- Erotic Poetry
- Abandon...
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Click hereAbandon...
She writhes,
Her body moves,
Moves with me,
Lost, completely,
In the world of her pleasure,
Reaching, grasping for release,
Want.
Her eyes, like fire,
Demanding what I'll willingly give
I'd give her everything.
Floating, like a petal on water,
My love, my life,
My total abandon.
- COMMENTS
LipsOfPoisonalmost 13 years agoAuthorThank you very much :) yeah, I think you're right, it just doesn't fit with the sense of urgency and need. Constructive comments are always appreciated :)
Corpse_rideralmost 13 years agoI like this piece. An emotional & passionate poem. Although I like the simile at the end: 'Floating, like a petal on water,' I didn't think it sat well with overall mood of the piece conveyed by the choice of words; writhing, grasping, demanding, fire. 'A petal on water' conveys stillness, calm and inertia. Rework that last simile and you'll have a hot poem.
