You Can't Do That on TV - Truth Pt. 01

You Still Can't Do That On Television

Season #1 - Episode #8

"Truth & Paranoia"

By

Kelsey Rose

________________________________________________________

CAST:

Tiffany -- The Host.  Tiffany has long dark brown hair, usually worn up in a ponytail, and brown eyes. She has an athletic build with nice 34C boobs that she usually keeps hidden under cute outfits. She has a natural sarcastic streak in her, but she values her job as host of a TV show and is usually the nicest of the girls.

Nicole -- The Foil. Nicole has shoulder length blonde hair, sky-blue eyes, and perky 32B tits. She's exceptionally beautiful, but with a mean streak, always trying to trick her castmates into getting wet or messy. She's often picking on her best friend Tiffany, and is constantly is vying for her role as host.

Katie -- The Nerd. Innocent & naive, Katie has curlyish black hair cut to just above the shoulders with big brown eyes and 36B tits. She's smart, a little nerdy, and a bit of an under-miner due to her competitive nature. Despite her outward cuteness, she's also secretly super slutty and gets off getting one up on her castmates.

Emily -- The Ditz. Emily has deep auburn hair usually done up in braids or some sort of hippie style. She's a little curvy with natural 34D boobs and a big ass, but is usually keeping them hidden under wavy sundresses or hipster sweaters. She's a bit of a manic pixie dream girl, but also a smart-ass. Carefree about most stuff. Except getting slimed.

Kelsey -- The Perv (and the reason you're reading this). Petite, pretty, and cruel with jet black hair, pristine bangs, and 32C tits that look better than they sound. Loves tricking the other girls into getting green slimed almost as much as she hates having it dumped on her. You either know me or you don't and this blurb isn't gonna do much to help that.

Alana -- The Spoiled Brat. Alana has blondish brown hair, blue eyes, and the body of Emily Ratajkowski. She comes from wealth and privilege and is always in posh designer clothing and stylish makeup. Her father is a disgraced studio executive and she's being forced to act on the show as part of the restitution. She tends to be a bit spoiled and entitled, and of course hates getting slimed.

Becky -- The Troublemaker. Becky has long strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, a pierced septum, and big natural boobs that barely fit in her 32H bra. She's hot and she knows it, but isn't nearly as stuck up or prissy as Alana. She's also not quit as evil as Nicole or Kelsey, but still a bit devious.

Abby -- The Mother. She plays all of the female authority figure roles, and primarily is the mother character in sketches based around the house set. As with the original show, she never gets subjected to the messes and humiliations of cast, and often revels in their misfortunes, as well as sometimes contributes to them.

Ross -- The Director. He also plays all the male roles. He has dark brown balding hair, and sports a thin mustache. His main outfit is a red plaid flannel shirt, blue jeans with a utility toolbelt, and a microphone headset. Ross is a conduit for the audience, a vessel for the producers and writers, and basically the main antagonist to the girls, loving nothing more than to see them humiliated and embarrassed.

________________________________________________________

1.1 PRE-EMPT:

The large, dripping slime logo for "You Still Can't Do That On Television" appears with a larger red "x" crossing it out.

Announcer VO: You Still Can't Do That On Television will not be seen today, so that we may now present to you the conclusion of an old golf tournament.

A large golf "swish" is then heard.

Announcer VO: Hehehe, let's see those brats believe that!

{ CUT TO: }

________________________________________________________

1.2 BACKSTAGE:

Ross is walking onto the set with a new cast-member, Alana. She's very pretty, dressed in expensive clothes, well-made up, & walks kind of like a stuck up bitch.

Ross: Well Alana, that's basically the whole set. Tiffany should be here in a few moments to introduce the show, and she'll make sure to introduce you to the viewers and show you the ropes.

Alana: That's it? Don't I need a script? Or at least some idea as to what the show is about.

Ross: Oh well it's different every week as far as what the show is about. Each episode takes on a different topic, and we usually like to keep things fresh as far as the script goes, so they may still be working on today's episode. I'll see if I can dig one up for you though. I believe this week's episode is about "truth", or maybe it was "space aliens". I can't remember.

Alana: Space aliens? Who would believe in that?!

Ross: We'll have to see, won't we? I'll go grab you a script.

Ross walks off and leaves Alana standing on the link set. She looks around coyly for a second, and then the studio lights dim a bit. A strobing light flashes red and green in the background, followed by a strange beaming noise. After a few moments, it goes pitch black for a second, and when the lights return to normal, Alana is gone. Completely vanished...

Ross (walking back onscreen): So we usually use the cue cards cause the script is always changing, but here's the latest-

He notices she's missing, looks around a bit, then shrugs, like "oh well". Just then, Katie walks onto set. She's wearing only a bra and panties, both very racy and suggestive, and tries to cover up as she approaches Ross.

Ross: Hmmm... That's an interesting outfit for the show today...

Katie: Ross! You've gotta help me! Space aliens just came and stole my dress for the show!

He rolls his eyes, like yeah right. Before he can respond, Kelsey walks out drinking a cup of coffee. She's wearing her street clothes of jeans and a tight low cut white t shirt. She notices Katie in her underwear and smirks.

Kelsey: Oooh, somebody's a little starved for attention today...

Katie: I'm not staved for attention Kelsey, space aliens stole my outfit!

Kelsey: Geez. Classic attention whore. Stripping AND lying...

Katie: I'm not lying! They stole my street clothes too!

Kelsey: Why'd they stop there? They wanted to spare us the trauma of seeing you naked?

Katie: Hey!

Ross: Okay that's enough you two. Have either of you seen the new girl?

Katie: What new girl?

Kelsey: Is she one of the aliens that Katie was lying about?

Katie glares at Kelsey, who smiles devilishly back. Ross shakes his head, like why do I even bother.

Ross: Whatever. Let's just get the show started.

Katie: Show started?! But I'm in my underwear and I don't have any clothes!

Kelsey: I'd borrow you some of mine, but I don't they'd fit hehe.. Maybe if you went on a crash diet real quick.

Katie: Shut it Kelsey, or you're gonna be going on a diet of my fist in your face.

Ross: Would you two quit sparring and go get ready for your first sketch!

Katie: But Ross! I can't do the show like this! You've gotta give me something to wear!

Ross rubs his hands together, smiling.

Ross: Hmm I suppose you're right. I guess there's something we could give you.

Katie: Great! Let me have it then!

Having said the catch-phrase "Let me have it", Katie is instantly subjected to a massive BUTTERCREAM PIE thrown in her face from off camera. The pie splats on impact and covers her head completely with the messy cream and graham crust.  She slumps defeated as gobs of pie drip down her exposed chest while Ross and Kelsey both laugh at her.

Kelsey: Wow Katie, way to say 'let me have it" in your underwear. I'm surprised you weren't dumb enough to get slimed or watered too!

Kelsey cringes as she's hit from above with ICE COLD WATER, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes as she recognizes how stupid she just was for saying both the trigger phrase "Water" AND "Let Me Have It". When the drenching finishes, it's clear that she's NOT wearing a bra (cause bras suuuuck) as her boobs can be seen nipping out in her now practically see-through skin-tight shirt. Her eyeliner is running and she looks like a hot mess. She pouts as water dribbles down her face for a moment, sighing as she's knows she is not finished...

Kelsey winces just as a big sloppy CHERRY CREAM PIE is tossed into her face from off camera. It's splats everywhere and covers her nearly completely in cream and cherry compote. She huffs and angrily wipes the cherry slop from her eyes and mouth before shaking her head in frustration.

Katie: (Smirking) Classic attention-whore. Getting pied and watered just so the audience can see her tits--AHH!

Katie shrieks as a torrent of freezing COLD WATER pours down on her, ruining her hair, but thankfully washing away most of the pie cream on her. After the watering finishes, she sighs and takes a moment to gather herself.

Ross: Welp, looks like you nimrods are missing the intro. Go get cleaned up and hurry back. Katie there's some spare clothes in the wardrobe closet. I'm sure something in there will fit you.

Katie grumbles and walks off, and the CAMERA pans over to Kelsey, who looks dejectedly at it and sighs as we PULL CLOSE on her humiliated face, before we...

{ CUT TO: }

________________________________________________________

{ OPENING ANIMATION & THEME MUSIC }

A credits sequence begins, showing the quick shots of various clips from previous episodes/seasons, whilst the original You Can't Do That On Television theme music plays over it.

First, on the classic LINK SET, Nicole, a sexy blonde girl, is leaning out of the way as a nicely dressed Tiffany, a busty brunette and the show's host, is sitting next to her frozen in disgust as stinky sloppy disgusting GREEN SLIME pours down on her. Nicole looks nauseated by the foul slop being dumped on her castmate, while Tiffany just shakes her head slowly in disdain as it splatters down on her.

Next, a large KITCHEN with modern appliances, hardwood floors, a bar with stools, a small table with chairs and a window over a sink. Sitting on one of the barstools is a half NAKED Kelsey, seen from behind trying to cover herself up as Abby, the Mom character laughs at her embarrassment.

Next, a CLASSROOM, where 5 girls are seated watching in enjoyment as Melanie, a tall busty tan skinned girl in shorts and a tank top, is drenched with WATER while standing at the head of the class, during a presentation. Mr. Schidtler, the teacher, giggles as the poor girl stands frozen in defeat while the water splashes down on her.

Next, a BEDROOM, complete with two twin beds, a TV set and xbox, and other modern accoutrements. Hannah, A medium height, pale skinned woman with a controller in her hands is sitting with a big messy CREAM PIE smashed in her face. The pie crust is falling off her head as she looks pissed off.

Next is BARTH'S BURGERY, a messy diner where Barth, a nasty looking chef is laughing while Lindsey, a tall thin girl with a blonde pixie cut spits out her food and looks up at him in horror, before she, and Greta, a chubby brunette who's sitting across the booth from her, both lean over the side of the booth and start puking. Barth races to grab a bucket and catch their VOMIT.

Next, the FIRING SQUAD, where El Capitano, dressed in military garb, is raising a Calvary saber while yelling out commands in front of Sydney, a busty black girl TIED and BOUND to a firing post. She winces as he gives his commands, before hurriedly speaking to stop his final order.

Next is a large LIVING ROOM with grey carpet, a large L shaped couch, a coffee table, a couple of small chairs in front of a fireplace, a large flat screen television with some game systems attached and a book shelf. Tiffany and Kelsey are sitting in front of the couch, looking up into matching cascades of dirty TOILET WATER flowing over them. Behind them, the Dad character, laughs hard from his easy chair.

Next is a dank dark dirty DUNGEON, where Nasti, a man in military garb, is bowled over in laughter as Lauren, a busty red headed girl that's chained up to the wall, sulks while getting dumped on with an even sloppier grosser looking DARK GREEN SLIME. She's helpless as it topples over her head and runs down her disgusted face.

Next, a LOCKER ROOM, where a series of painted lockers with the shows logo tagged on them are lined up. A locker door opens and Tiffany pops out of it, calling down to the other end, where another locker opens, and a Becky pops out to reply.

Next a PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE for detention, where a sharply dressed Principal is smushing a CREAM PIE in a cute blonde's face while Katie and Emily watch in shock and amusement sitting behind her.

Next, an ARCADE, filled with arcade games, pinball machines, and large screens. Kim, a short Asian girl is looking straight forward in complete defeat as ICE COLD WATER pours over her. Behind her, Blip, an old man wearing a visor, snickers as she's drenched, while Nicole and Amy are standing next to her, both smirking at Kim's unfortunate situation.

Next is a large BATHROOM with a spa tub, a large dual sink, a walk in shower and a giant mirror. Jenna, a tan skinned woman wearing a spaghetti strap top and short shorts can be seen both from behind and from the front in the mirror, shaking her head as she's being covered in thick nasty disgusting GREEN SLIME. She looks angry as the chunky green slop flows over her head and face from both sides.

Next is a DOCTOR'S OFFICE, filled with various supplies on shelves, a doctor's desk, and a medical chair. Kelly, a busty brunette wearing a yellow sundress, is sitting on the medical chair looking up into a cascade of yucky GREEN SLIME flowing over her face. The weight of the slime pulls her dress down to her waist exposing her large C cup breasts which get coated in slime as she shrieks. A Doctor smirks next to her.

Finally, back to the LINK SET, where the entire cast, including Ross, is seated, as Kelsey is getting clobbered with disgusting GREEN SLIME. She squirms and moans in discomfort as the foul slop pours down on her, while her cast-mates all laugh and smile, enjoying her messy humiliation.

Then, we fade into the TITLE CARD for the show: A picture of Ross's face, which stop motion animates to fear as a giant rubber stamp smacks him in the forehead, revealing the show's title "You STILL Can't Do That On Television" on it, with Ross's face looking annoyed, before the screen shatters, and we...

{ TRANSITION TO: }

________________________________________________________

1.3 LINK SET:

A sky blue backdrop with a white hexagonal grid in front, tiny transparent balloons and orbs scattered throughout the space between the lattice and blue. The floor has burnt orange and yellow carpet that stinks from all the slime that's been spilled over the years. Various TV equipment and lighting rigs can be seen dangling above, while three camera operators, two sound guys, and the show's director Ross are just offstage.

Tiffany, the host, and Katie, usually a smaller character on the show, are standing on the main stage area. Tiffany is wearing a baby blue sundress and fancy sandals.  She has a white cardigan over her shoulders. Katie sports a loose scoop-neck t-shirt with a flying saucer on the front. Below that, "they live" is written. Ross walks in from off-stage picking his nose.

Ross: Hey, do either of you know who left the stage door open last week? Tiffany, you were here late on Friday, any ideas?

Tiffany: Huh. No I don't kn-

She catches herself just before uttering "I don't know", the infamous trigger phrase for the horrible dreaded green slime.

Tiffany: HA. Nice try Ross, but you're not gonna trick me into getting slimed today.

Ross: Well it appears at least not before the show's actually started... Alright, let's get on with it, (he walks off-stage) and ACTION!

Tiffany faces camera and puts on a big smile.

Tiffany: Hi!, and welcome to another rip-roaring, shockingly TRUTHFUL episode of You Still Can't Do That On Television. Today's show is about truth and lies. Yes, we are going to talk about what's true, who is lying, and reality.

Katie: The TRUTH is what's real. LYING is talking about what is NOT.

Tiffany: Yes Katie. That's correct...

Katie: And the truth...is out there!

Tiffany: Ok...

Tiffany turns and looks at Katie quizzically for a beat. It seems she wants to spit something out but is hesitant. Just as Tiffany turns back to the camera to continue the intro, Katie blurts out...

Katie: Space aliens came and stole my dress before the show and they warned me that they're going to come back and get us!!!

Tiffany just kind of looks at Katie like she's crazy.

Tiffany: ...Ok...

Katie: I'm serious Tiff! I'm telling the truth! We gotta do something!!

Tiffany: Like what?!

Just then, Nicole angrily stomps in with a lunchbox wrapped in a heavy, plastic garbage bag. Buzzing fly sound effects accompany her arrival.

Nicole: While we're talking about the truth, tell me who swapped my lunch for Barth burgers?

Katie: Don't look at me...

Katie then begins to mumble, staring at Tiffany.

Katie (Under her breath): Maybe look at a certain TV star host for that sort of thing...

Tiffany scoffs at Katie for narc'ing her out, then looks up, whistling, and taking a sudden interest in the ceiling.

Nicole: Tiffany, you might KNOW something it seems....

Tiffany: I don't kn-... Well, I can't say anything about your missing chips and soda. Maybe it was the aliens that stole Katie's-

Nicole: Ah-ha! You KNEW what was in my lunch! You must've taken it! I'll have you slimed for that!

Tiffany: Oh fine, I did, and go ahead and try! I am invincible today: you cannot slime THIS star!

Nicole: Yeah right. You get slimed more than anyone on this show.

Tiffany: Not today I don't.

Nicole: Oh really? Why's that.

Tiffany: Because...

Nicole: Because what?

Tiffany: Because...I don't know, I just have a good feeling about it, okay?

Tiffany's "good" feeling is instantly replaced by a familiar yucky one; the feeling of cold, lumpy disgusting GREEN SLIME being dumped all over her. A look of shock and disappointment is on her face as the gross smelly slop starts pouring down on her head.

Tiffany: Awwwww...

As chunks of disgusting slime splatter off her head, coating her hair and rolling down over her wincing face, she lets out a sad pathetic moan of despair before slumping her shoulders and pouting in misery as it pours over her. The thick smelly gunk continues dumping down on the poor girl, absolutely trashing her hair and covering her face while cascading over her shoulders and down her body. Tiffany slowly shakes her head in defeat, as the thick slop rains down on her, before exhaling a long defeated sigh and tilting her head slightly upward into the slime stream for a few seconds, giving in to yet another unfortunate messy humiliation at the hands of her own carelessness. She then looks back down, shaking gross chunks of slime from her face as the yucky stuff continues streaming down on her, re-covering her hair and shoulders before slowing to a trickle and finally leaving her a slimy dejected mess.

Nicole hops back into view, jumping and clicking her heels in celebration, laughing all the while as Tiffany pathetically scrapes thick globs of nasty smelly slime from her face so that she can breath and see again.

Nicole: Yuck! You really oughta be more careful with what you say Tiff. Hehe!

Katie pinches her nose while Nicole exaggeratedly waves a hand in front of her face to mock Tiffany's smelly slimy state. Tiffany quietly mutters to herself as the other girls giggle.

Tiffany: Patience, Tiffany. Yes, you will have a nice slime-less episode one day.

The CAMERA pulls in close on Tiffany's sad pathetic face as slime continues dripping down it, and we...

{ CUT TO: }

________________________________________________________