You're Telling Me There's a Chance?

I stood in a phone booth. It was a stereotypical late 1970's phone booth, with the requisite torn up directory and smelling slightly of urine. I was nervous as hell because I was about to do something crazy. Something I never thought I would do. I was about to call the woman I had dated for two years and unceremoniously dumped nearly a year ago.

The phone number was permanently etched in my memory. Back in the 1970's there were no mobile phones for the masses, no email, no facebook. You either phoned or you wrote a letter. I dialled the number and held my breath.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Jane?"

"This is Jane, who is this?"

"Ron, Ron Grayson."

There was a long pregnant pause.

"Ron? Why are you calling me? Who died?"

"No one died. I just... wanted to give you a call."

"It's been a year! Why on earth would you want to call me now? You haven't tried to reach out to me once."

"I've been wanting to call you Jane. I just couldn't work up the courage to call."

"After what you did to me I don't doubt it. I don't really want to talk to you. If you've got a good reason to talk then tell me now, otherwise I'm hanging up."

"I... I want to apologize."

"Apologize for what?

"Apologize for the way I broke up with you. It was cruel and thoughtless, it was casual and cowardly. I never told you why, and never gave you a chance to talk about it."

More silence on the line.

"Why now? There must be a reason why your conscience is bothering you."

"This isn't a sudden thing. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. In fact I nearly called a week after we split."

"Alright, you have my attention. So spill, tell me the truth about why you quit loving me."

"It is hard to talk over the phone. I'm in a phone booth. Is there any way we can meet?"

"Where are you?"

"I am here in Grantham."

"Aren't you living in Dunsfield?"

"Yes, I came here hoping to see you and talk. I also have some business contacts here in Grantham, so I really hoped I could catch you at home."

"Um, okay, how about the First City Cafe in half an hour?"

"Perfect, see you there."

This meeting and discussion should have happened a year ago but I took the cowards way out, a dear Jane letter. Shameful, but I couldn't face her with the truth back then.

I sat in the cafe sipping on my dark roast, black, the way God intended coffee to be consumed. When she walked through the door I realized how much I missed her. It wasn't that she was super model gorgeous, she was who she was, she owned it. Tall and lanky, frizzy long brown hair and a pale complexion. She hadn't dressed up specially for me, I was glad for that. She wore a pair of faded Levi's and a brown knit sweater, nothing fancy. She wore Adidas runners.

I stood as she approached.

"Let me get my coffee."she snarled.

There were no hugs, no kisses, not even one on the cheek. I guess that was to be expected.

With coffee in hand she sat opposite me at the table and looked me up and down.

"You're looking pretty good Ron. Life must be treating you well."

"Thanks, you look pretty fine yourself Jane."

"So, what is it that's burning a hole in your conscience Ron?"

"I shouldn't have sent that "dear Jane" letter. It was stupid and cowardly. I'm ashamed that I didn't speak to you face to face. I hope I can make up for that insult to you, albeit a year late."

"It was a chickenshit move Ron. I was furious with you, then disappointed, then depressed and enormously sad."

"You were justified. I used the lamest excuse in the book, that I needed to take time out to "find myself."

I want to come clean and tell you the truth."

"So why did you feel the need to break up with me?"

"The number one reason is that I was working and living in Dunsfield, four hours away. I loved you, but eight hours in the car every weekend was killing me. My old Chevy Nova was barely road worthy and it was taking nearly every spare dollar I earned to feed it and keep it on the road. I wanted to ask you to move to Dunsfield but your family was here in Grantham."

"The second reason was that I was just starting a career. I was making very little money. You weren't able to find a job and you were in danger of losing your apartment. I felt helpless. I couldn't even afford my own rent let alone help you with yours!"

"The third reason was that I discovered you had stopped taking your birth control pills. I found them by accident when I needed some Aspirin. I checked three weeks later and there had been no pills removed. I always wore a condom as a double protection. Then there was that one night."

"I will never forget that night Jane. We were so hot for each other. You told me that it was time, you needed me inside you. I went to get a condom. You stopped me. You told me we didn't need one, that it was okay if I took you without one. Just fuck me bare, you said. I insisted there would be no sex without one, so I got a condom from my bag and we made love, but you had lost a lot of your ardour. I thought maybe it was just a moment of passion that made you want such dangerous unprotected sex, it was only later that night that it dawned on me that you wanted to get pregnant."

"My thoughts cascaded from that point. Were you truly trying to get pregnant? Why? Were you trying to make it so I would feel obligated to marry you? That struck fear in my heart. I loved you, but it was impossible for us to marry. I could barely afford my rent, keep my junker of a car on the road and eat. How in the hell could I support you and a baby? I panicked, I jumped out of the relationship and pulled the chute. I needed to find myself but it feels like I lied about why I left. I'm sorry, I should have been honest. I should have heard your side of the story but I was a coward."

Jane was staring into her coffee cup. Her face showed a mix of emotions. It took several moments for her to speak.

"Wow, when you are honest you don't pull your punches. I can see why you made up a lame excuse. Yes, it would have destroyed me back then. Still, I wish I had known."

"I know it was hard on you to live so far away. I wish you had asked me to move to Dunsfield, I would have moved. My family knew how I felt about you, and they were waiting for us to make that decision to live together. A year ago you were at the the start of a promising career, of course you were poor. I always expected us to start with very little and struggle to build our lives together."

"Your accusation about going off the pill and trying to convince you not to use a condom? I am sad to say, and ashamed to admit, that is true. I kept dropping hints that we should marry and start our lives together but you were always putting it off. I knew you were a man of honour and that you would marry me if you got me pregnant. I am sorry that I ever thought that I could manipulate you that way."

"Thank you Jane. I know that wasn't easy for you to admit. My reluctance to marry as a poor man comes from experience. I have quite a few relatives who married and divorced over financial difficulties. I never wanted that to happen to us. If I had confronted you with these reasons a year ago...would we have been able to work it out?"

"A year ago, no. I would have been so embarrassed and ashamed that I would stoop so low. I would have broken up with you for accusing me. Today, a year later, I can admit to being a manipulative bitch back then."

"So that's my confession. I feel better now I've levelled with you."

"I feel better now that I've been able to clear the air too."

"So, are you seeing anybody? I asked her.

"A boyfriend. We have been dating for a few months now. How about you?"

"No, I haven't been able to connect with anyone. I guess I never really got over losing you. This guilt thing has been hanging over my head all this time."

"Hey, it was you who left me buster! We really should have talked it out back then. I'd given up the hope of ever hearing from you again. You said that you needed time to get your shit together. Who knew it would take you a year."

"I never expected you to wait for me. You were so eager to get married, I figured you would find someone fairly quickly. My circumstances have changed over this year. I have been promoted twice and I'm now making a living wage. I have even restored the old Nova back to its former glory."

"That's wonderful Ron. I finally have a decent job too." You see, things would have worked out alright for us."

"I guess I was wrong about us. We could have made it. I'm sorry I chickened out. Damn, it hurts to think about what could have been!"

"Don't be sorry for me. I met a guy and he seems to be pretty serious about us. I know it is early days but he seems very interested in marriage. He is quite possessive and gets jealous."

"Can I meet this guy?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. He kind of hates you. I told him how you broke up with me. He thinks you're an asshole for hurting me."

"Maybe you could convince him that I'm not an asshole."

"No, he can't know I've been speaking to you or he'd freak out. I'm sorry."

"I get it, I'm the bad man that hurt his girl. I guess I deserve that. Look, I really appreciate your time and listening to me. I think it will help me resolve some of the lingering issues that have been plaguing me. Here's my phone number and address. If you ever need my help, just let me know. I had better head home now."

"Wait, there is another thing we never got to do."

She pulled me into a hug that went on far longer than I expected. It ended in a kiss on the lips.

"Thanks for coming all this way. I have always wondered why you stopped loving me. I guess now I have my answer."

"I never stopped loving you. I just couldn't live with the consequences of marrying you back then."

"Oh my. I don't know what to say to that."

"Then just say goodbye. Don't be a stranger."

On that note I walked to my blue Nova and drove away. I wish I could say that I was stoic about my conversation with Jane but I'd be lying. I teared up a few times on the four hour drive home.

Life went on. My career was progressing. On paper it looked like I was doing well, but I still had an ache deep in my heart for what could have been with Jane. At least I had told her the truth.

--------

Jane's story

I was sceptical when Ron phoned me. He had dumped me in the most cold and impersonal way possible. The only thing worse would have have been catching him with another woman.

Unfortunately I loved him and the breakup sent me down a very dark road. I kept hoping that he would come back to me but eventually I gave up.

Ron and I really had some great times together. The sex was awesome and we had it many times over our weekends together. I began to think that we needed to have less sex and more time just being with each other but the sec was so good it was addictive.

The meeting with Ron this morning was a shock. He looked so handsome. I wished that I had taken a few minutes to primp a little.

Ron's confession stung. Especially his accusation that I tried to get pregnant to get him to marry me. I felt so guilty about that. Thank goodness I didn't get pregnant.

It felt good to be sitting with him, being close. I chose this cafe because it is far enough away from home that neighbours weee unlikely to see me with Ron.

Micah, my boyfriend, is a very jealous guy. He has already had a fight with a guy who was checking me out when we were having a meal at a restaurant.

I had told him about Ron and he had developed a real hatred for him.

That evening after Ron's visit, I had a date with Micah. I was ready and waiting for him to pick me up.

I heard his car pull into the apartment parking lot.

He knocked on my door and came in. I gave him a hug, he hugged me but there was something missing in it.

"Jane, who did you have coffee with this morning?"

"I want to First City and met with an old friend who came into town."

"Yeah, who was he?"

"It was Ron Grayson."

"Ron fucking Grayson? The arsehole who fucked and left you? Why would you give him the time of day?"

"Just because we had a history doesn't mean I hold a grudge against him. We had a misunderstanding and we parted ways. He just wanted to apologize for leaving me the way he did. You should be thankful. It has taken a weight off my shoulders."

"Someone saw you there and they said you kissed him."

This was the kind of shit I was trying to avoid. Micah would not like this at all.

"He kissed me goodbye. Please don't make this into something it's not."

"You are mine now, not his. He fucking left you. I don't want you talk to him again."

"Micah, I am a grown woman. You are my boyfriend not my owner. If I want to talk to anyone I will. Now just let this be. Where are we going for our date tonight?"

"To your fucking bedroom! It's time for me to claim what's mine."

It was sex, rough, punitive and only slightly enjoyable. All I could think of was the gentle and loving way that Ron made love me just a year ago. If Ron was willing to take me back I could be easily persuaded to move on from my current situation.

--------

Ron's story

Back home again I pulled out my photo album and leafed through some of the photo memories. It saddened me that my cowardice had cost me a future with Jane.

My setting the record straight with Jane felt good, right, and long overdue. I just wish I had done this when there was a chance for us for reconnect before she fell in love with her boyfriend.

I knew that I had to move on but Jane was hard to purge from my thoughts

It was a week later that I got a surprise phone call from Jane.

"Hi Ron, Im calling from a phone booth here in Grantham, can you hear me okay?"

"Yes, a lot of noise in the background."

"I'm at the bus terminal."

"What's up?"

"I am thinking about taking the bus to come and visit you."

"That's at least a six hour trip. Why are you coming all this way?"

"I just need to see you. I want to talk with you."

"Can it wait a day? If it can then I'll come to you tomorrow. I've got a couple of days off. It's a four hour drive so it will mean less time on the road than having you take the bus."

"I guess it can wait. Can you stay for the weekend?"

"I can but I'll need to reserve a room today, they fill up pretty quickly."

Jane, you're in a steady relationship with your boyfriend. Inviting me to stay for the weekend would not be a great idea, especially if he is as jealous as you say he is."

"You're right, it just seems wrong with you staying alone in a motel."

"Don't worry about me. I feel like I need a bit of a break from this town. I'll try to get an early start on the day. I should be there before noon."

"Great, see you then."

My mind was working overtime as I mulled over What she could want to talk about. I mean we got our apologies said the last time I was there. Maybe she wants relationship advice. That would be a laugh. I think I have the worst dating record of anyone I know!

I finished work and got home in time to nuke a frozen dinner and sit on the sofa to watch a baseball game on tv. I drank a mineral water and then got to bed early. I was looking forward to spending some more time with Jane but I was worried that my heart would get broken. I suppose it would only be fair if she did, considering that I broke her's first.

The drive was pleasant and there was little traffic on a Saturday morning. My old Chevy Nova had been given a new lease on life with a rebuilt motor and sundry new parts. It was comfortable and got pretty good fuel mileage.

I pulled up outside her apartment building. I hadn't been here in over a year now. I remembered the anticipation I always felt when I arrived. I felt some of that again, mixed with a little fear.

I knocked on her door. It opened and there she stood. She smiled at me, I smiled at her and we embraced in a tight hug.

"God I've missed you Ron," she whispered.

"I've missed you Jane. I actually miss this old apartment. It feels like a second home."

"It was your weekend home for two years."

"True. Should we stay here or do you want to go out?"

"Let's get out. We'll get some lunch and we can talk."

We drove out to a nice diner out on the highway. I remembered them having one of the best burgers in town.

We sat in a booth. It had the old fashioned, coin operated, music boxes on the wall.

"Thanks for coming today. You saved me a long bus ride. I have a bit of a dilemma and I need your input."

"I'll help if I can."

"Micah has asked me to marry him."

I sat there trying not to let my feelings show on my face as I searched for the right words to say.

"Congratulations." I said without a great deal of warmth.

"Don't congratulate me yet, I haven't given him an answer. That's why I needed to talk to you.

I have been dating him for six months. You and I dated for two years."

"Do you love him Jane?"

"Let me explain, you started a series of events when you called me the other day. I had been reluctant to date Micah because I hoped you would come back. Six months ago I gave in and we started dating. I was actually thinking about marriage when you phoned. The minute I saw you in the cafe I threw all that out the window. Someone saw us at the cafe and they reported it to Micah. Micah was not happy."

Micah took his anger out on me in a rough way. The following day he apologized and asked me to marry him."

"Your showing up here was the reason he proposed. He was afraid that you would sweep me off my feet. He wanted me to commit then and there. It was like staking his claim. He didn't like my answer. I told him I would need to consider his proposal and I would let him know."

"Wow, all that because of me? I don't know what to say. I'm sorry I have created such a mess. Would you have accepted his proposal if I hadn't shown up?"

"He wouldn't have proposed unless you showed up."

"So how can I help?"

"I am nervous about saying this, but Ron, I still carry a torch for you. If you had any feelings left for me I would turn down Micah's proposal and break up with him. I can't tell you how much I want you and I to be together."

"I don't know what to say. I have thought about you ever since we broke up. I was so confused about my life's decisions. I've made so many mistakes."

"Am I one of those mistakes?"

"No, I wasn't sure for a while, but now I know you weren't a mistake. What we had was real. I've never found anything like what we had. Maybe I never will."

"I hate to refer to a movie, especially Dumb and Dumber, but "So you're telling me there's a chance?"

"Funny, I actually liked that movie! Jane I don't know. I would like to try, but I can't guarantee that we will ever get back to where we were. You have a sure thing with Micah."

At that point we both noticed someone coming through the door, a very large someone.

"Oh shit!" I heard Jane say very quietly.

The large man was walking to our booth. I didn't need to hear her introduce him. This had to be...

"Micah, what are you doing here?"

"I heard that you were here with him. I wanted to see it for myself."

"Ron, meet Micah."

"Forgive me if I don't shake the asshole's hand. What are doing in the big city? Trying to seduce my girlfriend?"

"I'm here because Jane asked me to come."

"Is that true Jane? Why would you invite the guy who enjoyed you for a while then broke your heart? Are you looking to replace me Jane?"

"Micah, you asked me to marry you. I told you I needed time to think. How I answer you is highly dependent on advice I get from Ron. I dated you for months, I dated Ron for years. I'm just looking for some answers."

"I will ask one more time. Will you marry me? I need an answer now, not later."

Jane closed her eyes, sighed and said, "Ron?"

"Micah, please sit down. My neck is getting tired." I said.