Vigilante Shit

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"Stamp? Is that you, girl?"

I didn't recognize the voice, so I kept walking. I could hear the footsteps closing behind me. I had my hand in my bag, and this motherfucker was finna get pepper sprayed.

"Stamp, wait up. It's Jeremiah, from college."

I stopped, turned and he was all up in my personal space. Oh, fuck no. I didn't have time to deal with this. I was meeting my man somewhere toward the mall entrance, and this was the last damn thing I needed.

I put my hand in his chest and gave him a shove, then took a step back, myself. "Jeremiah, if you ever see me again, don't speak, don't stop me; in fact, you should go the other way right now, and if you ever see me again. Do you see that man down there?" I nodded toward the mall entrance about 50 feet away.

He looked, then did a double-take. "What about him?"

"That's my man. I think I can kick your ass, Jeremiah. I'd be afraid of him. How should that make you feel?"

"I wonder if he knows about you?" The dude actually thought he could play me.

. "Trust me, he knows. Much more than you do. Do you want to walk down and ask him? Are you a real man, Jeremiah? Let's walk down there like you're a man. Walk, Jeremiah, one way or the other, now." I turned and walked down the aisle to Kaplan. His eyes were on me the entire walk.

"My man. God, you looked gorgeous standing down here waiting for me." I turned him and we left the store, my arm around his waist and his tree-trunk of an arm over my shoulders.

"Friend of yours?" The deep bass rumble of his voice always made me shiver a little.

"No. Just someone I used to know. I'm ashamed I ever knew him. His name is Jeremiah, Bae. I can tell you the story if you want me to, but it will humiliate me, and you won't know anything more than you already know. Do you wanna know?"

He squeezed me. "I'll decide later. After I've had time to think about it. I'm not as smart or quick as you are. Where are we headed?"

"Vintage Stock," I said. "I wanna look at the vinyls and games, then tj maxx. How you holding up, big guy?"

He chuckled. "More vinyls? I'm enjoying myself, babe. I'm with you, right?"

"You are," I said. "By the way, I gotta tell you something. Sit over here with me." We sat beside each other on a bench and I snuggled up against him.

"That guy, Jeremiah, he kind of threatened me."

I felt him stiffen. "Do you want me to go after him?"

"No, I think I handled it. Just wanted you to be aware that shit like that can happen. Someone may come up to you someday and try to coerce us into something by using my past."

He sat there for a minute, then relaxed. "Yeah, I got you. We agreed the past is the past, right?"

"We did," I said. "What will you do when that time happens?"

"Kick his ass?"

"Good man." I patted his arm and laid my head on his shoulder. "I knew I could count on you. The vinyls await!" I pulled him up and we browsed our way down the storefronts. As we passed the eyewear store, I heard a low voice behind me speak in my ear. "Hey, oblivious ones." I jumped, startled. It was Monnasha, and she had some dope new glasses on.

*****

There were things Kaplan didn't know about me, Monnasha either, but I wasn't deliberately keeping them from them. They had honestly never come up. Jeremiah, for example. That story was no different than a million others everyday people can tell. It was just part of my life about which I no longer cared and it didn't hold the slightest interest to me. No fond memories of the "good old days," just boredom and a certain amount of repulsion.

I was a wild child. There is no way out. I partied like there was no tomorrow from the time I was 16 until I was a sophomore in college. No one wants a catalog of my high crimes and misdemeanors. I was lucky to be alive. It was about then I figured out it was self-destructive and got serious about education. Hey, I was a kid; smart and dumb as fuck, all at the same time. I grew up. I planned to earn enough money to finance any ratchet shit I was going to keep in my life, and I had quite a head start: a mommy and daddy, the highest of high society, who were quite disappointed in their daughter at that time, but never quite able to believe their angel was no longer the virgin princess, and I owned the third largest real estate law firm in Florida that I started with a trust fund from my grandparents.

I had some nasty habits, gave fucks about no one and nothing. Like I said, I grew up. My parents were now convinced that they had been right about me all along, and I was the star in the drama called my life.

This was all due, of course, to the fact that I was now with Kaplan and Monnasha, and they had the world's two most perfect granddaughters. I sighed inwardly. You reap what you sow.

*****

I was just browsing in Nordstrom, smelling the perfume, when I saw him walk by. I could tell he was an employee, because he was wearing a store nametag. He walked on down the aisle and I saw him talking to a girl behind one of the counters. I had to get a better look.

I walked over and just looked at him. I could have done that for years. The girl he was talking to noticed me. "May I help you?" she asked. I ignored her. Not intentionally, I was just in another space.

"May I help you find something?" he asked.

I came to my senses. A little. "No, I just saw you walking past and I suddenly realized I had to hear what your voice sounds like."

"Oh, my God, Kaplan," the girl said. "If you do something stupid right here, I'm done with you."

I looked and her name tag said "Macy." His said "Kaplan," but it also said, "Manager" below it.

"I'd like to speak to the manager," I said, winging it. Macy laughed.

"You have the wrong haircut," she said.

We all laughed. We were all obviously into memes and recognized the "Karen" cliché. He cleared his throat. "Well, I'm A manager," he said, "not necessarily THE Manager."

His voice sounded just like I had imagined: deep, resonant, calm, bass as fuck and oh so sexy. I decided I could listen to that voice the rest of my life.

I thought about which bottle of perfume I had that was closest to empty. "May I have a sniff of that Maison Francis Kurkdjian Baccarat Rouge 540?" I asked.

He looked at me with a renewed appreciation, and Macy got me the sample bottle. I knew what it smelled like, but I was planning to milk this.

I saw him looking me over. I knew what he saw. I was dressed nicely, nice skirt and low heels to show my legs to advantage, five feet one, 102 pounds, long ash-blonde hair down to my waist, and I was slender, just enough curve to keep them interested long enough to see my face. I have these huge brown eyes, a little sprinkle of freckles on a cute little nose, and I have lips.

"I don't really need the perfume," I confided in him. "I just wanted to introduce myself to you. My name is Stamp Fairtax. My friends call me Stamp; you can call me Stamp." I held out my hand.

"Kaplan Davis," he said, his huge hand engulfing mine. "That's an unusual name."

"I have unusual parents," I said. "Good ones, but... unusual is a descriptive word."

"What were you going to say in this introduction?" he asked.

"Well, so far, I've got 'Hi,'" I told him.

We both laughed. "That's a good start," he said. When he took my hand, his felt enormous, warm, firm. I felt a wave of almost euphoria sweep over me. I looked up and he had a kind of dumbfounded expression on his face.

"Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" His voice had a little rough velvet to it that gave me goosebumps."

"Can you?" I asked.

"I'm the manager," he said. "I can do whatever I want. So, yes."

He rang up my perfume, and we walked out the front door and headed down the way to Starbucks. I walked very close to him and held his arm. We probably looked hilarious, because he was well over six feet and just huge all over. What I had first seen under a rack of tops, were those tree-trunk thighs in a pair of nice dress pants. He was ripped. The man was just ridiculously attractive, and you could tell by looking at him he didn't have a clue.

His hair was pretty long, probably shoulder length when it was down, and he had it in a pony tail, looking as if he'd just stepped off the cover of a romance novel. He obviously worked out, and that voice...

"I knew I would never forgive myself if I just walked away without finding out how your voice sounded," I said.

He seemed at a loss for words, and I had to laugh. "A little choked up there, big boy?"

He chuckled, a deep rumble that made me shiver, but you could tell he was nervous. "Well, yeah, kinda." He rumbled again. "You're a little bit... out front there, Stamp."

I laughed. "I know. Sorry, but you're gonna find out that when I feel something, I let you know."

"I am?" He seemed surprised, but delighted at the same time. "What... when..." He laughed. "Okay, Stamp, what's going on?"

"Look at me, Kaplan. Do you want this to be the last time you see me?"

He actually looked. I had kind of been half joking, but he took a minute and looked me over. The fuck? He had to have already seen plenty, so I figured out he was giving me some sort of little test. I giggled.

One dark eyebrow rose. "What?"

"I didn't think you'd actually do it," I said.

"I know." We both laughed ourselves silly. The woman seated next to us gave us a look. I propped my middle finger up against my cup. She saw it and stiffened, but I was talking to Kaplan and she couldn't be sure it was deliberate. Kaplan saw it, though, and chuckled.

"I noticed you before," he said. "I just did that to give you back a little of what you're giving me. You're a very accomplished flirt, Stamp."

"I know, right?" I had to admit I was good. "You aren't doing too bad yourself, Kaplan."

"No, I recognize the dark enchantress," he said. "Well, I guess that doesn't fit. More like the fae queen."

"I went to the best schools," I said.

"Would I recognize the names?" he asked.

I laughed. "Are you asking me seriously where I went to college?"

"Yeah, if you're going to practice your flirting on me, I better know a little about you."

Ohh, I liked this man. "You ever heard of Murray Edwards College?"

"No, I don't think so," he said. "Is it local?"

I giggled. "No. What about you? Where you went?"

"Carnegie Mellon," he said. "I'm in finance."

"Ooh, Kaplan one of those big brains," I admired him.

He laughed. "Do you live close to here, Stamp?"

"Mmm, like 25 minutes. I was just down here between appointments. You?"

"Pretty close. You could walk in like 10 minutes, which is probably faster than driving by car. I'm just working here because my boss, my real boss, thinks I could use some experience in retail. Get more comfortable in hectic situations. He said there's nothing more hectic than an irate housewife asking to see the manager."

I laughed. "I agree that's terrifying, but I think I could give them a run for their money if I was pissed off enough."

He looked at me and raised that eyebrow. Good God! It was ridiculous how attractive he was; it was so ridiculous that I burst out laughing.

"What?"

"Kaplan, I couldn't explain it to you in a million years. You are such a man-child; I am constantly looking around to see if I can spot the horde of women who must be flooding toward this place even as we speak to warn you about me and take you away for themselves."

He laughed. Okay, I expected that to get to him. He had some defenses. I knew how to break those, too. "I can see you'd be a match for anything," he said. "Tell me you're an only child, Stamp. I don't think the world can take more than one of you."

"I do happen to be an only child," I told him. "Not voluntarily, I promise. I would have loved having a little brother or sister to initiate into the ways of iniquity."

"Small children everywhere are giving thanks to the gods that you weren't their sister," he said.

Dude was a riot. "Kaplan, would you go out with me?" I asked.

He looked shocked and I laughed. "I know very well that I'm not the first woman who has asked you out."

He looked embarrassed. Oh, my God. "Well, you kinda are," he said, "and as flattering as that is, I have a girlfriend."

"Really? Dope," I said. "What's her name?"

"It's Monnasha," he said.

I had to laugh. "And here you were telling me I have an unusual name."

He chuckled. "Yeah, but you're an American, right? I call her Nasha, and she's from Africa."

"Ohh, when can I meet her?" I asked.

He looked shocked. "You want to meet my girlfriend?"

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well, you were asking me out, and..."

I laughed. "Hey, I like you, Kaplan. I get that you can't go out with me, but that doesn't mean I don't like you. I don't fuck all my friends, you know. We'll be that kind of friends, and as such, it's appropriate for me to meet your girlfriend. Ask her if it's okay if you give me her number or Snapchat.

"Now?" He seemed stunned.

"Well, any time," I said, "but you gotta tell me after you do it so I know I can message her."

We exchanged details and I hugged him goodbye. God, what a delicious man. He was such a fascinating contradiction. I hoped Monnasha liked me and wasn't some weak-ass bitch who would feel threatened by me. I got that a lot. I found that few people understood my life.

When you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth, then you have been genetically blessed and have worked to make your advantages pop, you draw attention. I'd always been aware of that, peripherally, but really, I never gave a damn what anyone else thought except the people and experiences I wanted in my life. I was good enough to be all things to all people, usually. Sadly, or fortunately, Monnasha turned out to be one of those exceptions. She saw right through me.

*****

I got a text from Kaplan, and he sent me Monnasha's Snapchat. I friended her when I noticed the text, and she friended me back.

She had a cute little Bitmoji character. Kaplan had said she was from Africa, so it wasn't a total surprise that her avatar was black. We snapped back and forth and kind of introduced ourselves. I invited her over for tea, and she accepted.

Security notified me she was on the way up, and I went out in the hall and waited for the elevator to arrive. Since my place took up the whole floor, you could only get off there if security accessed that floor for you.

The hissing sound of the elevator arriving came to my ears, and the door opened. A goddess got off. Oh, my fucking God, she was gorgeous. I groped for thoughts to describe her. She really was a goddess, but it was like the goddess of math geeks or librarians. Don't get me wrong, everything about her was beautiful/nerd. From the impeccably tailored suit, I mean, it looked like wool or some shit, but the skirt was tight, ending about mid-thigh and she had incredible legs. Her shoes were heels, but like two inches, not my usual four or more.

God she was tall. Maybe that explained the low heels, but she just seemed like the type who wouldn't wear uncomfortable shoes. Her hair was a glossy black, pulled back into a knot on the back of her head, and from the size of the knot, she had more hair than a human should. The glasses completed the look. I mean, they were cute, but again, nerdy.

You could tell she was a little self-conscious, maybe even shy, but God she was gorgeous. I went to meet her and she hugged me. She towered over me like a tree and my face was in her tiddies. I began to shake with laughter, and I felt her shake with a little giggle before she released me.

"You're so tall and elegant, Monnasha," I told her. "I love it, but as tiny as I am, it's gonna make for some awkward hugs." We both laughed, I took her arm and led her down the hall, the ice broken, and hoping this tall amazing woman would like me.

Seriously, she was the female equivalent of Kaplan. Totally and completely unaware of what stunning humans they were.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you, Monnasha," I told her.

"You may call me Nasha," she said in the most profoundly beautiful liquid silk voice I had ever heard. She definitely had an accent and spoke very precise English. The gorgeous nerd thing, again. It was that tone, though: low, a little husky and velvet smooth.

"It's a deal," I said. "I try not to shorten people's names unless they tell me that's what they like."

"Well, I find it is not important what people call me," she said. "It is how they feel about me that matters."

I nodded. "Yes, I suppose that's true. We stepping off into the deep shit here, Nasha, and I haven't even poured the tea yet!"

She laughed, and a thrill went through my body. I was going to make her do that a lot. We took our tea and some homemade chocolate chip cookies to the sun room. We sat together on the sofa and she took it all in.

"You have a very beautiful home, Stamp," she said.

"Thanks." I leaned toward her conspiratorially and whispered. "I got it hella cheap. An equity company that owned it was disgorged for bank fraud, and I knew about it."

She smiled. "I guess you are a big deal?"

"Nah, I'm a little deal. You're the big deal." I held up my hands to reflect our relative heights.

She laughed, took a bite of cookie and sipped her tea. She seemed to find some resolve. "Stamp, Kaplan told me you asked him out," she said. "He explained to you that we are in a relationship, and you seemed... reconciled. You just want to be friends. I do not mind you being his friend, my friend, our friend. He told me you were "an experience," and I see he did not exaggerate. Kaplan is mine, Stamp. Do you understand this? Do you agree? Do not lie to me, please. I am a person, Stamp, I deserve honesty and so do you. Please promise me that you are not going to try to take him away from me. He is my life, Stamp, and I will fight to keep him."

She looked like she was about to cry, and I was horrified. Yeah, Imma bad bitch, but this goddess was the real deal. What sort of person abuses the innocent? Not me. These people were on a different level than I was, and I now felt like a villain. I didn't like that feeling.

I scooted over and hugged her. "Noo, sweetheart, I will never harm you, or Kaplan. I'm not a very nice person sometimes, Nasha, but I'm never up for being something bad in anyone's life. I promise, honey. I promise. I'm sorry I even asked him out. I wouldn't have if I'd known about you."

I felt her arm go around me and hug me. "I was afraid when I saw how beautiful you are," she said.

"Good God, Nasha, you're a fucking goddess," I told her. "I couldn't take Kaplan away from you if I tried. I won't try. If he wasn't yours, yeah, I would be all over him and he wouldn't stand a chance. You are obviously exactly what he needs, and vice versa. I am thinking about taking you away from him, though." I gave her a side-eye. I know how my eyes flash when I do that.

She looked shocked. "Really?"

I laughed. "No, babe, I was kidding. Same goes for you, though, as with him. If you weren't involved, I'd have already asked you out."

"Oh, my God!" She covered her mouth with her hand and giggled.