Wanting Beauty

When Trinity suggested they watch a porno together, Marshall assumed it would just be so Trinity could envision a girl while receiving from his eager stand-in. One night, Marshall brought Trinity back to his parents' house and pulled out his DVDs; Trinity was disappointed that none of them were gay porn. Marshall hadn't even conceived of that.

Marshall settled on one, turning it on, muted, as it illuminated the main floor's living room with its projection, Marshall preparing himself for what Trinity had in mind.

"Take off your clothes," Trinity said, tugging at his own belt eagerly.

Marshall did so.

"Now bend over in front of me," Trinity said, putting one hand on Marshall's shoulder to help push him down into position while his other hand stroked professionally. Marshall turned his face forward and leaned his chest down, unsure that he would enjoy what was coming. He felt disconnected from the moment, his eyes disinterestedly watching porn-actor sex on the screen before him.

Marshall stifled a grunt as he felt Trinity push into him. Discomfort kept him speechless as he writhed forward, Trinity's thickness relentlessly followed, all-too-quickly sliding through him. Marshall could feel the stretching, like a rubber glove as a finger works up it, and felt neither pleasure nor pain. His thoughts were mostly on how dirty it all was - how debasing, how inefficient. He stifled groans as he pitched forward with Trinity's slow thrusts, but couldn't seem to get his erection past half-way. He felt Trinity's hands on his hips, and there was pleasure in that, but he needed Trinity to be quieter, and finish more quickly, before his family saw him. It occurred to Marshall that Trinity had just that kind of debasement in mind - that there was no love in this at all - and it quietly, hypocritically offended Marshall.

After what felt like an impossibly long while, Marshall felt Trinity's hot cum diffuse in his ass and heard the wet, quiet pop as Trinity's dick came free. Trinity could likely sense that Marshall had not enjoyed that night, but Marshall resolved to pretend that it was just another thing they could do. If it means I get to keep sucking your dick, Marshall decided.

Chapter 7: Secret

Around a year later, a few years into his undefinable relationship with Trinity, Marshall was living with Cliff and another of his friends, though, really, all of his friends seemed to stay there whenever they could. There was always a party. Marshall thrived surrounded by friends, reminded of his value and place among them; but it also exhausted him, particularly when Trinity would visit and he'd have to balance enthusiasm with targeted secrecy.

One such night, after hours of energetic company, Trinity excused himself to sleep the party off in Cliff's room, at the end of the hall. Marshall continued the festivities with his friends, staying up and hosting until they'd all either gone home or fallen asleep in the living room. Throughout the night and much more deftly disguised from his years of experience, Marshall never let Trinity stray too far from his always-scheming mind.

The lights off and apartment silent, Marshall acted. He slunk from his room, closing his door silently behind him, and made his way down the hall to Cliff's room. The door was ajar, utter darkness within. After Marshall silently shut the door behind him, he took a moment to adjust to the little light he could find; he saw the outline of the bed and the blanketed lump that breathed atop it.

"You don't have to wake up," Marshall whispered, as he gently slid aside the blanket at Trinity's waist, straining to see his shadowed, familiar form. Trinity was already nude, Marshall noticed, smiling affectionately and stiffening at the same time, seeing Trinity's hands guarding his erect cock.

"You don't have to do anything," Marshall reemphasized, thrilling all the more at not knowing whether Trinity was already awake or would awake with Marshall's mouth wrapped around him. As Marshall gently pried one hand off of Trinity's always-impressive hard-on, he moved closer, letting Trinity's other hand remain, as it subtly slacked to make way for Marshall's wash cycle.

All Marshall could see of Trinity was right in front of him, and barely, at that; all Marshall could sense of Trinity - beyond his heated, smooth, thick cock returning to his mouth - was his muscular thighs and soft belly, and his hand laying atop the blanket beside him. Marshall engulfed Trinity hungrily, pooling and swishing saliva from his bottom lip to rub along the pronounced ridge of his helmet and the gradual partition that led to his tip, which Marshall pressed with his tongue, sending waves of saliva towards it while pulling back with his cheeks. His initial suction of Trinity's cock head was met with its mighty shaft lifting exhaustedly as it swelled further, desperately pulsing with each attempt against its impressive limitations as it pumped Trinity's balls in preparation.

Marshall pulled his lips in, and his saliva with it, as his tongue sloshed and swirled powerfully down Trinity's length, then back up a little bit, gulping and drowning his mouth with saliva again before sliding back down. Marshall felt a moan of pleasure run up his body and through his mouth onto Trinity, so full and overwhelmed he had to shut his eyes as he felt a spurt of his own cum blast into his pants. Opening his eyes, Marshall was even more eager, sliding a hand behind Trinity's fully drenched and quivering cock to gently lubricate in step with his mouth. He couldn't tell if his grip suddenly tightened or if Trinity, whose hips shifted slightly on the bed, had grown even larger, but in a moment Marshall was squeezing the base. He felt the constricted, deep, slow, powerful throb fight against his palm, signaling Trinity's imminent eruption, while Marshall dropped his tongue to cup him and began eagerly sucking.

Marshall could feel the blast as it shot from the base of Trinity's cock and into his mouth - feel it fill his throat with heat and ooze while he swallowed, swished, and prepared for another. And another. Each felt like a violent spasm deposited with force into Marshall's waiting, wet thirst. As Trinity's muscles finally relaxed, Marshall pulled his hand away and, gently cleaning the dribbles of cum from his tip with pursed lips, reluctantly released Trinity's turtling, turgid tool from his mouth. "Thank you," Marshall whispered to Trinity through his cock like a microphone before turning and silently returning to his room to sleep.

Chapter 8: Fear and Relief

Trinity and Marshall had gotten into fights over the years. Their feelings never articulated, even in their passion, made words let loose in anger hurt all the more. Long cooling periods and complicated mutual-friend entanglements kept them connected; and something more. Marshall carried Trinity with him, a permanent meaning engraved as a facet of his soul he could not abandon; and Trinity had lent something vulnerable to Marshall, in turn, which always returned when they spoke. Though they never could quite recapture the thrill of getting to know each other and all the proud conversations they had, they did still try, when they saw each other and had time alone.

In one of those happy stretches between their fights, Marshall reflected on his relationship with Trinity. When we're alone, he mused, recalling all the softness in Trinity's voice and fearless joy in his eyes. When we're alone together, I remember him clearly. All of that blind faith that only feels like regret after I've returned to myself... When we return to the secret.

Trinity had once casually mentioned he'd tried sex with another man; Marshall hadn't known how to ask for more details and instead had wondered what hidden meanings there'd been to draw from the disclosure. Is Trinity gay? Is that what he wants from me? Is there a life he's held back from waiting for me to understand?

Marshall was not gay, he decided. He had given it honest reflection, considering all his moments with Trinity over the span of their years together - the euphoria and pain - and concluded, at most, that he liked giving blowjobs. It was always Trinity's penis Marshall envisioned when he watched porn or created a scene in his mind, but he admitted arousal before his association with Trinity.

If I said it - if I committed to being gay, why can't I see past Trinity? Marshall wondered. He's all I see down that path, and part of Marshall could not trust Trinity to support him with as much commitment. Is that only because we have repressed this for so long? What would life be if we could just... be? Marshall imagined their future: each fight and each hedonistic thrill, each unspoken conversation and each moment discarded. Do I love him? Or do I love the secret?

On the other hand, women had started to notice Marshall, laugh at his jokes and talk with him about his poetry. Sex came easily for Marshall, and each woman who gifted him came as a surprise - each of them so beautiful and open and in the moment with him, every part of them soft and sensitive, every vagina wondrous, coarse, wet, smooth, chewy, deep, tight, and perfect.

Who am I deceiving? Marshall sighed.

Marshall remembered one night, in particular. Trinity was driving them, speeding down the highway, his voice angry and straining for control. Marshall had presumed too much - had put to question, in Trinity's mind, what was always at the center of their relationship: what did it mean?

"You think you're an honest person. You think you're so smart..." Trinity went on, as Marshall shrank and cowered inside. "You write about me, but you don't see me. You see a poem with a dick."

This is a show of force - a show of something wounded, Marshall told himself while his words failed him in the moment. Even then, Marshall sensed Trinity regretting that he had to hurt him to make his point.

"I'm allowed to be angry. I know you think you know me," Trinity continued sharply, "but you should rethink that."

I've made him feel small, too, Marshall thought. How can I make this right? I can't lose him - not now. What would I be if I lost him?

As Trinity took an exit, letting silence punctuate their argument, he was late in slowing down. It looked to Marshall that the car would pitch off the overpass, back down to the highway. Marshall felt time slow then, seeing Trinity struggle to brake and turn as they crested, feeling himself lifting off his seat, sluggishly accepting there was nothing he could do, and knowing he was going to die. This is it. The story ends with us together, the only way it could. Everything in a moment. Why am I not scared?

When Trinity did, miraculously, turn the car in time and avoid an accident, silence returned until Marshall chuckled, relieved, and Trinity did too.

That's how it goes with Trinity, Marshall concluded. This time will be better.

Chapter 9: An Attempt at Romance

One night, while Marshall was still living in his friends' favorite party spot, Trinity came into his room as he was preparing for bed. Marshall's room was almost fully lit in a soft blue glow from the moonlight seeping in around his curtain. Marshall was instinctually quiet, noting that Trinity was in his boxers, looking anxious as he ran his gripped hand along the length of himself.

"What's up?" Trinity asked Marshall, closing the distance to him and setting him down on the bed, continuing to stroke himself as he let Marshall do what came naturally. Trinity tightened, gripping Marshall's hair, and then looking down at Marshall. "I want you to... I want you to fuck me."

"Are you sure?" Marshall asked, disappointed with how stupid that sounded in the moment.

In answer, Trinity full removed his own boxers, then Marshall's, dropping to his knees and gripping Marshall's cock to too-quickly apply oral.

Marshall yielded to the moment, feeling and gripping Trinity's clavicle and shoulders, looking down at Trinity's messy hair and lean, muscular form, and letting himself slip into that impossibly impatient carnal longing and euphoria he'd felt so often for Trinity. Soon into it, as if to give permission to Trinity, he pulled back and motioned for Trinity to get up on the bed, Marshall kneeling behind him, gripping his waist.

Marshall's dick already lathered, he immediately pressed his head, front first, against Trinity's hole, feeling the resistance and committing to the act. When he did push in, he felt Trinity tighten. The muscles on his back defined ridges of his softness down to his hips; the muscles in his ass contracted in arches and pushed his flesh, and Marshall's cock, inward. Marshall groaned despite himself, feeling pulled in - feeling the intense heat that gripped him with languid urgency. Marshall's eyes opened, looking back down at Trinity while he leaned closer, and he rolled his hips forward, holding Trinity in place by pressing down on those folds on his back, sighing heavily at the sensation.

"I don't love anyone but you," Marshall whispered as he worked into a slow rhythm, running his hands over Trinity's back and around to his cock, which jutted out at an angle - solid, but inattentive.

"You're so fucking hot," Marshall said, trying to rouse Trinity and thrill himself in the process. "You're so tight."

The slow, sticky friction fell over them both like a blanket on a summer day, sweat sheening on Marshall's forehead and Trinity's back. Marshall leaned back again and fastened his hands around the inside of Trinity's hips to pull him in as Marshall pushed up, his balls lightly swinging into Trinity's. Marshall was acutely aware of the squeaking noise his bed was making over their deliberate, heavy breathing, and worried he was not enjoying himself enough - worried that Trinity would not believe him.

Redoubling his efforts, he quickened and focused on Trinity's body again: his friend-and-lover on his knees, offering himself up, soft and powerful and sexy and his. Trinity was letting Marshall have him. Trinity was not enjoying it, but he wanted Marshall to enjoy him - he wanted to know. It was Trinity's sensitive, quiet voice saying you're beautiful as they sat in the backseat of his brother's car. It was Trinity as Marshall loved him.

"I love you," Marshall whispered, forgetting the dirty talk and feeling himself start to cum. He quivered and stopped, holding Trinity - sensing him, and cumming in waves inside him.

"I'm glad that you loved it," Trinity whispered back, leaning forward and off of Marshall's dripping dick, before sliding out of bed to get his clothes. He didn't put them on or turn back as he quietly left the room. He left Marshall to sleep with the scent of their fucking lingering heavily in the air.

Chapter 10: And Three Makes a Trinity

Some time after that, Trinity moved in with his brother and their mom: Cliff in one room, their mom in the other, and Trinity on a mattress in an alcove between the two rooms, tucked behind their shared living room.

Marshall continued to see Cliff and hang out in his room to play video games. His relationship with Trinity was friendly but guarded at this time as they both pursued the passionate opportunities of their youth with women who found them attractive.

While Marshall had a series of intensely romantic one-night stands borrowed against the promise of a passion he never quite lived up to, Trinity found a steady relationship with a girl named Callie, freshly eighteen herself.

Callie had deep, dark blue eyes, shoulder-length blonde hair, a thin frame, a full bosom, and an enrapturing, protected smile. She matched Trinity's personality well, Marshall thought, as he got to know her. She was genuine and intense and light and kind. Marshall also knew that Callie had a volatile relationship with Trinity; he often overheard them arguing, and Cliff would huff and puff, utterly out of patience having to live with it. But Trinity and Callie would always make up, getting high together and sleeping together in the obvious aftershock of passion. All of which Marshall remembered well from his time with Trinity.

Once, Marshall recalled Callie falling asleep on the living room sofa, a blanket only partially covering her. Cliff was merely annoyed - a testament to how sick of her half of the drama he was. Marshall, on the other hand, gaped guiltily, as he added her his lustful fantasies.

Marshall was at the peak of his attractiveness, he knew, as he swam in Cliff's pool and remained shirtless into the night in the living room to see if he could excite either of Trinity's or Callie's interest. They stayed up together often, clicking plastic guitar buttons and singing to a game or talking about Marshall's profound-seeming poetry. Marshall liked Callie and figured it was enough that he could occasionally envision she and Trinity together for his own voyeuristic sexual gratification.

Then, one night, Trinity knocked on Cliff's door. Cliff was playing an online game with his friends while Marshall watched.

"Marshall, come out here," Trinity's voice called out. "Callie wants to ask you something."

Cliff was frustrated that they were talking and warned Marshall against whatever plans Trinity and Callie had but Marshall smiled reassuringly and said that he would just go hang out with them for a while.

As soon as Marshall was out of Cliff's room, Trinity closed the door behind him and whispered quickly in his ear, "Callie wants to know if you'll fuck her."

Marshall's heart immediately exploded in his chest, unsure what was being asked, and noticed at the same time that Callie was sprawled out nude on the mattress in front of them. Trinity slid off his boxers, his cock bouncing back to stand tall as he crouched closer to Callie's face. Callie, for her part, locked eyes with Marshall, arms outstretched to welcome Marshall to climb atop her.

Marshall checked Cliff's door again while sliding his pants and boxers off and quietly climbing towards Callie. Marshall's look of confusion and hesitation drew a sympathetic look from Callie as Trinity both confirmed and clarified. "You take her pussy," he said to Marshall, then focused back on Callie and dropped his cock on her lips. "But only I get your mouth, right, baby?"

Callie's hand blindly, gently sought Marshall's dick and pulled it towards her as Marshall arched his back and prepared to discover her most unique and personal feelings. He felt his way slowly as he tried not to take his eyes off of her, registering the moment as fully as he could. He lined up with her, and felt his tip against her vulva. He arched slowly to keep his dickhead between her yielding, wet lips. Marshall lingered as he stared into the deep pools of her eyes as she focused back at him, a soft groan escaping her stuffed mouth as she did.

As Marshall leaned in, slowly and fully, he saw Callie's eyes close as she sucked harder on Trinity while Trinity held her head affectionately and baby-talked affirmations. "Nobody gets Callie's mouth but me, right, baby? She loves sucking my dick and no-one else's, huh?"

Marshall returned to his mission, eager to please Callie, overwhelmed to have her want him to. As if afraid to touch her or put his weight on her, he kept his back straight, grinding his hips slowly into her and then back out again, feeling the friction of her slick pubic hair against his groin. He kept his eyes locked on her, hearing her soft humming and Trinity's verbal encouragement as she blew him. The action was so close that Marshall felt its heat. Callie's cheeks seem flushed - her whole body pink and panting and moving gently beneath him, rolling her waist into Marshall as he thrust, her pussy tightening up as it found purchase before sliding back again. Her round, sturdy tits heaved and lolled to the side in rhythm to the ride as Marshall slid his hands over and beneath her unbearably soft hips and ass, pulling her in as he softly groped.