Dearest Sister JanebySvenskaflicka©
London, May 27th, 1869
Dearest sister Jane,
We have now arrived in London and settled into our new home, Lord Hurst and I. The house, as you know, used to belong to Lord Hurst's older brother, the one who died in that awful duel regarding Lady Sutton's honour – as if she had any! The house is beautifully kept but, oh; decorated in such a drab and old-fashioned style. I have made my husband promise not to invite anyone but his family members until I have had a chance to re-decorate. Once it is done, I sincerely hope you will come and visit us. I can't wait to show you London; it's such an exciting place.
Lord Hurst has taken me around to the finest boutiques in town and bought me a whole new wardrobe fit for the Lady Hurst. Oh, Jane, I've been measured and clad in the most wonderful fabrics; silk, tulle and chiffon, and since I'm now a married woman I no longer have to restrain my wardrobe to plain and boring white and beige; I can dress in colours! Sky blue, emerald green, purple and pink – and Lord Hurst even bought me a riding suit in the same deep red colour of fine wine. I protested, of course, and said that I couldn't possibly wear red, it's such a daring and indecent colour, but he merely laughed and said that it suited my own colours. I must say that I feel very embarrassed wearing it, but since my husband admires me in it, what can I do?
Jane, do you remember how we stayed up and gossiped and giggled every night after a ball, and how we fantasized about what it would be like to be married to this or that fine gentleman? Lord Hurst is just as wonderful a husband as we imagined; patient, kind and considerate, refined, strong and manly, and so very intelligent. Do you know that even His Highness seeks his opinion regarding foreign politics?
But I must confide in you, dearest sister, that I had not ever dreamed that my husband would be such a passionate man, nor that it would manifest itself in such a strange manner. As you probably recall, we spent our honeymoon at his estate in Lincolnshire, which is not that far from our childhood home. And what a strange honeymoon that was, I can assure you!
The very first night that we were married, Lord Hurst came into my bedroom at night, and explained that he wanted to enjoy his marital rights. I of course had no idea what he meant, and he laughed and said that he looked forward to teaching me how to fulfil this particular part of a wife's duties. I was shocked when he removed his clothes and asked me to take of my night attire as well, and I asked him if it was really necessary. He insisted that we would both take of our clothes, because he wanted to see me the way God had created me. The cheek!
Jane, dearest, did you know that men and women are created differently? Naturally, men don't have bosoms, we both knew that, but did you know that men are equipped with a body part that women don't have? Remember how we watched the young men at the balls, and how we wondered about the strange pout in their tight-fitting trousers? Now that I have seen my husband without clothes, I know what that is. It has the length and girth of a baby's arm, it's surrounded by short, curly hair, similar to lamb's wool, and has a purse attached underneath. And the weirdest thing about it is that it can grow and shrink in size, just like the girl we read about in that book Alice in Wonderland – although this strange creature doesn't need to eat or drink to change its size.
I was relieved when Lord Hurst lied down beside me in my bed, because that way the blankets would cover our naked bodies. But would you believe it, the man then insisted on kissing me, and it was nothing like the chaste kiss he gave me during our wedding ceremony. He actually forced my mouth open and put his tongue inside my mouth! At first I found it revolting and intrusive, but as he continued, it started to feel rather pleasant. He caressed my hair and mumbled between each kiss that I was beautiful and that he was going to enjoy making me his. I didn't understand the latter at the time, but now I do.
His caresses went further, and he held me in his arms, and even though I was a little frightened at this strange new activity, he was patient with me and did everything slowly to give me a chance to get used to the unfamiliar sensations he caused. His kisses moved from my lips over my cheeks to my neck, and the pleasure they caused increased. I was confused as to what to do with my hands, I didn't know what was expected of me, so I grabbed on to the sheets to keep them from shaking. He then moved further down and kissed my breasts, can you believe it? I was embarrassed and asked him not to do that, after all, a woman's bosom is for feeding her infants, nothing else. He laughed and assured me that there was one more use for a woman's bosom, and that was to awaken the passion in both the man and the woman. He kissed them again, and played with the nipples with his tongue, and I must confess that the playful touch made my whole body tingle with anticipation. The pleasure ran through my veins all the way down to my feet, and I suddenly felt heavy and dizzy. Again, I asked him to stop, and said I might be getting sick, and I described my symptoms to him. He smiled and assured me that there was nothing wrong with me, and that he would soon make me feel very, very good.
I could do nothing but endure his touch and the strange feelings it awoke in me, but his caresses got more and more indecent and this worried me. How could something so indecent make me feel so good? Was this the sinful lust the priest had warned us about, the sin that might condemn us to Hell? Lord Hurst did not forget one part of my body as his hands explored it and caressed it. He even kissed my stomach and promised that by this time next year, I would hold the next generation's Lord Hurst in my arms.
So far, I had been an obedient bride and done what my husband asked of me, but what followed next made me cry out in horror. He kissed, he actually kissed, that part of me that is the most forbidden! Surely this was not something that God would allow, and I told him so. He then said the strangest thing:
"Mary, my blushing bride, I must ask you to trust me in this, as I have the experience you lack; I do not think that God is so unfair that he won't let you get some joy out of your wifely duties. Nor do I wish to merely ravish an unwilling bride, but to share the pleasures of the bed with my wife. Now be still and accept what I have to give you."
He then moved my legs apart and touched that secret place, and treated it like it was another mouth to kiss. He even put his tongue inside me, and that playful tongue explored every inch and teased and tickled me. My body felt heavy, and I could feel a wetness between my legs from his licking me there. I couldn't stand it, I covered my face with the pillow and whimpered, not from pain but from the sweetest torment you could imagine.
Lord Hurst lied on top of me, removed the pillow from my face, and kissed my forehead. I felt something hard against my stomach, and when he rose up a bit to adjust himself, I saw it. The creature had grown to its fullest size, and it was red with anger, ready to attack. My husband then placed its head against my womb, and presses himself against me. He actually stabbed me with that thing! It hurt! I cried out in pain and tried to move away, but he grabbed my hips and held me still. I felt that huge pole glide inside me, yes, actually inside my body! I felt my tears well up, and he wiped them away.
"Don't worry, my dear," he said. "The pain will soon go away. I have done all I can to ease your discomfort, now please bear with me a little and you will soon feel good."
He then began to rock back and forth, and the big thing inside me slid in and out of me. At first it hurt, then my body seemed to get numb from the pain, and finally I began to feel a pleasure similar to that when he licked me. Lord Hurst noticed that my whimpers change in character, and he smiled at me and kissed me. He seemed to find the thrusting and withdrawing tiresome, because he panted all the time and his body became covered in sweat.
He pulled my legs up until they rested on his shoulders. It must have looked ridiculous, and it wasn't comfortable, but it enabled his spear to sink even deeper inside me, and the feelings of pleasure got more intense. I was embarrassed at this and wanted to hide my feelings from him, so I hid my face in my hands. He removed them and kissed me, and looked deeply into my eyes so I couldn't turn my eyes away from that hypnotic stare. He enjoyed seeing me blush and hearing me whimper!
I'm not sure what happened next, but he suddenly got more intense, his thrusts were harder and faster, and he moaned like he was in pain. I could feel something hot and wet fill my insides until it overflowed, and I fainted with excitement.
When I woke up, he had been kind enough to wash me clean and put a dry sheet over the spot where the wetness had run out of me. I wasn't surprised to see the next morning that I had been bleeding, the pain from when he pushed himself inside me had been so intense that I had been surprised if I had not broken and bled.
Lord Hurst was very kind to me after that, and insisted on sleeping in my bed that night. I was a little afraid that he would want to continue the weird spectacle, but instead he held me tight and whispered in ear that he was pleased with me and that he was sure that we would have a pleasant life together as Lord and Lady Hurst. Despite what he had just put me through, I felt safe in his arms, and soon fell asleep with my head resting comfortably against his broad chest.
He left me alone for a night or two after that, to give me a chance to heal from the first attack, but the rest of our honeymoon in Lincolnshire followed the same pattern. He would come to my bedroom every night and tempt me with his skilful hands and mouth. It's a strange habit, but I must admit that once my body got used to it, the pain disappeared and I don't feel any discomfort anymore, only that strange and exciting pleasure.
Oh, Jane, with all my heart I wish that you will find a kind and generous and passionate husband like mine! I will talk to Lord Hurst and ask him if I may invite you to stay with us in September. Please write to me soon and tell me you will come. I so look forward to seeing you again, my dear, and to get the opportunity to introduce you to the London society. I'm sure we will find you a good husband!
With all my affection,
Your sister Mary