Zoo Interrupted

It was a crowded afternoon at Sole Pez. Graham and I had just placed our order when I snuck a look at the app on my phone. Yes, hubby was still at his job, a good 30 miles from here. This was the sort of restaurant where they offered tastings and a prix fixe menu. Graham could afford it. That was one of the attractions.

"Sir, you need a jacket and tie!" I looked up and if I had already eaten, I would have lost my lunch. I quickly pulled my hand from Grahams as my son sauntered passed the maître de and towards our table.

"Andrew, this is Mr. Salling. Why aren't you...?"

"Had to go to the zoo. I was interviewing the new vet for the school paper. I told you about that, remember? I know you've been busy lately and haven't paid much attention. Last Saturday, at dinner. No, not Saturday, you couldn't be with us for dinner on Saturday. You had something to do at work, right? Maybe Sunday."

I watched in horror as he sat down.

"Anyway, I was walking down the street to the park when I saw you in here from the window. Which is great, I needed to talk to you..."

Seeing my opportunity, I interrupted. "At home, Andrew. We're having a business lunch and..."

"Salling? Nah, he doesn't care. He's fine. Maybe he can even chime in. Okay, here's the deal. My friend, Bob Bobberson, he saw his mother with a guy at a restaurant two weeks ago. He thought it was odd. They were really friendly, right? But she's married to his father, so they were probably just friends. Then he saw her in the parking lot of the Days Inn off exit 47. Ugghh. The Days Inn? Sounds cheap even to me and what do I know? Anyway, he said that she was with that dirtbag again, and they were kissing. Like, seriously kissing."

My heart started thundering. Andrew grabbed a roll from the basket and continued.

"I shouldn't, really, I'm cutting weight for next weeks match. I assume you won't be there, Mom. Too busy, I guess. Anyway, my friend knew in his head what was going on but couldn't admit it to himself. I mean, seriously. His father worked his ass off to provide for his family. One of those salt of the earth guys, you know? He'd never expect his hoe-bag of a wife to cheat on him. When he finally admitted to himself what was happening, Bob wanted advice."

The waitress showed up with our dishes. Andrew took Graham's and dug in. "Thanks! Miss, can you order two more of these, to go? Dad'll be working overtime. Again. And for some reason, Mom hasn't been around to cook dinner lately. Thanks." He turned back to me. "Anyway, I told him, listen, don't do anything physical to her. First off, she's a woman. You can't hit a woman. Second, she's your mom. I mean, you just can't fuck... sorry, mess her up. Her. You can't mess her up. Him? Well, that's a different story. You know what I'm saying, Salling? You're with me there, right?"

He took a few more bites. "Anyway, I told him, listen, anything like this happen in the past? He told me about things when he was growing up that he remembered differently now. How the neighbor was always over, way, way too often when his father was gone. How the contractor always had something to do in his mom's room when they were building the extension. Stuff like that. I told him to cut the whore out of his life. Entirely. I was like, Dude, she's taking deliberate and repeated actions to fuck up your family. She obviously doesn't give a fuck about you or your father or your brother. Oh, yeah. He has a brother, just like me. Anyway, never talk to her again. Nothing. Don't acknowledge her, let her grow old and die alone. No children, no grandchildren, no husband."

Andrew pushed the plate forward. "But the guy? Yeah. We did some research on minors and sentencing. Put a brick upside the back of the guy's head. He knew she was married. Him? Fuck him up. Get five of your friends, bring a bat or two. You'll be out of juvie in three years and it will be off your record. Sound good, Graham? Oh, here's the food. Well, you guys have a great day. See you whenever, Mom."