What You See is What You Get

A friend of mine suggested the idea of this story. i hope i did the idea justice. As always, this is a work of fiction, a flight of fancy. All errors and omissions are mine alone. i hope you enjoy. If not, I hope you enjoy another of the fine stories on this site.

* * * * * *

What you see is what you get. I heard this phrase a lot as I grew up. It just seemed to be one of those phrases that conveyed its message in absolute terms. It was black and white, as life seemed to be when I was young. As I grow older I realize that sometimes what you see isn't what you get, that things are more subtle, complex and shaded. Understanding how much is true is a difficult task, one that didn't seem to get easier as I grew up. That applied to my marriage.

We met at a party where both of us escaped the loud music and conversations to seek some peace on the deck. We talked for a while and not only was she pretty but she was smart and funny. We exchanged numbers, saw each other for a while and married eleven months later. We were classic DINKs -- Dual Income No Kids. We lived the good life in Northern Virginia until our home was invaded by four men. This was no casual event, they were looking for something. I think we only survived due to two missionaries coming to our door and racing to notify the police after they saw my wife unconscious on the floor.

I was standing in our new home in an eastern suburb of the Bay Area. The homes were fairly new and the city was in a valley surrounded by rolling hills dotted with oak trees. It was warm but lacked the humidity we were used to. We were refugees in a sense. We had left Virginia following a home invasion we almost didn't survive. it shocked us and spurred radical change. My life changed the most as I left the defense industry for an entertainment company. The biggest issue for me would be the commute to Silicon Valley which I had heard was a killer. For my wife Katrin it didn't matter. She had her choice of three major airports to fly from: San Jose, Oakland or San Francisco for her job as a Pharmaceutical rep. I envied her that. We were in the house but it still didn't feel like ours. It still lacked all the little touches we had done with our last home. But it was three thousand miles from Virginia and the memories we had of our nightmare there. Life in our new location began as I started work at my new company and Katrin made multiple trips from Oakland and said it as nice. She at least seemed happy.

I was still fretting about the the home invasion. The FBI had come to me after the home invasion and asked me questions about Katrin and her travels. I had always trusted Katrin implicitly. Now there was just this hint of doubt, this nagging sense of insecurity of not knowing something important. I didn't like it at all.

The following day Katrin was gone again, this time to Boston. That little doubt in the back of my mind caused me to go through the house looking for anything out of the ordinary. I couldn't find anything. Katrin, who are you? What have you not told me? What's going on?

Katrin never came home.

She just disappeared in Boston. Her luggage was still in her hotel room along with her purse. She had carried an envelope in her luggage stating who she was and providing emergency contact information. That's how the police found me. Repeated calls in the days that followed were the same: no one had any information. Was it related to last year's home invasion? I found the card from the FBI contact of last year and called her.

"Agent Sears, it's Darrin Soderberg calling. You contacted me regarding our home invasion in Virginia last year and your concerns about my wife's travel. Katrin disappeared while on a trip to Boston last week. Everything was still in her room. I'm calling to see if you have any information. Boston PD has nothing."

"Darrin, I'll look into it and get back to you."

Each day was a new agony of not knowing what was going on and missing the woman I loved. I heard back from the FBI that they had nothing new regarding their suspicions. None of my questions were being answered.

It was a month or so later that a recruiter called me and asked me to meet her for a lunch meeting to discuss a possible job. Normally I turn these things down in the first minute but who was I to turn down a free lunch? Later that week I meet Monica at the local brew pub in downtown. "Darrin, I know you're not looking and probably wouldn't have met me if I had not offered lunch."

With that comment I had to smile. She had me there.

"There is a job that's perfect for you. It will require an NDA of course, but we can talk generalities without going that far. Interested in going a bit further?"

"OK, I'm slightly intrigued."

"Your background fits well with a software application just starting development. It's in deep undercover mode at present and will remain so for quite a while. There is plenty of funding, more than we can use at this point with the guaranteed promise of more as we need it. I use the term we as I am part of that team, tasked with finding the right people for the jobs at hand. You have been highly recommended and we would love to have you on our team."

The food arrived and we put down the talk as we ate. After the dishes were cleared away and coffee was ordered we began again.

"I've been part of this from the beginning. It's an exciting opportunity, one I think you'll like when we move past the NDA. Would you like to meet again, sign an NDA and consider the possibility of a job change?"

"You've waved a big carrot in front of me. Let me think about it and I'll get back to you."

She gave me her contact information and asked if she could get back to me in a week. I said yes. As we walked to our cars she said, "Darrin, we could really use you in this project. I hope we can work this out." As I drove back to work I had to say she had tempted me to at least take the next step.

Ten days later Monica met with me to discuss the job. "Darrin, here are the NDA papers. Please look over them and sign here and here if you are interested in moving forward."

I scanned the paperwork and signed as directed, then pushed the paperwork back to her. She signed both as well and returned one to me.

"This job is highly classified, a project funded entirely by DARPA, the Defense Agency Research Projects Agency."

"I know of DARPA."

"We are concerned by the level of hacking activity we see from the Chinese. They will deny it forever but we know the majority of this hacking is funded by their military. We have been developing software and hardware to track their hacking activities, giving us a comprehensive look at their strategic direction. You can live anywhere, you can work from home if you want." She smiled and said, "There are lots of toys associated with this work: hardware, software, networking, access, top drawer talent at every level. They want the best and are willing to pay for it in salary, benefits and bonus structure. Do you have any questions?"

"Outline the compensation package."

Monica pulled out a paper and read figures off it. The salary was well above what I was now making, I could work anywhere and I could choose my own work hours as long as status updates showed expected progress. Benefits were outstanding and the bonus structure was easily achievable.

"I'm in. Where do I sign?"

She pulled out another folder, this one with an employment contract and other data.

"Sign on the dotted line. You're start date is still in the future as we build out a new office."

I signed on that line.

Months later, Marilyn Sears from the FBI called me, "I'd like to meet with you when you are available."

"I'm available anytime you want to meet. This is driving me insane."

"Let's meet in an hour at The Farm in Danville."

"I'll be there."

We met and each ordered coffee and a home-made pastry.

"I talked with our office in Virginia again and got an update on Katrin. We have no current information to provide you. Katrin was flagged as a person of interest because of a flight pattern she had last year. She met with a person we've been following. It could be as simple as an affair but we're led to believe it's more than that. What we know is true is that Katrin was keeping something from her work. We will be looking at that more closely. She is also keeping something major from you. From what you say she seems very good at it. The next question is who is Katrin? So far we have a lot of questions, as I am sure you do as well."

"My only question is why is the woman I fell in love with and married not the woman I thought she was?"

"That's a really big question. I don't know how to get an answer to that one. We're still looking into this."

Two days later she called and said we needed to meet ASAP. There she told me, "Katrin was kidnapped and killed. Her remains were found by a hiker. It was by sheer luck as it is a densely wooded area. She was bruised extensively. Boston PD identified her from her drivers license."

"Oh no. That's terrible news!"

Marilyn and I talked more, then she left, leaving me with yet more questions and absolutely no answers. I called her parents to let them know but found out the police had already contacted them due to their repeated inquiries as to what was happening. We agreed she should be cremated and her ashes sent to them in New Jersey. Two more days of wild swings in emotion followed until the cremation was done and my life with Katrin, seven years of a sometimes frenetic but loving marriage, was brought to an end.

Two months later I was living in a rented home in San Jose and working at a new job, called Avondale, which was the DARPA project. I was working from their regional office, though I was starting to work from home from time to time.

I was glad to see my friend and former co-worker Adam after his move to the West Coast. He had purchased a rundown office/warehouse building on a frontage road off Highway 101 near San Jose. The office space he left as is but he had gutted the warehouse space into a live/work space. It was light and airy, but also received the his fortress security treatment. No one was getting into that building easily. It was a great test site for his new hardware and software. His investors were highly impressed with the installation and were enthusiastic about the future of their security startup.

"Your place is looking awesome, Adam."

"Thanks, but wait until I'm finished. Then you'll be amazed."

:

"I'm looking for a house to buy. From the money you and I got from the sale of the startup where we worked, the sale of the house Katrin and I bought here and her insurance money I have considerable equity. It will help buy a nice house somewhere. I'm interested in a house up in the Santa Cruz Mountains. It's a long way up there but the views are just to die for. If I buy it I'd like to talk to you about giving it the fortress treatment."

"Sounds good. I've got some new tricks since we last talked. Up there you'll need a generator backup as well. Don't worry, you'll be able to afford it. The contractor who did this work is very reasonable and very good. He was impressed with the technology of my upgrades and I paid him partly in hardware and software. By the way, we can fix up the office space up front for you if you're interested in a home away from home. I'm sure Daniel would give us a reasonable price and it would be better than Fort Knox if its attached to my warehouse setup."

"That sounds like a really good idea. The thought of going up that mountain during the rainy season is not high on my list of to do's. It's why I am not sure about buying it."

"Let's go there and look around. I can give you an idea of what I'd do."

The house was empty so we could walk around without alerting anyone. It was the last house on a winding road. The realtor said there were seven houses on the road and that several of them were weekend homes. Adam walked the grounds and gave me his summary.

"This is perfect. It's two story and all the major windows are on the second floor," Adam said. "The main door and the garage door on the first floor can be armored fairly easily. The other first floor windows can have roll-down shutters. They're not very stylish but they are very durable." We drove the long road back to his warehouse. We sat in his main living area and he offered me a beer which I gratefully took. "I know I can make that place virtually impenetrable. I have to ask, though, do you really want to live that far out with virtually no neighbors? If something happens, it's a long wait for any help."

"That's why your office space is so attractive to me. I'd have plenty of space, comfortable living quarters and it's secure. The house can be locked down when I'm not there. It gives me peace of mind. I've been up there on both cloudy and sunny days. On nice days it's just spectacular. But I'd have to be a hermit to live there in the winter. That road's a bear, even in a SUV. I can work from anywhere. Having two spaces just makes sense if I can afford it."

I bought the house at a reduced rate due to it sitting empty for a year. I also agreed to use the office space attached to Adam's warehouse provided I pay for the improvements. I hired an architect to lay out the space and Adam's contractor started work almost immediately. The architect recommended an interior designer and I interviewed her. Cari was young, bright and pretty. She showed me a portfolio of her designs and I immediately liked her work. They were simple, comfortable but also stylish. I showed her the plans for the office and she gave me some ideas of what she could do. I hired her, gave her a copy of the plans and we set a timeline.

"There's one other thing we need to discuss. I bought a house in the Santa Cruz mountains. It has views to die for but it's been sitting empty for a year. Its not old but is a bit dated now. I'd like to show it to you when you've got time." Her eyes lit up at the opportunity. We set a time to make the trip.

"Oh My God! This is incredible!" We had made the trek to the house. The first floor was mundane and utilitarian. The second floor, however, was almost all glass with great views. The deck off the great room was amazing, suspended in space looking to the west. Cari began taking pictures of each room from various angles. We roamed the grounds as well. It was overgrown and needed work. The building inspector I had hired said it was extremely well constructed. It just needed updating and decor.

"What do you think?" I asked her.

"On a clear day this is heaven. Even in winter, you've got great views of the pine trees so there's a lot of color. With the fireplace it can be warm and inviting. I like it a lot. You're right, the fixtures and lighting need updating. The kitchen looks like it was already updated but we can enhance it. With hardwood flooring, some rugs for color, nice furniture and some artwork, this can be a great home. I'd be concerned about electricity. If the lines go down you may be without power for a while. As well, I'd be worried about someone breaking in."

"The guy who owns the warehouse behind my office space is a security wizard. It will be fine."

Two months later the office space was finished. The decor was still coming together as everything needed to be ordered. Adam was working on the house, hoping to finish before winter and the rainy season arrived.

Eventually, Cari and I toured the house. It was coming along nicely. The floors gleamed, with the walls freshly painted and new lighting and fixtures installed. It just needed a few pieces of decor still on order. When it was closer to completion, I invited Adam, Cari and some of the Avondale people to the house for a housewarming party. Everybody was very impressed and I praised Adam and Cari. We had a great time. It was a clear night and you could see a multitude of stars, far more than could be seen down by the bay. It was magical. The Avondale people left soon after that and Adam, Cari and I sat on the deck in the darkness just enjoying the moment. It was quiet and with clear skies it was just you and the stars. Adam had driven himself and also soon left, leaving Cari and me. We moved inside and sat on the new couch. I was conflicted, the agony of Katrin was still a raw wound. Yet I was also drawn to this bright, energetic woman who lived life so fully. It had been many months since Katrin was found dead and even more months since I last saw her. Mindful of the past I reached toward the future. I pulled Cari to me and kissed her. She put her head on my shoulder and cuddled up to me. We sat in silence for a while.

"Stay with me tonight," I told her. She looked up at me and simply nodded her head. We moved from the living area to the bedroom. It wasn't a house for modest people, not with floor to ceiling glass windows. I undressed her and moved her to the bed, then slipped out of my clothes and joined her there. She was beautiful in the pale light shining in. We kissed and I ran my hands over her body, drinking in the feelings. I hadn't been with a woman since Katrin and I were last intimate. I kissed her neck, then her shoulder before moving lower. She was sighing with each kiss. I kissed her breasts, kissing everywhere but her nipples, then licked each nipple before taking them into my mouth. The sighs had become gasps as I kissed lower and lower, past her belly button to her clean shaven mound. I moved between her legs and kissed her inner thighs, then began kissing and licking her vagina and clit. Her hands had grabbed the sheets and she arched her back as I kissed and licked. I used my tongue to penetrate her. Her thighs squeezed my head and her hands moved to my head to pull me deeper into her. Just as I was about to pull away so I could breathe she gave a long sigh and fell limp.

"No more. I'm too sensitive."

I moved up to hold her and she kissed and licked my face as she cleaned me of her juices. I held her, wondering if I was really ready for this but I was determined to just enjoy the moment. It was her turn to move down the bed until she took my cock into her mouth. It was a feeling unlike any other, made even more special by the chemistry between us. She sucked and kissed and I could feel it would only be another moment or two before I came. I told her I was close. She pulled away from my cock, smiled and said, "I want it," then began sucking anew. In just a few moments I came. It had been a long time since I felt anything like this. She cleaned my cock, smiled and said, "Now you'll last longer next time."

And later we did fuck. She was an enthusiastic partner, telling me what she liked, guiding me to pleasure her as she pleased me. I eventually came, just after her orgasm. We cuddled and kissed, then drifted off to sleep.

I woke to her sucking my cock. As I stirred, she looked at me and said,"Good morning," and continued sucking until I was fully erect. She threw a leg over mine and guided my cock into her pussy. She rode me, coming after a while, riding me until she tired, then sucked me until I came in her mouth again. We got up and wandered naked into the kitchen and made coffee, then settled again on the couch side by side.

"That was fun," she said. "I've wanted to be with you for a while now, but didn't want to take advantage of the professional relationship. I wanted it to be right and last night just seemed perfect."

And so began our affair, which deepened as time passed. She was younger than me, full of life and determined to live life. Life was full, both personally and professionally, taking my mind away from the unresolved Katrin issues.

"Can you get away? I'd like to go someplace away from here." I said this to Cari, who had been busy with new clients. We agreed upon a long weekend, three days from now. We flew to San Diego, rented a car, spent time on the beach and just got away from our normal lives. There was lots of touching, some wonderful sex, and a gorgeous woman in a tiny swimsuit. I found she had another side: she liked to show off. At the hotel pool every eye, male and female, followed her as she went from lounge chair to the pool and back, or when she would get us drinks from the bar at the end of the pool. She was daring, enjoying being the object of so much attention. With a suit that was three triangles and seemingly held together by dental floss, she put on quite a show.