Wayne's Super Heinz

"Yeah, me too, Wayne. See you in a few minutes."

Wayne turns with a wave and walks in determined strides towards where he has been directed.

"Who's the big fella, Deidre?" the short, stout middle-aged man, smartly-dressed in a tweed suit and jaunty trilby, asks her from the other side of the chestnut mare.

"That's Wayne O'Connell, from school."

"An O'Connell, huh?! Well, there's trouble on legs for ya, they're all hallions the O'Connells. He looks a big useful lad, though, was he one of those that bullied you at school?"

"No, Da, the bullies were scuts not worth bothering with. No, Wayne was an angel who stopped the dopes and got himself in trouble for me more than once and I... well, I chickened out on Graduation Day and never really thanked him."

"Well, thank him at the gate and then tell him to feck off, we don't want anything to do with that family of gombeen travellers. Or would you like me to have a word with him?"

"No, Da," her smile now faded in sadness, "but I don't want to be rude to him. He was always nice to me, sweet even, an' I doubt he's here on his own. His oul dear's single and she's said to be a beave, you know."

"Get away with ya! Anyone would think he was ya fella. You left school, what nearly two years ago? Have you been seeing him on the quiet since?"

"No, I've not seen him at all since."

"The O'Connells are all dossers, my sweet girl, and too sour for the likes of us, just get shot of him and leave it at that!"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

3. DEE DEE

Wayne hangs around at the gate leading to the parade ring for ten minutes, thinking that he was probably going to miss watching the next race with his friends.

"You alright, chief?" one of the two burly security guards on the gate asks after he's been loitering around the area for two minutes.

"Er, sure," Wayne replies, "I'm waiting for, er, a friend to come and have a brief chat. Hopefully it won't be too long."

"Well, bruv, if you haven't got an official pass, your friend's have to come out and meet with yah, okay?"

"Yes, no, fine, that'll be okay."

Wayne looks again at the race card for the coming race. He is still happy with his choice of Jackey's Chancer in the race, a county hurdle of 2 miles and 1 furlong, with 25 runners. He finds himself amused, not for the first time, that even though the country had gone decimal years long before he was born, horse races are still proudly displayed in miles and furlongs. He isn't even sure exactly how many furlongs there are in a mile, and he dare not ask Oisin or the Gaffer or he'd get a load of shite, especially from Oisin. He notes that Dee Dee's chestnut mare Dawn Ride, the horse that she led out around the parade ground, is listed. He considers it a very a long shot maybe but not got any chance in this field.

Wayne turns the page to the third race due off in about 40 minutes' time, a Novices hurdle of 3 miles with 18 runners. There, about three-quarters of the way down the page, his fat finger traces, is the Irish-trained filly, Sunarabia. And next to the horse's name it reads that the jockey is scheduled to be one Deidre O'Shea, his Dee Dee. Well, not "his" exactly, but--

"Howya, Wayne," a voice in front of him says loud enough to shake him from his reveries, "Are ya away with the faeries, now?"

There she stands in front of him, a tiny figure of a bare five foot two, fully a foot shorter than he, and perhaps only a third of his width, she was so slight of build. Her smile though isn't slight or slim, it brightens up Wayne's day, as she had done for over ten years.

"Well, there you are," he grins, "and I was thinking you'd forgotten me all over again, Dee Dee."

Her face falls, the smile replaced by a grimace, her lower lip bitten in an attempt to stop it quivering. "Look, Way--"

"Away wit'cha, Deedee, now, I was only acting the maggot with ya, I didn't mean to make you scarlet now."

She punches him in the shoulder, her mischievous smile instantly returns, "Got ya, you dufus! I knew you were going to say something like that, you're so predictable."

"I like to think I'm reliable rather than predictable. It sounds better."

"I know, Wayne, reliable is sound. I wasn't slagging you. I already apologised about graduation. You know how much I hated that school."

"Well, you still punch like a little girl, so nothing's changed in two years."

"You seem bigger somehow," she says, "though if ya can still get into the suit...."

"I do work hard for a living, you know?" Wayne protests, "It's all muscle."

"Of course you do. Did you not go to college at all?" she asks.

"No, I could've scraped into the National, but it wasn't worth it, you know, my oul Mam, well she'll never admit it but she'd be lonely if I went away."

"I know, that's why I went to the local school, never having known my mother, it was difficult to leave Dad on his own, you know?"

"I know, you said before, when we were at school. I could live without a Dad, it was all I ever knew but Mam?"

"We were a right pair of opposite bookends at school, weren't we?"

"Aye, we were in a way. So, you didn't go away to college?"

"I did, to be sure," Deidre laughs, "my Dad, who insisted he couldn't bear to part with me all those years as a wean, packed me off to Trinny as soon as he could cash in the scholarship euros and switch my gaff to Dublin before the next semester started. Then Covid hit us and I was home again in the spring term, working with the horses during the day and doing College online all evening."

"So, no social life then for you?"

"What, in Portumna? No!"

"It's not a bad place--"

"If you like fishing or boating or walking in the woods," she interjects.

"I saw you in the woods, in the Forest Park."

"When? You never said anything."

"It was last year, early summer, you were riding with a fella, so I never said nothing."

"Last summer?" Deidre pauses, thinking, "I ride in Portumna Forest Park a couple of times a week, usually in a group. I have a wee pony that I hack for pleasure and it's not always fun riding in the woods on your own."

"He was dark-haired, lanky."

"Ah, Reginald, American, his Mom bought a cottage that they extended into a Macmansion. Mind you, it's lovely views of the Shannon. They hold BBQs all the time outside lockdown. He was a stable lad for a while last year, didn't last long, not used to hard work, not at all. I think he came out with me for a ride a couple of times, maybe thinking he could mitch off the chores, but they don't do themselves, so he stopped coming out. Soon after he stopped coming into work so Dad let him go." She smiles at him, "So, you still at Tooley's?"

"Oh, when did you hear I was at Tooley's?" Wayne asks with raised eyebrows.

"I think someone said you were labouring at Tooley's but I thought maybe it was a summer job between school and college, then when you just said you didn't go to college I wondered what you were doing. Anyway, what are you doing here? Is this your first trip out of Ireland?"

"Aye, I may be born and bred a culchie, but I've been planning this trip with three friends for a year."

"Woohoo, I'm impressed. So, what work do you do when you're not at the races on a working day?"

"I'm still labouring, not with Tooley's, but with Callaghan Construction. They're based in Nenagh, but we have a small crew of about ten of us working out of Portumna covering southern Galway and Clare, you know, extensions, barn conversions into cottages, you'd be surprised the amount of work foreign owners are prepared to pay for."

"Not surprised, my Dad trains horses mostly for foreign owners. Anyway, if you enjoy the Forest Park byways, you could come with me, I could find a horse big enough he'd carry you, and possibly rustle up some boots and riding togs."

"What? Me on a horse?" Wayne laughs, "that would be a sight to see!"

"Well?"

Wayne stops smiling and looks embarrassed, "Well, I s'pose I, well, it would be worth turning scarlet just to see you more. I, I missed not seeing you every school day."

"Me too, Wayne, I," she reaches out and touches both his hands with her hands, "I have to go, but I... can I see you later? Here?"

"Before the next race?"

"No, I'm running in the next race, but the one after, I'll be here, but... can I?"

"Yes, I'll see you here."

Deidre turns and walks to the gate, only a dozen paces away.

Wayne turns away, smiling. He's going to see his Dee Dee again and he may even go out riding with her. 'My Mam won't believe it!' he thought.

As Deidre went though the gate she thought, 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it's great seeing Wayne again, but what do I tell Da?'

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

4. PLACES COUNT

Wayne walks slowly back to the spot in the Grandstand where they had stood to watch the first race. He is not in any hurry as he can hear the shouts of encouragement followed by the high-pitched cheers of the winners and deeper bass note groans of the losers.

"Where've you been, ya eejitt?" Darragh says as he spots their approaching workmate, "you've only gone and won a feckin' race again, Duke! This time Jackey's Chancer came in at a better price of 9/1, yah jammy chancer."

"Well, did I not say all along, when we ran through our selections, that it was a grand horse I was banking on? And wasn't I the only one out of the three of us that put money on it?"

"You were, oul lad," Liam laughs and slaps the well-built youngster on the shoulder, "Your runner won at a canter, so far ahead o' the rest of the muppets that he only needed to walk over the line and still win by six lengths. I swear he wasn't even blowin' at the end! I don't think the jockey had to use his whip at all! And none of the rest of us punters even got a sniff in the race. Tell him who's in the lead in our wee side bet, Oisin."

"Aye, yah wee jammy scut, Duke," Oisin looks up from his mobile phone's spreadsheet calculator, "you're running away with it at the minute, but we'll catch you, because you've picked a right feckin' donkey in the next race, Sunarabia is priced at 100/1, a rank outsider. It doesn't have a prayer, they might as well pack it in the dog tins saddle and all while it's still warm."

"Ah, well, Bodge," Wayne smiles, clearly enjoying the moment. "That's why I did place my Super Heinz bet each way rather than on the nose. I know I staked another 120 euros but it left me free to pick up the odd outsider. If Sunarabia gets any one of the top four places outside the winner, that 100/1 pays out 20/1 on my stake and I'll make up all my original 240 euros stake and anything I pick up from the next four races will be pure profit."

"Bejesus!" Liam exclaims, slapping Wayne even harder on his solid broad shoulder, "the boyo's a feckin' genius, a bookie's worse nightmare. I fer one would love to see him teke 'em to the cleaners, even if I do have to give up my 10 euros in the pot!"

"I wonder if the Boy Wonder here's been getting a bit o' insider information from the horse's gob, or should I say a filly's sweet lips?" Darragh says slyly, "didn't we see him bending the ear of that cute motty back at the parade ring?"

"Aye, that wee thing in her hot tight ski pants," Oisin chips in, "We saw you sneaking off to talk to her. You were both leanin' so close I thought yer'd be lobbin' the gob any moment. So where do you know that sweet thing from?"

"I knew her from school," admits Wayne, "She was in my class."

"Sweethearts was yer?" Darragh enquires, nudging Wayne with his elbow. "Were you sitting next to one another at school, thigh to thigh and herself in her short, tight navy gym knickers? Go on, yah were, weren't yah?"

"No! I'm not fuellin' your feckin' fantasies for yer next visit to the jacks, Donk!"

"Well, it was worth a try, fantasies all I'm likely to get from Ciara this weekend after her stunt with me oul clothes," Darragh laughs, "so c'mere an' tell us all about her anyways."

"Not much to say, it was her best friend Aoife who always sat next to her, not me, yer feckin' clowns. I usually sat near the front of the class while they were more towards the back."

"Ahh, yer swot!" laughs Oisin, "Or was it because you were always getting into trouble?"

"Sure, you got me, Bodge, I was always getting into trouble, so the teachers always made me sit in the front where they could keep an eye on us. Not my fault at all though!"

"So, let me get this straight," Liam scratches the morning stubble on his chin, "she's not your girlfriend, and you didn't sit next to her in class, but you went all the way out of your way to organise this trip to Cheltenham a year ago because YOU knew she was going to be here. Now, I know I'm right because you're as scarlet as a pint of Smickwick's Red you are."

"It's nothing to be scundered about, Duke," Darragh chuckles, "tis a good thing you've a cute Colleen about yah, it's only when she gets to be yer missus like me Ciara you need to worry!"

"Okay." Wayne sighs. "When Bodger's trip with his muckers was called off with the Covid last year, I had also wished I could've gone, but no-one asked me to join in, I don't have a car, or even a driving licence and I don't have any friends who are interested --"

"Yah don't have any mates at all, Duke, just us cute boyos!" grins Oisin, slapping Wayne on the other shoulder to lessen the barb.

"You're right, most of my school friends disappeared off to Uni. And Deidre's not my girl, not really, but I did like her at school and sorta took on the role of protector when we were in our classes together."

"So you got into a few scraps?" asks Liam and, when Wayne nods, adds, "at least you must've won most of 'em, look at the size of yus."

"When I first noticed her, you know, I fancied her like, not like now, boy meets girl type fancy, but she was kinda sweet and shy, a little lost kitten, you know?" The others nodded, the younger ones harking back to their days of innocence, "We were in Third Class Primary and she was being bullied because she, well, she wasn't too well looked after at home by her single parent Dad and she, okay, I'll say it, she smelled. Don't ever tell her that, though, she'd really hate me for telling yous."

"Was she a Traveller, then, Duke?" Liam chips in.

"Naw, she's a Portumna girl, her father's quite well off, he has a respected stud farm just to the north of the Forest Park, but they keep themselves to themselves. Deidre doesn't have a mother, she died when Deidre was born. It was a fatal car accident and Dee Dee was cut out of her mother about five or six weeks earlier than expected. Her father looked after her, still looks after her, but about the time she was 9 or 10 she started to work her early morning chores in the stables, mucking the horses out and stuff I guess. Her father, being on his own and busy working the stud, he sort of got behind in doing the washing and she came to school with her clothes smelling of horses and muck, you know?"

"So she got picked on by the bullies?" Liam asks, but it was more a statement than a question.

"Aye, and the girls were the worst of them, and those girls were all bigger than the boys at the time. I didn't start outgrowing my age group until I was about 12 or 13. They pulled her hair and roughed her up, I sorta waded in and got a good hiding for my pains and picked up detention after school."

"Yah big softy, fighting with girls over a girl," grins Oisin, "If'n I'd known about it I'd have sold tickets!"

"Mind you," Darragh admits, "my niece is in Third or Fourth Class and says the girls at her school are right wee monsters!"

"After a week or so of these shenanigans, and me getting held back in detention twice, Mam tugged my ear and wanted to know what was going on and 'fessed up to Mam about Deidre's personal hygiene. When I first started in Third Class, Mam had stopped walking me to school, but when she heard about Deidre, she started walking with me again, getting us there early, and starting her supermarket job a wee bit later. Together we grabbed Deidre as she walked in from the end of the road where she was dropped off by her Dad, and we rushed her round the corner, where Mam brushed her hair and braided it up carefully and even sprayed her clothes with air freshener, and gave her some deodorant, the sort of things a mother would do for her wean, something that Dee Dee'd never had. Dee Dee was delighted, she said she hadn't ever had any kind o' grooming before. I think a few days later Mam must've went to the Stud and spoke to Dee Dee's father, because the next week she turned up in new school togs and did her stable work well before breakfast, so she came to school clean and neat and didn't need my Mam to come to school any more."

"Good on yer Mam, Wayne," Lima smiles, "She's something else, your oul Mam."

"Aye, she is, Gaffer, she is. Dee Dee still got bullied, though, because a pattern had been set, and I still got into trouble fighting but I didn't mind so much. When we went up to the Community School, the bullying didn't continue as fierce, but I think it was because I took my troublesome reputation with me and I used to sit on the school wall with her after school until her father picked her up in his Range Rover, he was always so busy at the Stud that he was often up to half an hour late. He never spoke to me, only scowled in my direction. I think he took it personal when me Mam pointed out that he wasn't looking after his wee girl properly, and I got the blame for it."

"Poor oul lad, unrequited in love, are yah?" Liam grins rather inconsiderately.

"It's cat sure enough, but I guess that's my lot," murmurs Wayne,

"Hey! Let's get over to the parade ring before the next race," Liam suggests, "I want to have gander at and maybe talk to your Dee Dee."

"She won't talk to us before this race, Gaffer," Wayne says, "She's riding Sunarabia in this Novice's hurdle race and already told me she doesn't want any distraction. She's also running in the last race. Her Dad hasn't got a horse running the Gold Cup, so she won't be leading a horse round until the fifth race, but said she'd meet me at the gate before the fourth race."

"Let's dooter over anyway, we've got 40 minutes until the race and we can fetch a beer on the way and bring another beer back then," insists Darragh, "we're here for the craic, are we not? And I promised myself I'd be flat out shit-bake by now."

"Aye, let's get the beers in and have a juke at your mot-or-not," Oisin agrees, "but on the way I'm putting a each-wayer on Dee Dee's ride, so we can all be flying it with yah."

"Yup, the next four-pint round is on me," Wayne offers, "Probably tempting fate, but I can see Dee Dee crossing that finishing line with a middle finger up for all those bullies who didn't like the sweet smell of horses."

Wayne pays for the drinks, with Liam at the bar helping to take the four drinks to their table.

"I'll be back in a minute," Wayne says, taking his mobile phone out of his pocket and walks outside the bar.

"He's phoning his Mam," explains Liam with a smile, "she worries about him, his first time away from home and off on a craic with us reprobates, enough to worry any mother."

Outside, Wayne remembers what he looked up online the previous week and clicked on only the second stored number on his mobile phone. The first was his Mam's number that he'd ring regular and the second was his Mam's number with the first zero replaced by 00353, so he could speed dial from Cheltenham races without trying to remember the code. He is pleased that his phone is covered by one of the providers that allow roaming across the British Isles without additional roaming charges.

"Howya, darlin'," his Mam's voice crackles over the speaker, "is the craic all it's cracked up to be?"

"Aye, Mam," he laughs at her good humour, "are you home from work?"

"Yes, just considering having some cheese on toast, it's not worth cooking a meal when you're not here. What did you have for dinner?"