Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereI've been writing and posting stories on Literotica for over two years and I often get people asking me how I got to have such an obsession with non-consent and forced/coerced impregnation. I always refer people to the sanitized and romanticized version of my true first time story "Milestones" and then I leave it at that.
One of my online penpals, Teri, convinced me to clarify my story and maybe I'll post a revision of "Milestones" with the bad parts included.
But I guess it's still good to explain that my first time was not at all romantic like I'd tried to make it in my story. I think the story was really how I wanted to remember it.
If you haven't read "Milestones" yet then this would be the time for you to do so.
Did you read it? Good. Then let's continue.
I knew Richard was up to something when the room reservations were messed up. He never reserved more than one room in the first place and knew I was screwed if I didn't stay with him that night. Once we were in the room he swore we'd be fine sleeping together and promised me nothing would happen. I didn't bring any sexy nightie with me on the trip, just my sleep shirt. I changed in the bathroom and then went to bed while he used the bathroom next after turning off the lights. When he got into bed he was naked and I didn't know that until he cuddled up to me.
I felt him nudge me and I freaked and jumped out of the bed. He lied and said he always slept "in the raw" (it creeps me out writing that down!) and promised to leave me alone. Once again I trusted him.
We got into some kissing and I thought we'd be safe and then he pulled away from me for a second and put on a condom and said "just in case". I laughed and told him he'd wasted it. I let him get back into kissing me and he suddenly got on top of me and started pulling my panties off. We had a bit of a struggle and I never screamed. It never entered my mind that what was happening was really rape, to me it was just Richard being too excited. He grabbed my arms and put them over my head and held them with one arm as he took my panties the rest of the way off. I told him we couldn't do this and he kissed me and got on top of me. A few painful moments later I was no longer a virgin.
He fell asleep not long after that and I was awake most of the night crying. The morning came and he woke me up with a whisker-studded kiss and the most ferocious case of bad breath ever. It was gross and not at all romantic. I just lay there and he got on me again and tried to get it in me and it was dry and I was very sore and told him so. He worked on it and very painfully mounted me. It did get a little better after a few minutes but it was still awful sore. Then I realized I hadn't seen him put on a condom and I asked him if he had one on already and he said no. I told him he had to stop and he said he would, but he didn't. When I tried to push him off it just turned him on even more and I ended up with a load of baby juice in me. That morning was so fucked up for me. After we left the room he was 100% a gentleman again and we ended up having a strained but nice day. That night he actually asked me if I wanted to do it again and I said, "You do whatever you want." That was actually Christie-talk for "no" and I did not say it in a sexy way. When he took it for a 'yes' I didn't care and just went along since the real damage had already been done at that point.
Then we went home and things got worse and here I am seven-thousand miles from home because of it.
So here's the fetish: even though I detested Richard (and I still do) for what he did I got a perverse thrill wondering if I was pregnant from him and I fantasized about my rape and made it into something it really wasn't, but it helped me deal with it all. I DON'T want to be raped ever again, but I relive it over and over again in my dreams, fantasies, and stories. The stories have been therapeutic for me since they've been an outlet for me from my normal life and they've helped me work out my issues about all of this.
The guy I had after Richard was shocked by what a cockhound I was and he was more than happy to oblige my need to explore. It wasn't rape with him, but I'd imagine it was sometimes and I had my best orgasms when I did that.
So there you have it: I got twisted by being raped. I'm still fucked up but getting a grip on it all helps and it helps to write it all down, too. Now I will say that I am hopelessly stuck on non-consent and impregnation themes, but I do NOT want anyone to think any girl wants this to happen to her and I want anyone who is thinking about acting out this kind of fantasy to know that it is has real effects on the victims.
And there's the answer to my most frequently asked question. I'll keep writing stories, I'm sure, but thanks for tolerating a diary entry in the middle of my usual stuff.
I read your story milestone...I was quite confused till i read this
Everything is clear now
I hope you are doing well and staying happy
I believe in karma, Ma'am may be not today ,not tomorrow but someday he's gonna get what he deserves
There's no graceful way to ask this. Did this writer actually die? Stage 4 is almost always fatal, but hope springs eternal. Does anyone know? If she in fact passed, did Literotica make any note of it? She mentions some friends in her shocking admission. Have they mentioned her on this site? It just seems to me we owe her some words. I had one of her stories saved in one of my libraries, but this is the first time I heard about this. (5-12-23) It just made me really sad, for whatever that's worth. I enjoyed your stories, Christie052780. I hope you landed in a writer's paradise!
I have heard of very different reactions to rape. Thanks for sharing your experience and congratulations on what appears to be a strong, if unusual, recovery.
Best story on Literotica...Thank you for trying to put words on what is so confusing!
Thanks for sharing🖤
I almost got raped once. I managed to get away, but I do keep thinking about it. What if I haven’t fought back? I think I would’ve come to like it very much. That reluctance is a turn on for me , but the risk of an STI is what scares me the most.
Thank you for posting this. It encapsulates everything so well and speaks volumes.
I congratulate you for writing your original romanticized version. It was what you were capable of writing at the time. Traumatic experiences can be difficult to share with others. Putting it in writing and on a site like this for all to see, Including your rapist, is very brave.
It's good to see that you felt comfortable enough to give us the real version. Thank you for that. I hope your family is meeting all of your needs and that you continue to be happy now and into the future.
I hope some day (if it hasn't happened already) you and your parents find a way to reconcile if that part of Milestones is true. Your parents blaming you for what happened with Richard is terrible. Richard sounds like a real piece of...work.
As a dad I can't say I'd be terribly pleased by what happened, but I'd listen and understand. I'd forgive you (although Richard would be a much tougher sell). Afterall, their book teaches that none are without sin...even them.
Glad you are brave enough to put this out there for people and glad this writing is helpful for you. Personally I don't like reading most on the non-consent out there most of the time it makes me feel dirty just reading it. Not anything against anyone writing it.
Good of you to put your experience out there for the benefit of others. This unhappy tale really needs to get to the right audience - young teenagers - who could learn a lot from your experience and as a result might avoid it happening to them.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to it a lot, I was orally raped as a child and I have always had a massive fetish for anything related to rape, nonconsent, or BDSM power dynamics. I never want to be raped again, but fantasizing about the topic is one way that I can relive and try to reprocess that memory. Unfortunately it's also probably a fantasy which has been baked into my sexuality; when your first experience of sex is so horrible and centered around stripping you of any agency it kinda fucks with how you relate to sex and get turned on. That's something that I only recently realized, and is the hardest aspect of the abuse to admit.
I don't think you were twisted by the rape. It's such a common turn on, I'm really happy you have had the wisdom to separate your fantasies from how terribly Richard treated you. I love your stories and really enjoy those fantasies.
I was raped when i was 8-10 years old and one of my most fantasized things is rape/bondage. Hearing this makes me feel better knowing im not alone and like you i would not actually want to be raped again, but i do fantasize. You're a fantastic writer. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
We use what we must to cope with what happens to us in life. If the fetish helps you deal with your rape, fine. Don't however, glorify rape to all the mouth breathers out there by putting nonconsent stories of any kind in a consent catagory of any kind. You do all women, including yourself, a disservice when you do that. If you care a out story scores, know that will get you bombed no matter the quality of the writing. Be honest.
Sorry You had to endure some Shellfish Pricks discusting despicable act!
May You do well in life and your writting!
Good luck
Justjhawkins@gmail.com
Rape is wrong. I detest what Richard did to you, especially as a guy.
I am happy that your writing is therapy at the keyboard.
You owe no explanation to anyone.
My first time wasn't romantic either. While it wasn't rape, I feel like I was a naive 16 year old with a crush on an older guy who wanted everything. I couldn't tell him no, he didn't even take his off pants all the way. I asked if he had a condom, I could hear him thinking about his answer as he climbed I too of me, saying "No, but it's okay." as he pushed me into the bed and slide inside. I was pretty heartbroken because I wanted to be his girlfriend, but I felt like he used me and didn't think much of it.
He did end up making me into his girlfriend after using me a few more times. I guess he wanted to try it out a little first. He cheated on me constantly. He lied to me about everything. I stayed with him for three years because I thought I loved him and wanted it to work. He kept making me cry, doing things like cheating on me and then calling me over to fuck me afterwards. I found out because the other girl's girlfriend (she would fuck my boyfriend when her and her girlfriend fought) emailed me her online journal and told me everything.
That was all ten years ago. I met someone amazing three years ago. We have a fantastic relationship.. But I fantasize about being used all the time. I pretend when my boyfriend and I are having sex that he's a stranger who brought got me drunk and brought me home to cum inside.
Strange. Am I right?