Words - A Sequel

I'd have to say that I was satisfied with our relationship, if not enjoying the deep connection that I felt with Mike, but there was still something nagging at the back of my mind, and I finally decided to seek some individual counseling to try to deal with it.

Through the counseling I came to realize that my affair was my subconscious compensating for my inability to have children. While not totally relieving my feelings of guilt, being able to point my finger at something, anything, to explain what I truly felt was aberrant behavior on my part was a huge relief.

As I left the counselor's office, feeling better than I had in months, I saw Mike with another woman. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't the red-headed paralegal, but a woman who looked a lot like me! Could it be that he was missing me, was using her to replace me in his life? Maybe I could convince him to have the real thing back. I conveniently forgot all about James.

I started to walk over, but before they could notice me, the woman turned sideways to me, revealing her pregnant belly as Mike swung a little boy around by his arms.

I turned away with tears in my eyes, and ran, finally realizing that I had truly lost everything. I realized that it was time to make a painful decision, and trudged slowly back to James and "home."

As I walked in the door, James looked up from his laptop.

"How'd it go, Babe?" he asked.

From the look on his face, he must have seen the look on mine.

"James, we need to talk," I said, the cliché nearly sticking in my throat.

He just gave me a worried look. I wonder if he thought that I was going to confess an affair.

"James, I think we should split up..."

"Who is he?" James spat out. "I should have known that you'd eventually cheat on me. 'Once a cheater, always a cheater!'"

I couldn't keep from laughing.

"It's funny, you didn't seem to mind my cheating when I was cheating with you! No, there's nobody else. There probably won't be for a while. It's taken me a while, but I've come to realize that our whole relationship has been built on a weak foundation of lies and betrayal. Even after all of our counseling, we can barely stand being out of each other's sight.

"I think we should make a clean break, get on with our lives. Who knows? Maybe after a while we'll meet again and make a fresh start."

This time it was James laughing in my face.

"I wouldn't hold your breath," he said. "You think I can't find other women to warm my bed? Maybe this time I won't put all my eggs in one basket! Maybe next time I won't be so stupid as to go after a woman who would cheat on a man she claimed to love."

"God, you are an asshole! I don't know what I ever saw in you to make me betray Mike. I'll just pack a bag and get out of here. I'll be back later for the rest of my things."

"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!" he yelled at me.

I held it together until I put my bag in the trunk, then lay my head on the steering wheel and had a good cry. I had been afraid that I had thrown away my marriage, and now realized that I had, and for nothing.

I didn't know what the future would hold, but I was determined to face it, maybe sadder, but certainly wiser.