Was I Becoming a Slut? Pt. 08

My life continues with some decisions made with foresight, others made spontaneously. Debbie, my next door neighbour, is ever present and encouraging, sometimes for the wrong reasons.

(If you haven't followed the series then you need to know that I have my own accountancy business and Clive was someone who'd lost his wife from cancer last year.)

*********************************************************************

"Do you think Clive would enjoy the hot tub with us?"

I could tell from Debbie's expression that she was full of mischief. When I told her that Clive was coming for the weekend it was one of her first responses. I must have looked doubtful, and I certainly gave her that impression.

"I'm not sure he's ready for that, he's certainly not ready for your husband shooting spunk all over my face!"

We both erupted in fits of giggles remembering her dare and my uncharacteristic willing response.

"Ask him to bring his swimming shorts anyway, he'll remember we chatted about it."

As it turned out Clive seemed very keen when I messaged him. It was 'my' weekend to entertain and the itinerary or programme was up to me. If I'd had my way it would have been both days in bed together.

And then it all fell apart!

I got the text mid afternoon, it was really disappointing and not totally understandable.

'I'm so sorry Louise, I have to postpone our weekend. Something really important has come up. Will explain tomorrow.'

And that was it. I tried phoning him straightaway, but it went to voicemail several times. I did reply with a text, but my curt response must have told him I wasn't at all pleased. I was totally deflated and my thoughts went through all the possible reasons, including involving other women.

I texted Debbie and she came straight round. Her first reaction was of course sympathy, and then reassurance that it was probably something to do with his business and it must have needed urgent attention.

"Try him again," she suggested, but the result was still no response.

"I'll phone Jackie and see if she knows anything, I'll do it later when she's got home from work."

Jackie was Tom's sister and had introduced us. I thanked Debbie, but then she had to leave. She and Tom were visiting her parents up north for the weekend, and had to drive up that Friday evening.

"Please use the hot tub over the weekend if you want to, you've got my front door key, but don't have any orgies! I'll speak to Jackie and pop round later before we go, and let me know if you hear anything."

I went straight to the wine rack and opened a bottle of Malbec, pouring a large glass, and taking two huge gulps.

Again my thoughts whirled their way around my brain and I felt angry that this brief optimism in my life was being snuffed out.

It was six thirty when Debbie popped by and told me that Tom's sister would drive round to Clive's in the morning. She'd given my number to her so that she could phone me. I wished her a safe journey and began to finish off the bottle of Malbec.

I was at a pretty low ebb and getting extremely drunk. I went from one thing to another. I went online and into 'Lit' and began a role play with a guy in the consent/non-consent room, but he disappeared, that pissed me off even more so I turned to porn and watched a long session of lesbian sex which only had the effect of making me masturbate. When I reached a pretty average orgasm, masked by the alcohol, I just got that feeling of being pathetic and I passed out on the sofa.

I woke up just after one 'o clock and staggered to the loo to throw up. That made me feel even worse. I got a glass of water from the kitchen and went up to bed scattering my clothes on the bedroom floor.

The next I remember was the sun streaming in through the window and my alarm clock saying it was just gone nine. I felt dreadful and when I thought of Clive and my messed up weekend I felt even worse. I lay there for ten minutes or so and wondered if I'd hear from Jackie.

My phone was downstairs so I struggled onto my feet and got my balance. I was naked and the curtains were wide open. Phil Gilbert across the road must have thought he'd struck lucky because I saw him at his window and in a fit of pique I stood clearly in the window and gave him a wave.

I saw him jump back, obviously feeling guilty, but I got some sort of peculiar rush out of flashing him.

Putting on my bathrobe I went downstairs and made myself a cup of tea. I looked in the mirror and saw how horrific I was. Finding my phone there were several messages from Debbie, but nothing from Jackie. However it was just after ten thirty when, to my astonishment, she turned up at the front door.

"Hello," I said, I must have looked surprised as well as a total disaster. I could tell by the expression on her face that something odd must have occurred.

"Come in, I'm afraid I don't look my best!"

Jackie followed me into the kitchen.

"I thought I'd come and talk to you face to face, it's actually been a bit of a shock to me."

I knew then that I'd better prepare myself.

"It seems that Clive has been arrested."

My heart began racing as she explained what she could. "I went round this morning just as he was being driven away in a police car. When I told Richard he owned up to knowing the reason why. Apparently Clive has been doing some dodgy deals within his company, he wasn't sure what exactly, but Clive had given him the impression that he and a partner knew some quite shady characters. Other than that I'm not sure. I'm so sorry to shatter your hopes."

I took a deep breath, "Do you think I should go round there, they're bound to release him, but he's not answering any of my texts or phone calls?"

At that point Jackie grabbed my hand and looked closely at me.

"I knew Lucy his wife so well and I'm sure she knew nothing about this, if there is actually anything in it, I think you should steer clear, if he's involved in fraud or whatever, that's the last thing you need to be associated with, it could ruin your business entirely."

Suddenly I could see the sense in that. I just couldn't believe that Clive was dishonest.

"Thank you for coming round to tell me Jackie, I appreciate it. I think you're probably right, at least until we know the whole story. Will you tell me any news if you hear anything?"

"Of course I will, I'm really sorry I had to tell you this, it must be a bit of a shock, it was for me and Richard."

I thanked her before she went and after she'd gone I sat down and tried to come to terms with it all. Debbie phoned later and commiserated with me and told me that she thought Jackie was probably right, and not to do anything silly.

I'd taken some punches over the years and was able to snap out of it by taking a shower, doing my hair and putting on some make up. I did that and later I got a text from Jake who was needing some extra money so I phoned him and had a long mum/son chat. I did the bank transfer straightaway and by four 'o clock I was opening a bottle of wine to drown my sorrows yet again.

I knew I was masking my upset, but in my mind I'd already written Clive out of my life, he sounded like trouble.

The weekend then went from bad to worse. After consuming even more wine that evening, and again falling asleep on the sofa, Sunday arrived. It was in the afternoon, and the other trouble in my life strangely texted me out of the blue.

'Did you get a text from Jake?"

It was a total surprise to hear from Jon, my ex.

'Yes, yesterday, why?' I typed back. 'He asked me for some cash.'

'I've just sent him some too. He asked me if I could lend him some and it's unusual. I actually spoke to him on the phone.'

Within a few seconds my phone rang and Jon had decided to speak to me directly.

"It sounded very odd, do you think he's got a problem?" Jon posed the question.

I immediately got that mothers' instinct thing.

"I'm not sure, he sounded okay to me when we spoke," I replied uncertainly.

Just then I heard 'her' in the background. Whenever Jon and I spoke we never mentioned her by name, it grated so much, but she was shouting something along the lines of, "are you on the phone to that woman?"

To be referred to as 'that woman' riled me so much I shouted back, "Is that cow there with you?"

Jon was caught in the middle, he must have gone into another room because he whispered, "I'm coming round, we need to discuss this properly."

He hung up and I sat there thinking the worst.

Jon arrived almost an hour later, looking concerned and unusually gave me a big hug.

"I'm not sure what's going on," he said.

I'd finished my first glass of wine and had poured a second.

"Do you want one?" I asked as he sat down on the sofa.

"I'd better not, I'm driving," he replied, adding, "don't let me stop you!"

It was heavily sarcastic, with him knowing how much I drank.

"He didn't sound any different to me," I said, "he just asked me to give him a bit to tide him over until Christmas."

"How much did you give him?" Jon was studying my face.

"Two hundred quid, why? How much did he ask you for?"

"Two hundred, the same," Jon looked pained.

"Shall I phone him now?" I sounded a bit desperate. I really wanted to know more, it was starting to sound a bit scary.

"No, let's go up there, let's find out what is actually going on!" Jon's suggestion took me by surprise, but it seemed it might confront the problem directly if there was one.

It was seven 'o clock, and I couldn't possibly drive after drinking half a bottle of wine.

"I'll drive," Jon said, and I immediately thought of 'her'.

"What will she say, you can't just go off with your ex wife?"

"Leave her to me," he replied with an angry face, "she's not best pleased with me coming here, but I'm not best pleased with her. Just give me a minute to phone her."

Jon went out into the hall to speak and closed the door. I was trying hard to hear what was said and picked up various bits of conversation like, "he's my son," and "I've no idea how long," and finally there was a "just fuck off!"

He came back in, red faced and looking like thunder.

"Come on, let's go."

I grabbed my shoulder bag, a coat, and my phone and we went out to Jon's car. It felt incredibly weird, a different car, but sitting next to my ex husband the same way we sat for years and years when we were together.

"Was she mad?" I eventually asked.

"To be honest she can stew, she seems to think that Jake was left behind when I left you. She's got very possessive and we've had a few rows about it recently.

I decided not to probe anymore and we began to speculate about Jake.

"Do you think we're doing the right thing, barging in on him I mean?"

Jon was adamant. "Yes, if we simply speak on the phone and there is a problem then he'll palm us off with half truths."

I sort of agreed.

It was nine 'o clock when we parked up and walked to his hall of residence. A security guard checked us out and after we'd partially explained our concern he let us have access to Jake's block. When we knocked on Jake's door and he opened it I knew there was definitely something wrong. Guilt was writ large across his face. He looked at Jon and then fell into my arms sobbing.

The next hour in his room was traumatic. I think it brought back to both me and Jon, memories of our break up. The pain of someone you love being so badly hurt.

It seemed that Jake had been gambling online, he'd been a bit lonely after his break up with Ruth and he was finding it difficult to manage his money. He'd not gone out drinking with his mates, he'd even stopped playing rugby, and then he found the evil apps online.

When we got to the truth he'd maxed out his credit card and had reached his overdraft limit which is when he'd phoned us. We could only reassure him.

It was pointless being angry, but he knew how stupid he'd been and we did tell him that. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders when Jon told him he'd pay off both his credit card and the overdraft.

However we spent another hour just talking and determining if there was nothing else that he wasn't telling us. Finally we told him that part of the 'deal' was that we'd go with him to the student support services the next day.

As we left I was feeling a bit better and I was glad that we'd got to a solution and hopefully he'd learned his lesson.

"We'd better find somewhere to stay," Jon said as we exited the halls of residence. "There's a hotel down the hill, we'll leave the car and walk down there.

It was eleven fifteen and the walk took all of ten minutes. We didn't necessarily want to drive all the way home and then back the next day.

"What will she say? God, she'll go mad won't she?"

"Let me handle her, I'm not going to put up with any crap."

By the time we'd booked in, Jon had received multiple texts and missed calls and we ended up in the bar with two large brandies and him speaking on the phone to an extremely irate wife.

I sat there somewhat amused. I actually wondered whether she felt like I felt when Jon was coming home late to me.

It was gone midnight and after a second brandy we went up to our rooms. As we walked along the corridor it seemed so strange that there was a seven year gap since we would have been doing this as husband and wife.

We got to my door and Jon took the keycard and opened the door for me. He put a foot against it to stop it closing, handed the card to me and sighed.

"You think we've solved it?" he asked.

"I hope so, I really hope so," I muttered, and quite suddenly I burst into tears.

"Hey... hey, what's up?" he spoke softly, "it'll all be ok, we'll sort him out."

He'd taken me in his arms and pulled me just inside my room and was pulling my tearful face into his shoulder. The tension of the day and the alcohol had combined to bring all my emotions out.

I was being held tightly against him, the way he used to cuddle me when things went wrong. After a minute I lifted my head and whispered, "You think he'll be okay?"

"I'm absolutely positive," he replied and kissed my forehead.

And then the memory of all those years somehow coagulated and I found myself kissing him.

We clung together, the old familiarity returning with a gentle softness. Whether it was a vulnerability, some subconscious revenge, or just a simple desire for intimacy with someone I'd shared half a lifetime with, but I said it.

"Will you stay with me tonight Jon?"

I think he had a feeling of pent up emotion as well, and probably not a little spitefulness towards her.

He said nothing, but simply kissed me again with a little more desire, and I felt his hand sliding up under my jumper to unclasp my bra. I remembered it so well, the way he handled my breasts, the way he gently rolled my nipple between thumb and forefinger and the way his cock felt up against me when he was horny.

Like times of old we moved towards the bed, undressing ourselves in silence and being illuminated by the light of the wall lamps either side of the bed. We didn't really look at each other naked, after the passage of seven or eight years, our bodies were different in subtle ways. We slid under the bedclothes and like familiar hands clasping one another, we wrapped our nakedness together.

"Don't say anything Jon, just make love to me."

And we did. For the last few years of our marriage sex had become mechanical, we both knew our triggers and we both flicked those switches to sometimes get satisfaction. Those triggers were still there, but the pleasure they created was like it used to be at the beginning.

"Oh gosh," I gasped as Jon rolled between my thighs and he entered me. He knew exactly how he could stimulate my clit, how slowly he could build my pleasure. We must have rocked back and forth for a long, long time, my legs wrapped around him, while he enjoyed kissing my lips, my neck, my nipples and finally he was watching my eyes close and hear the quiet gasp of my orgasm. No great histrionics, no loud crying out, just the gentle shudder of my body.

He wasn't far behind, as he lifted up onto outstretched arms, he held himself inside me, as deeply as possible, and quietly gasped, his eyes closing with pleasure.

I felt him start to ejaculate. He seemed to go on and on and I assumed he hadn't had sex for a while. When he opened his eyes and had reached the end I whispered, "We shouldn't be doing this!"

He groaned. I wasn't sure if he agreed or not, but he went to withdraw and roll aside and I quickly asked him not to.

"Please!... just stay there... for a minute."

My pussy was still throbbing, my clit was still so sensitive, I wanted the sensation to last as long as possible. Jon relaxed on top of me, this time on his elbows either side of me.

"I think you're probably right... you won't say anything will you?"

I guess Jon knew I could be vindictive on occasions, but I smiled and just said, "No it's our secret."

I felt his cock dwindle inside me and there was that moment when it suddenly slipped out. I could feel Jon's spunk oozing from me onto the bed sheets and I thought, "not my problem."

"Shall I go to my room?" he quietly asked.

I suppose the question was inevitable.

"Do you want to?" I replied.

"No," he said in the semi darkness. I could see the conflicting thoughts on his face.

"Then stay here," I turned to kiss him him, "if you want to, it's only one night and she won't ever know."

He smiled begrudgingly and returned the kiss before we turned over, back to back, like we always used to, and fell asleep.

It was early, six 'o clock, when I awoke to the sound of Jon's mobile phone. It was her and I kept silent as he answered with, "What time is this?"

I heard her curt reply and wondered, ironically, how many times he'd spoken to me from her bed when they were having their affair.

I quickly realised she didn't believe his story of us having separate rooms and I heard her say that she wanted to face time him. I was proud of myself for my quick thinking. I slipped out of bed, gathered up my clothes from the floor, and ran into the bathroom.

The FaceTime conversation went on for ten minutes before I heard Jon getting angry. He'd explained what had happened with Jake and told her he'd be home later that day after we'd been to the university. Finally I heard the 'Fuck off' words again and then silence.

"You can come back in now." he shouted and I stuck my head around the door.

Jon was half smiling, sitting up in bed, holding his phone.

"Come back to bed," he beckoned and I joined him rather self consciously naked in the daylight, which was now coming though the window.

He wrapped his arm around me like old times and we lay back on the pillows.

"I will get the third degree for the next week," he said.

"She doesn't trust you."

My contribution was the absolute truth, she knew that their affair and our divorce was evidence of that.

"Hmmmm, I guess so, but I'm glad we had last night."

I wanted to agree, but I didn't reply except to say, "You still snore!"

"Bloody cheek," was his instant reaction, "I don't snore, I never did, and you can't talk!"

In a flash he'd raised himself up, grabbed me, and pulled me, face down, across his body. It brought back so many exciting memories.

When Jake wasn't around and we had our 'quiet moments' together, Jon often played the 'pretend teacher' and put me over his knee. I always giggled and this was no exception.

"Stop it!" I yelled, "we're too old for this stuff!"

I was trying to hold him off, but I'd lost the initiative. The first whack took me by surprise because I'd forgotten how much it stung.

"Fuck!" I yelled, and straightaway it was followed by another smack on the other cheek.

"Jesus Jon, that hurts!"

My words were cut short by Jon's hand firmly in the middle of my back holding me down, and then a repetitive onslaught of hard smacks to both sides of my backside.