All Comments on 'When We Were Married Ch. 04B'

I hear you. This was the first comment, I have made a remark on someone elses comment.. I couldn't let it go though. I am quite active in the educational arena. No I don'thave a degree but I have to tell you. Education is far too important to be left to educators only . I know a radical idea but it is not anything new to you, as your children have all achieved advance degrees. It is your support that has made this possible and i congratulate you for that.

I’m not so sure about several of the folks that have commented to this story but in my case, I am getting a great deal of reading pleasure out of DQS’ story.

There may be a few minor (and I repeat minor) holes in the plot but who among you that also writes hasn’t done the same in the past? DQS is a wonderful word smith making the reading of his stories very enjoyable. I personally am not a big fan of easily forgiving husbands of their cheating wives but DQS writes so well that I find myself reading his offered material even though his (her) stories usually end in forgiveness regardless of how long, or how often, the wife has strayed, which, as I have previously mentioned is not my preferred cup of tea. One thing we must all agree upon however, is based on the large number of posted comments at the end of each chapter, DQS has certainly captured the reading interest of a large number of Literotica users.

For what it's worth I say; Please continue on DQS and tell your story in the way you envision it, and I’ll keep on reading and convey to you- “I thank you”, for your time, talent, and sharing.

Regards,

POL

Thank you.

Qualified or not qualified, it really don't make no difference no way as Debbie got her cheatin ass fired anyway.

Interesting. Takes an old country boy to get that one.

HA HA HA HA HA

Love it.

And DQS1 always making a way to show another character in(probably) another cheating story...its to make Us addicted to your other stories?

Been busy so just read the last few chapters at one go. Great story and really well written. Different to most stories on this site, but absolutely unmissable. I wonder what's going to happen?

and thinking with his dick.

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Ppp asks, "....if anyone else had a problem with Prof Abbot(t?) rueing his singlehood loneliness when he had described his ex/late wife as a bitch, and they had no children as a focus of mutual interest? Has this been mentioned?"

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IIRC the good Professor told his story to Debbie, mentioning that he had no children with Elise by design. I read and reread the above sequence in the story and still I wasn't clear what and who he was talking about. I believe the "bitch" was his first and ex-wife and he was fondly recalling his 2nd wife and widow, Elise. DQS's haste in getting the story out is likely the culprit in this "glitch."

.

Professor Abbott tends to be speaking out of both sides of his mouth. He advises Debbie to learn to be alone while getting over her husband, saying taking a lover so soon was not a good move. THEN he asks her out to dinner 'so she doesn't have to be alone'. Anther academic thinking with his dick? What's with those teacher-types?

No one seems to have commented on the UNF President's suggestion about an opening in the Public Defender's Office. Is DQS setting us up for future confrontations between the SAO and the Public Defenders where Debbie is involved? Maybe she just needs to see first hand the kind of scum that commit murder, rape and child molestation. These perps can't afford lawyers. Maybe she will have a new found appreciation for what Bill does every day to keep us safe from these criminals.

WWWM has me kind of down. I keep waiting for Debbie to straighten up and fly right. Now she's met this Abbot guy. One of two things is going to happen: He will become her friend and help her put her life back together or He will bang her silly. He keeps saying he is not going to have sex with her for now; she has to be ready which will probably be right after dessert. I find her begging to get laid pathetic. <P>

When the Pres of the University was talking to Deb about his failed first marriage, he said “"You see, when something is broken, something as fragile and intangible as trust and faith, it can't be made whole. We should have divorced when I first discovered her infidelity, I suppose. If we had made a clean break, taken time apart and met again, we could have forged a new marriage. A new relationship, I guess. But I didn't. And I could never regain the trust and faith I had in her once.” If Q was doing some foreshadowing, this story has quite a way to go.

DQS you said we would not need to wait, you forgot? come on with next. get it over with, more time you take more you divert from main plot, i am afraid you keep thinking more and more you might get author's block, and we would be reading something else where once in a while we will see Debbie, some time we will see Bill but with his cases, worst case yuo mast start some sort of series of short stories in each chapter, each with same slut wife and Wimpy husband, Bill or someone else solving their problem. Every one will forget about Dbbie and Bill, and life goes on. Dont Do that, finish this one, you can always write next. You dont need to delay to increase comment count or making yourself important.

The only complaint i have about this story is that they are not submitted fast enough... lol.

This thing is really slowing down with more and more repetition, character inconsistencies, and more meandering events. The writing, everyone agrees is super, but the story has many more sidebar scenes than mainstream.

This thing is really slowing down with more and more repetition, character inconsistencies, and more meandering events. The writing, everyone agrees is super, but the story has many more sidebar scenes than mainstream.

The two central characters are awful. Debbie is a mental case. Described as intelligent, but she never shows it. Main characters need to have depth, but she only seems to think with her cunt and wave her tits. Bill Maitland takes umpteen chapters just to quit crying over his disintegrating marriage before he begins to take action. Bill is supposed to be a superman DA, but he gets in dumb ass fights. He accuses Doug of fucking Kelly and he doesn't know that as a fact at all. His excuse: "Sometimes you have to do stupid things, because you have no choice." And this is a world class DA?

I keep reading, hoping the superb writing will lead to the story taking off. Unfortunately, I’m beginning to believe that DQS’s wonderful imagination leads him to write stories that may have a beginning and an end, but in between, he fills in the scenes through stream on consciousness instead of using a strong story telling compass.

If we didn't like it this large crowd wouldn't be here waiting for the next installment.

Feed Me, Feed Me

Why you being so Pussy man?

Ur Wife pulled Same Trick on you?, Let me tell you Shaved for me, no need to hire Pussy Investigator, Tell me how it gonna end and I willl let your wife go,.

I wrote a comment and got slammed in an email. Damn, that anonymous guy sure has lots of free time. I wonder which of the stories on this site belong to him? NONE!

While waiting for 4C to come out, I have been reading 1A again, the start of it all.

`

The most critical information in Ch. 1A were the emails. The emails were damaging to Debbie's reputation and revealed that she was emotionally more than "just friends" as she had fooled herself into believing. Those same emails made it clear that she had not crossed the line from emotional involvement, inappropriate conversation and flirting to physical cheating. The emails weren't what one would expect from a loving wife.

`

After the infamous "when we were married" gaffe, Bill asked her if she was "fucking another man." A very hurt Debbie asked Bill to not look at her or speak to her the next morning. Consequently Bill, being a mature adult, gave her the silent treatment the rest of the week.

`

After 3 days of the silent treatment, Debbie, the cold-hearted bitch, spent the evening and night with her parents without letting Bill know where she was. Bill assumed the worst.

`

Now we're all set for an old fashion PISSING CONTEST. After staying out and not calling, Debbie was afraid to call Bill. Debbie's father, Roy, called Bill to let him know Debbie was and had been at the parent's house. Roy, being a stupid male and Debbie's father, tried to talk to Bill about his and Debbie's situation.

`

Here's Bill's response: "Well let me see if I follow this. She said a few words that upset me, (when we were married) but I'm supposed to get over it, and I said a few words that upset her (Are you fucking somebody else?) and she's acting like the marriage is over because I said them. Is that right?"

`

When he didn't answer, I (Bill) said, "Well, if you would, pass on a message from me to your daughter. Tell her if that's the way she feels, I don't give a damn if she ever comes back. Oh, and be sure and tell her this, word for word: Fuck you!"

`

Now Bill and everybody else is pissed at Debbie for being even more friendly with Doug. After Bill accused Debbie in from of her fellow academics of having an affair with Doug, he started a fight with Doug. With the revelation that she and Doug we inappropriately lovey-dovey, Debbie and Doug's careers were in jeopardy.

`

Bill had moved out, told Debbie he didn't care if she ever came home and insulted her publicly and Debbie, the whore, told Bill they needed a separation to get their shit together. After all this that slut Debbie finally succombed to the temptation of fucking Doug. Not only did she fuck Doug but she asked Doug to befriend her children and introduced him to her parents as "a friend." She didn't add "with benefits."

`

Debbie then called Bill and told him she was filing for divorce. Rejecting Bills insinuations that she was doing it to be with Doug, she told him she didn't love him anymore, at least "not like that." Bill, now refuses to talk to that slut, Debbie.

`

Bill asked Cheryl, his secretary, "What about Debbie. And I want you to be just as honest. Is she as hot as I think she is? And have you ever seen guys hitting on her at parties? How did she act when they did?"

`

"She's hot, Bill. What can I say. She's tall and blonde and she's got those big boobs and gorgeous legs. Every party I've ever been at where the two of you were there, guys hit on her all the time when you're not around."

`

"I'm not surprised she's popular. She is hot. Now for the $64,000 question. And this is where I need you to be honest. What does she do when they hit on her?" ...

`

"I guess I've been at six or seven office parties where you guys have shown up, and there was that one year you invited me and my date to that Christmas party at UNF. Like I said, guys are always hitting on her, putting their arms around her, patting her ass, trying to sneak a kiss. Usually she just shrugs it off, puts their hands where they're supposed to be, gets them laughing and walks away. She's pretty good.

"A few times, very few, I've seen her in what seemed to a pretty good clinch in a corner or a hallway, but it's not a deep throat and the guys don't have their hands inside her clothes. I've seen a few of them petting her. But, Bill, to be honest, unless you want to walk about with a cattle prod most women have had that happen to them. That's why you wear stiletto heels. They're wonderful for cooling off guys who get too hot.

`

It seems that Debbie now has two men that can "get in her mind" and help her heal from the mental mental trauma of the past months: Dr. Teller, M.D., her Psychiatrist, and Professor Abbott, on leave from his university as as visiting professor in English Literature at UNF. Sounds like that a winning team. They should do good for Debbie in getting her fixation on her physical self and sex under control. She'll do fine in her new position in the attorney defense system.

Bill will probably do fine also, and maybe he's done great in his continuing professorial life as number 2 State Attorney at the courthouse Also, Bill has now much improved his body and women have noticed; from that he has more confident in himself as a man. He'll now attract women, much as he has already done with Aline and Myra.

As far as Debbie and Bill getting back together as a couple, I 'd say maybe. I think Deb now realizes the mistakes she made the past 3.5 months in her treatment of Bill; and the divorce she probably no longer wants. But I think they'll function together to care for their teenage kids.

DQS is quite an amazing author when you consider the popularity of which WWWM. He's got an ability with words and with the use of short sentences for emphasis. He has many characters in his stories, I feel like others had mentioned, maybe too many. But he seems to be able and willing to give use a detailed description of the characters as we progress through the story. Good Luck DQS and please post chapter 04C soon!

have not you seen enough, leaving her with man is like leaving a baby with cookie, or Lion with goat, she is a slut, no can do anything for her, She is slut by choice, so no use, Believe me , She would be fucking that professor before she get out of her system if she ever would, which i hope never, Tell me single man she interacted and there was no sexual act from her side, except her son, her dad, and her HUSBAND, who practically had to rape her get some pussy, which was available to everyone who just have cock, and just had to try--these were Debbie's word", she is slut man, no use.

Time to yank a couple of more chains, and see what happens:

Phil my friend, you appear to be rewriting this story out of context regarding the time line of events.

bartolo appears to be living in lalla land out there in CA and doesn't really have a clue.

Thanks:

Tom

Has It come to this?

Not only has the story become boring...but so have the comments!!!!

Sign me,

Putridpackinpussy

would you guys, for FUCK'S sake SHUT the fuck up?

I hope Bill and Debbie get back together. I know there are a lot of "burn the bitch" readers around here, but two people in love finding their way back together is a great story. Yes Debbie messed up the "forsake all others" part of her vows. However "for better or for worse" is also part of those same vows taken by both parties. To me that means you try and keep things together even after the shit hits the fan.

Ending a marriage at the first sign of infidelity will make a good story sometimes, but it is not in keeping with marriage vows. And it does not reflect what very often happens in real life

Let love win this time!

You are amazing. Of course you know Shoe has too much meat turned under for feet and that causes a significant disruption of the blood flow to his pea brain.

Further, the one in CA is insignificant to begin with, his antiquated liberal garbage is quite dated. He is not a bonified commentor he is nothing more than an antagonist.

But "lala land", you got to love it.

regards, Warrior (RET)

My comments weren't meant to be a timeline. I mentioned emails as the most significant event in Ch.1. I put Cheryls comments at the end. I could have put them in order of occurance and I didn't. Cheryl's comments give an unbiased observation of Debbie's behavior -- which is 180 degrees from the stories made up by the "Debbie is fucking everybody" crowd.

`

Some, such as one of the latest Anonymous folks, can be excused because they clearly cannot read (or write) English. I am not trying to present Debbie as a saint. But as Doug put it, she's not a slut. She has enjoyed fucking the young, sexy, studly assistant professor she mentored for nearly 8 months before she took him to her bed but that doesn't qualify her to be a slut or whore.

`

To her credit she introduced him to her children and did not hide that he was a "friend with benefits." She did not drag home a different man every night which would have been slutty. To assert as some have done that she is "harming" her nearly 18 year old daughter and nearly 15 year old son who is no virgin himself is ludicrous.

`

She developed an overly and inappropriate friendship over a period of 4 to 6 months with Doug. It not suprising that it happened given her home situation. IMNSHO had she gone after Doug and fucked him the first month or 2, I would feel different about her. True she went to bed with Doug before she filed for divorce but given the way Bill was being, she couldn't put off Doug's continued pressures even though she, according to the story, protested doing that going to bed with him before the divorce.

`

Nearly every recorded circumstance has her screwing Doug eitherwhen the children are supposed to be away, before the children get home or well after they go to bed. She has repeatedly been upset when Bill's memory or character has been abused by anyone -- other than herself of course. She does it but that goes with the territory of being a soon to be divorced spouse.

`

Debbie has sought Bill out to talk to him to create a relationship that worked for divorced parents. He refused to take her calls or when he did, insulted her and hung up on her. She sought him out to apologize and express her concern for his having read the emails. Debbie did not want to hurt Bill unnecessarily.

`

Debbie is being painted a slut and whore with a broad brush when IMO she doesn't deserve that. The character assassination continues after every chapter. If the Anonymous don't want me pointing out what virtues Debbie does have, all they have to do is stop the steady barrage of generalize, anti-Debbie bullshit.

`

Most all the accusations Debbie receives are refuted by characters in the story -- Cheryl, Bill, and now Doug. The latest anonymous asshole spouting shit about Debbie fucking every cock she comes in contact with is acutally funny it is so ridiculous.

`

Tom, Thanks for disagreeing with me in a gentlemanly manner. Phil

Please forgive me for being caustic in my comment. It was uncalled for and very ungentelmanly.

Now don't get the big head and think I agree with your comments, but the apology is offered in sincerity.

The left coast one deserves no apology.

Regards

I love yanking chains, but the time line I was referring to mostly was the Friday night banquet when Debbie chose Dougie to go home with and "FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT", and then go to her parents house on Saturday morning instead of home to hubby because she didn't want Bill to definitively find out she was fucking around on her marriage, (as Debbie stated herself in her confrontation with Bill at his gym), which was before Bill told her to fuck off, and before Debbie filed for divorce.

Now as to whether Debbie was faithful all of her marriage before Dougie, we only have Debbie's word, and she is an admitted LIAR.

As for Debbie being a slut, Websters defines a slut as a woman with low and/or no morals, acting like a whore,IE FUCKING SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR HUSBAND, therefore Debbie is a SLUT.

Sorry all, thats the way i read this wonderful story, and am waiting for the rest of this chapter to see if things get jointed instead of disjointed.

Will write about the fight later.

Thank you for your entertaining comments. They are almost as much fun as the story.

Tom.

I forgot, IF I WERE PACKIN A PUTRID PUSSY I'D BE PISSED TOO.

Problem: I think it's great that Bill, in post Coital bliss, kisses his boss to thank him for sending him on the cruse.

But, as a father, if my Daughter had been raped, and i was planning to beat to death her rapist, my post coital bliss would have evaporated, and i would not have bothered to go to work. He would never have enough mirth in him to kiss the boss.

The phonecall he got at the end of 4A was a great cliff hanger. But it really needs to be moved just after the he gets hugged my Myra in 4B.

Nits: Adding so many new characters after so many chapters. The murder case and the exceedingly strong man married to another perfect 10 have been set up to appear to be emerging major plot elements. I would be disappointed if they are, because by this point DQS1 should be tying off major plot elements, not adding more. Hopefully they will be like the French woman, important well developed side characters that just help the main story line along.

Hopes:

- I hope the "author" remains a voice of reason. Too many characters have been sex obsessed opportunists. Deb has always needed a friend. Bill has his friend the lawyer, a boss and secretary who treats him like a friend, the guys in the Gym, etc. Deb has Doug, but was unwilling to listen to him when he talked reason, so really, she had no one.

- Bill realizes that his daughters seduction attempt, and his son's setting up Doug were both desperate acts by children to reunite there parents by getting Doug out of Deb's bed. Bill needs to get them into therapy NOW.

- I expect Bill to equate his affair with Debs, and now that they are equal, he will be open to reconciliation. But Deb, listening to the shrink (who didn't give Bill the best advice) and not the author (the voice of reason, who has only given excellent advice) will screw it up.

- I expect significant character development of Myra. Bill needs to see that she is beautiful even if she didn't have Tits. And in the end, it has to be clear to Bill and us that even if she was two bag ugly, she is the woman for Bill.

- I expect that we will find some link to Deb leaving business to academia to be linked to the great remaining question, which is, of course, what soured this marriage.

Great story (and i still believe it's Deb's story as much as Bill's) and i look forward to seeing it continue to unfold.

Bravo DQS1

Chapter after chapter this he-man prosecutor goes after the bad guys, ignoring the family; knowingly. Both spouses are made into dopes by the author. Both know about communication and none is forthcoming. The guy is made into a passive jerk and the wife is no less passive. Both characters give up on the relationship, even though there's mention of fighting to stay together. I can generate no sympathy for the macho-man fighting at the end that proves nothing and is more than anticlimactic; two guys who beat each other then walk off discussing the weather. Really disappointing for a story that had substantial potential.

Adding new characters with every chapter and for what purpose? To make room for all of these new characters, it looks like Bill will be forced to endure any number of trials and humilations in order to protect his kids or his exwife from her own ignorance and stupidity. Debbie will probably be getting involved with these new potential lowlifes because they all will be obsessed with her big tits and her nice ass and her long legs. Are you trying to write another "Anna Karenina"? No offense, but the way this is going, I might check back in 10 or 15 installments down the road and see how the retarded Debbie and the pitiful Bill are doing. Debbie is supposedly an educated woman and yet, she thinks that every living creature is obsessed with getting her in the sack. And she is obsessed with getting every living creature in the sack. She is just a mentally sick lady. Her kids don't have a chance for a normal life. She's probably banging her own son and pimping her own daughter out. Bill needs to walk away and get away fast. And he needs to turn those emails lose on the world so that her kids will be able to get away from her. (Lew nailed it. That was very good dialogue by the way). The way her character is written, she is a danger to everyone she interacts with. Bill, the hero, is not strong enough to see it. Others have said there will be a reconcilliation. I usually like reconcilliations. But in this story, Debbie is beyond redemption. For there to be a reconcilliation at this point based upon how the two main characters have been developed, this series of stories would have to be moved out of the Loving Wives section and placed in Science Fiction. My advice is to end this series pretty soon. Save it from itself. Let them go their separate ways and get the kids away from Debbie. If you have to, kill off either Debbie or Bill. But don't write another "Anna Karenina". Ohio, USA

That fag and his counterpart "mancelt" are actually trying to impress DSQ to portray their pathetic profile of human depravity into this story. Just goes to prove that sometime in-breeding can cause defect genes which turn out to be the shameful folklore of human nature who call themselves "size 14 no IQ". Sad existence of defective genetic material.

Let us know when you will be posting next, so that we dont waste much energy checking again and again same page, causing useless traffic on Internet, save Energy man. I know you will want to wait to get some number number of comment, let new readers comment,. And you said 4c will be earlier.

And you all people I am tired of you all repeating same thing again and againg. Debbie is slut, and Bill is wimp why you reacting, You wanted Wimp to get balls and Slut to become Nun, you got one wish almost fullfilled (yeah almost, BIll almost grew up some Balls, Initially when he was casual about beating Daug i thought he came to just get revenge for beating Daug gave him, not beacause of Debbie, I seems good that he does not care about Debbie, and taking it personnel as just somepayback for punches, but when he told why he was there, I was dissappointed, he let him go too easily for his daughter, I would have killed a man for making remarks like that about my daughter, and a man none other than who slept with her mother, Bill is really a wimp, may be after another three months when he realised what Daug said he would come back to beat him, you know Bill, too slow to act...) ,

So please let us know man, I know you are also like bill, that is bad thing, believe, me I am not judgmental, You can be as slow as you want like Bill, but again, before ity is too late, tell us when you gonna post next.

"But, as a father, if my Daughter had been raped, and i was planning to beat to death her rapist,"

I am sure that my comments will mirror many others.....

1. You are adding too many characters, especially for a serialized story. They are adding complications to the point that your readers are going to need a flow chart. Short stories are best, even novels actually, when they have cleaness to them, plot, characters, etc. Introduction of the thug and of Paul just seemed like an excuse for sub-plots later on. Your characters on the ship that were added actually had a purpose during that portion of the story and then the story moved past them.

2. You handled the beat down of Doug very poorly. It was not well written, it was not believable, and it was not even a good ass whipping. The timing relative to the story was more like something you just felt you needed to get out of the way.

I could go on but those were my primary issues. Compared with some of your earlier chapters this was a major step backwards.

As I read the installments, I become more anxious for the next chapter. I have some hopes for thedirection of the story, but it is not my place to attempt to steer the author in my preferred direction.

I turned in 4c about 10 p.m. tonight (8/7) which means it will post about 8/10 or more likely 8/11. As always, I hope those of you who are following the story will enjoy the next chapter. Again, it's obvious some people are losing interest because of length or just because they didn't like the last chapter. I hope the next chapter will make up for any disappointment people had with 4B. As always, I appreciate anyone who takes the time to comment on the story or send me emails. I apologize for only getting back to a handful of readers, but believe me, it's not for lack of interest in your comments. It's just that this novel has started to take over my life and it's not the only writing project I'm working on, plus earning a living on the side. And again, eating and sleeping has to be fit in there somewhere. But, I can honestly say, this has been the wildest ride of my life.

So you did cut 4b on that line on purpose, you wanted to make that line last of your chapter and let us think about it, or get excited at last dialouge, you try to write form different perspectives in your different stories, it would have been great if all these characters would have been diiferent, but to me all main char in you stories are same, Bill, Lyle, and others in different stories, but when you made them appear in this story, they were different, they share only name with their resp characters, when see from their own perspective in their own stories you see them same, thay is why i suggest you to write from narrator side. Which would let you describe you character more precisely and accordingly. And you making it boring, there are certain factors, more and more characters, most of them are just annoying, some very unrealistic situations, assumed fact that every married woman in story is supposedly unhappy, and no doubt slut, very slow of-course , i like lengthy stories but this, you longing it very unreasonably, you are not actually lengthening it you are stretching it, Time gap between chapters is also a factor because if after waiting we dont get a length chapters it reduces the interest, Agreed you are busy, and dont have all the time to wrte this story only, but you can reduce the futhure characters you wanted to introduce, and make a fine telling.

Thank you DQS for your message indicating that your Chapter 04C will be posted for us readers on Tuesday or Wednesday. As you can see from the numerous responses that each of your installments receives that you are very much appreciated.

DQS1:

I am very disappointed in he manner in which you have chosen to unvail the layers of WWWM, and the SOAPBOX manner in which you end each chapter with a teaser to entice the reader to want to read the next chapter. Your ploy is clearly beginning to frustrate the reader because you often avoid providing a response to your own quary, leaving to the reader to infer how a particular scene played out. In the latest installment, I am certain many readers were expecting you to resume the dialogue between Bill and BJ, the son. But what we got was a fight scene initiated by Bill based on what BJ is alleged to have told him. However, since BJ did not hear or directly observe all of the exchanges between Kelly, Doug, and Debbie its clear that Bill acted without complete information. As a consequence you have created a huge character flaw in Bill which contradicts the previous immage of him as being a rational, principeled, and thorough prosecutor who turns over every rock before he acts. Why did Bill not speak with Kelly or Debbie before he acted, particularly given the potential consequences to his career.

And why for goodness sake did you have him going to Doug’s office during a wookday to pick a fight. What were you thinking, or were you thinking?

I would feel better not knowing when you have or intend to post a chapter rather than have you delay the actual posting.

I'm really amazed that Doug is still alive when he said those things about Kelly ------------->>>>>> "Oh get real, daddy. She's a hot piece of ass and I'll bet you she's getting fucked by some of her teenaged boyfriends right now..... Have you looked at her tits lately? Or that ass?"

It's little frustating now that new characters are showing up, a lot has been said about it by other readers so I'll keep it short. I hope you work out things quickly and come to conclusion.

hwy not just finish it?

I think that is the second time I noticed you using that phrase. How to you figure? 140+ comments on each chapter. What are your goals?

Even the ones pissing and moaning are reading your story; must be, they are commenting on it. I rather doubt that those that are doing the pissing and moaning about the story being to long, not posted fast enough etc will stop reading everything you offer. No sane or rational person would read this far into a novel and give up on it based on those thoughts. The only way you're going to be able to tell "losing interest" is that one day you post a chapter and it ends up with only two or three comments. Then you can use that phrase. So as long as they are pissing and moaning, keep on writing. You also need to look at the number of comments that support what you are doing. You are doing a phenomenal job; 10000+ words per chapter every week or so goes without challenge. I can only imagine the stress you must be under.

Please do not use those comments to cut your novel short. Please write it as it is in your heart.

I feel that if an author starts a novel such as this, then he assumes an obligation to his reading audience. He must complete the story in its entirety as originally planned and not be coerced by these so called "critics".

I personally thank you for the enormous time and effort you have expended on this novel and for offering it for public consumption.

Ditto: What Warrior says.

I was going to write a comment on the fight, but have decided to wait until the rest of this chapter, which will actually be the next chapter, is posted for reading.

The title of the comments will be titled "The anatomy of a fight" and will give my thoughts on the altercation after we read the aftermath of what DQS1 says.

Thanks:

Tom

Thanks to IDIOTS for commenting again and again, again, again, with STUPID disscussion and just for saying THANK YOUS. I can give names there are 4-5 IDIOTS and they are on this page too.

Put a name on it COWARD.

I beg to differ with the Caption of cruise ship in regards to the Protestant vs Catholic world views. Marriage is one of many things both Catholics and Protestant agree upon. Both believe in the sanctity of marriage and faithfulness and monogamy for both spouses. The difference between the French and American world views is rather Europe has been secularized to a greater extent than the US has. As an early church Father stated… “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” And as Solomon stated, “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” The secularist say “Eat, Drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die.”

Bill agonized over him being the same as Doug. There are two major differences between the Bill and Doug. Doug purposely tried to break up Bill and Debbie’s marriage, while Bill did not. Doug continuously degraded Bill while Bill was always respectful of Philippe. Bill never intended to come between anyone’s marriage just to get some pussy, while Doug intentionally was dividing loyalties within Debbie.

for posting nonsense comments with hardly 4 to 5 words, and pleaseeee keep your anatomy of fight for yourself, no one is interested and STOP eating this space. IDIOT SPAM.

AQshamed to put a name to your comment??????????????

I agree that the way this story is going you have to ask yourself why so much drama over a divorce. As you might guess I am reading each chapter after the next two is issued. Normally I like to wait to all of the chapters are issued before reading the whole story at one sitting but this story is too good to wait out a year (six months)? Anyway. our hero is now faced between protecting his family (including his slut wife) and his moral center. Of course, that moral center had already been corrupted by the Aline affair. But I have to agree with Harry that you appear to be setting the stage for a reconciliation. A shrink to help Debbie figure out what her problems are and the fight while on the surface was based on Kelly everything goes back to Debbie and Bill. If their relationship was ok then Kelly would not be acting like her slut mother. If Bill and Debbie reconcil (and that is your call as writer) it will be a big disappointment. What were Bill's great sins that lead to him losing Debbie? He got overweight. 30% of the adults in the U.S. are obese. He did not wine and dine Debbie because he was busy putting the scumbags away that threaten the public. Why didn't Debbie get a separation to force Bill to deal with her concerns? I just can not see how even given a mental problem Debbie can come back to Bill. Yes - I know you had Bill have an affair with Aline so he can be equally wrong as Debbie but come on! Debbie has been about Debbie throughout this story. There has not been one selfless act of kindness she has shown Bill. Anyway those are my comments as of 8/30/10.

He's just a compulsive poster, lacking any life of his own. By definition, he's almost always wrong.

Since my stories have been bombed, I assume by pathetic US losers, every time I've posted a critical comment, I have now reluctantly assumed the disgusting guise of anon.

I hate doing it. I'm an honest person. But I will not have my stories being bombed by losers who've never posted a single tale on Lit.

I like your story.

is definitely a MOTHER FUCKER BRIT without any BALLS...Go back to sucking creampies from your wife's pussy you Brit WIMP, that's the only good thing you BRITS are good at.

can't take anymore of this. tired giving 1 and 2 ratings for each chapter.

i quit

had to quit reading also. can't score effectively, a minus 3

terrible; 1 star, as in hated what bit I was able to read.

I guess you've got a direction, but there seem to be people being introduced who don't really have much relation to your previos characters. Just getting a shade harder to keep the names straight.

Editorially, I keep losing track of who is speaking in the discourse. You really need to specify which character is speaking in discussions because many of the paragraph breaks read like a change in speakers.

It would really help if you had someone edit your work, especially something of this length.

this from files

minus 5 *s

"The only difference is that Debbie isn't a slut. I had to work on her."

Bullshit. Debbie epitomizes everything that a slut is. Thing is, no one wants to admit she's a slut, herself included.

Some John Wayne stuff....

bill....

You're wandering again. Why, just when you get the story on a roll & going along nicely you bring in more characters that, might, in the future add a little to the story but I'm sure will really only be small walk on parts. Getting boring, tedious & long winded again. Speed up please. 3 ***

... In those immortal words of Popeye "I've had all me can stands and can't stands no more". Still blown away by those ratings. Just hard to believe something as rambling and incoherent as this is getting 4.70's. I've heard of a loyal fan base before but this is absolutely ridiculous.

that make writers like DS leave this site. You're as dumb as a rock and just as ignorant!!

Of course Debbie IS a slut. Underneath she started as a teaser/groper but it looks like she'll wind up fucking with more than Doug. All these folks said or suggested she's a slut: Bill, Bill's lawyer, her mother, his mother, both her kids and more.

The main plot line is the break-up of a marriage and how it will resolve for the principals, Bill and Debbie. There is far too much extraneous material and repetitiveness. Too many characters are brought into the plot and dilute the emotional impact of the plot. The trial material is too detailed and tends to detract from the plot.

I don't think the characters and/or the plot are/is strong enough to carry a novella.

in my last comment I said I looked forward to Bill whooping Doug Baker's ass and he did it! And it looks like Bill might get away with it.

The recurring dynamic occurs: Bill still loves Debbie, and Debbie still loves Bill. So maybe I'll get my ultimate wish.

I'm enjoying the heck out of this and can't get anything constructive done for reading this !!!

5*

and yet again another new player is added to the mix.

"And you send a message to the next crew that will make them think twice." - He talks about sending a "message". Well, by sending him to the death chamber Maitland is sending a message to the other scum!

"But once I used those favors, I would be in his debt" - This part confuses me -if this "very bad" man owes you favors, how would using them put you in his debt? Wouldn't he simply re-paying you for favors you've already done for him?

"The bastard, Not that he would have done anything" - And just when did she give him a CHANCE to do anything?

"I don't think you're going crazy" - No, you're just feeling guilty, as you should!

Jesus Christ, Debbie. Just die already

Well, at least Bill got a few punches in on Doug. Paul Donnally will one day catch his wife having sex with another man...Maybe Professor Doug Baker...And he will kill them both and Bill will prosecute him. It is time for Bill to step back in and exert his authority as father in the family.

If you want the ending you will have to pay for it to read it at some pay site (Kindle or Amazon or some shit like that.

Don't patronize this asshole!

All the main characters have major issues and don’t see them. Debbie has a slutty tendency but would have been faithful if her husband paid attention to her, and some major self esteem problems. Bill is finally getting in shape but his head is in his ass regarding his family. Although at this point love or not I don’t see how he could stand Debbie anymore. Doug needs to catch a disease or get his balls cit off by some other jealous husband. Oh well, good drama.

I think Debbie being such a cheap slut before during and after the wedding brings the whole story down. Author walks on tide rope to prove otherwise, but,in the end its only her own word supporting she were not fucking other guys (or Doug for that matters).

Say, what??? Signed: BTW

Thats just weird, too bad it isn't true.

Wasn't the best of the chapters, but I am glad somebody else agrees with me that Debbie isn't a slut. Laugh if you want, but I bet I will be proved right. Bill whom I also like, was blind like lots of husbands and drove her to wanting a divorce, when in all honesty, she only wanted her husband back.

Debbie may have been lonely, due to Bills work, but she is still a back stabbing, cheating slut!!!

Bill as a father did what a Father has to do .. The Sad thing is He did not have all the Facts ..Due to My Background with Some Martial Arts .. Yes I finally got My Black Belt . The Police made sure I had a R.O . on me .. But thanks to the peace that I now have it was not necessary . I do some meditation and work out at least 2-3 times a week . I Spar when I get a Chance to with Some of My Friends at the Dojo .

"You really don't deserve her, you know that. She's beautiful.... and hot and intelligent and all she ever needed was a guy that cared enough for her..... to keep himself in shape and spend some time with her away from work. You can blame me and blame her if it makes you feel any better, but..... you're sleeping alone because you walked away from her.

100% true

Why attack Doug who was innocent.If he had asked around he would have learnt his daughter is a slut.

There was nothing innocent about Doug he deserved everything he got for screwing a married woman. It doesn't mater Debbie was so willing, you don't mess around with a married woman. Bill had to get some self respect back and he did.

Hey, Nitpic

I guess it's a blessing you don't have a young daughter.

"What can I say? I'm a slut. According to my mother-in-law I always have been, and most everybody on this campus still thinks I am." This is one thing most can agree on which is rare in these political times and everything now is political.

As for Bill and Douche, finally. Signed: BTW

Best quote in this chapter: “Our country must have been in really shitty shape if a loser like you almost made it to the Olympics."

So, Lyin Debbie is at it again? Not telling the true story or was it BJ the son that told Dad and BJ didn't know the truth?

This is my second read of this story. I just read about the last 30 or 40 comments from readers and was really taken aback. I have no idea about what many readers are expecting, but I'm pretty sure a lot of them wouldn't recognize exceptional writing if it hit them in the face. To the detractors, this is fiction. None of it actually happened in real life. I absolutely love the characters that have been introduced here. We all have issues and quirks that make us do or think things we'd rather not have uncovered. Who among us has never rubbed their dick or pussy against another person, not our mate, while dancing. Don't lie. We're all human and sexual beings. We're all probably a little slutty, especially after a few drinks. Just enjoy this incredible story for it's entertainment value. DQS, nice job ! An easy 5-😊😊😊😊😊

Yikes. That criminal is a problem. Now I'm hoping none of the family dies. Debbie is a bitch but her sins aren't worth being killed.

Debbie and her ex-A.P. don't understand that Bill's failings aren't enough to hate him for or end a marriage over.

Another great instalment. I wonder what is going on now?

5 Stars for a great story .. Sadly I end up with Myra .. Yeah I know I took one for the team ..

This is perfect. Have Bill pretend to ask skank Debbie out to talk and then drop her off at Deavan's 15" long friend's house. Problem solved! Looks like Kelly is on her way to being cheating slut # 2 in the family. Doug should come back in a couple months when she turns 18.

Not how I might have ended the tussle; but, it's your story...

OK, this story line has gotten too long in the tooth. Continued violence between Doug and Bill? After 4 months? 2 HIGHLY intelligent people doing this. Unrelatable and imho unbelievable.

Again, 4 1/2 chapters in, and in 2 chapters the author has gone 2 weeks in the story. I know entire stories that go YEARS in 1 chapter. This is too sluggish. WAY too cerebral. I won't bother buying the books on Amazon.

Still hanging in there! Still a good story and I want to see how far you take us in this "little" fantasy!

Cheers

SAGE