Unlikely Love Pt. 04

Elena

Lily was never one to stay the night, so predictably I woke up quite alone, but with no regrets, save one, the fact that nothing I was doing with her was about her but about someone else. Tamara. My Tamara. Wait, did I actually say that, even in my mind? My Tamara? No, no, no, not good, I was getting in way too deep, I had to guard my heart better. I already knew straight girls were a guaranteed heartache, that even if they dipped their toes (or more) in the lovely pool of lesbian passion, they would go back. Back to men. Away from me, from us, away from the path of woman on woman love, no matter how good or amazing. Shit.

I already knew I was in trouble, something about her just wrapped around my heart like a warm wonderful blanket, and the feeling was so good that I wanted it to last forever. I had felt this way about someone once before, and at least she was gay and thus attainable, but after a year things fell apart. I realized in that moment just how strongly I locked my heart up so that I would never feel that way again.

I walked slowly into the bathroom and started brushing my teeth. How on earth did I let this happen? I had chemistry with other women before and it hadn't had this effect on me. I was no player, but I had fun and didn't get clingy or form attachments. So why her? Why now? I looked at my reflection for a second, and then stopped brushing, and then rinsed my mouth out, leaving a minty taste behind.

All at once it hit me. I was good at keeping my guard up because I expected to feel things, not just attraction, but more. I knew I was attracted to other women, and had my share of fun with lesbians and bi girls alike. But the fact that they were potential relationship material would put me on guard and on my toes. With Tamara, I knew at the outset that it was impossible, and could never happen, and because of that I didn't filter my feelings at all. She was the wildcard. Once again. Shit.

Tamara

When I got up the next morning, Alan muttered something about me talking in my sleep, but added that it was unintelligible like everything else I said. Normally I would say nothing that might piss him off and hit me, but I felt different now. Stronger. Smarter. Empowered. Not a victim. The fear that usually gripped me was all but gone, and there was no way in hell I was just going to let that comment slide.

"You know, that's pretty disrespectful," I said, adding, "I would think just leaving out the snide comment would be nice for a change." My tone was firm, but not angry, and it felt damned good to finally stand up to him. At his core, I knew Alan was a scared little boy that used bluster to cover his insecurities. In my case that often got physical. But not today.

Alan stopped and turned around, dressed in pajama shorts and a faded blue t-shirt that didn't fit very well. His face was getting red. "What the hell did you say to me?" he said, partly from shock and partly from anger.

I smiled, resisting the nagging impulse to back down, but exhilarated at the inner strength that had surfaced in me. "Let me rephrase. Don't make your fragile ego stronger by trying to tear down mine," I said, voice still firm but calm. For a second, I feared I hadn't thought this through too well, but then I remembered how I felt while my fingers danced over the clay in the pottery well. I deserved better than this. Lots better.

Alan stormed over to me and grabbed my arm, which was usually a prelude to slamming me against the wall or sending me crashing me into something. Fortunately it was my left arm, so my dominant one was free to grab a fairly study statuette that sat on his side of the bed, some kind of award from years past. Gripping it firmly, I swung it as his unsuspecting head, landing a blow that made him release me and forced him off balance. He crashed into a shelf full of photos from our wedding, shattering them and sending shards of glass everywhere.

He was dazed for a moment, and the rage on his face showed me what his intentions were. Rising to his feet, he lunged for me, and I stepped to one side and cracked him over the back of the head with my new found club. This time, Alan howled in pain, and when he got up from the floor there was a totally new expression on his face: fear. I stepped toward him as he got back up, not close enough for him to reach me but to hit him again if that was what needed to happen.

"Here's what's going to happen, Alan. You are going to get your sorry ass up, get dressed and get the hell out of my house!" I said, this time with a raised voice. I wasn't exaggerating, it was my house, a gift from my father after graduating and getting my first job. Looking back, I had been reluctant to accept it, but ended up caving. Now it was my salvation. "NOW!"

Alan was speechless as he grabbed some jeans and a shirt and scurried off so fast I thought he might trip and fall on his own just trying to get away from me. Did that really just happen? Did I just beat the hell out of my abusive husband and throw him out of the house? Damn straight! For the next hour, I made an entire series of phone calls, first to a locksmith to change the locks on the house, second, to a divorce lawyer that would start drawing up the paperwork and filing a restraining order against Alan, and finally to Bessmer Insurance advising them of some pretty damning evidence that would show them the cause of their missing money.

Elena

Several days passed without a word from Tamara, which concerned me quite a bit. I was worried that my edgy flirting had crossed the line and either scared or offended her, and that made me both sad and frightened. I tried telling myself it was something else, but when you lie to yourself, you can see right through it. As I was about to give up all hope, my phone chimed, a simple message that read, 'Hey girl. Sorry for the wait, had lots going on that I will tell you about. Miss you a bunch!'

I felt my stomach flip over several times, relieved that I had not somehow driven her off. Wanting to respond quickly, I responded, 'Oh good, honestly was getting worried. Hey, if you are free, having a party at my house, would love to see you there. I have a pool, bring a swimsuit. Festivities start at six!'

'See you there.' Tamara responded, with a smiley face.

My house isn't enormous, but built perfectly for entertaining, with everything on a single floor except the master suite, which just added to my privacy. I chose a sleek black bikini with silver clasps on the sides of the slightly showy bottoms, and another just below a generous view of my cleavage, not obscene but enough to look sexy as hell. It was a quarter after six, and the party was in full swing, with lots of chatter and laughter just the way I liked it. The crowd was mixed, some straight couples, some single, one gay couple and several lesbians. I just hoped Tamara would feel comfortable and not out of place.

About ten minutes later, I heard her voice as she made her way into the crowded main room, dressed in a colorful wrap that looked incredibly cute. I watched a few male heads turn as she entered, and several female heads as well. She did look pretty amazing, though I was intrigued at what her swimsuit would look like. I could feel something different, an energy about her that was both amazing and sexy. Tamara threw her arms around me enthusiastically which almost knocked me off balance. "Hey girl!" she said in my ear.

"Hey yourself! You look fabulous!" I managed to say as she stepped back.

Tamara took a look at my attire and smiled, it was more than friendly and less than sexual, but she gave me an appraising glance and a smile. "You look so amazing in that. Just amazing," she said softy. No one else was really paying attention to us, but her eyes seemed drawn to my breasts, though I could see she was trying to be subtle about it. It was a cross between appreciation and fascination, but it had enough sexual tension to make us both get a little pink in the cheeks.

"You can stay in your wrap if you like, several of the girls are," I said, her eyes lifting from my breasts to my gaze. Hesitating for a moment, I added, "or you can..."

"Yeah, it's warm as it is. I can..." she replied, reaching for the sash holding the garment closed.

"Might want to do the reveal without everyone watching," I said, gesturing to the stairs several feet away.

"Ok, you're the boss." she quipped, trotting up the stairs and vanishing.

As I turned around, Lena, one of my closest friends, had apparently snuck up on me, her bright red hair tied up in a ponytail. She had a bright grin on her freckled face. "So is that her?" she asked, referring to the fact that I had told her all about Tamara, minus my hidden feelings.

"Yep. Sure is!" I said with almost a giggle.

"Damn, she is gorgeous! You left out that she is a sexy little thing. Too bad she is straight," she said with a giggle, sticking her tongue out.

I slapped Lena playfully on the arm. "She is fine just as she is," I replied, trying to sound casual, though uncertain if she would believe my words.

Lena's eyes diverted from mine and widened. "Oh yes, fine indeed. Fine as hell," she said, as if her throat were dry.

I turned around to see Tamara descending the stairs looking positively angelic in a modest but revealing red french-cut bikini that accentuated her curves in all the right places. She had a shy smile on her face as she got closer to me.

"Hi, I'm Lena," Lena said, leaning and giving Tamara a hug. I knew her well enough to recognize it as a clever but subtle flirtation. Fortunately, she had the good sense not to linger too long.

"Nice to meet you, Lena. I'm Tamara," Tamara said, her cheeks slightly pink.

"Well have fun, kids!" Lena said, scurrying off to make mischief elsewhere.

"Sorry about that," I said, partly amused and partly embarrassed.

Tamara giggled and covered her mouth a moment. "It's ok, it's a... party, right? Or at least not like the Bessmer Bash!"

I nodded. "Fair point" I said, then appropriately taking in her appearance, "but Tamara, you look..." Good enough to eat! "...absolutely stunning. Red is definitely your color!"

"Thanks." she replied, her eyes glancing at my breasts again for a moment, then catching herself and looking away. It wasn't an ogling look, more like fascination or appreciation, all in good taste but interesting nonetheless.

For the next hour, Tamara flitted around the party like a butterfly, meeting people, laughing and talking like she had known them forever. I had never seen her in a social setting like that before, so I was fascinated at how well she could socialize. To a casual observer, she appeared to be the person hosting the party, which just made me like her all the more, until I reminded myself not to let my feelings run away from me.

At one point, Tamara vanished from view for a while. At first, I presumed she was just using the bathroom or went for a swim or something, but after about twenty minutes, I started to get a little bit worried. She didn't really know anyone at the party, and I sincerely hoped that Lena, or someone else, wasn't trying to corner her or making a pass at her. Sure, she was a big girl and could handle herself, but as the hostess of the party and her friend, I felt some responsibility to shield her from such things.

I found her a few minutes later, sitting by the pool sipping a drink, off to the side, as if in people watching mode. Her eyes were focused in a particular direction, so I looked over to see what had her attention, and saw Lena and her then-girlfriend, a petite blonde, giggling and chatting, and occasionally kissing. Not just a quick one-and-done kiss, nor a full make out session, but definite kissing. I was far enough away that I wasn't sure if her expression was disbelief, fascination, or even envy, but as I was trying to figure it out, her eyes met mine and she smiled and waved me over to sit with her.

"Wow, you know how to throw a great party," Tamara said between sips of her drink.

"Well I am delighted you came. Truly." I said, sliding into the seat next to her, then adding, "Hey are you ok? You went dark for a couple days without a word. Since we have been texting throughout almost every day it kinda... worried me."

Tamara reached over and patted my hand lightly. "Well, I had a couple of... big things happen since we had talked last. Like... cataclysmic big," she replied.

My eyes widened, searching for possible explanations but not coming up with any. "I see. Well I hope everything is ok."

Tamara leaned in to ensure we had relative privacy among the rest of the guests around the pool. "I left Alan. Well, more like I made him leave," she said with a coy smile.

I was dumbfounded. Not that long ago, this was a woman that seemed scared of her own shadow and working very hard not to reveal any of herself to anyone. Now here she was, looking firm and confident and taking bold action against someone she had admitted was abusing her.

"Wow," I said softly, biting my lip, and adding, "Did he go without a fight?"

Tamara's eyes lit up as she burst into an enthusiastic laugh. "Alan? Of course not. He handed out one of his usual put downs and I told him I wasn't having it."

I grabbed her arm, concerned that he had injured her, but I didn't see any bruises on her perfect skin. "Did he hit you?" I asked angrily.

She sat up and smiled again, and shook her head, making her long hair dance from side to side. "Him hit me? No. Now, if you asked did I hit him? Also no, it was more like I kicked his ass. And then threw his sorry ass out."

"Damnnnnnnn girl, are you serious?" I gasped.

"Dead serious," Tamara responded.

I was floored, but proud of her. "Truthfully, I never liked him, he was an arrogant son of a bitch. Good for you," I muttered.

About an hour later, most of the guests had left, and Tamara headed out around the same time. My mind was still spinning from her admission, especially when she admitted that me believing in her had made it all happen. I was proud, but also uncertain at how those changes might affect our friendship, particularly if she started dating. For the moment, I resolved just to support her and help her anyway I could.

Tamara

I took the next couple of days off to deal with the ramifications of my face-off with my hopefully soon to be ex-husband. The restraining order was surprisingly easy to put in place, apparently there were some things on record for Alan prior to meeting him that bolstered my account of things. I started to text Elena about a dozen times, and deleted the entire message. Part of me felt like it was a conversation that deserved to be face to face, and the other part of me was still processing all that had happened. To his credit, my father believed me without question and offered to do whatever was necessary to help and protect me.

I found myself missing her a lot, which caught me off guard since I had learned a long time ago to be self-reliant. Without realizing it at the time, I had grown accustomed to having a compassionate friend listening to me, valuing my opinion, and frankly just valuing me. The silence around me was deafening, which I tried to drown out with loud music and work, of course. I knew I owed her the courtesy of an update, plus I just needed to feel connected to her again. I couldn't stand it anymore.

Grabbing my phone, I once again started drafting a message and erasing it, and instead ended up writing, 'Hey, girl!' which had become our standard greeting.

I frowned. Ghosting Elena for several days certainly required more than just two words, so I added, 'Really sorry for the silence, had a lot going on. Will tell you more later.' There that was better, but still felt insufficient, so once more I added another sentence, which read 'Really missed you!!' Hmm, two exclamation points, was that too much?

Before I had yet another debate with myself, my phone emitted the text message notification tone, bringing a smile to my face. 'Whew, glad to hear that. Was getting worried about you.' That was short and sweet and didn't imply any hurt feelings.

I started typing a quick response, but before I could finish it and press send, another message popped up on my screen. 'Having a pool party tonight, starting at six. Would really love it if you came. Bring a swimsuit!'

I had mixed feelings about showing up to a group of strangers, not to mention being half-naked in front of them, but the urge to see her won out. I typed back, 'See you soon!' this time leaving a single exclamation point.

I felt anxious and excited as I started rummaging through my drawers looking for appropriate swimwear that I would feel comfortable in. The first one I found was the bikini that I wore on my honeymoon in Mexico several years back, it was very revealing, which I briefly considered but decided that for a first impression it was a bit much. The second choice was on the opposite end of the fashion spectrum, a one-piece that looked worthy of a grandmother wanting to sunbathe. I frowned, knowing that was not the image I wanted either. About four swimsuits later, I found one that I really liked, a red two-piece bikini that was modest but also showed enough to be fun and interesting. I grabbed a matching wrap from the closet, right before yanking out all of Alan's clothes and dumping them off the balcony that overlooked the driveway. It felt very cathartic.

The GPS system in my car was state of the art and guided me to Elena's house with ease, though her cul-de-sac was so jammed with cars that I had to park halfway down the block. Her house was gorgeous, a gray brick house with what looked like a small second floor, and I knocked on the large wooden door, and a perky blonde girl in a striped swimsuit opened the door and waved me in.

I felt a little self-conscious as I got glances and smiles as I came into the main room, most of them male but looks from some women as well. I reminded myself that it made sense that some of Elena's circle of friends would prefer women, so no big deal, I wasn't signing up for anything. I saw Elena and walked up to her and gave her a big hug that probably came across like the double exclamation message from earlier. ""Hey there, girl!" I heard her say

""Hey yourself. Wow, you look absolutely amazing!" I said happily, stepping back. She really did look amazing, her black two-piece swimsuit was elegant, with silver clasps holding several pieces together. It was also more daring than mine, showing much more skin than I would ever dare to, particularly her breasts. My eyes were drawn to them, the tanned skin, the smoothness, the way they moved when she shifted her weight to the other foot, and how full they looked. In that moment, I found them sexy, gorgeous even, and a very foreign thought wandering into my mind, namely, what they felt like. I resented the unwanted thought and squashed it immediately, and it went away as fast as it came. Nope, not happening.

Elena seemed entertained about my brief look, but quickly saved my dignity by changing the subject. "Make yourself comfortable, Tamara, you can keep your wrap on... or... " she began.

She was right, it was a little on the warm side, and since I had already made my grand entrance, slipping the robe off seemed innocuous enough. "Yeah, might as well..." I began.

Elena let out a brief laugh and grabbed my arm. "Might want to do that in private, would lessen the staring. My bedroom is upstairs, all the outer garments are on the bed anyway," she said.

I nodded, as it made a lot of sense and I wasn't an exhibitionist, so I nodded and replied, "Ok, you're the bossy lady." From there I trotted up the stairs, knowing this would only take a few seconds.