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Click hereFurther review. Like everything else around here.
"I've got to take care of you, L9. How am I supposed to do that when everything warrants 'further review'? You know what, screw it. Start that position justification thing."
And as she re-wound her hair into a bun—headed to check on Hamid to see if he needed a hand with the outflow maintenance—they did exactly that.
- COMMENTS
pleasuredreader114 months agoI’ve never commented before but I just wanted to say I loved this story. I think your writing is fantastic and I hope you’re not discouraged by anonymous people being overly negative.
Constructive criticism is one thing but I hate when people read something that isn’t their cup of tea and make it the authors problem!
Lovely story, I just finished watching Pluto and I imagine she would live in that world.
Telarhranrhiod5 months agoI enjoyed it but I felt the first half was too dangerous. Which I still thought read nicely. Thanks for posting!
Anonymous5 months agoPerhaps I am more than a bit clinical myself, but I enjoyed the story immensely and at no point was I bored. I can’t say I was aroused, but I certainly felt empathy for the protagonist and happiness both at her fulfillment and decision to pursue a stronger position. This decision being made for the good of the facility and PLs as opposed to solely for her kink lends a lot of interest (at least for me). Her “clinical” bent and restraint of her emotions has me a-thinking about AI love and what might become of us in a less human, more machine existence.
Thank you for your efforts!
- bland
secondlullaby5 months agoAuthorHi Anonymous, thanks for your feedback. I am quite clinical because that’s what I enjoy, but I know it’s not for everyone. As to the rest, such as bad habits and repetition, it would be helpful if you had some time to point out examples so I can work on that. :) thanks!
Anonymous5 months agoAll things considered, I didn't enjoy this. From a technical perspective, your writing has a decent base, but there are some weird choices of formatting. You've tried to establish a certain rhythm, but your style is quite jarring to read. The first Lit page just irritated me as I flowed from one paragraph to the next, wondering why you made certain decisions. None of this is arousing, either. Your choice of language throughout your sexual content is very clinical, with lots of repetition of the same terms and a general lack of imagination. Meanwhile, the dialogue's incredibly uninspiring, while the opening is dreary. I don't think you're a bad writer, although you have plenty of bad habits. I'd say that you're going to struggle to create erotic content, though, and I really don't think you enjoyed writing this as it's incredibly boring.
