Valentines Day - Wayward Dreams

I will be honest; this is an edited version of reality. Cut down so I do not bore you with the plethora of drama I have created for myself. Yes 'She' is real and posed for my last art piece I submitted to the site. She is beautiful and intelligent and not mine. Trying to explain to friends (good friends) why I am such an idiot is difficult. Forget arguing about the whole 'Muse thing.' All I hear is 'why don't you go find a nice woman...blah, blah, blah.' Wish I could, tried, trying, and nothing holds a candle to my Muse.

Drew watched the sunrise lighten the clouds and backlight the early morning birds that lifted from the trees and begin their morning search for food.

While winter in southern California was not the shoveling snow type of winter, there was a nip in the air. He pulled his overshirt closed, did a few buttons, and reached for his coffee.

Normally, he would have been rejoicing in a reprieve from the stresses associated with the stupid marketing ploy of 'Valentines Day.' He had a running joke with himself and coworkers, about his ability to be free during that evening.

But here it was, Fucking Valentine's Day

He was a romantic. He did all the normal gestures like flowers, cooking favorite meals, foot rubs, etc. all year long. Too many tales of drama ensued this day.

Drew took another sip of the coffee and looked at the mug.

'Why am I drinking this shit?' Drew thought quickly and then smirked.

Coffee...he sipped it and worked his way through the selections of taste. Overall, he could do without coffee. He had to kill the taste with milk and honey so he could even tolerate it.

So why was he even sipping something he disliked? Well caffeine of course. But he was drinking it, so when she woke up and had their first kiss of the morning, they would taste the same. What a stupid, idiotic and...romantic thought.

They had again spent the night making love, serious intimacy for hour after hour.

He rolled the word 'love' around in his mouth and head. For him, it was the deep, heavy-hearted love he had been carrying for over 40 years. He knew deep, true love like the romantics of the 19^th century. But he understood when she used the magic word "love," well...it was different from his. Not wrong, but different, quite different.

He had learned in his mixed-up life of 65 years, finally, finally, well sort of, to treat their love in a more 'French' way...more Laissez-faire.

Yes right, he was always 20 years old when he saw her. That spark that was her, always ignited his passion...his passion.

But he got up early to make her coffee and contemplate life in the sunrise.

Why?

Because she was here, that was why.

Because of her.

***

Drews' life was a mess. He had graduated HS just a year before. He was working as an apprentice electrician for a small electrical company. He was still living at home and had a million thoughts and ZERO idea what to do with himself.

He knew something inside him was itching to get out, but what?

He was also lonely. He had begged his stepbrother to have his girlfriend try and set him up. Finally, he was given a chance and was told to be at the community college during a basketball game. He was there to meet a cheerleader.

He disliked basketball, but the floor show was worth every minute. Something about a cheerleader in her outfit. They were all above his fighting weight, small and tall, they were all gorgeous.

His brother's girlfriend was one of the smallest, a hot Latina that knew she threw off the sexy vibe. She pointed at the athletic blond next to her. The blonde all five six of her was stunning. He had already shared eye contact so he knew what or whom he should be looking at.

Again, he was trying to find love way above his class. At barely five seven medium build, blondish brown hair, he was not an Adonis. Plus add in, barley making it monetarily, a crappy car and living with his parents...you get the picture.

But she was there too. He knew from the bleachers that she was taller than he was. Her legs went on forever and that ass...but that was not what held his heart in his throat.

It was her eyes. Her eyes were large and held every emotion for his eyes to read. He had never experienced this before. While he had lust-at-first sight daily, this was something so much different.

That ich that been in his skull flared to life. It consumed and filled his mind with ideas, and eternal hope. She was more that just a tall sexy cheerleader. She was something more to him deep, deep inside of him.

He had found out later that she had asked to meet him. She had been warned off by the rest of the cheerleader squad because of his height and hers at 5'9".

They met and started to date. They were not virgins, but the love making with her was beyond anything that he had experienced before.

That fire in his soul continued to flow and expand. She was the fulcrum and lever. She convinced him to go to college and he went back to the community college. She was already applying to major universities.

He knew, knew in his heart, that their love would tide them over with the separation to separate campuses.

She was accepted to USC, and he was waiting for his own decision on higher education. She began her studies in Downtown LA. Their dates and lovemaking became infrequent.

Months later she dumped him, right before his 21^st birthday.

***

About this time, he was accepted to two state colleges. He chose the one, hours and hours away from LA and her.

Walls were built to hold back the embers in his mind and soul. Stone walls buttressed inside, so the emotional pain would not drive him deeper into depression.

Drew knew how to build.

He built his walls strong.

***

As time passed, degrees were earned. Projects were completed. Wives taken and divorced. Children born and released to do their own growing within life, at a proper age. Life took its toll. Jobs changed but were the same. Cities shifted, West coast, East coast one state to the next.

Then one day he reached out and sent a note, just his contact information, to her. He had no idea if she would respond. He presumed she would be married and have 2.4 children or whatever the norm was.

Then one day she responded. And they began to chat about how their lives had changed.

Walls started to crack. Emotions seeped out. Embers ignited, burning walls from within.

Drew now knew what was burning. The THING itching and growing, wanting to live and thrive again, was his artistic talent.

She was his Muse.

He flew to CA to see if it was real. He knew he was doing something wrong. She was married with three children. He was stepping into a space he swore he would never go. He had several girlfriends and his first wife who had affairs while with him. He knew the emotional pain that was inflicted. He argued with himself. Friends tried to dissuade him...

But it was her.

***

The love making at each of their meetings was beyond the pale. The walls he had built vanished in a puff of smoke. Then she was discovered, and the hurt was shared by all. Drew's actions caused pain to multiple people, and it hurt his soul.

Separation and talks of divorce....

And still they met or sent emails that professed love.

Soon they were making plans and were happy. At least in Drews mind. They planned for his upcoming 50^th birthday party. He would fly out and they would see his stepfamily as a couple. And then a week of travel, just the two of them for wine tasting, walks on the beach and constantly making love. It was the birthday of his dreams.

Then a couple of days before his 50^th birthday, she called and dumped him...giving it one more try with her husband. He spent that Sunday cancelling their one-week itinerary. He arrived in SoCal a broken man.

Walls tried to be rebuilt, but it was useless.

***

The pattern repeated itself.

***

Drew sat on his porch and contemplated where his life had gone. Compared to many he was blessed. He had had a decent career. Had money in the bank. He was looking at retirement at Christmas. He was in decent health for a man of sixty-five.

Yet, he did not have a life partner.

As a seasoned person of minor intellect, he had finally deduced what his problem was. He was a 5-year-old boy that wanted someone to love him. A leftover remnant from his biological mother.

He had a desire to be wanted for what he was, not what different segments of society wanted him to be. He knew that his desire was Hallmark claptrap, but he wanted someone to fulfill it anyway.

He wanted that person to be her.

He knew in his head that this was a stupid concept. But his heart and soul cried out for what would never happen. He would continue to be a romantic, 150 years out of phase.

He finished the horrible cup of liquid and wandered into the kitchen. He filled his again and one for her. He wandered down the corridor to the master bedroom. His dog met him at the doorway, tail wagging, and then darted under the bed. The dog always stayed with her in bed on previous visits. He carried the mugs around the bed and quietly set them down.

Valentine's day 2024 marked another chapter in their 'love' story. Drew looked at the woman who had been the inspiration for his best art pieces, his muse and the light that pulled him in. he had not been expecting to hear from her. They were at best off and on with her communication, even texting, until a week or so ago.

She sent him more and he ate it up, all of it. When she sent the note saying she was on her way on Monday afternoon, he took time off and rushed home to clean what he could in the house.

And then she arrived and had her lips planted on his as soon as they entered the house.

He continued to stare at her beautiful face. She was sans makeup, just-fucked-me-hair cascading over the pillow and just a touch of drool at one corner of her mouth.

She was beautiful.

She stirred in bed, the morning sunlight casting a gentle glow on her face.

He reflected on the decades he had desired her to be exactly where she was, on her side of their bed. Love had transformed him. It was now a deeper entity, evolving, sometimes, from the passionate flames of youth to the warm embers of a lifetime connection.

Drew commented "Hot coffee beautiful, just as ordered."

He watched as she woke up, her eyes meeting his. He had that familiar spark that had enchanted him from the first meeting of her eyes at a basketball game 40+ years past.

"Happy Valentine's Day Beautiful." Drew whispered, handing her the mug.

She smiled back, "Happy Valentin's Day my Drew."

He knew it was just a passing flash, but he took it, and cherished the moment.

Fade to black