All Comments on 'What You Wish For Pt. 03'

This is a beautiful story. I'm reading it slowly because I don't want it to end. Thank you for writing it!

You said you wanted to develop the female character and I feel you have done a great job with Marisa she is a bit 'Girl with the Dragon Tatoo ish' but she makes the other females seem like classic US soap stars. She has deapth and an edginess. I need to know more about her.

Also the complexity of the possible baby conflicts and family interlocks have interesting possibilities.

You have my full attention. I can not stop reading it.

Rehnquist :What You Wish For Pt. 03

The manuscript is revised, a publisher and movie rights appear to be secured. Tyler learns of Marisa and Susan's relationship and the true potential that his novel may have. The chapter ends with questions to be answered about the paternity of his ex's child.

The character of the editor is a Rehnquist twist meant to shock and cause the reader to question the incongruity of it all and thus hold the reader's interest. Her standoffish nature, tight lipped and apparent angry disposition is offset by Tyler's patient, gentle, but inquisitive nature, a basic Mr. Nice Guy. His patience pays off as she eventually softens and opens up. The interactions of the characters coupled with the buildup and various disclosures tying it all together are handled exceptionally well.

Will Susan make a reappearance? If so when and why? I see the the paternity issue as minor issue, simply leading to a disclosure of why Kristin left giving Tyler closure, though he may consider being involved in his son's life which is a possibility though it may be handled very subtly, to keep Kristin at a distance.

A Fill in Chapter that adds more depth to the main character. Well paced and well written!

Simply_Me

This is one engrossing story. This twist about the baby possibly being his is an interesting development. I better read on to see what happens....oh, I sorta already know 'cause I read the story a few months ago.

It's not often I enjoy a story enough to read it a second time.

In a hundred years would I ever have thought that I would be drawn into this type of story. This is truly an amazing work of writing, You are a fine writer.

By an inept writer.

This dudes got a real hardon for you Rehn almost like he's stalking your stories to show he loves ya. Anyway great work hooked my like a big bass in a small pond.

Lots of twists and turns.

I think you are a great writer.I also think anonymous 1 4 12 has taken too many dicks up his or her rectoms .

Enough back story to get involved in the character's lives, yet without so much detail you know all their warts and birthmarks. Real personalities and a touch of the personal.

I look forward to the next chapters.

(Cue the ominous music)

The thlot pickens.

I'm still rooting for Susan, baby be damned. Okay, so I'm not damning a baby --- cheeze, it's just a story.

Well, you keep suking us on in. Me thinks Allyson is purely physical....He feels something much deeper with Susan....and she has fallen for him.....and, Ithink the thing that pulls him to her is....SHE NEEDS HIM.

Ho hummm....anything more exciting than this for breakfast?

She must have known she was pregnant with his kid when she walked out on him.

Just as great the second time through. I don't know where you are Rehnquist but I hope you're well and enjoying what you do so well. Making money from it would be nice, too. Take Care and thank you for your incredible stories. I would try to give you some constructive feedback but you are way out of my league when it comes to writing stories.

I really wish Naralie's character had a better part -more scenes and so on. Some Tyler dialog kind of like : When I first saw her she was not at all like I expected. Oh the sultry, sexy was there all right and not just in her voice. It was there in the whole woman. She oozed a sexual aura like like a ripe Georga peach oozes sweetness when you bite into it on a hot summer day. . . when she took my hand in her soft, but strong, ring clad fingers I wished I was 30 years older so that I would be in her generation. Such a vibrant, actractive woman!

DHL

Still five stars. Still love it. My one beef is that things come to easily in this story. She just looks across the room and immediately knows the baby is not Randy's?

not commenting every time. I get antsy to get on to the rest of the story and I have no advice or criticisms anyway. Funny, I can't wait to read the rest of it then when it is finished I'll be pissed it's over already .. hmm, my problem not yours I guess. Scotty Now let me get back to it !

I definitely enjoy intrigue and surprises...though I kind of wondered about the baby popping up!

All of your stories have interesting characters; relatable, accessible , flawed, and so very human. But here you seem to have outdone yourself. I want to know more about all of them, especially all these fascinating women you've written. Enough of my comments, I need to move on to the next chapter.

I was just thinking that if this was made into a movie, the person to play Marisa, in my opinion, would be the girl that played Trubel in Grimm.

with all the transactions and innuendoes TK U MLJ LV NV

The images jump off the page. I would really enjoy reading his book. I also sad that Rehnquist disappeared.

Second, maybe third time reading this, and it still amazes me how well you develop the characters, and foreshadow future situations. Solid and engaging work.

Thank you for your hard work and the courage to share it - and thanks to your editor, too! They are far too often overlooked and vastly underappreciated.

that wherever Rhenquiest went, he is writing seriously and professionally.

If you find him I want to know.

that last bit of info was a surprise I didn't see coming.

I never read. I walk a lot and listen to books, but don’t sit and read...except for your stories. They are compelling and wonderful. Thank you.

There are more twists and turns of the story of the Monaco Grand Prix. Masterful Writing.

You.paint such interesting characters for us to enjoy. Marissa and Natalie are both fun. Marissa being Susan's sister was unexpected. Great so far.

Great character development, I like that. Love the story.

Overall, I like the story but it's evident from the outset Marisa has a chip on her shoulder but him pricking at her and antagonizing her, for me, just got irritating!

Lay this tale flat, it'll look like a road map with all the twists and turns. It's a great tale.

Please keep it coming.

I didn't know what to expect from this story when all I had to judge by was the title. However, I got hooked in the first part and haven't been able to stop so far. Sex is not the reason I read in Literotica, but I do enjoy sexy parts when they make sense as a part of the story. Well written. Keep it up.

Marisa reminds me of Sofi Oksanen, who is a novelist and a playwriter. Considering that she's writing in Finnish, she's reasonably successful too. Her books have been translated into 40 languages, and she's gotten her share of awards and movie deals.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sofi_Oksanen

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3386600/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

The time element. (Wife with a toddler) just Does Not Work!!!!

You have not extended the story to account for 16-20 month gap. Even allowing for a 3-6 month overlap while the divorce processed. I defint toddler as walking (toddle) that's approx 12 months.

Overall excellent story. I'm rooting for Susan, she got screwed.

5*

Baton Rouge Cajun Guy

So the bitch ex-wife leaves while pregnant, to marry a cop in her hometown?? Leaving a rich, loyal, faithful MAN to marry a poor cop??!! Wow!!

..at his small-town Dad's reaction to the black-dressed/made-up Goth chick.

Then again at Tyler's dialog with her

when he finally got her off-topic/task.

I'm in awe at writers who can invent that stuff.

This story is a big jump ahead

of stories that I have given 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟.

Paul in Oklahoma

The Marisa/Susan connection coming but; "She swallowed, took a sip of wine, then spoke in a low voice. "I said that's not his baby." - that one was like a freight train barreling down the tracks. Anyone who couldn't see this one coming...and his father's reaction when he first saw her was a classic in it's self.

Signed: BTW

Its a good story so far. I wondered about the baby the first time he saw it and its coloring was mentioned - early this chapter? or a previous chapter?

I really like the premise of the story but him fishing for compliments and letting Alyssa

"third degree" Marisa is just adolescent...really childish!

Don't know why you said this chapter was boring. The story flows, it's a theater in the mind like watching a movie.

I don't watch much TV any more. I've been around so scene pretty much all the good and decent movies, The only thing that's improved in movies are the special effects and no more wires on the space ships.

So now he has a baby by his ex wife. What is it about ex wives being vindictive and mean? I'm talking real life here.

Keep writing, please.

The plot thickens, poor Kristin, wanted an exciting life, tossed her husband and her marriage overboard left to live with and marry her lover, and was unknowing pregnant with her former husbands baby. Life sucks, and then it shits on you.

If true, Kristin got her just deserts in spades.

I love it!!!!!

5/5

You tried to make the character seem in control and manly. It just comes off as an annoying childish kid. Kinda frustrating. Really messes with the story

The idea that the baby is his doesn’t hold water! Kristin was trying to get $4000 per month alimony for 3 years. Kristin would who was the father. She would have demanded child support from him!

I don't care for the childish attitude you've given him: fishing for complements, purposely antagonizing Marissa just to get a rise out of her. Just childish!

Oh, boy. Got to get a new password. I don’t like posting as Anonymous. Going to make you a favorite. I’ll read the whole thing through before I make any detailed comments.

MVF_Lit

nice twist with Susan and your Editor, also Allie telling your ex-wife about your night together. Now the baby, wow

Having one or two descriptions of meals being eaten can be a nice way to set a scene but doing it constantly is just distracting and makes the reader question why the author is going out of his way to describe every single food or meal being consumed right down to garnish and how it tastes. Honestly, I love food as much as anyone but it's incredibly distracting and more than a little annoying.

Don't agree with AngelRider at all, the descriptions of people and scenes it what gives the stories realism. Like old time radio shows and written stories are 'theaters of the mind'. It's the writers skills and imagination that our minds and imaginations convert to an enjoyable story, at least in my mind it does.

If a story is readable and enjoyable that's what counts. It's like doing anything, why do it if it's not enjoyable? If you don't like your job get a different one. Life's to short people. Speaking from experience. I like the story or I wouldn't read it.

Hey, no more apologies for no sex in your writing. Maybe just touch of romance and indication they did the horizontal mambo that's all that is needed with your story telling abilities. When I read a decent story and then run across four or five pages of sex I skip over it, but that's just me. Reading about sex just doesn't do it for me anymore, A good love story about real love is what I want and what a I need. A lot like our guy in this story, sex just for sex just doesn't do it.

Sooooooooo................. are we going to get emotional about being a sperm donor to slut wife now? Sorry, I guess she was miss treated and bored and its ok what she did. Women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was it James Lamb. “Dissertation on roast pork” writing about meals is a past art and this writer has paid his dues. And I could not agree with Dgfergie more on the sex. When I find myself reading a well crafted piece of work detailed sex descriptions get scrolled by. Oh five for sure

Still can't get past his continual "fishing expeditions, but still a good story.

Said it all before R is a a very, very good writer. See my previous remarks.

Wow! I'll admit I always hated english both in high school and college, but they didn't have us read stories like this! I am really hoping there is no reconciliation, I can't stand to see a good, hard working guy get shit on like that. I really like the tantalizing female characters, but I am ready for our pal here to develop a deeper relationship with one of them. Just not the cousin, she seems to have a toxicity lurking. I really like it, sorry I don't have deeper and more meaningful criticism for you.

What did Marissa get out of it? Besides a possible bonus and an agent, didn't Natalie say an editor would cost 10-15 grand?

This story just gets better each new chapter. 5/5

Oh the twist n turn love it.....

Renquist, idk if you still read comments, still give a flip, still write somewhere, or are even still around, but damn you're good sir. Gold. Elite. If any of this is correct, or even not correct, you might think about updating your profile a tad.

And thank you.

Part 2 was dry and droned on. This one picks up a bit. But still driving 20 under the limit. Not asking for edge of seat adrenaline, but let's stop this Sunday cruising

5/5 cause everything structurally is sound

Nato_

What a chapter to set the characters and to drop, not one, but two bombs into the middle of the story. I guess Susan is no longer in his future even though it felt like she could have been the one. Now the ex has a way back in and that stinks for Tyler. A true 5. Wish this author was still writing.

Brilliantly constructed plotline.

Each chapter seems to get better, that's my opinion anyway

Really excellent story. Please no reconciliation with the ex. Allie, Susan, even Marissa, but NO WAY should he reconcile. Sorry to get so hot about this, but it's a great story! Thank you!

Damn good writing. Love this story

Not the new husbands baby? I missed that the first time around. Curious.............good story

Top writer. One of the best on Lit.

Damn! This is costing me sleep and I need to sleep and I want to know what's next!

Not reading this for the sex, the story holds the imagination. Starting to wish this was one of those 20 chapters with 10 pages each.

While I like the story the fact that he's caught himself in a situation where four or more girls are actively after him, yes the ex isn't hanging around just for fun, just makes it implausible. To go from failing to satisfy a wife to having women literally throwing themselves at him... and the only change is, well with the hours he's putting in on the book writting and the carpentry, there isn't any change.

Great work, i'm hooked. Flows better without sex

to the anus of a anonymouse from 2mths ago(+/-), the cunt didnt leave cuz hubby wasnt satisfying her, she left for other idiot reasons; he wanted her to earn a living, she refused to work,,,,, wanted her to not spend evertything he made, so they cld save some, she refused to curtail her spending of his $,,,,he wanted her to be a decent semi competent person and all the cunt wanted was to be a spoiled entitled princess, living the life of a plantation era cunt, a la "gone wif de wind". Sexual satisfaction for either had nuffin to do w/ the twats abandonment. She wanted a doormat and a doormat cldnt provide the way he did. she found a doormat and realized too late that in choosing a doormat, she'd shat her own panties, shat in her own porridge etc, and ruined her own dreams by her own self wifout any help from anyone else. All de uther women after him have a better grip on reality. Your a maroon who reads w/o comprehension or empathy. rk

This is getting more interesting, a new friend in the editor, a possible kid?

I'm really enjoying this. 5/5 stars. It's a story within a story. His book is coming alive, and his personal life is moving for the better too. Whether he gets with Allie or not is yet to be seen. Susan still holds a spark for him (I still hope they get together), while Allie is more like a night at the club pick up, doing all sorts of freaky stuff. And finding out it was Susan's sister Marisa who set the book into motion by knowing Natalie the publisher. And Marisa pointing out that Kristin's child looks more like Tyler than her husband is a real possible game changer. Although he's supposed to be "off the hook" for any more money to Kristin, a baby (sperm donor) by him could change all of that.

It seems the more this story is going, the better each part gets. I'm really enjoying the entire series so far, but then I've enjoyed some of your other work too. Looking forward to the next part.

This is starting to get really interesting.

Still going well, nice twist on the end

You have a real knack for good story telling

You are in the top echelon of authors on this site

Keep up the good work and thank you for sharing

I am enthralled with this story and your writing talent should be regarded with reverence, but the funny thing is...all the girl in me can think about is how much I want him to end up with Susan.

Brilliant, well written and completely enthralling. Can't put it down even while at work. LOL