What Could Have Been

"This just looks like a wristwatch," Eric said, hefting the device in his hand. "This is really going to take me between parallel realities?"

"Right," the technician said. "We wanted it to blend in and be attached to you. When you adjust the second hand on the watch, it'll take you to a reality that many ticks from your own."

Eric's heart raced already. He was excited to try this out. He was lucky to have the chance, by virtue of his money and his lack of attachments.

"When you get there, you'll slot into wherever you are in that reality. Wherever Eric is," the technician continued. "At some point while you're there, you should eventually get access to the memories of your host in that world. I'll warn you, it can be confusing to remember different versions of events."

"Just how different are these worlds going to be?" Eric asked. "Where I'm going, is there a World War 3 or something?"

"Probably not. They'll be worlds adjacent to ours, but different based on your choices in the past. For most people, those choices don't add up to world events."

"But like, what if I go to a world where I'm dead?" Eric asked.

The tech wavered on his feet. "The watch won't take you to those. At least, we haven't heard of that ever happening."

Eric thought that wasn't very reassuring, but it ought to be good enough. He needed this, a vacation from his current life. He thought if he didn't accept even a little risk, there'd be nothing to gain from the experience.

"Sorry about all the questions," Eric said. He felt nervous about trying a relatively new technology, visiting a parallel reality. "So...if I'm taking my place? Eric's place?...in these alternate realities, what's going to happen to me back here, while I'm gone? Will I be gone?"

"You'll kind of be on autopilot, going through your routine," the tech answered.

Aren't I always? Eric thought. That's what made this escape so interesting. He had stability and security in his life, because he had managed to avoid any real risks. But he wondered how else things could have played out, and whether there was something better possible for him.

"How long should I be gone for?"

The technician straightened his tie under the lab coat, looking a bit uncomfortable. "That's where the waiver comes into play, unfortunately. The danger is that, if you're gone too long, you here--Eric 'prime' as we call him--you might be confronted with a choice that splits this reality into two. Then there's no 'zero' for the watch to bring you back to. That's why the contract absolves us of liability and bills your estate for the cost of lost equipment, et cetera."

He was starting to think it sounded too good to be true, and now hearing this gave him a dizzy spell. Did he really want to go through with it? He reminded himself that this risk aversion was exactly what made this so important to him. The possibility that he might not be able to return didn't sit well in his stomach.

"On average, though?" he asked.

"When someone doesn't come back, it's hard to tell whether they've gotten stranded, or whether they're just visiting another reality for a more extended time," the tech said. "Most people return within one week, and have no problem doing so."

Putting a hand on the steel table, Eric steadied himself. "Is that it, then?"

The technician was starting to look bored. "Yeah, you can leave whenever you're ready. So if you need to say goodbye to anyone, you can wait until tomorrow, or..."

I don't have anyone to say goodbye to, Eric thought grimly.

"So I can go, like, right now," he said.

"Yeah." By the time the technician answered, Eric was already adjusting the second hand on the watch. Better to do it right away, than to give himself the opportunity to have second thoughts.

He set the watch one second ahead. It locked in with a click. In a blink, his surroundings changed. Eric himself changed. Now he was in a bluish suit, standing in front of a sink in an office bathroom.

Wait, I know this bathroom, he thought. It was the company he worked for right after college, but got bored of after a couple years. What was he doing here? Looking in the mirror, Eric recognized himself, but this was definitely a different version of himself. He had a more stylish haircut. He could feel a soreness in his knees.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Distracted as he was, and wearing unfamiliar clothes, it took him too long to get the phone into his hand. By the time he did, the call had gone to voicemail.

The missed call was from Angie Robins. Gosh, he hadn't been in touch with her in years. What was she doing calling him now? It couldn't be coincidence.

Angie had been his high school girlfriend, his first love, the girl who took his virginity. Just for one night when they were eighteen, and about to leave town for separate colleges, they had made love. They found a deserted spot in the woods to park, and for once they let things go that far.

Eric knew that going to separate schools would be a challenge to their relationship. He suggested to Angie that they should try making love, at least the once, so they could know for sure if they were really compatible on that level. He worried she'd hate the idea, but making out turned into heavy petting, and then that turned into getting naked together.

Even though they were both unfamiliar with each other's territory, they were both extremely nervous and excited. They quickly started to figure out how they fit together, and what kind of touch elicited a gasp.

He pressed gently into her, relishing every millimeter of her flesh enveloping his. She was eager and wanting as well, drawing him closer, until their hips met. They just stayed conjoined like that a moment, feeling their breaths, their pulses, the subtle movements of their muscles, the constant singing of their nerve endings, before they started to move again.

With her egging him on, they settled into a sensual rhythm. But even taking it slow, Eric knew he couldn't last.

"I should pull out," he said.

"Yeah," she sighed, with a reluctance matching what he felt about it.

Soon enough, he knew it was time. Now or never. He pulled out of her and thrust once against her stomach before his semen poured out onto her skin.

Working together, they wiped her clean of it. He bent down to kiss her again, and slipped a hand down to her slit, which was still soaked and puckered and ripe. With her hand guiding his, he found her clit and fingered her to orgasm. She moaned into his mouth as they shared another kiss. He felt himself firming back up, but they knew it would be too much of a risk to take him back into her again.

Part of him was over the moon about the losing his virginity, about experiencing intercourse for the first time, about sharing all of that intimately with Angie. Yet he could also tell there was something awkward about it, something not quite perfect. He felt like he had done the right thing, and left her about as satisfied as he could, yet it felt kind of anticlimactic anyway. Maybe that was inevitable.

A week later, he was at college, settling into a new dorm, meeting lots of new people, making fast friends. It was quite a change, and an intense experience, to be thrown into college life with so many other freshmen. Neither he nor Angie were any good at making time to talk on the phone. Other girls quickly caught his eye. He knew what sex had felt like with Angie, but he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like with someone else.

It was only a couple months before he and Angie amiably agreed to let each other go. They were both too busy, too distracted by other people. They didn't want to end up paranoid and jealous of each other. Eric thought they'd stay friends. Maybe they'd even get back together over the summer, or when they graduated. It just didn't play out that way. Angie stayed on campus the next summer, to complete some extra credits and start an internship. When they graduated, Eric got recruited for a well-paying entry level job in the next state over. Their paths diverged and never really intersected after that.

He was still friends with her on social media. She was living in rural North Carolina, and she mostly posted pics of herself hiking with her dog. It didn't seem like she had anyone in her life either, at least not in frame.

Eric was distracted as he walked back to his office. Motor memory helped guide him to it. He had a corner office now. He was VP of sales apparently. But why had he stayed at the company this whole time?

As he sat down at his desk, an email came through. It was Angie again.

"Hey, just wanted to remind you that Tim's tuition is due again next month."

Eric searched through the other emails from her. He quickly came to understand that Tim was their son. His and Angie's. In this reality, they had a son, and Tim was already in college by now.

He found a birthday email that he had sent to Tim a couple years back. Based on the timing, Angie must've had Tim in the spring of her freshman year of college. Something must have happened differently in this reality, and Eric wanted to know more. He had to.

He called Angie back. "Hey Angie, I got your email. I thought maybe I could come settle up with you in person. Maybe tonight?"

"Really?" she asked, surprised. "Okay...you know it's about a two hour drive, right?"

Eric looked it up on his computer. It was going to be more like three hours. If left right away, he could be there by dinner time.

"It's no bother. I mean, I'd like to. Maybe we could have dinner. If you'd..."

"Sure. You're welcome to drop by. I'll feed you," she said. Her voice was deeper now. Weathered. But it was still definitely her. It was kind of uncanny, hearing her again after so long.

When he hung up, Eric was all nerves. A date with Angie Robins, after all this time. Based on her address, in this reality she was still living at her parents' old house.

Eric welcomed an excuse to leave the office early. He still hated that office. It was a long drive to Angie's place, but Eric found that his taste in music was much the same here. He had a different car, but it was stocked with a lot of the same CDs.

He was dumbstruck at the sight of her when she opened the door. She had her hair cut short. She had more lines and texture on her face, but then again so did he. Far from the lanky teenager she'd been, she'd grown into a woman with elegant curves. Just like he'd grown into his frame. He suspected this Eric had a strict exercise regime.

Apparently they had a son together, but from Eric's email history, that seemed to be the extent of their relationship recently. Why isn't Eric with her? he wondered. Eric was paying his share of their son's expenses, and spending time with the kid when he could, but that was it. How could this Eric not see Angie for the gorgeous woman she was now? How could he treat her with indifference for year after year?

She welcomed him in. Her house smelled warm and cozy and familiar. A lot of the furniture was newer, but Eric recognized the house, where he had met Angie's parents, where he used to drop her off after every date.

She was just finishing a pasta dish, and poured them each a glass of wine.

"Only one, if you plan on driving home tonight," she said, handing it to him.

He noticed that she wasn't assuming one way or another yet. In that case, neither was he. He didn't know what Eric's home in this reality was like, but as far as he knew, it'd be alone. If he wanted to be alone, he could go back to the reality he started in.

"I should give you the tuition check, before I forget," he said, digging out a checkbook. He filled it out while she got the dinner table ready for the two of them.

He spent the meal catching up with her. He knew some of the things he asked about were things he ought to already know. She didn't seem to mind though. Soon sitting across the table from her felt too far apart. He wanted to get closer to her. He felt her leg brush against his under the table. The sly touch of it felt electric.

"Another glass of wine?" she asked.

"If I do, then I can't drive home tonight," Eric replied. "You're right about that."

She smirked mischievously. "Well?"

He got up from his chair and walked over to her. He half-expected her to back up at his approach, but she didn't. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Leaning down towards her, he kissed her on the lips. He heard her sharp breath in, as their lips met.

"This is a pleasant surprise," she murmured when they came up for air.

"For me too," he said.

She took him in her arms and kissed him again. The wine stayed on the counter, forgotten. Eric let himself explore her curves with his hands. Maybe this Eric wouldn't have normally done this, but he had to be a fool not to.

It didn't take them long to retreat to Angie's bedroom. They stripped each other patiently, like old friends getting reacquainted. Under her clothes, she was just as curvy as he thought, but he could also tell she worked out. How could she have no one in her life right now?

Eric climbed onto the bed with her, kissing her back, her side, her breasts, making it clear that he liked the shape of her now. Down her belly, to her thighs. As his kisses neared where her legs met, she spread them for him, pressing herself towards his mouth. He tasted her, lapped her and nuzzled her, tasting her sweet and salty and juicy on his tongue. They were no teenagers, they knew what they were doing now, and he took delight in the things he could tell his mouth was doing to her. She arched her back pulling his head against her crotch, and she came with a scream that caught in her throat, trembling in his arms. How could he have stayed away for all these years?

He crawled up to kiss her, and as he rested his weight, his erection nestled into her folds. She ran her fingers through his hair, and he tentatively lined himself up and pressed into her. Her legs hooked around the back of his, and he could feel her opening to him, welcoming him in.

Pressing into her until they were a tight fit, making him gasp. The walls of her vagina pressed in on him, caressing him, drawing him ever deeper. He rocked his hips slightly, pressing himself against her clit where they joined, and she pressed back up against him, eager for more. Whenever he pulled away, drawing himself almost entirely free of her, she pulled him back in, and they both gasped at the feeling of her flesh parting around his.

It felt so natural, so intuitive and instinctual. Eric wanted this to last forever, but he could feel his release welling up within him. More importantly, he could feel Angie's need building.

"Do you need me to pull out?" he asked.

She laughed gently. "I was wondering if you were going to be any more careful this time," she said. "Maybe it's time we gave Tim a little brother?" She whispered it through gasped breaths, but it took a moment to penetrate his fogged brain.

He stopped for a moment, propping himself up on an arm to look her in the eye. He could feel her flexing her vaginal muscles around him, keeping him hard. Making it hard to think straight.

"You could get pregnant tonight?" Eric asked.

"Given my cycle, yeah. But at my age, who knows. There's...um...one way to find out."

She ran a hand through his hair again, affectionately. Her hips didn't want to completely stop moving. Eric was close to losing control.

Back in the reality he came from, Eric didn't have kids, never considered having them, never really risked having them. But this Eric had. This Eric had apparently knocked up Angie before leaving for college. Now there was a chance he was going to leave this Eric with another child to support and raise. Leave his life more entangled with Angie's. He wasn't seeing that as a bad thing.

"It's up to you. You know what I want. You're the unknown," she said. "Twenty years of child support payments, and then suddenly you're here in my bed tonight."

The knowledge that Angie had carried his child, the knowledge that she could again, that they could intentionally conceive one tonight, it was all surprisingly intoxicating to him.

"Okay," he said. "Let's make a baby. On purpose this time."

He started to thrust in and out again. Now, knowing what they were doing, knowing what could become of it, he felt the importance of every motion. It felt like all his senses were heightened, trying to take in all the details of this precious moment. The way Angie's breathing got louder and faster. The way he could feel his blood rush to his erection, feeling himself stiffen inside her. The sensation of her supple flesh moving against him with renewed purpose.

She reached her peak first, her limbs clutching him tight and shaking to the core. The muscles inside her worked him, pulling on him, contracting and releasing around him. She screamed as she did before. It was fortunate they had the house to themselves.

"I'm about to..." he warned her. He wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. About to cum? About to impregnate you? All of the above. He couldn't be sure she heard him over her own orgasm, but it would have to suffice. He felt her legs tighten their grip around the back of his thighs. It would've been a struggle to pull out now.

As he felt it overtake him, he pushed himself into her, as deep as he could go, and held himself there, holding her tight to him. His cock swelled up larger with its load, and feeling her squeeze down on him sent him over the edge.

He brought his mouth to hers, smothering his own grunt with a kiss, as the first jet left him, into her deepest recesses. But soon it became too intense for his mind to take in. All he could do was barely hold on. Her cries reached a higher pitch when she felt it inside her, and her shuddering contractions made him spurt again into her.

They stayed tightly conjoined until he'd given her all he had. When she regained her senses, she belatedly returned his kiss.

"Maybe this is the sex talking, but I love you," she said.

"I love you too," he said. He wondered if the Eric she knew would have said so. But he wouldn't have been in this situation to begin with.

When they caught their breath, she got up to clean herself up. Eric admired her from the bed, as she walked naked out of the room, towards the bathroom. He imagined his sperm finding its way to her egg right now, deep within her. It was hard to believe they had gone through with it, and yet he was surprised at how exciting it was.

In a disorienting rush, Eric's memories--this Eric's memories--flooded his mind. He remembered patiently working his way up through the company to VP. Taking up tennis and skiing and international vacations as his paychecks grew, while still putting a portion away for Tim's tuition, and before that, Tim's food and clothes and allowance. He remembered his son, and so many awkward false starts when he would take Tim camping for the weekend, or take him to a rented beach house, and try to get to know him all over again.

But before all of that, he remembered that fateful night before he left for college. The night with Angie in the van, amongst the pine trees and the stars. The intensity of that first time that he was so unprepared for.

He thrust in and out of her, feeling her move with him, in reaction to him, feeling her arousal build with his. It felt natural and exhilarating. He could almost lose himself in it, if he wasn't careful.

He meant to pull out. It was constantly in the back of his mind. He was just waiting for the right moment, the moment when he'd have to, the last moment before it'd be too late. But he got carried away. He let the feeling between them grow too strong. He didn't notice the last possible moment approaching, and only noticed as it went past.

"Angie, I'm about to--" he gasped.