Universal Love

"I'm thirty-one years old and still a virgin. I've worked for NASA for eight damn years and never had a vacation. I go to work, I go home. Heat something in the microwave, go to sleep, and then I go back to work..." She started to break down and cry. "People call me a genius, but I'm the dumbest person I know."

"Whoa, Sonoma, take a breath..."

"Hey! I still have fifteen seconds left." She smiled ruefully, shaking her head regretfully at the same time.

"Do you at least enjoy what you do?"

"That's the root of the problem, Arvin. I don't know! I've never known anything else." She interrupted her sniffling to take a sip of her wine. "I know the work is important and all. But shouldn't I have had some say in my own life?"

"You know, Sonoma. In a way, I know exactly how you feel. Most of the time I feel like an innocent bystander to my own life. Other people made decisions for me that...well, I guess we really aren't all that different."

She laughed harshly. "I'll trade you my life for yours."

Arvin thought that her last comment was debatable. "Out of curiosity, and based on what you've told me, how the heck did a rocket scientist wind up in a bar in Fremont sitting next to a broken-down, fat old trucker?"

This time Sonoma's laugh was bright. "I'm really not sure. I haven't been here before. I just felt the overwhelming urge for a glass of wine, and this was the first bar I saw. Weird, huh?" She appeared a little confused about her timeline. "I missed my flight out of Albuquerque so I could only get one into Sacramento. I rented a car there and started for home. I stopped on the pass for a quick bite then...well, then here I am."

"Well, in any case, I'm glad you're here sitting next to me. I'm actually having fun." His eyes sparkled with life.

"Arvin, maybe I don't have a right. But, what happened? How did you come to this place? Not the bar, but in your life?"

This time, when Arvin read off the litany of his failures, it was more like he was reciting a shopping list instead of playing a funeral dirge of self-flagellation. It didn't hurt nearly as much as it used to.

"Damn, Arvin, your Ex was a really evil bitch!" He started to protest, but she stopped him. "I know you've been blaming yourself, but it took two of you to get her pregnant. Did she ever tell you even once that she was unhappy? I mean, all she had to do was say she wanted a divorce. If not that, did she suggest counseling, trying to work out some compromise so she could go to school? I mean really, that was a cold-blooded thing she did. She actually moved into another man's bed with your child. I'd a slapped that bitch into tomorrow. Really!"

Arvin actually laughed about it for the first time, but Sonoma saw a flash of sorrow and regret cross his face. "What, Arvin?"

"I'll never forgive myself for giving up on my kid, though." Tears started to well up in his eyes.

Sonoma put her arms around him, pulled her to her chest, and gave him a long hug. It gave him a warm feeling all over. No one had ever made him feel like that before.

"All is not yet lost for you, Arvin." She whispered in his ear. A startled Arvin looked bemused at Sonoma.

Their shared moment was interrupted by the bartender's arrival, "last call, folks. "How about it, Arvin. Top off your coffee?" The pot was already in his hand, and he began to pour more into Arvin's mug without waiting for a response. How about you, young lady? More wine?"

"No, maybe just some coffee, thanks," Sonoma responded, sounding more than a little apprehensive. The bartender had another mug with him. Kind of a proactive sort of guy.

Sonoma began to sip the medium roast and spoke tentatively. "So, where are you staying, Arvin."

"My rig is at the truck stop just around the corner. I have a sleeper cab..."

"You live in your truck?" She asked incredulously, as they walked outside after the barkeep kicked them out.

"I'm only home one day a year, so I don't need much."

"Okay, we'll go to my place. I've got a bed big enough for the both of us. It's not far. I live just across the Dumbarton, off Hamilton. My rental car is right here." She unlocked the doors and motioned for Arvin to get in the passenger seat.

But before he climbed in, he leaned on the roof. "Sonoma, you told me that you worked for NASA. But, you never said what you do for them."

"I work for their Active SETI operation. Well, really, I'm contracted to the SETI Institute, but...

"SETI?"

"The Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence."

"What, you're looking for ET?"

"Basically. We use the Allen Telescope Array to listen and try to find radio signals created by intelligent life out in the universe."

"Wow, that sounds interesting."

"I guess it might be?"

Arvin gave a little snort. "Have you found anything exciting?"

"I may have. Normally we set the array to listen in the vicinity of closer stars. However, I got some interesting information on a system called TOI 700 from the James Webb Telescope data dump, so I fiddled around and pointed the array in its general direction. It's more than 100 lightyears away. Anyhow, I found some odd signal patterns there."

Arvin started scanning the sky. "Where is it?"

"It's in the Dorado Constellation and only visible from the Southern Hemisphere, Arvin. Now get in the car. I'm getting cold."

"Yes, Mom." He retorted but opened the door and sat inside as instructed. This was one very interesting woman.

They drove in virtual silence. Each lost in thought. When they reached the bridge, Arvin broke the stillness. "What are we doing here, Sonoma? I'm eleven or twelve years older than you."

"Good, then you should know what you're doing." She replied softly, then laughed nervously.

"Seriously, Sonoma. Look at me." Brad Pitt, I ain't."

"Yeah, well, I'm not...well...I really don't know who I'm not, but as long as your eyesight doesn't improve by the time we get into bed, it will be all right."

"Okay then, you're the boss." He sighed cautiously.

"You're a quick learner, Arvin Hayward. A very quick learner." She looked at him in the darkness, broken only by the intermittent glow from passing lights, and gave him a Mona Lisa smile. Arvin just shivered a little, turned, and looked out his window. Arvin looked north up the Bay. In the far distance, he could see the Bay Bridge silhouetted by its lights, as the fog hadn't settled down onto the water yet.

He could see the lights of Downtown San Francisco. The descending fog was just touching the tops of its tallest buildings. The Transamerica beacon light was somewhat obscured, but still visible through the haze. He could even see parts of the Oakland skyline to the East.

There were a few container cargo ships, slowly making their way North before turning to the west to make their run through the Gate to unknown parts of the world. But, not before having first traversed the calm waters of San Francisco Bay. Their twinkling running lights added to the overall beauty and symmetry of the twenty-four-hour life cycle of the harbor. He was tempted to roll down his window to see if he could hear the mournful blasts from the ocean-going vessels' fog horns like he used to do when he was a kid. It was almost a living, breathing entity. He hadn't thought about that in forever. It sent a rush of mixed emotions through him, bringing a tear to his eyes.

Funny, he thought. I've crossed this bridge hundreds of times and never appreciated how beautiful all this is. Maybe that's the difference between being alone and being lonely. He looked across at Sonoma. She didn't notice him, seemingly focused on her driving. Unbeknown to Arvin, Sonoma was having similar emotions, but she had wasted too much time to back out now. Arvin just sighed and settled back into his seat, staring at the headliner above him.

Arvin had fooled himself into believing he had stopped living when Auburn divorced him. He now recognized that it was long before that occurred. What a waste. He was so very tired.

If this had been a Hollywood movie production, then the night that Sonoma and Arvin spent together in her bed would have been one of wonder, as the souls of the two lovers became one. Their passionate lovemaking would have been filmed through a diffusion filter as two perfectly shaped human forms. They would have been covered in a light sheen of sweat, caused by their perfectly choreographed athletic movements, glistening in the moonlight, as they whispered words of endearment to one another during the brief interludes when their lips parted. Chests heaving, eyes closed in longing and heavenly ecstasy, until they collapsed, finally. Sated, at least for the moment, as they fell into a deep and untroubled sleep, still intertwined. The ancient Gods and Goddesses of love looking down divinely on the reposed loving and cherished pair.

But, that's not what it was. In reality, it was two tired, overweight, out-of-shape, and slightly inebriated people with damaged psyches, fumbling their way through their inexperience and fears. It was largely an uncomfortable act, although completed in the biblical sense, for both of them. But for different reasons. One had never been in this position before, and the other was trying to remember when he'd last been.

Less than thirty minutes after climbing into Sonoma's bed, they were both in a troubled sleep. Their individual fears and doubts locked in mortal combat with their renewed hopes and possibilities.

In the morning, sleepy-eyed and slightly hung over, they were seated, somewhat embarrassed, across from one another at Sonoma's small kitchen table. They stared into their coffee mugs not sure what to say. Arvin wearing only his boxer shorts and a faded T-shirt, Sonoma in her tattered robe and pastel blue bunny slippers. Now what?

Sonoma cleared her throat. "So, Arvin, are we supposed to come up with cute little pet names for us to call each other now?"

Arvin gave a wane smile. "I'm sorry, Sonoma. I guess it wasn't what you thought it would be?"

"That's true, but on the other hand, it wasn't so bad that I don't want to try it again." She was smiling impishly at him. He put his head down, sadly. "Arvin, look at me. I'm a grown woman, responsible for myself. I can't blame others for my feelings. I'm pretty sure if we weren't both so tired, drunk, and scared, it would have gone differently. I'm betting that the next time, it will be great!" She raised her cup to him in salute. "And, if not, I'm sure there are YouTube videos we could watch!" She continued to crack herself up. A red-faced Arvin just sat silently, shaking his head.

They talked easily after that, mostly about safe inane subjects. Arvin asked her again where she was from. She gave the same vague answer about being from nowhere. They were almost finished with their coffee when Sonoma, fumbling around trying to find the right words, got more serious.

"So, Arvin, I've read that there are a lot of over the road driver teams, some are couples, others married, is that true?" She reverted to the shy young girl she used to be.

"Yes."

"You said you were a good driver, right?"

"Yessss?" He was starting to catch on.

"So, you could probably teach me, right?"

"So, what are you going to do, Sonoma, just bail on your life? Disappear from your world?" He couldn't fully believe she was serious. "And, what about your hunt for ET?"

"I suppose I might be, Arvin. But truthfully, isn't that what you've done for the past four years? Maybe it's my turn, now?" She got thoughtful for a moment. "Besides, I think I might have already found what I was looking for."

"What about your parents. What will they think?"

"I haven't spoken to them in more than a year. We kinda had a falling out. Besides, after we get on the road, I might send them a picture of every sight we see and everything we experience. I'll be in every shot you take, giving them the finger!" She gave that laugh again and it warmed Arvin's, once-dead heart.

"You don't take anything seriously, do you Sonoma?" He was laughing with her when he spoke.

"I've wasted too much time already being serious, honey."

Six Years Later:

Arvin and Sonoma Tracy-Hayward nervously walked hand in hand, as they always did, into the unfamiliar and imposing headquarters of the Union Pacific Railroad at 14^th and Douglas in Omaha, Nebraska. The fact that they appeared to be an odd couple to others never bothered either of them. They were wearing the same shirt. Sonoma always insisted that they dress alike as possible. When she first started in on him with her plan, he was going to make a snide remark, but stopped himself. His thought was, that it was a very high school crush kind of thing to do. Then he remembered that she had never gone through a teenage phase. He just smiled and put up with it. Arvin still found Sonoma's innocence and wonder at the simplest pleasures, invigorating and endearing.

But here, they felt out of place as much as they looked. They approached the reception desk where a smartly dressed, bright and bubbly, young lady greeted them. She seemed almost sincere as she inquired as to their needs. Arvin figured she was going to tell them that truck drivers were supposed to enter the building from the back docks. If the UP was like most companies, they didn't let drivers get further than the dispatcher's office and the god-awful smelling porta potties next to it.

"Ah, I would, um, I would like to speak with Mr. Davis-Anderson." Arvin had tried to keep his nervousness out of his speech, but he failed miserably.

"I see, and do you have an appointment?" She was now acting very formally in her response. She kept glancing over to see if the lobby security guard was awake.

Sonoma cut in sharply. "No, but tell him his father, Arvin Hayward, is here to see him. And please be quick about it." Sonoma wasn't out of place now. "My husband is a busy man." She understood the company she was in. Arvin just cringed, so Sonoma squeezed his hand tighter.

The receptionist, who was nobody's fool, still wasn't completely convinced these interlopers were telling the truth. Sonoma studied the girl's face closely. She could tell the receptionist was weighing the risk versus the reward for bothering Mr. Davis-Anderson. He was one of the young up-and-coming IT analytic lions at UP, so the girl needed to be careful. Sonoma gave a little smile of victory when the now, not-so-snotty girl picked up the office com and made the call. It was answered promptly.

"Ah, Mr. Davis-Anderson..."

"Helena, how many times have I told you to please call me DA?" He interrupted briskly.

"Ahh, yes sir, I'm sorry. There is a gentleman here who says he's your father. And he wishes..."

"My dad?"

"Yes. A Mr. Arvin Hayward. He's with his wife."

There was an extended but alert silence from DA that hung in the air.

Mr...I mean, DA, are you still there?"

A few seconds later, after having collected himself, DA finally managed to speak. "Ahh, ok. Yes, I see. I will be right down."

Helena knew there was much more than met the eye to this upcoming encounter. She wanted to know more, so instead of directing Arvin and Sonoma to the bank of chairs across the lobby, she said. "He'll be right down." This should be good. She thought to herself and folded her arms. She gave Sonoma a tight smile.

Ten minutes ticked by. Arvin glanced around nervously. He fidgeted with the newer gold band on his ring finger. He noticed that instead of the one bored-looking security guard they had passed at the entrance, there were now six much younger, fitter, and highly attentive guards in suits and ties watching them.

Sonoma could feel Arvin's anxiety level rise dramatically. She was afraid if his son didn't appear soon, Arvin would bolt for the door. She let go of his hand and wrapped herself tightly around Arvin's right arm. "It will be alright, Arvin. Courage now." She hoped it sounded more confident than she felt.

"Damn, Sonoma, would you look at him. That used to be me a hundred years ago."

Sonoma followed Arvin's gaze down the hallway and saw a tall, professionally dressed, confident, handsome young man coming their way. He didn't look pleased as he gave a tight nod to one of the security guys as he passed by him.

"Wow, Arvin. I should have met you a long time ago!" Sonoma said as she playfully punched him on the shoulder. She was impressed with the stone-faced young executive purposefully striding their way. He looked like he had just finished a cover shoot for Success Magazine.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Hayward?"

Arvin's already weakened resolve took another direct hit, but Sonoma grabbed him even tighter. "You know who I am?"

"Of course, I do. You look like the guy that used to stop by the house every now and then when I was little. I might even have an old photo or two of you laying around somewhere in a shoebox packed away in a closet." His anger was building. "I haven't really seen you in over ten years. What do you want?" His resentment and suspicion were clearly evident.

I-I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You deserved better from me."

"Yes, I did." He spat out. "And, so did my mother." Campbell's eyes never blinked nor wavered from Arvin's.

"Yes, yes, she did. I might argue with how she did it. But she was basically a good person." Sonoma kicked his ankle, hard. "And yes, she did deserve better than I could give her.

"I'd like to explain all that to you someday, Cam." DA noticeably flinched at the familiarity. "Not to make excuses. Just clarify. But, for now. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am, and...and ask you a question." Arvin was trying fiercely to stifle tears. The dark and unpleasant memories he thought Sonoma had buried for him long ago, were fighting their way back to the surface. "I sometimes wondered if she did it more for herself, which is what she insisted, or really for you. I wanted to believe it was, and not a selfish act on her part. I've hoped that was true for all these years, anyway."

Arvin was losing the battle to smother the resurgent mental images of his past failures. "It's why I didn't fight for you, or anything." Tears streamed down Arvin's cheeks. He had lost his struggle for composure. He didn't care. "Either way, it was better than I could do for you." He had nothing more left in him. His inadequacies were exposed to all. "Was it better, Cam? Was it?" He pleaded. He had to know.

Campbell nodded solemnly. He had looked forward to this day. For years, actually. He dreamed of how he might cut down the man that abandoned him if he ever got the chance. To make certain that the piece-of-shit who never gave him the time of day, paid the price. However, as he looked at the humbled man before him, he couldn't do it. He may never know why, if he did that.

"Yes, yes it was better." He whispered. "Mom and Dad are still together. They still live on West Coast, so we don't see them much these days." He met Arvin's sad eyes. "It was good, better I mean." There was no rancor in his voice now. Only sorrow and confusion.

Arvin simply nodded his head. An interminable silence followed. No one seemed to know what to do or say next. Even the several witnesses to their little drama shifted uncomfortably, unsure if it was over. Helena's office com was going off incessantly, red and orange lights flashing; and completely ignored by her. Campbell appeared to be lost in deep thought.

Sonoma saved the day. "I'm Sonoma, the elocutionist's wife." She quickly thrust her hand out to shake Campbell's hand, who thankfully reciprocated. Sonoma thought, even if his handshake was only to break the razor-like tension, it helped. "Usually, the big guy is a little more, well, ah erudite, but..."