Was I First?

She turned her thoughts into action as she picked up her phone and called Rollie. She got his voicemail. That was odd. Her next call was to the hotel front desk. They informed her that he had been rushed away for medical attention. When she asked where they took him, the desk clerk offered the assumption that he was taken to the ER at the hospital.

She found Charlie and told him what had happened. She told him that she needed to leave immediately to find and be with her husband. Charlie told her that since Rollie was getting medical attention, she should quit worrying about him. They had a show to do! He said that Rollie would get better and be at the fairgrounds soon to do his magic shows. She should just stay there and perform as usual. "The show must go on," he offered.

She glared at him while saying, "Fuck you, Charlie. I need to be with my husband!"

She was debating with herself about whether to head for the hospital or go to the hotel. Before she could make a decision, her phone rang. It was her son, Randy, calling. When she answered, he hit her with both barrels.

"Mom, why have you abandoned Dad for that egotistical bastard that wouldn't make a pimple on dad's ass? Why did you leave Dad with a nosebleed that ended up having to be packed in an emergency room to keep him from bleeding to death? Was it that important to have breakfast with your insufferable lover? Why have you thrown your marriage away?"

At that point, Ann shouted her son down saying, "How did you hear about your dad's nosebleed and that breakfast.?"

"I just got off the phone with him. They're holding him in the hospital until they know for sure that they have correctly identified and fixed the hemorrhaging blood vessel. He told me about his nosebleed problem and a lot more. Things I never thought I would hear about my parents. I thought you two had the best marriage ever. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I've often dreamed of the day when I could show my future children -- your future grandchildren -- my room in the happy house that I grew up in. All of that just went up in smoke. Now, my children will be denied the opportunity to visit their grandparents in that house! Instead, what will it be? Perhaps it will be Thanksgiving with you and Christmas with Dad in your respective apartments. My God, woman, who are you, and what have you done with my mom?"

"It's not like that, Randy. We may have drifted apart for a while, but our marriage is still strong. Never fear, we will be right there in our house for you, Marie, and our grandchildren."

"Mom! Are you listening? Dad is going to file for a divorce when he gets home. He made that very plain. Your marriage is over!"

"You must have misunderstood him, son. We have a good life together. There won't be any divorce. What will happen next? You will get a phone call from your dad apologizing for flying off the handle and upsetting you. It will be alright, Randy."

"Mom, I wish you were right, but I think not. What do you expect when you leave your husband bleeding and go away to play piano for a pile of horseshit? I think what will happen next is that Dad will leave you. After that, you will be served with divorce papers. In a few months, it will become final. Then, life as we knew it disappears. That's what I think after talking to Dad."

"Son, why would he want a divorce? I'm lost here, Randy! Please fill me in on all of this."

"Let me try to answer your question as to why Dad would want a divorce. I don't remember all of the things that he mentioned, but I'll give you the ones that have stuck in my memory. Please just let me finish before you attempt a rebuttal.

"Dad mentioned that the host of a show where the three of you were appearing together introduced you two as Mr. and Mrs. Nestle. Then he introduced Dad as your friend. You heard it and your dick-wad heard it. Neither of you bothered to set the record straight!

"Also, on the way to your present gig, when Numskull was driving, you sat in the passenger seat next to him. When it was Dad's turn to drive, you sat in the back with your piece of trash."

"Also, you and Pukeface often perform at the various Oklahoma state parks. When you stay there, you get a single cabin and register as husband and wife. Do you even comprehend how Dad interprets that?

"You also played a venue in Lincoln several times. You stayed at the Embassy Suites and registered as husband and wife. Dad assumes, and so do I, that you act like a husband in wife in more ways than just registering as such!

"Once while you were traveling, you developed a female condition that required immediate attention. Your dummy went in with you when you saw the doctor, who referred to the asshole as your husband. You didn't enlighten that doctor.

"You didn't change your schedule to allow being with your husband on the day of your anniversary. For the first time in your marriage, you spent that special day apart. Dad was at home and you were on the road with your moron.

"Then there's the whole thing about your birthday and Dad's birthday. Quite a difference in how they were spent

"There's more, but I think you get the picture. Dad says he won't take any more. He's throwing in the towel."

To her credit, Ann didn't make any attempt to interrupt until hearing the remark about "throwing in the towel." At that point, she asked where Rollie got his information. She said that aside from that show host that introduced Rollie as a "friend" and that thing about navigating in the car, she wondered how Rollie could have learned about all that other stuff. She asked if she was being followed by a PI.

Randy informed her that Jackass himself was the source for most of that information. He had passed it along during a lunch that he scheduled with Dad to "talk about the future."

Randy continued, "I'm guessing that you didn't know about the lunch, so you didn't know that your idiot hinted to Dad that you were not a faithful wife. He backed it up with those details about the cabins, the suites, and all the rest. There were quite a few other things too. I can't recall all of them right now, but there were plenty more. Dad said that your hero displayed a haughty demeanor while he executed his 'big reveal' with a smarmy smirk on his face.

Ann couldn't hold her tongue any longer. She shrieked, "I can't believe Charlie did such a thing! I never heard about any lunch with your dad. Anyway, none of that information is what it seems.

"Yes, we have stayed in those cabins when we played the Oklahoma Parks, but we've never slept together. Charlie always sleeps on the couch and lets me have the bed. We register as husband and wife for obvious reasons. It is easier to do, it requires no explaining, and we get better rates. Here's what's important, while we might register like that, we don't behave like a husband and wife in the cabin. It's the same with the Embassy Suites. How we register does not reflect our behavior in the room.

"As to that visit to the doctor, I got a yeast infection and it was driving me nuts. I tried some OTC stuff but it didn't work. I was hesitant, for obvious reasons, to put that visit on your dad's Blue Cross card, so Charlie went with me and wrote them a check. It was an understandable mistake by the doctor and trying to correct his mistake would have been an embarrassing chore, as you can imagine.

"I regret missing the day of our anniversary, but I didn't forget it. When I got home, your dad and I had a delayed celebration at the steak house downtown followed by a night to remember.

"As for the birthdays, yes there was a big difference; but there's also a valid -- if convoluted -- explanation."

"Let me ask you this, Mom, what did Dad do to celebrate your birthday?"

She recited how Rollie had always dreamed about appearing at the Magic Cave in a nearby city. It was the pinnacle of success for a magician. They called and offered him a prime spot in the show to be held on Saturday of the following week.

She continued, "When Rollie noticed that it was on my birthday, he turned it down. He had already made plans with me to celebrate my birthday in Branson and had bought tickets for my favorite shows. He told me that there would be other chances to appear at the Magic Cave. It was a sweet gesture on his part."

At that point, Randy asked his mom what occurred on his dad's birthday. She seemed reluctant to talk about it but he was insistent. She finally relented and admitted that it was quite a mess. When he asked her to describe the mess, she did.

She was in the middle of a group of appearances with Charlie. Preparations for the tour had consumed her and she had forgotten about Dad's birthday. She was reminded about it when she looked at her phone calendar on Tuesday morning. His birthday was the next day!

Their Wednesday performance was in a town nearly 150 miles from home. She called Rollie and encouraged him to make the drive by promising him a memorable birthday celebration in her room after the show. It would be a birthday to remember! He accepted her invitation.

Meanwhile, Charlie barely made it through their performance on Tuesday evening. He was coming down with something. He was coughing quite a bit and said he was having trouble breathing. He self-medicated and went to bed early.

Come Wednesday morning, his condition was no better, so she took him to the closest ER. The doctors needed to make sure that he was not suffering from a dangerous virus that was going around. They took a nasal sample and sent it to the lab. In the meantime, they put him in a room and started giving him oxygen. He slept most of the time.

The lab was very busy so it was late in the afternoon when the results came in. It was not the dreaded virus so they started him on an intravenous antibiotic as a precaution and elected to keep him in the hospital for the night.

It was only when she was calling to cancel that night's show that she remembered her birthday promise to Rollie. She called to tell him that the show was canceled because Charlie was in the hospital. It turned out that Rollie was already in the town where they were supposed to perform.

Upon hearing that Charlie was staying the night in the hospital, Rollie asked how serious his condition was. She said the overnight stay was just a precaution.

Upon hearing that, Rollie proposed that he could drive to her hotel and let her keep her birthday promise of a memorable night in her room.

At that point, she said that she couldn't do something like that with Charlie sick in a hospital bed. She said that she planned to spend the night in his hospital room. There was a recliner there so she could catch some winks while being near in case he needed her.

She said that it was at that point that Rollie just dropped the connection. It was only then that, knowing he was upset, she realized it was not a very wifely thing to do. He had already driven nearly 150 miles and she hadn't even wished him a happy birthday. She tried reaching out to him, but all her calls went to voicemail.

She said, "Son, I told you it was a mess and I regret how it went down. All of these things might seem bad, but they don't rise to the level of being grounds for a divorce."

He told his mom that even if every word she said was true, she needed to see things from Dad's standpoint. "Do you expect him to believe that you stayed many times in the same cabin or the same hotel room as your man-slut, but nothing of a sexual nature happened? What are you two? A priest and a nun? Whoops, maybe the priest reference wasn't a good one. Anyway, unless you two are nominees for sainthood, your story doesn't add up. You are human and so is Lamebrain. The way that humans avoid sinning is by avoiding situations that lead to immoral misdeeds. You have certainly not done that.

"Getting back to Tinyprick, I take it that the dimwit survived his brush with death, thanks to your attentive nursing."

She said, "It was almost miraculous! When he woke up the next morning, he was as good as new. We were able to do the rest of the tour with no problems!"

Then Randy told his mom how Dad had handled something similar to what she and Blockhead faced when they masqueraded as husband and wife. He said, "Dad's agent, as well as many other magicians, kept telling him that he needed to hire an assistant. They knew that a magician without an assistant was limited to tricks and illusions that could be done solo. Hiring an assistant would give him a chance to add lots of new tricks and illusions to his repertoire, which would lead to more bookings, which would equate to more money."

He elaborated, "As everyone knows, magician assistants are usually beautiful young women. Dad refused to hire one because just the appearance of traveling around the country with such an assistant might prove to be detrimental to his marriage. Can you believe that? He sacrificed a career improvement just for the sake of appearances. You and Donkeyshit, on the other hand, broke every rule with reckless abandon."

"Son, all of this looks bad, but don't worry. Your dad and I will get past this. I'll talk to him and explain everything. He will understand. You'll see!"

With that, she knew she needed to jump into action before Rollie did something stupid. She found Charlie and explained everything to him. She said she was going to rent a car and drive home to save her marriage.

He placed a drink in her hand and told her that she needed to give Rollie a little time to cool off. He said, "We have just over a week left on this tour. Nothing will happen in that length of time and Rollie will have had time to think things out. When we get home, we will both sit him down and explain away his doubts one by one. To her worried mind, that was a lifeboat worth clinging to. She agreed and a few hours later they were back on the road.

Yes, she stayed with Charlie. They finished the tour, thus delaying her confrontation with her husband.

When the tour was over and they arrived at her house, Charlie volunteered to come in with her to talk to Rollie. She said it would probably be better if she went in alone. She entered the house and found everything different!

Rollie's den was empty. All of his magic equipment was gone. In the living room, some pictures were missing from the walls and Rollie's chair was gone. As she went from room to room, she saw more of the same. In the master bedroom closet, all of her husband's clothes were gone. In the bathroom, only her toiletries remained. When she analyzed it, everything that would serve to remind her of her husband was gone. She staggered to the couch and placed her hands on her head.

There was a knock on the door. She knew that knock! Rollie was back! She ran to the door, but it wasn't Rollie standing there. It was a guy that she didn't know. He handed her an envelope and then she heard the words that she had never, in her wildest dreams, expected to ever hear: "Ann Wilson, you have been served!"

CH 05

The days passed in a blur. She found herself sitting at a table in a room filled with bookshelves. There were four other people there. One was Rollie's attorney, one was her attorney, and one was a secretary. The other one was the only person that mattered, her husband.

Rollie was sitting there with a solemn look on his face. His attorney turned to Ann and said, "Per your request, we are here to let you converse with your husband. This is purely a courtesy that I advised against. It was my client that acquiesced. I must warn you that my secretary will be recording our words today. The floor is yours, Ann."

She turned to her husband saying, "Rollie, I don't want to even think about a divorce. You know in your heart that I've never had sex with anyone but you since the day that I became your wife. I've made some bad choices recently, but I was never unfaithful. Please keep that in mind. I will do anything you ask to save our marriage. Please give me a chance." She was crying despondent tears.

"Ann, I've never accused you of adultery. All of the evidence says that you probably have done the things that Charlie brought to my attention, but I've never said that you did."

She interrupted, "You referred to Charlie as my lover."

He said, "I beg to differ. Others may have said that. I've heard our son say that, but I haven't. I do, however, find it hard to believe that you slept in the same room with Charlie on numerous occasions without having sex with him, but whether or not you did, that's not why I want a divorce."

She jumped up saying, "Sure it is, Rollie! It's most certainly why we're here discussing a divorce. What can I do to convince you that there is no reason for us to be contemplating a divorce?

"I'll take a lie detector test, honey. You can furnish the questions. You can choose the examiner. I will prove to you that while I slept in the same hotel room or cabin as Charlie, I didn't commit adultery. I didn't do anything sexual with him. I only kissed him as a part of our performances and it didn't mean anything at all. It wasn't a passionate kiss. It was less than nothing. I will answer every question and prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that I've never betrayed you.

"Rollie, can we do that and put all of this behind us? Please, honey. Please let me do that to clear the air once and for all."

"Ann, all of that would make sense if I was divorcing you for adultery or even for infidelity. I'm not charging you with those things. To make it plainer, I'm not doing this because of what you did or didn't do sexually with Charlie. To make it simple, I think that each partner in a marriage must put their spouse above everyone else. What does that mean? Let me tell you what I think.

"It must be spouse above mother and father, spouse above siblings, spouse above every other family member. When all is said and done, it even means spouse above offspring.

"Let's just say spouse above every other human being on this planet. It sure as hell means spouse above friends of every kind. That includes a friend named Charlie Nestle.

"That's where you failed. You put Charlie, a friend, above me, your spouse. You did it repeatedly. I don't need a lie detector test to prove it. I saw it with my own two eyes and heard it with my own two ears."

"Rollie, I do put you above everyone else. I do! You are the most important person in my whole world."

"Ann, just saying it doesn't make it so. It's not just the big things, but hundreds of little things too.

"I'm not going to dig up things from our past. Instead, I'll mention things that happened recently. Things you should remember:

"Was I first when you let that show host introduce you as Mrs. Nestle? Did you jump up and set him straight? No!

"Was I first when you sat in the passenger seat and 'navigated' when Charlie was driving, but you forgot about 'navigating' and sat in the backseat with him when I was driving?

"Was I first when you checked into cabins and hotels as Mrs. Nestle?

"Was I first when you missed the day of our anniversary for the first time in our married life so you could perform with Charlie in a woebegone location with less than a dozen people in attendance?

"Was I first when you missed my birthday? I even offered to drive to your hotel, but you said you needed to be in Charlie's hospital room all night. There was no shortage of nurses, as I recall. It was just that you wanted to be with him, not me!

"Was I first when you left me to handle a bleeding nose while you enjoyed breakfasting with Charlie?

"Finally, when you knew, because our son told you, that I was going home with divorce on my mind, what did you do? Did you break speed records to find me and change my mind? Did you race home to fight for our marriage? No! What you did was finish the tour with Charlie! Who did you put first? It sure as hell wasn't me! It appears that even our marriage was second to Charlie. Need I say more?