Valentine’s Day Disaster

I went work in the morning, then left for the funeral home in time to arrive a little early and make sure everything was in order. Robert was there, and as the hour of the service approached people began filing in - George's co-workers, some of his neighbors, and some of his and Cindy's other friends. In all there were about 40 who came. Lauri and I knew many of them.

Lauri arrived with Jennifer just before the service was to begin. I had arranged for her to be seated in the front row, next to Robert. I sat behind them with Jenny. They both looked at me questioningly about that, but I said nothing. Then Lauri's eyes fell on the photo album sitting on a table at the side of the room. Several of George's friends and co-workers had been looking though it, and some of them looked at her as she came in and sat down. When she realized what I had done she looked at me with the most remarkable expression. Never before had I ever seen one face show anger, embarrassment, and resolve all at the same time. But that was the look I got before she sat down, eyes straight ahead, next to Robert.

When the time came, Robert rose and went to the podium. He introduced himself, thanked people for coming, and spoke a little about growing up with George as his big brother. He then invited others to come up and talk about their memories of George. One by one several of his co-workers and neighbors got up and told stories and said nice things about George. Then I was surprised to see Lauri rise and walk to the podium. She looked over the room, looked me and Jenny in the eye, and then began to speak.

"I first met George when we were students at the state U. He was dating my roommate, and my boyfriend and I used to double date with him and Cindy. We became good friends, and after graduation we all settled here to work. George and Cindy introduced me to my wonderful husband Brian. He hasn't spoken today, but Brian and George played football together in high school and became best friends. George and Cindy and Brian and I spend happy years together as best friends. Our daughter Jenny called them Aunt Cindy and Uncle George, and they were like second parents to her.

"Those who came up here before me talked about what a great guy George was - kind, generous, funny, a terrific salesman, and all-in-all a good man. I agree with all that was said. But I also saw and experienced another side of George."

She locked eyes with me.

"I can attest that he was a great salesman, because he sold me on the idea that we could sleep together and nobody would know and it would be okay. I am ashamed to admit that I fell for his line of bull, and betrayed my husband and his wife, and committed the sin of adultery with George. He and I caused terrible pain and suffering for our loved ones - pain I fear they may never recover from.

"My dear husband Brian tried to cover for his friend and me by inventing a sanitized version of what happened on George's last day. But the truth is that he was not helping me carry a ladder up the stairs when he had his heart attack. No, he was having sex with me in my marital bed when his heart seized. Imagine trying to explain that to your spouse.

"It is easy for me to blame George for what happened, and to excuse myself by saying I was seduced by a slick salesman. But I went with it. It is my fault as much as it was his, and I will carry the shame of my betrayal for the rest of my life, whether my husband forgives me or not." She had not looked away from me once.

"I don't know if there is a hell, but if there is, our friend George belongs there. And so, some day, will I."

With that she looked again at the incriminating album on the side table, looked again at Jenny and me, silently mouthed the words "I'm sorry," then walked straight out of the room.

Nobody moved for a good two minutes, then Robert stood and said, "I think we're done here." You have never seen a room clear as fast as it happened then.

Jenny took her mother home, and although I had no wish to, I felt duty-bound to go to the cemetery for the burial. After Lauri's performance at the funeral, not many made the trip to the graveside, just Robert and a couple of George's neighbors. Robert said a few words over his brother's casket and it was lowered away. Those present were a little surprised when I pulled out a Mason jar filled with an amber fluid, unscrewed the lid, and poured it into the grave and over the casket. I say they were surprised, but after what they had just heard, nobody objected.

I wasn't ready to go back to work. I sat in my car in the parking lot for a long time. My heart was aching, my guts were churning, my head was spinning - but over all of those other sensations was just a deep and profound sadness. Because aside from all of the sordid stuff I'd been dealing with, aside from my wife's betrayal and the hurt that produced, I had just lost my best friend. Lost him twice over, really - his physical presence of course, but also my perception of him as my loyal friend. For a few moments I put Lauri out of my mind and just mourned him.

But then my phone rang and I was jerked back to the here and now as my boss asked when I would be back in the office. "On my way," I answered, and started the car.

*******

The time had come to move out of George's house. I had been hiding from reality there for two weeks. I tagged and photographed just about everything George owned, and the estate sale agent would be coming to make arrangements. Jenny had the house listed for sale. I hadn't been back to our house since the funeral, and I hadn't communicated with Lauri. Her sister had been a great help, but it was time for her to go back to her life. Jenny told me Lauri had recovered enough to be able to fend for herself. Jenny went back to work full time, but she was still living at home, so she's been home with Lauri at night.

It was time to confront the future. I had not yet been able to find it in my heart to forgive Lauri for her deception. It was hard for me to see how I could. And yet, I had loved her for so long, and we had had such a wonderful life together, that I really could not imagine going forward without her. I had considered buying George's house and staying put. Considered it for about 10 seconds. No, it was time to face Lauri and have it out, for better or for worse. The hell of it was, with the promotion I'd received we'd have the money to finally do so many of the things we had wanted to do for so long - travel to distant places, renovate the house, redesign the garden. If only she hadn't screwed everything up.

I called Lauri. I realized as the phone was ringing that I had not spoken a word to her since I left for work the morning of that terrible day. When she saw my name on her phone she answered quickly, but cautiously. "Lauri," I started, "Do you suppose there's enough food to set another place for dinner tonight?"

"If the plate is for you, there's plenty," she said happily.

"I have to warn you, I'm still feeling pretty rough," I told her. "I'm not coming home to fight, but you won't get any warm fuzzies off of me either."

"That's okay, Brian. I just want to see you. And I want to try to understand if there can be any future for us. I am so ashamed and so sorry, I really don't know how you can face me."

"Well, let's try to keep things light tonight. Neither of us needs drama right now. And I think Jenny needs to see us being civil. I'll be home about 5:30."

And I was. Lauri went all out to prepare a delicious meal. I couldn't help but notice it was a "heart smart" menu - nothing fried, lean meat, olive oil dressing on the salad, and no butter on the vegetables. She evidently wants no repeat of the recent tragedy.

We avoided the elephant in the room for all we were worth. Jenny told us about school, and both of them had many questions and much interest in my new job duties. Lauri reported that she had ordered all she would need for her garden, and it was to be delivered in time for planting. She didn't actually ask me to help her, but it was pretty obvious she hoped I would.

It felt good to be home, and it felt good to have the three of us together. But I was still uncomfortable. I had been impressed with Lauri's public confession at the memorial service, and I was certain of her contrition. I was not certain, however, if it really made any difference. For her to have been so deceitful and disloyal for so long was shocking. It made me wonder what else I didn't know about her.

We all were also feeling the embarrassment of the situation. Lauri's confession in front of a roomful of people who knew us certainly set tongues wagging around town. When I heard people talking I just ignored it. Jenny said she shrugged it off. Lauri hid at home.

After dinner I thanked Lauri sincerely, but said I had work to do on arrangements for the sale, and went downstairs. My recliner was still down there, so after taking care of the tasks at hand, I turned on the TV, leaned back, and planned to go to sleep. I was nowhere ready to resume sharing a bed with Lauri. I wasn't sure I ever would be.

After helping her mother to clean up the kitchen, Jenny came down the stairs and we sat together for a while. She asked how I had been doing, and I told her I was mostly just sad, with occasional bursts of anger and confusion about how they could have done it. Lauri had gone to pains to set George up as the instigator, but she went along with it even if she really was reluctant at first.

The good news was that my new job responsibilities were going well, and between that and getting ready for the estate sale, I really had t had much time to wallow in self pity. And I drank a bit.

Jenny said her feelings had been about the same as mine, but she had been trying to help her mom get through it, so the whole situation could never really be far from her mind. She said Lauri had stopped the crying sessions, and now just seemed sad and remorseful. She said there had been one day when Lauri went out for the afternoon shopping and came home feeling happy for a while.

"What did she buy?" I asked.

"I don't know - by the time I got home from work she must have had stuff put away. But it was nice to see her smile for once."

*****

Three weeks later the weather had warmed, and on a sunny Saturday Lauri and I set out to put in the garden. The last snow had melted, I had cleared away the debris that had collected over winter, and Lauri's order had come in. I spaded and turned the soil in the beds, and Lauri followed me planting according to the scheme she had worked out on paper. Just making conversation I mentioned that out of curiosity I had gone on line and tracked down my old college girlfriend. Lauri looked at me funny.

"Oh, really?" she responded as if wondering what was up. "Where is she?"

"She became a nun and is teaching at an international school in Bangkok," I replied. "Have you ever wondered what became of your boyfriend, what was his name?" I asked.

She was silent too long, wondering how to answer. "Karl. His name is Karl. And he's here in town. He's the manager at our bank."

I let that sink in for a minute. We both had stopped what we were doing. "Have you been seeing him?"

She didn't answer. Her eyes went down to the ground. Time stopped. Finally, as she tried to recover by bending to pick up a geranium to plant, I asked "Thursday shopping?"

I let go of my spade and took off my gloves. She just stood there. I went upstairs, took a shower, got dressed and packed a bag. I went out the front door and drove off without looking back.