We Were Prepared but

"Hey, I didn't seduce you. You attacked me in your office. I may have been hot to trot, but you were flaming."

"It will do us no good to argue now. We need to figure out what to do to save our marriages and jobs."

"Can I come over? Madge kicked me out. I really can't afford a motel."

"I guess it doesn't matter now. But hurry up, I need to try and get some sleep tonight. Maybe we can do something tomorrow to save our jobs at least."

"Uh. . . can you come pick me up? I don't have my car keys and I don't want to go back and deal with Madge again tonight."

DEREK

The night of the confrontation was the last time we were together as a family. Before the divorce hearing was scheduled, Lydia disappeared. The house had sold quickly. She took her half of the equity and all our savings and checking, I guess, out of spite. I didn't worry. Most of our assets had gone for the pre-payment for the girls' college. My share from the house was only about $20,000. Several years ago, we had taken a home equity loan to build a back deck and patio so our equity at sale was lower than it would have been a few years ago.

I used the money from the sale of the house to replace our emergency fund which I had used to fund the kids' college. I didn't really need the money immediately with my income and lack of alimony payments. Another reason that I wasn't unhappy with my wife's departure was that I liked the idea of there being an outstanding warrant for my soon to be ex-wife for theft of my half of the savings account. It barely was enough to be considered a felony. I guessed that I would need to add lack of child support in the near future.

In the end because of Lydia's actions, I decided to wait a year and go for divorce because of abandonment which essentially confirmed the status quo and prevented her from being able to come back at me later for money or custody. I gave up having a warrant issued for Lydia. I was not interested her coming back. Roger surprisingly stayed in the area. I heard he found a lower paying job and is living, frugally, on his own. Madge told me recently that she is engaged to be married to one of her divorced neighbors but is in no rush. Once burned, twice shy. Good for her.

The girls and I have done well. They are both in college now. Alisha graduates next year. Edie may graduate in three years although she is thinking of joining the Marines. The girls friended their mom on Facebook but do not share information about me with her nor her with me as per my instructions.

I am still at my old job and have a Friend with Benefits arrangement with a divorced schoolteacher. With my girls gone and her son about to enter college, she will probably move in with me soon. We haven't talked about marriage, but we have talked about commitment and being exclusive. My sex life has never been better. She is on the pill and we use condoms. You know, I have to continue to "Be Prepared." Saw that one coming, didn't you?

LYDIA

Hello? Did you forget about me? Derek sure did. The girls were willing to keep up contact with me but said their Dad did not want to give info about him or receive info about me. Geez, it's like the first 20 years of our marriage was nothing. I was a good wife and mother those years, damnit. I worked hard in the home and at a job. My money along with Derek's went to supporting the house, the girls, the cars and all our bills. I contributed enough that I did not feel guilty about taking the rest of our checking and savings, what little was left after Derek went crazy.

Funding the girls' college in advance? Brilliantly clever move on his part. How could I challenge that? I'm not that much of a bitch to go after that money.

I guess that's the real question: How big a bitch was I? Did I deserve all the punishment dealt me after 245 months of being good wife and mother and only three months of being bad? I don't care what you say, do the math. I didn't deserve what happened to me. At least not all of it.

It really wasn't three months of being bad so much as it was three months of being stupid. Roger wasn't that good a prize. Most of his value was in the excitement of secrecy and the thrill of taking such a risk. As soon as I was confronted, the value of my relationship with Roger shrank to almost zero. The poor sap wanted to move in with me. Said I owed it to him for ruining his marriage. Give me a break.

Why did I leave town? I was a slut and a cheater with a pussy hound loser with pictures to prove it. I felt like everyone knew what I had done. I didn't trust Derek not to release the videos and deepen my shame with people who knew me. He changed from being Mr. Milktoast to Dr. Vengence overnight. By leaving, I hoped to make a new start while waiting for Derek to mellow and consider taking me back.

So, here I am waiting. I got a good job. I had worked in the financial area for a health insurance company. I was the one who had to 'discuss' with clients why they had to pay some money even though they had insurance. I now work for a hospital trying to explain to people why they should pay the hospital some money when they have insurance. Luckily, Mr. Albright, my former supervisor, was honest about my capabilities as well as telling why I was fired. My new boss said he was willing to take the risk of hiring me but warned that any whiff of philandering smoke from me would be reason for him to put out the fire.

I have a nice little apartment. I don't need much. I don't have much of a social life. Sadly, I spend time a lot of time on a special chat site for women who got dumped for cheating. It's surprising how well I got off compared to some of the women in the chat room.

Hey, I still look good. Derek knows I can be a good wife and mother because I was. Does he really want to go through the whole middle-age dating scene and break in a new wife? I'll wait a while. I'm hoping the girls will finally crack a little more and work on their dad for me. Derek prepared for our divorce. I will prepare for our reconciliation.

I've spent a lot of my time thinking about the good years. It doesn't take much: a song, a picture, a smell, a word and I'm off into Memory Land. My heart feels weird almost aching when I do that. Often, I cry. I can't believe Derek doesn't do the same thing, especially when he is with the girls. How many of his memories with the girls have me in them? He has to miss me. He has to. We meant too much to each other for me not to matter to him anymore. "Derek, please go to that place in your heart that wants to still love me. Wants to forgive me. Wants to give me a second chance. I will never betray you again."

I was stupid to throw away 20 wonderful years of walking the same path together. Hopefully, he won't be as stupid and let me go after such a small detour. Will he?