What to Do with Darla

Darla blew on her hands to fight the cold as the defroster belched out a stream of frigid air. "You think that's the best way to get a girl in bed is to get 'em wasted?"

"It's a time tested method," Jay said with a shrug.

"I guess. It works when you're just nice to them, too, you know? If you, you know, respect them, and talk to them, then it could happen, too. And then it would be more meaningful if they really felt safe and happy with you," Darla told him.

"Sounds like a lot of work," Jay said. It also sounded like that was exactly what Darla was looking for.

"I don't think it'd be a lot of work if two people really like each other. It shouldn't be super easy, either. I mean, you at least have to try a little bit to let the other person know you're interested," she said.

"You've been thinking a lot about this, haven't you? Good. You might end up with a decent guy, yet."

"You think so?" she asked.

"Sure I do. You're sweet and gorgeous, there won't be any end to the candidates. Just stick to your guns and you'll find a good one before you know it. There's no reason to settle for someone that's not what you want. Life's short but it's long enough to where you shouldn't just bounce from idiot to idiot. It's long enough for you to find someone that you deserve," Jay said.

"That's so nice, Jay. I guess you don't need me to tell you how to get a girl, huh?" Darla asked. She was finding it sad that her brother was the only guy that she'd ever come across that seemed to actually care about her and how she felt. It was hard to believe that he wasn't married off to someone already. She had to imagine that guys like that didn't stay on the market very long.

"Well, it doesn't hurt to hear a real live one's side of things once in a while. Sorry about the heat. I know I keep saying I'll get it fixed. You won't want to go anywhere with me if you end up getting frostbite," Jay said.

"That's okay," Darla replied, wishing she had a pair of gloves and an electric blanket. "So you want to go out again sometime?"

"Sure."

*****

Darla and her brother were on the way to the grocery store. Their mother usually did the shopping but this time had written out a list and delegated the responsibility to Jay since she had to go into work early. To Phylis's surprise, Darla volunteered to go with him.

"We should get some beer," Darla said.

"Heh. You mean like come home with twenty cases of beer and a box of crackers. Hey Ma, got the groceries."

"No, just some for us."

"You're not old enough to drink and you're goofy enough without being full of beer," Jay said.

"Oh come on. I've been good. I haven't drank in like two weeks," Darla said.

"Good? Depends on your definition of the word. I don't want to be responsible for fueling your vices," Jay explained. Getting his little sister drunk just seemed like a bad idea.

"What? I'm not saying I want to throw a big bash or get completely annihilated or anything. Neither one of us has to work tomorrow, I thought we could have a couple of drinks and hang out. You know, with my brother that loves me," Darla said.

"Yes, yes, I love you, but it kind of loses its meaning if you try and use it to your advantage. My love mainly focuses on your well being, not if you have a good time on a Friday night."

"You're no fun. You wonder why you don't get laid," Darla said.

They arrived at the super market and Jay cut the engine. "So you're saying that if I bought you some beer that I'd get laid? Explain to me how that would work."

"Well, uh...oh, I don't know. Karma, maybe. Let's just go get this over with. We can get sardines and prune juice if that's your idea of fun," Darla said, climbing out of the car.

The shopping took them probably twice as long as it would have their mother, but she had the advantage of being familiar with the store. Darla and Jay were not. They wandered around like rats in a maze, slowly ticking items off the list and adding them to the cart. By the time the bags were loaded into the trunk, Jay was almost ready to admit that he was ready for a drink. Darla, to her credit, had dropped the subject once they entered the store without any further argument. The idea, however poor, had been growing on him.

They pulled out of the parking lot, heading in the wrong direction to go home. Darla noticed. "Where are we going now? Didn't we get everything Mom wanted?"

"Yeah we did, but I thought we could hit the liquor store," Jay said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. We're just gonna stay in and have a couple of beers, right? A beer actually sounds pretty good right now."

"See, there's hope for you yet," Darla said. "I was starting to think that you didn't even know how to have fun."

"Yeah, well, you better behave yourself or I'll probably end up tying you up or something," Jay told her.

"Sounds like fun already."
Though Darla seemed a bit disappointed that Jay emerged from the store carrying only a twelve-pack, her mood had been pretty even that week. Her boss at work had been bugging her only minimally and Mark had ceased contact. Phylis had kept her nose out of her business while her brother had been far nicer to her than she could ever remember. He'd even called her a couple of times, just to see how she was doing. It was like she had a new best friend or something, only better because he lived right down the hall. He was a whole new Jay that listened to her (even when she could tell he didn't want to) and didn't call her rotten names. He didn't always agree with what she said, but at least she could talk with him.

The groceries were put away when the two returned home and Jay handed his sister one of the beers, noting the smile on her face. "Does drinking really make you that happy?" he asked.

"Maybe," she said, twisting the cap off from her bottle. "More like it's just cool that we can hang out, I guess. It's nice to get along with you. I sorta felt like the whole world was against me there for a while. Nice to know that it isn't. Let's have a toast. To Jay, the brother who's not the jerk I thought he was," she said holding her bottle up in the air.

Jay chuckled and clinked his bottle against hers. "To me, yay, I'm not a jerk."

The night didn't go much differently than it usually did, at first anyway. They played games, made snacks, talked a lot. When the beer was mostly gone, Jay and Darla were at the kitchen table, playing cards and listening to the old radio on the counter. It had been there for as long as he could remember. Jay could recall playing in the kitchen with his sister when they were little and their mother having it on while she cooked or washed dishes.

"Ooh, I like this song, come dance with me," Darla said, standing from the table and extending her hand.

"Dance? Really?"

"Come on, you used to dance with me all the time," Darla said.

"Yeah, but I was like seven years old. I didn't know any better. Oh well," he said. He laid his cards down and joined his sister in the middle of the kitchen.

Neither one of the two had what could be classified as graceful moves, but it was fun for the couple of minutes that it lasted. Jay thought that they'd finish their game when the song ended, but Darla wanted to keep dancing. The next song was a slow one, so she closed in on her brother and held onto him rather tight.

"I feel like I'm back in middle school," Jay said, as they swayed back and forth.

"Oh, you had a date for the big dance, did ya?" Darla asked.

"Yeah. Her boobs weren't as big as yours, though," he said.

"Hehe, you like them?"

Jay realized that he probably shouldn't have brought up one of Darla's favorite subjects, in this case something that distantly involved sex, without being willing to answer uncomfortable questions. "Well, I was just thinking that if we were at the dance that one of the chaperons would probably try and separate us because they're rubbing on me. But they're very nice, yes."

"Thank you. I don't see any chaperons around," Darla said.

"I don't either. They'd probably take our beer away, too."

"Nasty old chaperons," Darla said. She leaned her head on Jay's shoulder. "Thank you for dancing with me. No one ever wants to. They think it's silly or something."

"It is silly," Jay said.

"Then why are you doing it?"

"Because you want to. I don't mind doing something that makes you happy," Jay told her. "I'd rather be here dancing with you than sitting alone watching television, wondering what you're up to. I'm glad that you wanted to hang out."

"You're only alone because you wanna be. I wanna be with you."

They danced for the rest of the song in silence, leaving Jay to wonder what exactly his sister meant. She'd always acted somewhat juvenile with her emotions running from one end of the chart to the other. For now, she seemed content, so he decided not to inquire further or to read to much into it. They finished the song, then finished their game. Deciding they had enough of music and cards, they moved into the living room to see if they could find something decent to watch on television.

"Our last beer," Darla announced, coming back in from the kitchen and handing it to Jay. "Find anything?" she asked.

Jay had settled on an old episode of the X-Files. Darla thought that was better than the ridiculous crap that he usually watched, so she didn't put up much of a protest. They watched the show for almost five minutes before Darla started talking again.

"Do you think she's pretty?" she asked, referring to Agent Scully.

"Sure," Jay replied, taking a big gulp of his beer. He'd played this game with his sister before. She'd keep asking him questions about every woman that came on the screen until he surrendered the remote and Darla took control of what they watched.

"Do you like redheads, then?"

"Eh, not in particular," he replied.

"How about her?" she asked, this time referring to some woman that was a bug scientist specializing in cockroaches.

"She's pretty hot, I guess."

"Do you like her better than the other one?" Darla asked.

"Maybe, I don't know. How about you for once? What do you think of Agent Molder there? You want to jump his bones or what?" Jay asked.

"Oh yeah. I'd let him do all kinds of things to me. He's handsome and he's got a suit," Darla replied.

"The suit really seals the deal, does it?"

"Sure. Makes him seem...dashing. You got a suit?" she asked.

Jay coughed up some of his beer. He grabbed a tissue and wiped his face while Darla laughed at him. "You get some sort of kinky thrill out of asking me things like that, don't you?"

"Maybe," she said, quite pleased with herself. "I'm just sayin', you know you'd look pretty good in a suit."

"Sorry, no suit."

"That's a shame," Darla said.

She waited until there was a commercial, where she found some more inspiration. It was one of those that pictured an extremely attractive woman holding up a telephone receiver, just waiting for you to call her for only $2.99 a minute. The Neighbor Hot Line, it was called, suggested that the woman could be living right around the corner.

"Do you think if you called that number that the girl that picked up the phone would look like that?" Darla asked.

Jay shook his head. "The odds would be pretty slim, I would guess."

"But hey, you never know. She said that she might live in our neighborhood. You could meet her," Darla suggested.

"Oh man, we've lived in this neighborhood our whole lives and I've never seen her around, have you? I think I'd remember that chick if we ever ran into each other. I don't think she'd actually tell me where she lived even if I did talk to her, anyway."

"Well, maybe not, but you could still have phone sex," Darla said.

"I'm not going to call her, I wouldn't actually be talking to her, and believe me, she doesn't live down the street. You know what? That would probably be a good gig for you. You'd be great at it, you've got a dirty mind and a filthy mouth," Jay said.

"Oh, thank you. Would you call me? You know what I look like, and you know where I live," Darla pointed out.

Jay was close to giving up, like he always did, but he decided to keep going. He wasn't anywhere near intoxicated, but the alcohol certainly helped him take Darla's little game a bit further than he normally did.

"That's all true, and you are the type of girl that guys picture in their heads when they call numbers like that, but I still wouldn't call you. For one thing, I wouldn't pay $2.99 a minute to talk with anyone, I couldn't afford it. And why would I have to call you when I listen to you talk dirty to me every night for free right here in person?"

Darla seemed to think this was hilarious. She laughed then took another healthy slug from her beer. "Yeah. You're so easy to talk to, Jay. I just want to...tell you things. Look at you smile, I know you like it. I'm gonna go put that pizza in the oven."

Hopping off the couch, Darla trotted out into the kitchen. She knew that what she was doing to her brother wasn't close to being proper. After a solid couple of weeks of teasing, any other guy would have had their way with her by then, most probably multiple times. It was hard for her to understand why she felt the almost compulsive need to discuss sex with Jay, she just did. She wanted him even though it was beyond justification. After all of her poking and probing, Darla still wasn't completely sure if he would go for it or not. Now that she and her brother were on the friendliest terms that they had been in recent memory, she didn't want to put an end to all that by disgusting him. Still, he seemed to have come to terms with the fact that she had a propensity to behave like a nasty little slut when the mood struck her.

She decided to sit at the table and think about what it was that she was trying to accomplish, exactly. Though she liked that Jay thought she was sexy, Darla wanted him to think of her as something more than a sex object. She wanted him to be her friend, too. If they started sleeping together, would he get tired of her eventually and kick her back out of his life? She didn't think that Jay was like that, but who knew for sure? There was a lot to think about before she left the kitchen. That and she had a tendency to burn things up if she walked away from the oven. Sometimes her attention wandered.

Jay watched the next segment of the program, then went out into the kitchen. He was wondering why his sister didn't come back. She was sitting there at the table, staring at the oven.

"You'd rather watch that than TV?" he asked.

"I don't want to burn the pizza. I'm hungry," Darla said.

"Are you done with that?" Jay asked, pointing at Darla's empty bottle. He grabbed it off the table. "I'll take these out to my trunk. Mom doesn't need to know that I've been feeding you beer. You all right?"

"I'm fine," she smiled. "Just thinking about stuff. This'll be ready in about five minutes."

The hour was growing late by the time the pizza was consumed and the kitchen was tidied up. Jay was yawning. "Thank you for the wonderful meal, I think I'm ready to call it a night," he said.

"You're welcome. I..." her voice trailed away as she locked eyes with her brother and lost her train of thought. She had been standing next to the sink, reaching up to get a glass out of the cabinet. "What?" she wondered.

"I...I probably shouldn't say this, but you're put together really well. It just catches me off guard sometimes. Sorry. Goodnight." Jay chuckled nervously and walked off toward his room.

Darla had heard a myriad of comments about her body, but that was a new one. Coming from Jay and watching his reaction as he left the room brought her to the conclusion that he meant it as a compliment and not just a line to get her pants off. The latter was more what she was used to. She was still experiencing a weird, fluttery nervousness while she freshened up in the bathroom and changed into her nightgown. With a deep breath, she approached her brother's room and put her hand on the doorknob.

Jay was laying on top of the covers on his bed wearing only his boxers, which were pulled down around his knees. His lamp was off, but there was enough ambient light from the window to clearly see what he was doing. His right hand was furiously pumping his erect cock, his eyes, which were closed, flew open in alarm and surprise. "Darla?!?!"

For her part, Darla didn't expect to see that. Perhaps this was going to be easier than what she had thought. Instead of respecting her brother's privacy and closing the door, she walked inside as Jay scrambled to pull his boxes up.

"I want to talk to you about something," she said.

"Can't it wait? I'm kind of...in the middle of something here. You can't just come barging in here like that!" Jay whined.

"You come barging into my room all the time," Darla pointed out, moving closer to Jay's bed. He had both of his hands covering his erection. "You don't have to stop on my account. That's kind of what I wanted to talk about."

Having a hard time trying to figure out what the hell was going on, Jay couldn't take his sister seriously. "This is embarrassing enough, Darla. Stop teasing me, okay?"

Darla reached down, and brushed her hand through Jay's hair. It was soft and dark, very much like her own. "I'm not. I promise," she told him.

"Well...what are you doing then?" he asked, voice rising slightly.

"You've made me think. You've been really great, and I was thinking that if you weren't my brother that I'd really want you, you know? Then I thought, well so what? If you wanted to, then we could do stuff. No one would know. I kinda want to," Darla said. She ran her hand through her brother's hair again. "I know we're not supposed to. But I feel...you're just...I think it would be nice," she added, softly.

"Oh god, Darla. I don't know. I mean, oh my god, I want you so bad, it's crazy. I shouldn't have said that, I don't know what to think. I don't think we should," Jay said.

Darla was starting to have some second thoughts about her plan when she saw the conflicting emotions that her brother was going through. What she was doing might not have been fair to him if he really didn't want to fuck his sister. His erection seem to say that he was still entertaining the notion.

"I thought that you'd want to. I know you like the way I look. I just...I wanted to let you have me, I guess. You make me feel good, and I wanted to make you feel that way," Darla said.

"Oh man, you do, you do, it's just..."

"What if you just finished what you were doing when I came in? I 'prolly made you that way, right? Look," she said, reaching down and pulling her nightgown up and over her head, letting it drop to the floor. She was naked underneath, C going on D breasts, totally waxed pubic region. "You can look at me when you do it."

"Oh my god, Darla. You...you're amazing. I just...I just can't," Jay said. He couldn't take his eyes off of his sister, who even in the dim light looked positively luscious. However, she also looked crushed after he said that.

"I'm stupid, stupid, stupid. Sorry. Forget about it, I'm sorry," Darla said. She stooped to pick up her nightgown and turned to leave.

"Wait," Jay said. He didn't think his sister was stupid. He thought that she was stunning. "Darla! Stay with me for a while?"

Darla paused and saw her brother scoot across the side of his bed, allowing room for her. "Why?"

"Because I want you to. Please?"

"Okay."

Darla slid back into her nightgown moved to sit beside her brother on his bed. He pulled the covers over his lap and sat up. While Darla turned on her side to face Jay, he stroked her hair, much like she did his earlier.

"I don't think you're stupid, so don't say that about yourself. I think it's flattering that you'd want to...get me off, I don't know how else to say it, you are by far the sexiest woman I've ever seen naked," he said.