You Can't Spell Humiliate Without...

It's late now and the lights have been dimmed and the music turned up so loud we have to shout to be heard. We're packed close, shoulders and thighs pressed together, twelve of us squeezed around a table that should seat six. Steve is opposite me, I made sure I sat as far away from him as I could.

We come here every Friday after work, it's become a ritual. Some stay for a quick drink, then head home to their families for the weekend, some of us stay out later than we should. Steve's talking to the new intern Alice. I can't hear what he's saying, but I'm sure its one of his boring stories we've all heard at least twice. I could go over there and rescue the poor girl, but then I'd have to talk to Steve.

Have you ever met someone you hate? Not someone you dislike, or someone who gets on your nerves, but someone you truly despise? I didn't think much of Steve when we first met at work, he looked like a generic middle-aged, office drone -- sensible short hair, chinos, blue button-down shirt, shiny brown leather shoes. But as I got to know him my feelings changed, and the more he talked the more I disliked him. Steve's everything I'm not, he's conservative and sexist and careful. He likes bland food and even blander music. He makes to-do lists and then actually does what's on them.

It could have stopped there though, we could have settled on mutual dislike and avoidance, but Steve didn't take the hint. He kept talking to me, he kept spewing his unwanted advice and his obnoxious opinions, everything from how climate change was a hoax, how the books I read were stupid, how liberal values were destroying society, even how my clothes weren't professional enough for the office. He didn't see how angry it made me, I'd end up shouting at him, but he'd just kept on -- like he thought I'd eventually agree with him if he just talked enough.

I came to loath Steve, I came to hate everything about him, the way he looks, the sound of his voice, I even hate the way he breathes -- loud and through his nose. Everybody at work could tell, I avoided Steve at all costs, and when I did have to speak to him I made no attempt to hide the disdain in my voice. I couldn't understand why Steve couldn't see it though, why he wouldn't leave me alone? I thought he was clueless, as dense as a neutron star, but later I found out that wasn't the case. I came to realise that Steve knew exactly how much I hated him, and that he understood something about me, that my hate gave him a particular kind of power over me.

Steve must have felt my eyes on him, as he turns away from Alice for a moment and looks over at me. I'm not fast enough and our eyes meet. Fuck. It's late and I'm drunk, I should have gone home hours ago. I have to leave now, I know how this will end if I don't and I promised myself I'd never let it happen again.

Steve gets up and heads towards the toilets and this is it, my chance to escape. I scrabble around on the floor for my bag. I can't find my coat and I'm starting to panic and I make everyone get up and Mark's sitting on it. I say some hurried goodbyes and head to the exit as fast as my heels will let me.

I shove the door open and step outside and the night air is cold but refreshing. I hear the door close behind me and the sounds of music and shouting are muted and I'm free. I can't wait to get home and get out of these shoes.

"You want to share a taxi with me?"

I freeze at the sound of his voice. I turn and see Steve standing off to my right. The bastard tricked me, he must have doubled back to the exit and then hid in the shadows. I glower at him. I give him the evilest of evil looks. "I don't think so." My voice is acid.

"Don't be stupid, I live so close to you, we can save money. C'mon." He steps towards me.

I back away but Steve moves quickly. He tries to put his arm through mine but I shrug him off. He puts his lumbering arm over my shoulders instead and I put my hands on his chest and shove but he's so much stronger than me. He pulls me close and turns me and suddenly I'm next to him and we're facing the same direction. I struggle, but it's no use, Steve begins to march me down the street.

Steve hails a taxi and bundles me into it before I can protest. I'm furious, my hands are shaking. Steve sits next to me and looks forwards, he doesn't meet my eyes. He's acting like this is perfectly normal, he makes inane small talk with the taxi driver. I should start screaming. I should claw his fucking eyes out. But I don't, I just sit there and stew in my fury.

Steve directs the taxi to my building. He gets out with me. "I can walk from here," he says. As if either of us believe it. "I'll see you to your door first though. Never let it be said that Steve Marshall isn't a gentleman." He puts his arm around me again and I try to shrug him off, but he squeezes my shoulder so hard it hurts and he drags me up the path to my building.

He positions my in front of my door and I'm not thinking straight and I don't know what to do so I dumbly take out my keys. My hands are shaking again and I can't seem to get my key in the lock. Steve takes it out of my hands without asking and opens the door himself. He shoves me inside and locks it behind us.

Steve kicks his shoes off and strolls around my apartment like he owns the place. The pale blue colour of his socks makes my skin crawl. He runs a finger along a shelf and tuts at the dust. He kicks at a pile of clothes on the floor. "How can you live like this? "He says. "Your place is a total mess, it's disgusting."

"It's not so bad." I meant to sound defiant but it comes out meek.

Steve walks out of the living room and into my kitchen. "My god Caitlin, its even worse in here," he calls to me. "You have days of dirty plates in here." I hear him open the fridge. "Jesus Christ." He comes back into the living room and he's shaking his head at me. "Is everything OK Catlin, is there anything you want to tell me?"

I hate him saying my name. "Fuck off Steve. I'm doing fine." I'm sounding defensive, even though I'm not. "You need to go."

Steve sits on the sofa and gives me that faux-caring look he knows I loathe. "Don't be too proud to ask for help Caitlin. Maybe you need some time off from work, huh? Some space to clear your head and clean your life up, and your apartment? I'm sure Mike would understand, I can ask him for you, if you like?"

I see red. If I was a cat my fur would be bristling. "How bloody dare you. How dare you come in here uninvited and judge me like this. I'm doing OK Steve, in fact I'm doing well. It might not look like it to you, but you're a stuck up, judgmental, tedious little prick." It feels good and I can't stop. "You haven't got a fucking clue Steve, you don't know how to live, you're so concerned about doing everything properly and about what everyone else thinks. You don't get it, so don't judge me, OK? You don't know anything about me."

"Oh don't I Caitlin?"

I hate the way he says it, like he's the adult and I'm the child. "Get out now Steve. Fuck off you dreary little wanker."

"You're being hysterical now Caitlin, please calm down, I'm just trying to help."

I know this is what Steve wants, but he says it in such a calm way it makes me so angry I can't help it. "Hysterical, you patronising twat. I'll fucking show you hysterical." I'm moving towards him as I shout. "You're a fucking prick, you know that right? You're a cunt." I'm standing over him now. I'm shaking. "You make me sick Steve, fucking sick. I..."

Steve jumps up off the sofa and grabs me in one motion. It takes me by surprise and I freeze for a second and make a stupid squeaking sound. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me into the air. I shriek and start kicking and wriggling but he holds me tight.

Steve drops back onto the sofa and holds me in his arms. He's squeezing me so hard I can't breathe properly. I keep wriggling and writhing but I can't break free. Steve pulls me across his legs and turns me face down I can't stop him. I try to bite him, I try to turn so I can spit in his face. He laughs at me like I'm father at a spoilt child who's acting out.

Steve loosens his grip and I try to roll off his legs, but he pins me down with one of his forearms. It feels like a steel bar across my back. He presses me down and I'm struggling to breathe again and I'm starting to feel dizzy.

I feel him grip one of my legs with his other hand and I shudder at his touch and I wriggle harder to escape. He's got my upper half trapped, but I squirm and kick my legs. My heart is racing and I'm breathing quickly and I'm starting to panic.

I feel Steve's hand on my legs again. He squeezes the back of my thighs like he's inspecting fruit at the local store, then the bastard runs his hand over the back of my jeans.

"Get the fuck off me, now!" I press my hands down and try and force myself up with all the strength I can muster. I feel Steve's arm on my back start to give. I'm doing it, I'm lifting my chest up, a bit more and I'll have room to roll, but then Steve laughs and slams me down again and that arm on my back feels immovable.

"Really Caitlin, you know I'm doing this for your own good, we both know you need it." He squeezes by bum through the back of my jeans and then he lifts his hand and brings it down hard and flat across my bottom. I yelp in surprise and from the sudden pain of it. Not again. This can't happen again. I kick and wriggle and scrabble like a trapped animal.

Steve slaps me again, ever harder this time, his hand feels like it's made from stone and pain radiates though my bottom. I squeal, I hate myself for making such a girly noise, but I can't help it.

Steve spanks me again and again. He does it fast. He rains strikes down upon my bottom. He slaps one cheek after the other. He puts everything into it and each slap is agony and I'm wriggling to try and avoid his hand but I've got nowhere to go, I'm at his mercy. I'm making high-pitched yelping noises and my face burns red from the shame of it.

I start to beg. It hurts so much and I'm helpless and I plead for Steve to let me go. But he ignores me. He spanks me harder and faster and I struggle and shout, but it makes no difference.

Steve spanks me over and over until I'm yelping and gasping. Pain spreads through my bottom until its one big mass of throbbing flesh. He keeps on though, he varies his timing and the location of his strikes to keep me guessing, like an experienced torturer. I know how much he's enjoying this.

Eventually Steve stops and I prey he's finished, that he'll judge this is punishment enough. I know he won't though. I feel a thumb hook under the back of my jeans. "Don't you fucking dare," I shout.

"You need this Caitlin, we both know it. I know you have to fight me, I know why, but I won't stop."

I know what comes next and I feel dread bloom in my gut.

Steve pushes my thighs open and he gets his hand down between my legs and under me before I can close them again. I can feel him fumbling with the buttons on the front of my jeans. I try to pull myself away from his fingers but he's too strong. I feel him take hold of the top button and then the waist of my jeans loosens as it pops open.

"Don't, please stop."

"We both know you need this Caitlin". I feel the second button on the front of my jeans give way. I kick and squirm but I feel the next button pop open, then the next.

Steve pulls his hand out from underneath me and grabs hold of the back of my jeans. They're tight, but he tugs hard and I feel them starting to slide down over my hips.

"Please stop." I'm begging again. "Please don't. Not this." My breath is coming so fast I'm close to hyperventilating.

Steve tugs hard again and my jeans come down another inch.

I have to stop this, I'm desperate, I'll do anything now. I reach back and try and get at his face with my fingernails. I wave my hand around and rake it over his chest but I can't reach his face so I dig them into his legs with both hands instead. I squeeze and press my fingers into his chinos as hard as I can and Steve grunts. It only spurs him on though. He heaves so hard on the back of my jeans it lifts me up.

I give it everything, I scratch and twist and shout, but I can't stop him yanking my jeans down. I feel them sliding over my bottom and I know he can see my knickers now. I picture him grinning down at me as he exposes my bottom.

Once my jeans clear the hump of my buttocks they come down easily. Steve tugs them down to my knees and then leaves them there. The ends of the legs are hanging over my feet and I can't kick them properly anymore, but I'm still trying, even though I know it must look ridiculous. My heart's beating so fast and the first sob escapes my lip.

Steve slaps me again and I jump at the shock of it. His hand lands half on my underwear and half on my skin and it burns like he's branded me. He slaps the other cheek and then he's off again, spanking me hard and fast.

It hurts so much I can't help screaming. The humiliation is worse though, the man I hate most in the world has me helpless and in such a position and he's punishing me like a child. I sob again. My bottom is on fire and I try to hold back the feeling in my chest but it rises up and bursts out of me and I start to cry.

Steve keeps spanking me mercilessly. My legs are tapped and I can't see properly as my eyes are full of tears and I can't stop yelping and screaming and I'm making such a shameful display of myself. It's all too much, I'm starting to lose control.

But then I feel Steve's hand slide into the back of my knickers and the fight comes back into me. I kick and writhe as hard as I can as Steve starts to grope my bottom, he squeezes each cheek and then he presses his fingertips between them and I burn with indignation. "No." I shout so loud one of my neighbours must surely hear and come to my aid.

"Yes Caitlin," he whispers. He pulls his hand out and takes hold of my underwear.

"Please no."

"You don't mean that Caitlin."

"Stop, please."

There's nothing I can do. Steve slips my knickers down over my bottom to join my jeans tangled around my knees.

My bottom is naked and presented to him now. I give one last, final surge of energy to try and escape, but it's useless, he has me, I'm his.

Steve pushes my thighs open and then he spreads my cheeks with his fingers. He's inspecting me like I'm an animal, and I know he can see everything, my cunt and my arsehole. All the fight goes out of me now and I give up, I'm done.

Steve laughs at me, then begins spanking me again and I cry and bury my face in the sofa.

The pain starts to feel different now though, it begins to radiate through my lower body and it's edged with pleasure. Steve strokes his fingertips over my burning bottom and I'm so sensitive it makes me shiver and I moan before I can stop myself.

Steve begins to alternate his slaps with the tickling strokes and I'm soon a total mess. I'm yelping and moaning and crying and my face must be streaked with makeup and tears. I find I raise my naked bottom towards his hand.

I've never felt such humiliation. I'm spread and open and I'm at Steve's mercy and I hate him so much. I raise my bottom higher and Steve starts spanking me so hard I gasp and shriek with each strike. I put a hand between my legs.

Steve laughs again as he realises I'm wanking myself for him. He knows he's got me now, he spanks me faster and faster and soon I'm shouting and shrieking and the tension is building within me. He's broken me now, I've lost all control, I'm sub-human, I'm an animal, I'm filth. I'll do whatever he wants, the more degrading the better, I want him to spit in my face and swear at me and fuck my arse.

No one else can do this to me, there's no one else I hate like this, no one who can humiliate me so perfectly. I picture Steve pissing on me and then the tension peaks and becomes unbearable and then it breaks and I come so hard my vision goes white. I writhe and squirm in his lap as he spanks me and I shout his name and come over and over.

Steve lets me finish, then he shoves me off his legs and onto the floor. I spin around and kneel at his feet. He gives me such a look of disgust that I gasp and it feels like I'm going to come again. I reach up and try to help him with his chinos but Steve scowls and slaps my hands away.

I gaze up at him as he undressed. His cock is thick and long and I reach up and grasp it and I'm desperate to get it into my mouth and I groan as he lets me. I suck him hard and I sink my head down onto him. I suppress a gag as I feel him in my throat. I want him to come in my mouth and on my face and in my hair. I'm so turned on I've got a hand back between my legs already.

Steve holds my head in his hands and begins to fuck my mouth. He presses his cock deep into me and I gag, but he keeps going. I try and suck him as best I can. Steve doesn't make a sound, he just watches me with a look of disdain on his face.

He pushes me away hard, I scramble to try and get his cock back in my mouth but he shoves me back again. He steps forwards and grabs me roughly and I yelp as he picks me up and throws me onto the sofa.

I try to grab his cock again but he takes hold of my waist and turns me over and pulls my bottom up. I tuck my legs under my body and drop my head and offer myself to him. Steve smacks my arse and I screech in pain and pleasure, I'm about to beg him to spank me again but I feel his cock against my cunt and I hold my breath.

Steve sinks himself into me all the way. My cunt spreads around his cock and I groan long and loud as he fills me. He pulls out and slams into me again and then he takes hold my hips and starts to fuck me hard. My face is pressed into the sofa and I can't breathe properly again I'm in heaven. I pull on my nipples and put my hand on my cunt but he's pounding me so fast I can't keep my finger on my clit.

Steve starts grunting now as he uses me. I feel him spread my arse cheeks and he spits between them and then he shoves his thumb into my arsehole. He starts twisting it inside my anus as he fucks me and my humiliation reaches a new low.

I'm close to coming again but I hold back as I listen to Steve's grunts get louder and more urgent. I take my hand off my cunt but the feel of him inside me is too much and the pleasure keeps building and I hover on the brink.

Steve pulls his cock and his thumb out of me and I cry out in confusion and disappointment, but he grabs my arse and pushes me hard down into the sofa. He spreads me open and then his cock is sliding into my arse and it burns with pain and then he moans and shudders and I know he's coming inside my rectum. I feel his cock twitching and pulsing inside my arse and this final touch of degradation sends me over the edge and we come together.

As soon as Steve's finished he pulls out and steps away. He turns his back to me as he dresses and I look away from him and close my eyes. I glow with pleasure and humiliation. My arse cheeks are throbbing and tender and I can feel his come dripping out of me.

I know tomorrow morning I'll be so disgusted with myself I'll be paralysed with depression all weekend, and I'll promise this will never happen again. I'll tell myself I'll never stoop so low. But humiliation is better than any drug, and nothing is more humiliating than being used by the one you hate the most.