What Kind of Man I Am Ch. 02

"I can't wait to take those cruises! Counting down the days. No Chip and no kids"

Me too bitch! Me too. Weapons free from here on out!

Next, I went through the bank statements on my phone. It only took about 30 minutes to determine she had taken over $10,000. I looked at how much she normally deposited before she started her plan. Then I subtracted her new deposit amount. That came out to be $500 a paycheck every two weeks. There was also a $2000 withdrawal right after we got our tax return! So probably $12,000 plus. That ball sucker!

My day really dragged from there on. I was actually looking forward to meeting Brad and Matty at JC's Sports Bar.

I arrived first and took a booth at the back and asked for a water. Matty arrived next.

"Hey fucker!"

"Have a seat fucker."

"You get the messages?"

"Yep. Also I went through the bank statements. Looks to me like $12 grand plus."

"Brad's here."

We wave him over. Matty orders a pitcher of Adams.

"Chip. Sorry to meet under these circumstances. I hope I can help. You find anything specific?"

"Yeah it looks like maybe $12 grand and that's just an educated guess."

He asked what I had in checking and savings and a lot of other money matters. He told me don't worry about the house, my retirement and inheritance money.

"You both make about the same and have the about the same in retirement. She can't get your inheritance."

"So with Checking and Savings you have about $30K? You need to move $15K ASAP out of those accounts to even things up."

"Shit!"

"Here is what you do. Move the money first and then come up with the expenses and reasons. First hit the ATM twice a week for $300 or so at at time. That's will add up to about $2000 in three weeks. Your bigger move is to take about $4000 every 3 to 4 days so that you have it all moved the week ahead of when she serves you. Don't ask why, just do it. That should square you up."

"Now the fun part. You guys should go to Vegas this weekend or next. You can spend a lot of money in Vegas. Matty lost his debit card right? He needs to borrow some money. What are friends for. We didn't know they were hookers! You left like $1000 in your pants and its gone? We were so drunk and didn't know what happened. We were at a strip club and you think someone slipped you something. Matty takes some funny pictures and videos that kind of give it some validity and he posts them on Facebook during the trip."

The Vegas trip could take care of $5k. The other $8K you can look at my suggestions that I will send you an email. When's your wife's birthday?"

"Umm. October 15th.

"Perfect. In the email look specifically at fake expenses and the gift."

"Okay."

"You also might want to consider seeing where your wife is at with your phone when she is not at home. I can show you how to do it. You can use it for your kids phones as well. She might lead you to what attorney and bank she is using. Maybe she is meeting with someone? Is she really working late? GPS will tell you. Look. I'm not saying she is. You need to play catch up and information is critical. Give me your email address. I'll send you my how to guide and you can use it as a checklist. Do not take this home or leave it in your car. Keep it at work only!"

"But she could think its all bullshit."

"She could. But she can't prove it."

I gave him my email. He then showed me how to see where Joan was at. Well, at least she was at work.

"Hey. She may be cool and you don't have to go to a cage match. Be prepared! Oh. There are 2 lawyers that I recommend in the guide. The guy Tate is a fucking soul crusher and has the resources. But he is tier one money. Ms. Johnson doesn't cost as much but she know's how women think."

We sat there for a minute. Matty spoke up.

"Thanks Brad. I owe you one."

"Nah. Bros before hoes. Bring me a killer shirt from Vegas and were good."

Brad left. Matty thought I should buy a fire safe and I could stash the cash and prizes there.

"Matty. You are activated my wingman. Umm. But we need cool nicknames like Iceman and Maverick."

"I'm a package deal man. Jacy is your wingwoman. She'll love to come up with the nicknames. But just so you know, she is going to want to go full throttle on finding you a woman. So if your not ready for that I'll tell her to back off."

I stare into my beer looking for answers.

"This whole situation sucks. The things she said. I can only imagine what she says about me to her friends.

"Like what? How bad?"

"I don't even want to repeat them."

"Okay. When you're ready then. But you should be prepared to use them if things get ugly. Send me a copy of them and I'll secure them somewhere safe. Chip you got big hairy balls man. Time to grab em and use em. Me and Jacy got your back."

"I shave my balls."

"Really? You got big shaved balls doesn't sound as cool."

"Ask Jacy if she likes your hairy balls."

"I will fucker."

"Later fucker."

On the way home I gotta a text from Matty.

"Fucker!!"

That made me smile.

I arrive home to an empty house. Joan was working till whenever. The kids had texted earlier who's house they were at.

I quickly changed into basketball shorts and a tank top. Might as well hit the gym. I group texted that I would be at the gym and home by probably 730-8 pm to make dinner. I got 2 K's and Joan said she would be home a little after 8.

I dazed through my workout and again chastised myself for eating very little and not drinking enough water. Damn it.

Once back home I started cooking some pasta and making salad for the family. They all came in about 10 minutes apart from each other.

"I'll have dinner ready in about 15 Minutes."

One of the Facebook messages blipped in my head. Joan hates it when I get all up on her when i'm sweaty.

Don't know if I can pull this off. But one goal was for the kids to keep seeing her reject me or disrespect me daily. That primarily happened when they were out of the house or in their rooms.

"Hey honey. How about a big kiss from your sweaty man?"

I moved toward her for a hug and with kissy lips.

"Eweh! Chip your all slimey."

She tried to push me away but I gave her a sloppy kiss on the check. She turned her head to avoid the lips. I made sure I rubbed my armpit on her shoulder!

"Chip. Take a shower!"

"No can do. Gotta smooch my kids too!"

Kixx took off immediately but it was too late for Chel.

"Dad! Gross!"

"Is it that bad?"

"No. But its dad sweat. Boyfriend sweat is okay."

"Boyfriend? What?"

"Never mind. Dad you should buy some cologne. Mom might like it better if you have a sexy sweaty smell."

"Good idea Chel."

Damn. My daughter is good at distracting me. Boyfriend sweat?

We had a family dinner. It wasn't that bad. Mostly because I was starving. Soon as it was done though. Poof. Where did they all go? So I did the dishes and went to the TV room in my sweaty gear. I picked up my phone and texted Matty.

"Wingman. I need Jacy's advice. I need to score some cologne that will mix with my manly barbarian scent and melt panties!"

Now to start Varsity Blues. Whip cream bikini tonight! Monica would look tasty in one. Although her breasts would take one can themselves!

Matty replies and added Jacy to the text group.

"Were on it! Well she is. She's contacting her hoes now."

Another reply.

"Jacy says they are not hoes. Just women with questionable decision making skills. And she smacked me! She said she can call them hoes but we can't."

"Your a stupid fucker."

Close to 10 pm my phone vibrates with a text. When did Kixx come in to the room? Looks like he is enjoying the movie.

"Chip. I sent you an email with what me and my hoes advise. Just do what is says! L U Puss-n-heels."

Laughing, I send the reply.

"Is that your stripper name or wingwoman nickname?"

"IDK. Just thought of it. Not sure if it's the one."

"Is Matty Shrek or Donkey?"

"He is certainly no donkey. Sorry honey;)"

"Fuckers!"

"Thanks for the intel Heels!"

The movie ended after 11 and it was time for bed.

I look over at my son.

"What did you think?"

"I liked it. I wanna watch again!"

"Okay, we will.. But you need to get to bed buddy. Love you."

"Love you too dad."