At the OfficebyCathleen©
How could I have known I would fall in love with him, but how could I not either? I had started the job about six months prior, it wasn’t my dream position but it was very interesting to me and I had always enjoyed new challenges. My position was newly created, somewhat of a cross between Human Resources and Finance. It suited me well, as my education and background included both fields, I could carve out a niche for myself. I was eager to develop something here and set about doing that immediately.
My level afforded me the opportunity to meet with anyone in the company. This was quite unique and I knew I would take full advantage. The first meeting I attended was held by the president as an introduction of sorts. He had wanted all his immediate officers to meet me and to understand what he was thinking for the position, as well as hear from them, what they’d like to see become of this potential department. The introductions were swift and the discussion commenced. I was thrilled with their ideas and my spirits were buoyed that many of my thoughts and wishes were being accepted as well as furthered. These were good people, smart, energetic and interesting, and the acceptance I felt was immediate. Yes! I thought this was just what I needed.
As well as being a career move, this was a geographical move too. I needed a change but never thought I would move from all I knew and loved. It was hard, harder than I had anticipated. The job had become my anchor in my new life. I was trying to build a life here, to leave him and the past behind and become the person I knew I was meant to be, the woman I was meant to be. I worked hard to move beyond my past, not deny it, but work through it. This was my life I was creating.
The atmosphere at the office was friendly and open. I had never had much trouble making friends and I fit in rather quickly. My co-workers were more than generous with their time at the office, as well as their home lives. I was invited to dinners and weekend gatherings at their homes. These people were warm, honest and caring, and the feeling of acceptance was real and heartwarming.
There were a few people at the office with who I had become very close to in a short time. I loved when that happened in life; as though all paths and choices lead right to each other. That was the feeling I had with him. He was an officer of the company and to be corny, not only was he an officer but a gentleman too. He treated me as an equal, not just within the company, but in life too. He was more than few years my senior, married, his children grown with their own children. I was single and had no children. On the face of things one would have thought we would not have had much in common to become such great friends, but we became just that. He was kind and giving, not to mention very intelligent and fun. Qualities I admired in people and felt I had too. We were drawn to each other the first day, as co-workers. Although I have to admit, I was drawn to him personally as well that day, there was something about him that made me feel.
It was his kindness, his sweet gentle loving nature. He would use words like darling and sweetheart at the office, but they never seemed out of place or condescending, quite the opposite in fact. From him, it was endearing and warm. My feelings were simple; I liked him very much. One day each in our own offices and busy on the phone I needed to discuss an issue with him. I used the interoffice computer messaging system; our office “Yahoo” of sorts. I buzzed him asking for a few minutes of his time when he was available. We accomplished our discussion rather quickly and the “conversation” drifted in and out to other things, as friends would tend to do. This was the first time we “spoke” to each other not face to face, or voice to voice. These messaging systems can create an atmosphere that lets one speak quite openly, as we all know out here on the web. Sometimes the conversations could yield rather interesting results.
That was just what happened that day between us. With our work discussion completed our chat turned more personal. He asked a few intimate questions, I answered, as I felt close enough to him so there was no thought of not responding. Trust was not an issue with him, that was a given to me, it was something I just knew from the beginning. Not until he mentioned having special feelings did I become confused with our banter.
“Well, I do have special feelings” he wrote.
“Oh” I responded, not really understanding about whom he was speaking.
“Did that hurt?” he asks.
“Did what hurt? What are you talking about John? You know I’m blonde! “ I respond with my typical quip to ease what had become and instant and growing tension inside me.
“Carolyn, I am trying to tell you that I have special feelings for you.” The words appeared on my screen and my breath caught, my mouth fell open and I swear my heart was beating at lightening speed.
“Oh” was all I could reply.
“I’m sorry Carolyn, I didn’t mean to step over a line here. I am sorry.”
“No, umm, no that’s okay John. Umm well, I am surprised to hear this.”
“Oh” now it was his turn to be speechless I thought. To try to lighten the mood and frankly to get myself out of this before I was in too deep I replied,
“Did that hurt?” and added the familiar “lol”.
“Carolyn, I am serious. Can we meet this evening to talk?”
Well, that didn’t work the way I had hoped, or so I thought I hoped. I did want to meet him I realized. I did want him. I’d never felt this way for a man in my life and it was scary too. He was married! Unavailable. No, this wasn’t right. My head was spinning but I agreed to meet him. With butterflies in my stomach I went to meet him at the restaurant he had suggested.
It was lovely place, but I was too nervous to really take it all in. We’d had dinner before but never alone and this restaurant seemed full of couples having a special dinner together, which only added to the tightness in my stomach. We had always been comfortable with each other, able to chat easily and banter with one another, but this was different.
I was out of my comfort zone here and knew it. I was nervous, uncharacteristically nervous with him. The blush on my face was the visual give away, but my quietness was even more so, it actually spoke volumes. He tried to back off by talking of work. I was relieved, I thought. I didn’t know what I wanted or even what I was feeling, and when he touched my hand, so sweetly, so tenderly, my heart could have jumped out of my body and into his. My eyes sought his and I saw in them the depth of his feelings. I knew that because my eyes held the same feelings. I never set out to fall in love, much less to a married man; this was hardly what I needed in my life.
His hand upon mine was sending a fire through me, the kind of fire that you want to burn for a long while before quenching it. His thumb gently caressing my hand, soft and smooth, slow and deliberate. My head was spinning, my insides were stirring, not typical feelings for me. My past had not been the kind that included many men and certainly not the wanting I was feeling just then. This was new, I was off balance and to recover that balance I was going to need some fancy footwork.
“John, ummm, I am not sure what to say here. Perhaps we should just let this pass and keep our friendship, it means a great deal to me you know.” I was saying this as I tried to remove my hand from under his, except my hand didn’t move at all.
“Carolyn, I know I have shocked you. I’m sorry, well actually I’m not sorry. I’ve wanted to tell you for quite some time now. I thought you had feelings for me too.” He was so sure with his words, while I bumbled mine.
“I do, of course I have feelings for you. You are a lovely man. Very sweet and kind and have given me the warmest welcome and friendship I could have asked for, but John, your married!” There I had said it, finally able to take a breath now and listen to him, to find out just what this was about.
“Yes” he said quietly. “I am. I want you to know she is leaving. To be honest I am not upset about the breakup. I was faithful to her, although she was not. But even if we were not divorcing it wouldn’t change my feelings for you. You, Carolyn, my darlin’, have me thinking as I’ve never thought before.” His honesty was stunning. I knew he would never lie to me, that was something I just never had to worry about, for he is an honorable man.
“John I don’t know what to say. I am not sure what your are thinking or what I am thinking either!” I exclaimed, nervous but still needing to know the answer.
“I don’t know Carolyn, I just know I want to know you completely. To share myself with you and for you to share yourself with me, to be a part of your life always.” What I saw was raw emotion.
He held nothing back from me. I listened to everything he had to say. He told me about his beliefs, his wishes and desires, what his life had been like and what it was like now. I sat in stunned disbelief and silence. Here was this man, totally unavailable to me, and yet with each word he spoke I fell more deeply in love with him. My feelings took me by surprise, and no little surprise either; my feelings were so real and so physical. He had entered my heart and body that very moment.
When the waiter came with our order, there was a natural pause in our conversation, but not in our gaze. No, we couldn’t take our eyes off one another, nor did we want to. As we settled in to enjoy our meal, we chatted easily, I was thinking, this is the John I knew, I must have been imagining things before, we are just friends is all. Then I felt his hand upon my leg, and when I glanced up to him, he was leaning into me. Oh my insides turned to mush, what was happening? Before I could say a word, I felt his lips lightly touch mine, so tenderly.
There was not a thought in my head now, only my reaction to his kiss, a tender, sweet kiss. My hand fell to his on my leg and he turned his over to hold my hand, fingers intertwined, gripping each other tightly. As we broke our kiss a soft small moan escaped me, and his hand reached to cup my cheek and he spoke.
“Carolyn, I love you. I want you. I need you.” Seemingly making it simple to say.
My mouth opened to respond but no words came out. I was speechless. Actually I wanted to say, yes, I love you too, I want you too, and I need you too. But I couldn’t. It would have been the truth but I couldn’t say it. Not with words anyway. My lips touched his; I let my kiss speak for me.
John placed his hand upon my cheek and softly caressed me as our kiss broke. The look in his eyes told me his passion as his other hand placed mine on his crotch. Now there was no doubt, I could feel his hardness and without rational thought began to rub him. My heart was beating so fast and my breath became short, I had shut my mind off to all the thinking in my mind. I just wanted him, to quench this fire and hunger I had for him.
“Darling I think we need to leave soon.” He whispered to me with a warm breath.
“Are you sure about this John, really sure. There is so much to consider……” His kiss cut me off, a deep thrilling kiss that I could feel to my toes.
“Does that answer your question? Or maybe this tells you the answer.” He placed his hand over mine so I could feel him grow harder.
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” I giggled at him and as I stroked him more said, “Well, I am too!”
We were no longer hungry for our meals and knew it was time to leave, to be alone with one another. He said he would meet me at my home that he had a stop to make. I couldn’t believe what was happening or what was about to happen. I felt my desire and arousal deepen. As I drove I had the most interesting thoughts and was willing myself to carry them out. I would have some time at home before John arrived but would I be able to do it. I’d never felt so sensual in my life.
I heard his car pull into the driveway and knew soon we would be in each other’s arms. I had left the front door ajar so he would know to come right in; I heard it close behind him. He called my name and I said nothing. I let my setting speak for me. I had dimmed the lights in the living room and left my shoes there as well as one of my stockings. I knew he got the message as he entered my bedroom carrying all my clothing that I had left as a trail for him to follow.
I laughed when he saw me lying in bed, waiting for him, because he dropped my garments in a heap on the floor and came to me diving onto the bed grabbing me into an embrace.
“John, you didn’t treat my clothing very well.” I was laughing more now.
“I’ll show you what I think of your clothing later darlin’, just as long as they are all off now.” His eyes were penetrating me with desire and I wanted him just as much.
“I think I got everything off but you may want to check for yourself.” I lifted the sheet up for his eyes to take me in. His hand reached out to touch my face so tenderly.
“Sweet Carolyn, you are so beautiful. I want you so much.” His words were as tender as his kiss as I whispered that I wanted him too and needed to get his clothes off and quickly.
We both began taking his clothing off in such a hurry; there was no seduction to it just lust and desire driving us. We made love that night over and over again. As we woke in each other’s arms I giggled when I pulled his shirt out from under the covers.
“Seems we were in a bit of a hurry sweetheart.” I threw his shirt onto the pile of my clothing he had dumped on the floor last night.
“I wonder what else is under here.” John lifted the sheet and came down upon me with his whole body kissing me hard on the mouth stifling my laughter. It would be hours later when we would wake and make a mad dash to the office, where this had all begun.