to Charleston. Charlie is there and you'll be close to your family. I get that. But you can have a home with me too. But you and I are in different places right now," he said.

"I don't want to be in different places," she said softly. Like a child.

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

"I can get Charlie to drive me home."

That's stupid, he said to himself but he didn't offer a counteroffer.

"Alright," he said, "I'm going to go ahead and head home. You should stay and spend time with your family."

Roxanne shook her head in disbelief. This is the way Roxanne and Jarrett would end, she thought. No other words were exchanged. He went upstairs and grabbed his luggage. The few beers he had on the way back made him feel numb and he didn't care what happened next.

Roxanne watched as he loaded his luggage into his Dodge. This weekend was a mistake, she said to herself. "Tell your mom and Charlie I'm sorry I couldn't stay," was his last remark.

Just go after him. All these back-country roads, you can catch up with him, her mind said. Get your ass off this porch and go after him.

But she didn't move. She didn't do anything.

***********************************

As soon as Jarrett got home, he unpacked his bag. He threw everything out and tossed it around the room. His phone vibrated and he answered it without looking.

"What?" he answered.

"Damn, that's a nice way to answer your phone," Sean said on the other end of the line.

"Shit. I'm sorry, man. What's up?"

"What's up with you? I hadn't heard from you all weekend. I'm on my way home today."

"What happened at home?"

"You know us Colliers. We can't stand one holiday together without someone getting into an argument. I had to get out of there."

Jarrett felt himself calming down. He stopped unpacking and listened to his friend vent.

"I'm sorry, man. Divorces during the holidays are rough," he said.

"Well, I'm headed back home now. I could use a drink. How's Roxanne?"

Jarrett's jaw clenched at the sound of her name. "Fine," he said through his teeth. He didn't feel like getting into his problems after hearing from his best friend.

"I wouldn't mind seeing Roxanne too," Sean added with a light chuckle.

"She's still in South Carolina," he immediately said.

"Wait a second, are you back home? What'd you do? I figured you two would've settled your differences by now."

"I'll tell you about it later," Jarrett replied, "How far away are you?"

"About an hour and twenty."

"Good, I'll see you in a few," Jarrett said.

***********************************

Sean looked really glad to see best friend. He headed straight to their apartment from home. They sat at the kitchen table and drank a couple of beers.

"So, man, what's going on with you?" Sean asked, drinking another beer. Jarrett kept his eyes on his first beer. "Nothing, man," he said monotonously.

"Nothing? I figured you'd be grinning from ear-to-ear after spending the holiday with Roxanne O'Brien."

"We had a fight."

Sean sighed. It wasn't his business but he noticed how much of a bad mood the fight put Jarrett in.

"Look man, it's none of my business but if you want to talk about it, I'm here. I mean, you listened to me talk about my problems."

Jarrett thought about it for a second. He had of enough beers to lower his inhibitions and talk about his troubles with Roxanne O'Brien.

"Breathe a word of this to Max, and I'll kill you," he said.

"C'mon, Jay. You know me better than that," Sean assured.

Jarrett sighed sharply.

"I love her and I want to be with her," he finally said, "And the last couple of days were good. We talked and I felt her opening up, finally, and then she shutdown again."

"Yeah, but you know Roxy. She's guarded. I'm talking electric fences and Rottweilers around her heart."

"I know that. I can't keep going back and forth. I'm starting to think that she's too young to want the things that I want."

"You're not that far apart, Jay. But I think your whole arrangement got in the way of you getting to know each other on a personal level. There's no room for romance."

"You just love using that psychology degree, don't you?" Jarrett mocked.

"I can't help it sometimes," Sean chuckled, "So, what are you gonna do?" Sean asked, finishing his third beer.

"I don't know. I don't feel like talking to her right now."

"You have to talk to her. You basically left her there," Sean pointed out.

"I honestly don't know if I would've actually left her there but then she said that her sister would drive her back up here. So, fuck it," Jarrett said plainly.

Sean laughed a little. He couldn't tell if Jarrett was joking or not but it was still a funny thought. He knew that Jarrett wouldn't actually leave her, but he wouldn't put the idea past him either.

"Listen, Jay, I'm just going to tell you the truth. I think you leaving was a mistake."

"Says the guy who left home before Thanksgiving Break was over," Jarrett said.

Sean shrugged. He couldn't argue with that.

"I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted to with Roxanne."

Jarrett finished his beer. "I knew shit was gonna go south at some point anyway. That's just how things are between us. I'm sorry about your parents getting a divorce. I can't imagine all the arguing you had to listen to."

"My sister said they argue like that all the time. Shit's crazy. So, what are you gonna do when Roxy comes home? You still work together."

"I don't know. I'll worry about that later. You know me, I always have a plan."

Sean checked the time on his phone. "I'm gonna go to bed. That was a long drive. Thanks for the beers."

"I'm here for you, man." Jarrett said with a smile. "Max will need one of us to pick him up from the airport this weekend," he reminded.

"I'll pick the kid up from the airport," Sean said, referring to Max. "Do what you think is best," he added, referring to Roxanne.

"That's exactly what I said to Roxanne."

"Then take your own advice," Sean advised.

***********************************

Thanksgiving Break was over and Roxanne returned to the hustle and bustle of school. There were only a few days left before graduation. She quickly realized how much time sped up as the days flew to her first day back at her internship. Her heart raced as she sat in the parking lot, staring up at the door. She hadn't spoken to Jarrett in what seemed like forever. Not since the morning he left her mother's house after Thanksgiving. A thousand thoughts flooded her mind. She couldn't sleep last night from thinking about every possible scenario that could occur between them once they ran into each other for the first time. She respected his space as long as she could; all throughout exams. No calls. No texts. Nothing. And it killed her. Every day she wanted to call him and talk about what happened and try to work it out. It would be repetitious at this point to tell him how she felt. That's the problem. It was always what she wanted. Roxanne was so nervous; her hands shook uncontrollably. Several pep talks were given before she made herself get out of the car.

Inside, everything was back to normal. The office was busy and everyone was in a good mood, as always. Roxanne never understood the strange happiness of the place. It put her at ease a little until she made her way towards her cubicle. Nerves flooded her veins again; Jarrett's office was directly across from hers and his door was always open. She panicked thinking what would happen when she walked by and saw him there. She still didn't know what to say and it was too late to run back to the car and go home. After spending a whole break thinking of all the things to say, her mind drew blank at this very moment.

"Shit," she muttered.

Roxanne took a deep breath and walked straight to her desk. Looking straight ahead, she made a beeline for her chair but out the corner of her eye, she tried to see if his door was open. It was not. Roxanne was a little confused, Jarrett's door is never closed. She thought maybe he was in a meeting. She knew that he was working today. He never missed work and he certainly wouldn't miss it even if he knew that she was coming today. But maybe he would. Turns out, Jarrett changed his office hours and did majority of his work from home. Roxanne couldn't help feeling that he changed his hours because of her. It was confirmation that he was still angry with her and didn't want to see her.