How to be a Slut

I must admit, this is something I really haven't thought a lot about, but after reading a book review in a blog at the Bookslut website, I was quickly forced to think about how someone might achieve sluthood. The book reviewer was disappointed in Kerry Cohen's book: Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity because the subject of the book was, quite frankly, not slutty enough. Apparently sluttiness has its standards and to become notable enough as a slut to be in a book of this type, you need to be very slutty.

Once I read the review I took some time to think about sluttiness and wondered what it would take for a woman to become a slut. Now of course there is good sluttiness and bad sluttiness, I mean if some guy comes home from work and sees his wife in a slutty outfit ready for action, that is good sluttiness whereas, if you are reading stories in the Loving Wives category at Lit and discover you are reading about your wife, well in most cases that is bad sluttiness.

Now, while in high school (after my 18th birthday of course) and college, I listened to the talk as women and a few guys classified this woman or that a slut. When I asked why they called her that the basic answer was, "Well she'll fuck (suck, sleep with, mess around with) any guy who asks her out." While that sounded simple enough, I quickly learned this simply was untrue, because after asking every woman I heard classified a slut, if discovered they did not do that with every guy who asked them out. Hell, they wouldn't even go out with the guy who asked them, that guy being me..

Quickly learning that a slutty woman might be an unobtainable goal for me, I basically figured that the women most people considered sluts basically either dressed or acted odd enough that someone thought they most likely fucked (sucked, slept with, messed around with) any guy who asked them out. The term slut apparently was a very subjective thing, which makes it very difficult to tell anyone how to be a slut. Wearing crotchless panties during an intimate evening might be considered slutty by one person, while another person wouldn't think that was slutty unless they were worn to church, who can say?

Fortunately, in the review at Bookslut, the reviewer provided a basic formula in determining if you are a slut or not. The formula is quite simple, you are a slut if:

"# of Total Men > Your Age x 1.5" , (1)

The formula seems to make sense, as the reviewer says: "Having slept with 40 men by the time you're in your late 30s does not make you a slut."  (1) Think about it, a woman who has sex with two different men a year from the time she was eighteen until she was forty would have had sex with forty-four men, much less than 40 x 1.5 (60) so she would not be considered a slut. Of course if you consider a woman who loses her virginity at 12:01 am on her eighteenth birthday can still have sex with twenty five more men and still not be considered a slut if you follow the formula above. Perhaps we need to revise the formula a bit, how about:

# of Total Men > (Your Age -- 18) x 1.5

That formula would allow a woman to have a man and a half on her eighteenth birthday and still avoid being considered a slut. The forty year old woman could have 33 different men and still not be a slut, something that I think a lot of people can live with. Of course, for the person who wants to be a slut, well hell, two or three men a year is all it takes.

So there you have it, a simple formula that you can use if you want to become a bonafide slut. For those of you long time married women out there who need to get very busy in the next few months I am happy to say there are still a lot of men out there ready, willing and able to help you in your quest, and hey, you might come up with some wild material for some of those Loving Wives stories.

Once you do finally achieve bonafide sluthood keep in mind that you need to keep up your slutty ways to maintain that slutty status. Just consider the 90 year old slut will have been with over a hundred men. Of course by that time it does get easy, I mean what red blooded man wouldn't want to have sex with a 90 year old slut. Hmmm, where is that Viagra?

1.) Crispin, Jessica Blog of a Bookslut