Vice in the Vicarage

Belinda arrived promptly at four o'clock on the doorstep of the vicarage and rang the doorbell. The vicarage was a spacious bungalow with a large garden, next to the park in the centre of town. The vicar answered the door, wearing a shirt with a clerical collar, and smart trousers. He told her to come in and offered her a drink. He said there was a bottle of wine on the kitchen table and she should go and fetch herself a glass of it and come on into the living room. In the kitchen, Belinda found a wine glass in one of the cupboards and saw an open bottle of Malbec on the table. As she poured herself a glass, she also noticed a large cucumber and a butter dish on the kitchen table. She took her glass of wine and went back down the hallway to the living room. Kyle was sat in an armchair also holding a glass of red wine. He pointed to the sofa and told her to take a seat, she perched on the edge of the sofa with her knees together and sipped her drink.

He stared at her for a few moments, drinking his wine. She was a short, buxom lady in her thirties. Her face was heart shaped, and her eyes were large and brown. Her dyed black hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail at the crown of her head. She wore a navy-blue turtleneck sweater and a short black skirt over black tights. The darkness of her hair and clothes accentuated the paleness of her skin. Her sweater was tight around the impressive curves of her ample bust. Kyle felt his manhood stirring inside his trousers as he stared at Belinda.

Belinda wasn't sure why the vicar was glaring at her. She nodded at him, smiled nervously and waited for him to speak.

"You're not showing any cleavage today then?" Kyle commented with a smirk. "That was the first thing I noticed about you the other day. It was like a huge pair of tits came into the room, then you followed in after them."

"Oh, I didn't think that dress was too bad," she said, a little embarrassed. "Do you think it was a little bit lowcut for church?"

"Just a little bit," chortled Kyle. "I don't think anyone paid any attention to my sermon, they were all too busy staring at your gigantic fun-bags."

"Oh no, what must they think of me?" Belinda felt mortified.

"Probably that you're an attention seeking slag with huge tits."

"Oh no!" she squeaked sadly.

Kyle sniggered, enjoying her look of anguish, and then continued: "Anyway, what did you spend the money that Beatrice gave you on?"

"Food for me and my daughter, and I put twenty pounds on the electric meter."

"So you can keep shovelling ready meals into your mouth while you stare at the TV, you mean?" he said sarcastically. "What a waste of money. Still, tell me a bit more about yourself. How come you are so poor? Why don't you get a job?"

"I've been trying to find one, but it's so difficult. I used to work at the Asda, but they said they had to let me go. I've not been able to find anything else since, and that was three years ago."

"You're too stupid to even hold down a job at the supermarket? Dear, oh dear. Do you have any skills at all? What would you say your biggest talents are?" asked the vicar, leering at Belinda's boobs.

"I don't have any. Not really. I didn't really finish school because I had Callum so young. I tried to train as a beautician, but I found it too difficult. I'm not really good at exams and things like that."

"No, I didn't think you would be. Have you considered other ways of making money?"

"I had a friend once who told me about multi-level marketing but that didn't work out, I just ended up giving them a thousand pounds to go to a training seminar, but I couldn't understand any of it and I never made any money."

"No, I wasn't asking about the pyramid selling scams you've fallen for, you daft bitch. I was thinking of ways that other women make money when they are desperate and are too stupid or lazy to get a proper job. You know there are some women who take their clothes off for money? Strippers, for instance. You're probably a bit too old and ugly to make much money doing that, though. But you do have a very impressive rack, people might pay money to see you take your top off."

"Oh, thank you." She looked down at her chest modestly.

"Take your top off now and show me," he said.

She looked at him with shock. "What was that, Reverend?"

"You heard, you stupid twat. Take your top off for me so I can see your tits."

"I don't know if I should," she said. "What if someone was to see us undressed together?"

"No-one is going to see us. We're alone here and the curtains are closed. No-one is going to see you but me. Now, for the third time of asking, if you want any help from me, take your fucking top off."

Belinda lifted her jumper off over her head, and put it on the sofa next to her, and sat looking at him staring at her in her black bra.

"And the bra. I want to see those big knockers."

She reached behind her back and unhooked the clasp of her bra. She pulled the black material free from the curves of her body, baring her beautiful breasts to him.

"What a huge, saggy, old pair of tits!" he hooted as he gawked at her. "I would never have guessed they were so droopy. They almost hang down to your belly button! Wow, they are massive though. But gravity hasn't been kind to you. It's a good job you wear a bra most of the time or you would be tripping over them."

She blushed as he teased her, but couldn't think of anything to say back to him.

"Look at those big floppy udders. Some men like them like that though. Not me. I like a nice pert, firm pair of boobs. Big floppy ones are just ugly and gross."

She self-consciously folded her arms in front of herself, trying to hide her breasts.

"No, don't cover them up!" he said insistently. "Just because they are disgusting doesn't mean I don't want to look at them. Keep your hands by your sides. There, that's better. I can see those big brown nipples now."

They sat in silence for a few minutes while he stared at her boobs thoughtfully, sipping his wine.

"You know, there are some women who sell their bodies for money. Have you ever considered becoming a prostitute?"

"Oh no, Reverend, I'd never do that!" she was astonished.

"I'm not suggesting that you should, I'm just wondering if you ever thought about it. Some women can make pretty good money selling sexual favours. Even a woman as ugly as you could probably make a decent enough living. I expect if you found a brothel with dim lighting, and if the punters were drunk or desperate enough, you could charge fifty pounds a time for a shag. And you take it up the arse as well, so you could charge them an extra tenner for that."

"Oh no, I could never do such a thing," she was horrified by the suggestion.

Kyle smiled at her consternation, and goaded her further. "I think you could. There are plenty of desperate men who would pay to fuck an old slag with big tits like you. Just because you look like the back end of a bus it shouldn't be a bar to working. You could wank men off for fifteen pounds a time. You wouldn't even have to do too many to earn a reasonable living, ten a day maybe. You could do three at a time too, one in each hand and one between your tits. They might even tip you a couple of quid if you let them cum on your face. Even a woman as ugly and stupid as you should be able to get work as a prostitute."

"But it's immoral!" she gasped.

He snorted. "So is having anal sex, but you've done that often enough. You can't work, you won't whore, no-one is likely to want to marry you, so really, you don't have any options, do you?"

"That's why I came to you for help." She tried to smile at him sweetly.

"If I was to give you the money that you need, how would you ever pay it back?"

"Well, I get my benefits each month."

"Yes, but they haven't been enough for you to get by on up until now, have they?" he taunted her.

"No," said Belinda sadly.

"So, you are going to have to do something for me in exchange for the money."

"Yes," she said quietly. "I know the other day you said you would pay me to blow-off in your face. I'm happy to do that for you, Reverend, if that's what you want."

He sighed. "You can call me Kyle. I feel like we should be on first name terms, Belinda. You don't need to keep using someone's full title when you're sat talking with them in their living room with your bra off."

"OK, Kyle. Thank you. I suppose it was a bit silly for me to keep calling you by your title."

"Silly? Stupid, I'd say. You are pretty thick though, that much would be obvious to anybody who has met you. You're pretty useless all round really, aren't you? However, fortunately for you, I'm a compassionate man and there is still one thing you can do for me to earn my assistance. Turn around and bend over the back of the sofa."

Belinda put her wine glass on the coffee table, then knelt on the sofa.

She looked over her shoulder at him. "Is this OK, Kyle?"

"Yes, but face the wall, I don't need to look at your face."

She turned around to face the wall, resting her naked torso on the back of the sofa, her big soft boobs hanging over the side of it. He finished his wine, then got up from his chair and walked over to the sofa, looking at the woman bent over in front of him. "It really is a big fat arse you've got, isn't it?"

She did not answer this. He perched on the coffee table behind her.

"A big, fat rear end," he said absently.

He reached forward and she felt him pulling at her clothing. He unzipped her skirt at the side and then slid it over her round buttocks and down her shapely thighs. Then, he yanked her tights down, tearing them slightly. She heard him exclaim triumphantly as he saw her beautiful bare buttocks, she was wearing a pink G-string under her tights. "Aha!" the vicar cried. "I remember this arse from Sunday. In fact I can't stop thinking about these big fat cheeks." She felt his hands pawing and squeezing her pretty bum. He pinched her and she squealed. "What I really want to see is the hole though. Let's get this out of the way." The roguish priest tugged poor Belinda's G-string out of her bum crevice and pulled it downwards. He spread his hands out on her plump buttocks and pulled them apart, exposing her most intimate parts to his stern gaze.

"Did you want me to fart for you now?" she asked.

"Not just now, you will have to hold it in a bit longer I'm afraid."

"OK, just let me know when I can."

"Will you shut up?" he snapped. "I didn't get you round here to listen to you jabbering away all day."

"Sorry, Kyle."

He went back to studying her crevice.

"What an ugly arsehole!" he spat. "And such a hairy one as well. Has anyone ever told you your bum crack is so hairy it looks like a man's? Never mind, I think we can do something about that!"

He produced a stout pair of metal tweezers from his shirt pocket. Then, holding a buttock to the side with his hand, he grasped one of the thin blonde strands of hair that sprouted from around her hole with the tweezers, and firmly plucked it out. Belinda yelped with the sudden pain of having the hair from such a sensitive area pulled out. He dropped the hair onto the coffee table next to him, then repeated the process, selecting another hair with the tweezers and yanking it out. He worked quickly and efficiently, but there was a lot of fine hairs to be plucked. It was a long, drawn out process. Poor Belinda was in great discomfort while Kyle epilated the skin inside of her cleft, but her squeals of pain and pleas for him to stop only made the cold-hearted priest sneer at her to be quiet. Once he had stacked up a small mound of extracted bum hair on the coffee table next to him, and he was satisfied that he had plucked her arse crack bald, he put the tweezers down and had her hold her arse cheeks apart so he could admire his handywork.

"That's much better," he said proudly. "It might still be fat and ugly, but at least your arse isn't hairy anymore."

"Thank you, Kyle..." Belinda mumbled.

"It smells pretty bad though," he said, bringing his face closer to her bum and then breathing in deeply through his nose to enjoy her smell. "You have such a stinky arse, I bet everyone you meet can smell it. When was the last time you took a bath, you fat bitch?"

"I have a shower every morning!" she protested.

"Then why does your arse smell so bad?" he was sniffing deeply, his nose hovering close by to her bottom. He continued snuffling around her rear for a minute or two more, savouring her odour and intently staring at her anus while he did so. Then, he growled "Do it now."

"Do what now?" she asked, confused.

"You know what I want, do it," he snarled.

"Oh," she gasped. Her body tensed, and she released a long, groaning fart that blew in the vicar's face. His eyes widened as he watched her arsehole opening to exhale a cloud of gas. The gentle burbling sound her bum hole made while she farted lasted for a few moments, and he breathed in deeply through his nose, inhaling the fruity aroma of her flatulence.

"You impudent bitch!" he suddenly roared at her. "You dare to fart in my face, do you?" He sounded incredibly angry.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" she squeaked. "I thought you wanted me to do that."

"You thought I wanted you to fart in my face, did you?" he yelled at her. Then he sniggered. "Well, of course I did. I'm only joking. Do it again, you dirty whore."

She did another fart, a longer but less forceful one that sighed out of her bum hole and wafted up the vicar's nose. He eagerly sniffed it up. The odour was stronger this time.

"Revolting," he said. "Do it again."

She farted again, a breath of stale air that puffed out of her arse and blew against his face.

"What did you have for lunch?" he asked, putting his nostrils against her anus so she could fart directly into his nose.

"Beans on toast. It was all I had in."

A stream of warm gas blew from her bottom and he excitedly breathed it in.

"That smells so bad. It's so disgusting. You filthy bitch, it smells awful."

"Why are you sniffing it then?" she asked. "I think you like it."

"Don't be ridiculous," he snapped. He suddenly stood up from the coffee table. "Come with me, I've got something you will like."

Belinda lifted up her face from the back of the sofa, then turned around. To her great surprise, she saw Kyle was naked apart from his socks. Somehow, he had taken his shirt, trousers and underwear off without her even noticing. She didn't know where to look, she had never seen a member of the clergy naked before.

She noticed that his penis was very much erect, he had been enjoying what they were doing even if he pretended not to. His veiny prick stood up from a profuse bush of black pubic hair like a finger angrily pointing at her face. She looked up at him in surprise and tried not to stare at his hard penis as she was worried she would start laughing if she looked at it for too long.

"Come with me," he said gruffly, standing over her. She stood up and stepped out of her skirt and tights that were balled up together on the floor, and followed him into the kitchen, her naked apart from her jewellery and him naked apart from his socks. As she followed him, she looked at his taut buttocks flexing as he walked, and she remembered what he had made her do in the vestry on Sunday, and it occurred to her that he might want to do the same to her again now. She shuddered at the thought.

In the kitchen, the vicar stood by the wooden kitchen table and pointed to the large cucumber that lay on it. "Remember when we spoke on Sunday you were telling me that your ex-boyfriend had a big cock?"

"I've had a few boyfriends with big cocks," she said, trying to remember who they had been speaking about on Sunday.

"You said he had a big cock, and he used to do you up the arse, and it hurt?" said Kyle with annoyance.

"Oh, you mean Clifford. Yes, he had a very big cock."

"That cucumber there on the table, was his cock as big as that?"

Belinda picked up the green vegetable and looked at it. "I don't know. This is quite a big cucumber." She examined it carefully, holding it up to her face and testing the thickness of it by wrapping her fingers around it. "I would say," she said slowly and thoughtfully, "that Clifford's willy wasn't quite as long as this, but it was a little bit thicker when it was properly hard."

"Oh really?" said Kyle, snatching the cucumber from her. "Well, can you guess where we're going to shove this now? Bend over the table, you dirty slut."

Belinda stood by the high table, bent forward at the waist and led across it, her bare breasts squashing against the cold wooden surface. Kyle stood behind her and scooped some butter from the dish with his fingers and then rubbed it onto one end of the cucumber. He held up the greased vegetable as if it was a large green truncheon, and then barked at Belinda: "Now pull your cheeks apart so I can see your hole." Belinda put her hands on her buttocks and pulled them apart for Kyle. She felt him place the tip of the cucumber against her bum hole, and then firmly force it into her fundament. She gasped with surprise as she felt her anus opening to accommodate the girth of the gourd. It felt too large to be comfortably contained in her colon, but Kyle kept forcing it forward further into her. He pulled the cucumber back out of her, then forced it into her again, burying it in her behind, stretching her anus, pummelling her insides. He did this again and again. Belinda moaned with desperation at the unbearable expanding feeling in her bowels, and as Kyle fucked her faster and more forcefully with the cucumber, her moans turned into uncontrolled wails of distraction. The large hard vegetable in her rectum felt to her like a nice stiff prick, reminding her of frenetic bouts of backdoor lovemaking. She remembered her lovers using her in this unnatural way, using the wrong hole because they enjoyed it more, and her allowing them because of her love of their lust. It hurt but it felt good, and it felt better because it hurt. Kyle was aware of the delightful effect his vegetable insertion was having on Belinda, and he found himself in the curious position of being simultaneously very excited to be anally ravishing this poor woman, and being jealous of his own vegetable.

"Do you like that, you dirty whore?" Kyle asked, as he worked the cucumber into her arse. "Does that feel good, you filthy fucker?"

"It feels good," she panted. "But... Oh! be gentle, you're hurting me a bit."

"I want it to hurt," said Kyle, pulling the cucumber back until only an inch of it remained inside her anus, then violently plunging it forward into her so that it was almost fully buried inside of her, making her moan. He grinned maniacally as he pistoned the phallic vegetable in and out of her arsehole faster and faster, buggering her at a rapid rate.

Belinda let go of her buttocks and tried to clamp them together to slow the pace of her anal violation. But the greasy vegetable slid easily between her cheeks and the pace was relentless. She grunted in time to the thrusts of the cucumber, feeling the thing being forced into her bum hole and filling her pooh-pipe. Kyle grabbed her ponytail with his free hand and pulled it hard, yanking her head back and making her shriek.

"Put your hands back on your bum!" he snarled at her. "Hold your cheeks open for me!"

She reluctantly obeyed, putting her hands onto her fleshy buttocks and splaying them apart for him.

He pulled the enormous cucumber fully out of her, and looked at her arsehole gaping open before him, looking in wonder at the inside of her arse. The cucumber was slick with slime from her insides, and on the tip there was a brown smear of her shit. He watched for a moment as her anus slowly closed up, then rammed the cucumber back into her.

"Oh Kyle! Oh Kyle!" Belinda panted, only able to say his name, feeling an intense excitement building inside of her. It felt like waves of pleasure coming from her arsehole and filling her whole body, combined with a sharp pain and a soreness. Sensing she was nearing climax, Kyle worked his hand harder and faster. He fucked her at an extraordinary rate, his hand a blur as he worked the big green vegetable inside of her as fast as he could. She gasped, she wailed, and then she screamed as she came. Her bum hole spasmed and clamped around the hard shaft of the cucumber. He pulled the cucumber out of her bum hole with a loud, slurping sound, and she lay across the table, her hands dropped to her sides. He put the cucumber down on the table and held her bum cheeks apart himself, so he could inspect her well fucked arsehole. His ferocious assault on her had reamed her anus noticeably wider than before, and it hung open loosely, mucus from her bowels dribbling out of it and trickling down the back of her leg.