All Comments on 'Unter'

Nicely done.It might have been better to limit the amount of technical descriptions involving the “Unter” app. As it slowed down the story.

Far tool ong for what it was.

Loved the minute details proving Flavian is a geek! Five Stars!

It had it all, a little long but well done. Not to many writers can write at this level,with 95% of stories belonging in the garbage dump.

Laurel was cheating also. All will be revealed in chapter two.

It's obvious laurel is a whore also

A bit too long on developing the family relationship with all the techno talk but the twist at the end gave this LW story a nice ending. Now I'll have to add this author to my follow-up list. Hope you are still submitting stories.

I liked this story because of the outcome. But dog gone it, you sure took the long way around the park to get to the finish line. I've noticed you have a tendency to use paragraph to explain a sentence. I guess it works for you because I don't think I have read one of your stories that I scored lower than 4 stars.

This little tale dropped an anvil on my head at the last moment! I was sure little Laurel was up to no good and then the worm turned on me. I'd keep an eye on Laurel if it was me.

Totally did not expect that ending. I think you caught us all out flat footed. It is terrifying to think that those apps really are out there. With the current

Ever Ever so nonch Ever so nonchalantly relaxed Ever so nonchalantly relaxed and accept Ever so nonchalantly relaxed and acceptable Appetite for betrayal It will be very hard not to be suspicious of it not to be suspicious of any behavior response that ran and then closed outside man I think closed outside the normal expected bounds. This is the kind of thing that the absolutely Destroys the relationship between People.

This was very good. A 4 instead of a 5 for a couple reasons:

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1). Too long. Too much background info on how the app worked. You took a couple pages to describe, via several conversations with Wick, what could have been done in a couple paragraphs.

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2). No explanation for why Merilee strayed. Was she always cheating and the app just made it easier and safer? Or did the app provoke the first cheating? And why was she a cheat in the first place? Story would have been stronger with some info on these questions.

Just another thought on Laurel’s excuse that her loyalty to her sister made it impossible to let Grady know.

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Everyone accepting her excuse seems to forget that the guy her sister is cheating on is also her husband’s brother! And her brother in law!

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Maybe Laurels excuse still holds water…but the situation was a lot more complicated than just sister loyalty 😎

Another story written for the readers, rather than a story written for itself, for the reader to enjoy. Kind of like the movie The Sting. There was no reason to pull the switch between Laurel and Marilee except to punk the readers. Which is OK, just kind of juvenile; cheapens the whole writing effort.

The plot fault is that Loyalty is supposed to support and augment Virtue. The Virtue comes first, and then instills Loyalty. Laurel was loyal to Marilee's betrayal, not her virtue, so what does that say about Laurel's virtue? When would Laurel have finally forced Marilee to quit, which if she had done immediately she would have inadvertently saved Marilee's marriage, at least in the short term. Marilee enjoyed being a cheating whore, she would have continued to be a cheating whore whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Laurel's apparent lack of virtue and character is the real problem that needs to be addressed, and it wasn't. Too bad, it would have made for a much more substantive story.

Thanks for the effort.

I KNEW IT!. Guessed what was happening on page 4.

At least Laurel did not aid her sister's cause by a condemnatory "What the FUCK are you doing, trolling for strange dick with MY user handle?!?". That would have tipped Merilee off that she needed another email/handle for her cheating, preventing Grady from finding her out.

I also wonder how messages got to or from Merilee without passing through Laurel's email.

Covering up infidelity is a bad sign. When someone chooses immorality, even passively, they are the road to perdition. The future pressures of family gatherings will be tough to withstand and will generate more strife. Mc marriage likely not on a good path.

⭐

Nice twist

Great story and twist with way too much emphasis on app development and technobabble. 5 stars, still.

Once he heard the sisters conversation on the weekend away,it was obvious where this was going.

For some reason the ending in my mind was clear. Laurel always was bailing out her cheating, slut sister. The story ws well written.

4 stars - not quite 5 star because of all the technical explanations about the hook up app. Half way through, we all caught on to the fact that it was going to be one of the sisters and it did not matter which one - it was going to hurt everyone.

Way too much techno-crap. It just stalled the story and provided frustration. It felt like a guy in the midst of a sexual encounter stopping to read all the fine print on a condom package before rolling it on! Kind of deflating, if you understand! Somewhere between a three and a four.

Nice twist!

I give up. This is a rambling mess.

I just skimmed too much info dump about the app and too little about the point of the story 2 stars.

Story wandered around so much that I gave up reading it a third of the way down the first page. Then I saw that the whole thing was 6 pages.

Life is too short to try to figure out a 6 page meandering story.

I gave this story 5 stars , So much for the honest wife all it would have takin was a serious talking . Maybe a divorce is still on the table

3 stars and only because it was the sister-in-law, not the wife.

Plus it was about 3 pages too long with way to many details about the web app and not enough about the primary relationship that was heading in the wrong direction.

Great story. My favorite of your's so far. It's got drama, suspense and heartbreak.

Very imaginative and original. The ending of discovering that it was the brother's wife was telegraphed by the overheard conversation, and that could have been handled more deftly. The plot was great, the flow superior, and the overall story was extremely enjoyable. Thanks for the hard work!

Good story. Laurel was not upfront to Grady but it was her sister and she did not condone her sister's actions. How anyone can think that he should divorce Laurel is simply nuts...

4 Stars on a good story . I would have kicked both wives to the curb

barnyard, just too smugly convoluted and phhhony. Twilight Zone yes, Rod Serling you are not.

long, long, long and BORING. so much build up and then such a lame ending.

Bogus

3 stars

Good story. Interesting though probably predictable twist. Still wonder why with the NDa in place, she can show the app to her sister but doesn't share any info whatsoever with her husband. And yes she should have told her husband, but can also understand that she didn't do it right away and tried to talk her sister down to no effect.

"And learn something from all of this. Remember," Mom continued, "it is not just the couple directly involved with infidelity that gets hurt in these things. It also affects other family members who they love and who love them."

A good summary from the author for an excellent read.

The ripples run far across the water.

The Hoary Cleric

Pretty good story but a little to long with the build-up… very nearly dumped it… twice… but stayed with it even after figuring out how it would end!! Not sure why it took the MC so long to get his act together? Once he had the app all he had to do was fire it up to find out where she was anytime he wanted to… just like the find my phone app we all use on our smartphones!!

A little drawn out at times but the ending was a bit of an unexpected twist.