Wild Desire Ch. 10

Malachite was groaning. His brow was furrowed in pain and his hair was damp with sweat. Still groggy but getting more alert by the second, Daniella realized there was no easy way to get him to drink his medicine while lying down. She awkwardly tried to prop him up against the headboard, only to provoke sharp sounds of protest.

"All right, all right," she muttered. Daniella lifted his head and shoulders as best she could and slid into the bed behind him. With a few more adjustments she had him reasonably propped up against her. He settled back with a sigh of contentment, still more than half asleep.

Daniella reached for the mug of pain tonic and gently tipped a small sip of it into his mouth. Malachite immediately coughed, spitting most of it.

"Goddamn," he muttered. "Feldspar. Disgusting."

Daniella snorted out a laugh as relief flooded through her. She had to admit Feldspar's recipe for pain tonic was uniquely potent in more ways than one.

"Drink up you big baby," she crooned. He wrinkled his nose and obediently accepted another sip in response. Daniella fed him the drink slowly. By the time the mug was empty Malachite's stiff limbs had relaxed. Before long his breathing deepened and he dropped back into a heavy sleep.

Daniella carefully shifted him over onto the bed so she could slide back out from behind him. Malachite fretted and grumbled in his sleep, his brow furrowed. Daniella smoothed his hair back gently as he turned fitfully. Eventually he settled onto his side, nestling his forehead against her side. Daniella ran her fingers through his hair and he settled more deeply into sleep with a contented sigh. Her heart constricted painfully. He looked so young and vulnerable.

Daniella had gone to bed telling herself to give him his space. He was recovering and there was a lot for them to sort out. Now, under the soft blanket of darkness she slid down to lie next to him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. He mumbled into her hair and curled closer. Daniella hushed him again and delighted in the way his body softened against hers trustingly. She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy a stolen moment of contentment. Their bodies settled into each other and in moments they were both asleep.

***

Days passed in a blur of caring for Malachite, who was rarely conscious for more than a confused minute or two. The snow outside melted within forty-eight hours, and spring bloomed in its place. Daniella spent her days directing Feldspar and Gneiss in the Lord's place, who in turn organized the faeries into teams to repair damage left by the heavy snows. It was strange how natural it felt to lead the people who had been so mystifying to her a year before. She spent her nights next to Malachite, soothing him to sleep when he awoke from pain or nightmares.

The first morning of the following week, Daniella was dragged awake several hours before she wanted to be. She rubbed her eyes and blinked at the ceiling. A week of frequent night wakings had left her feeling drained. She heard a string of curses coming from the kitchen along with the sound of cabinets rattling. A wave of delight crashed over her as she realized Malachite was up and about. An even bigger wave of mortification followed it as she realized that if he was awake then he had woken up to find her in his bed, uninvited. Daniella sighed deeply and threw an elbow over her eyes.

A glass shattered from the kitchen and she launched herself out of bed. Regardless of how he might feel about her, it was obvious that he needed her help.

Malachite was standing in front of the counter in the comfy clothes she'd put him to bed in, still muttering curses. From what she could tell he had gotten out nearly every herb he had, though many of the vials had spilled. Shattered glass and bits of dried flowers and leaves covered the floor.

"Morning," she said tentatively. He turned stiffly as if he was managing every muscle manually. "Need help?"

He gestured at the mess in front of him, his arm moving jerkily like a poorly made marionette. "My useless hands are still half turned to trees, but I refuse to drink another drop of Feldspar's horrid concoction."

Daniella cracked a smile. He at least sounded like himself. She grabbed a broom and swept a path to him through the carpet of shattered glass and herbs. "Let me," she said.

He directed her on the correct measurements for his own personal recipe for healing tonic. She was grateful to have something to do with her hands. It was easier to exist with him without having to talk yet. Their bodies had already gotten used to being near each other again. Their minds were still processing six months of separation and unspoken hurts.

Once he had drained his drink Daniella helped Malachite navigate the glass-covered floor to sit at the table. She busied herself with making strong tea and breakfast for the both of them, stretching out the calm before the storm as long as she could.

"You have returned," he said as she was pushing scrambled eggs around the pan.

"Of course," she said, keeping her voice as light as she could. She stared fixedly at her eggs.

"I sacrificed greatly for your freedom," he said tightly. "There was no need for you to return." Daniella cut him a look over her shoulder. His face was uncharacteristically open as his expression flitted between angry, confused, and something softer she couldn't place. She looked back down at her eggs in the pan. A split-second glance at that face already had her feeling like a frayed thread on the verge of snapping.

"You're a real idiot sometimes, you know that?" she glared at him over her shoulder again. "Thank God I did come back, or you'd probably be dead by now."

"You forget yourself," he snapped. "I alone have defended and protected my people since before you were born. It is for me to keep the Wood in balance. I knew the consequences when I released you and I accepted the cost. You were never meant to return and put yourself at risk."

Daniella whirled around to face him. "You knew?"

"Naturally I knew. When you left my expectation was that I would perish. I did not know how long the Wood's patience would run, but I knew that my life was forfeit. I did not hesitate, knowing that my life would allow you to be happy. It was not my hope that you would return, nor was it your place. I alone am Lord of the Wood, and I accepted the risks and responsibilities of that position long ago."

Daniella couldn't help but roll her eyes. "First of all, you may have known what would happen to you, but I sure as hell didn't. I was mad at you over the butterfly thing, but I didn't want you to die for it. Why didn't you say something? I would have stayed. If you had explained things to me we could have figured something else out."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I did not think it right to ask anything more of you. It was my responsibility," he hissed.

Daniella shook her head emphatically. "That brings me right back to my second point. Did it occur to you that not everything is solely your responsibility? You're not the only caretaker of the Wood. I could feel that something was wrong in the Wood all the way from town. That's why I came back. I didn't just waltz back here cluelessly thinking I'd drop in and say hi. I came back because I knew something was out of balance. I came because the Wood called me back. When you were consumed with anger toward the Wood, when you gave up on life, it spoke to me. It called me, not Feldspar, not Gneiss, not some thousand-year-old, mystical healer. Me. You don't have to do everything alone. You can't do everything alone. Don't you understand that that's why the Wood wanted me to stay?"

His face crumpled briefly before he managed to smooth out his expression again. For a long moment he was silent, absorbing her words and fighting for control of his expression. Then he looked up at her.

"I am not worthy," he said, as if it were a statement of fact, his face set in determination. Daniella grimaced as the hardness around her heart cracked open in response. She had kept her feelings for him locked up for so long that it physically hurt to let them out.

"Oh," she said gently. "Is that what you think? You don't deserve for me to come back?"

"I am the Lord of the Wood," he said, as if that explained everything.

"And? The Lord of the Wood can't be loved and taken care of? You don't deserve for someone to save you when you get in over your head?" She stepped forward and put a hand to his cheek. He shied away, eyes avoiding hers. "Even if that's true, I didn't come here for the Lord of the Wood. I came here for you, Malachite," she said with a sigh.

A shudder ran through him. He brushed a trembling hand over his eyes and ran it through his hair. "Say it again," he said. His voice was quiet, but commanding.

Daniella gave him a tender smile. "Malachite," she said. His name in her mouth felt like a promise and a confession of something so deep she couldn't put words to it. Malachite met her eyes and her heart stopped at the raw emotion he showed just from hearing his own name.

She took a step closer, formulating her words tentatively as an idea took shape. "Tell you what. Since you don't think you deserve for me to come back, we can make a bargain for my return."

His eyes brightened with wild hope and he sat up straighter. "What will you have in exchange for returning?"

Daniella chewed her lip. She had to physically stop herself from blurting out the first thing that came to mind. The ghost of hundreds of romantic comedies told her that all she needed to demand was his undying love. Life wasn't a movie though, and she knew better than most that entering naively into faery bargains could have dire consequences.

"I will agree to return on three conditions. First, you recognize and respect me as your equal. I love submitting to you when we play and I love when you push my boundaries. But I want a say in decisions that affect me and the rest of the Wood, and I want you to allow me to carry your burden sometimes."

She paused to see if he would object. He gave her a slight nod to show he was still listening.

"Second, I want to have my own life. I will need to come and go from the Wood so I can continue my career and see my family and friends. I need you to guarantee that I can leave as often and for as long as I need to."

His hopeful smile faltered. She paused and nodded to him, silently encouraging him to respond.

"I — I believe there may be a way to accomplish that. But how often do you plan to be gone? Will you return if the Wood needs you?"

She nodded.

"Will you return if I need you?" A light blush rose on his cheeks, visible only due to his loss of color over the past months.

"Yes," she said gently, moving right in front of him so that she could stroke his cheek. "Of course I'll come if you need me. That's why I'm here now, you big goof."

He blushed deeper red at that, and to her eternal shock he leaned forward and buried his face against her stomach, taking refuge. He mumbled something against her in a suspiciously choked up voice. She stroked the back of his head soothingly, taking a moment to compose herself.

"What will you have for your final demand?" he asked eventually.

"I want to be with you, if you want to be with me. I like you. I want to be with you for as long as it makes us both happy. I don't know if it's right to put that in the bargain, but if you think you don't deserve for me to come back, then it needs to be said. Me coming back isn't about you deserving me. I came back because I wanted to, and I will stay because I want to."

His eyes were shining when he finally lifted his head up to look at her. Just before he was about to speak a frisson of fear zinged through Daniella.

"Wait," she squeaked out. "Before you agree or set the bargain terms in stone, maybe we should have this be more of a casual agreement. I've already seen what happens when a faery bargain goes wrong. I don't want the Wood to turn me into a tree for not following everything to the letter."

He gave her a wry smile. "Indeed," he chuckled. "I like you as you are much too much to put you in that position."

"And you know I don't know how faery bargains work, or how to word them."

"I know," he said, and just like that, Daniella felt a weight lift from her heart. He was smiling at her like a man reborn. He tilted his face up toward hers, breathing her air. Daniella took a beat to savor the electricity buzzing between them before sinking down into his lap and closing the distance to his mouth.

The kiss was as soft and tentative as a first kiss. He parted her lips, his tongue slow and exploratory. Daniella leaned into him, savoring the heady feel of the leisurely kiss. When they drew apart wonder was written across Malachite's expression.

"I missed you so much," she whispered.

"I have been such a fool, Dani," he said, his voice barely more than a cracked whisper. "I am so very sorry. I do not even know which idiotic mistake I am most sorry for, or which I should even start making amends for."

Daniella's heart constricted. "Oh, Mal," she said gently. "You may not ever forgive yourself, but I forgive you. I had already forgiven you when I decided to come back. Seeing what you did to yourself after I left, though... I swear, Mal, I almost want to slap you for letting things get that bad. You seem to think everything is your responsibility because of your title, and that you deserved to suffer for your mistakes. You're so wrapped up in being Lord. You think anything that goes wrong is your responsibility. You think that you have to stay in perfect control of yourself and everyone else all the time, or the apocalypse will rain down on us. You seem to think that if you aren't perfect and screw up once — or twice, or I'll admit, you screwed up a few times — that you deserve unending torment for the rest of eternity. Do you know what I call that?"

He stared at her, confounded, and shook his head.

"It's a bunch of bullshit," she said. "You don't even realize how loved and supported you could be. Nephrite, Feldspar and Gneiss would do anything for you. They would have done anything you asked to help you when I left, but instead you let yourself fall into despair. Even the Wood worries about you. Considering I didn't even know it was sentient until last week, I think it's saying something that even I could feel its concern for you whereas you apparently have been wallowing in self-imposed isolation for months. The Wood showed me how for years you've sacrificed everything to take care of it and your people. You have always been at the center of everything, perfectly in control, perfectly balanced. Perfectly alone. The Wood did want me to stay when I first came, because it saw how we fit together. It wanted you to not be alone, to have someone to share your burdens. If you could just give up control of everything every once in a while, maybe you would see that it's okay to make mistakes, because the people who love you will help you pick up the pieces."

He looked up at the ceiling, at a loss for words. "I have been lord for so very long," he said eventually, his voice broken. "I do not know how to be different."

"I know who you are, Malachite. I think I probably know you well enough for the both of us," she brushed his hair back and stared down into his jade green eyes. "In case you weren't sure, I like you. I like that you care so much about your people. I think it's amazing how you've protected the Wood for so long from the outside world. So yeah, it was shitty that you kept me here but I understand why you did it. If I'm being totally honest, I don't care anymore. I like you and I like the way you make me feel. I just want to start over. No debts, just a clean slate for both of us."

He stared into her eyes and deliberately closed the gap between them. This time his kiss was demanding and claiming, making up for six months of deprivation. He slid a hand into her hair and cupped the back of her neck, pulling her closer. His other hand rested gently on her jaw, his light touch clumsy and sweet. Daniella whimpered as his mouth met hers and pulled him closer by the front of his shirt. She opened her mouth to his insistent tongue, starving for more. She had to get closer.

Daniella cupped his face, pulling him to her. She slid her hands back, savoring his moan as she brushed over his sensitive ears. She buried her hands in his hair, anchoring herself there as he kissed her until they were both breathless. Malachite kissed and nipped his way down her neck, exploring every inch of skin. Daniella bared her neck to him, moaning as he marked her with bruising kisses.

Heat rushed through Daniella's body as Malachite alternated between lingering over every sensitive spot on her neck and capturing her breathless moans with ravaging kisses. She slid her hands under his shirt, desperate to get even closer. She ran feather light fingers up over his ribs — too thin, she thought abstractly, making a mental note to feed him up — and settled on his nipples. She rolled and pinched them, gloating internally at Malachite's gasp of pleasure and surprise. His hips bucked against her, his hardness obvious through the soft fabric of his sweats.

Daniella knew abstractly that she should probably slow things down. He was still recovering. It was nearly impossible to listen to reason when he was doing such delicious and distracting things to her body.

The acrid smell of smoke, however, did manage to get her attention. "Shit," she yelped as she realized what she'd done. She disentangled herself from him and hopped back to the stove. The eggs were dark brown. Laughter bubbled out of her. She didn't know you could actually burn scrambled eggs. She turned off the stove and threw the pan into the washbasin, still chuckling.

"Let's get some food in you before you keel over," she said, all business again. She wasn't about to have him passing out from lack of food and rest when she'd spent a week nursing him back to consciousness.

He scowled at her and adjusted himself in his pants. As she met his smoldering look she knew he was already planning what to do to her as repayment for denying him. She smiled sweetly and shooed him toward his bedroom, pretending for all the world like that look hadn't sent a thrill of desire straight to her core.

Daniella filled a bowl with as much sweet bread, cheese and fruit as she could fit and joined him in the bedroom. With a look of exasperation he scooted over in the bed to make room for her.

"There will be crumbs in the sheets for weeks," he grumbled as she leaned over to set the food down and a pastry tumbled off the over-filled bowl.

"Your sheets get changed every day and new ones appear magically from a void. I think you'll manage," she said. She savored the brief, savage glint in his eyes in response to her sass. She leaned down giving him a kiss on the cheek and a perfect view down her shirt. A little zing of excitement ran through her as she wondered how far she'd need to go to earn a punishment for being a horrible tease while he was still recovering from his injuries. By the time she'd straightened back up she was blushing from the depraved punishments she'd instantly imagined.

They ate breakfast quietly, Daniella keeping a sharp eye on how much Malachite was eating and putting more food in his hand each time he finished something. Malachite glared at her pushiness but ate everything she gave him.

When they had finished eating Malachite slid down on the bed and snuggled into his pillow facing Daniella. Daniella followed suit, pulling the covers into a cocoon over their heads.

"Hey," Daniella whispered.

"Hey," Malachite returned. Daniella smirked at how unnatural the word sounded from him.