"I want to make love to other men."
"What?!" I had just arrived home from a long day's work.
"I want to make love to other men."
"You want to fuck away our marriage, you mean!"
She smiled deprecatingly, put her hand on my arm and spoke as if to a child, "No darling, it won't affect our marriage. You know you were my first and only lover. Now the children have left home, I just need to experience new things"
"Are you a complete fucking idiot ...?"
"Now there's no need to use that kind of language. You said it often enough to the children, life isn't a rehearsal, you only get one shot. I am only going to add to my life experiences. You wouldn't stop me doing that, now would you?"
"What the fuck prompted this? Why now?"
"Well you are a bit late home and Tony will be here in half an hour."
"In half an hour! You planned this and you give me half an hour's notice ..."
"I told you, you are late home ..."
"Get this, Janet. If this Tony is arriving in half an hour, that means you planned and arranged the whole thing. These things don't just happen in a few hours. How long have you been fucking this bastard behind my back?"
"I haven't! I'm shocked that you would think I would do that ..."
"And I'm shocked you would think of it, or that I would accept it. All these years I wasted on a selfish bitch. Why didn't you tell me you were a fucking skank when I met you and I'd have saved myself this?"
"David! How can you say that? I'm just trying to fulfill myself and become a more complete woman for you."
"Like fuck! You are just another faithless whore looking for a bit of strange and expecting some poor sucker to finance it. Well here's the good word for you. If you go out that door with this Tony fucker, you are not coming back in again!"
She laughed and adopted her patronizing tone again, "Oh, I couldn't go out anywhere for this, I need to feel comfortable ..."
She might as well have lit the blue touch paper. "YOU WHAT! You think I'm going to let it happen in our house? Where The Fuck...? Ah, no! You Weren't planning on doing it in our bed? Ah fuck! You are one sick and twisted bitch."
The door bell rang. Janet moved to answer it. I pushed her back. "You fucking stay there, cunt!" and opened the door. On the doorstep stood a tall, very well built, flashily dressed, black man. He made as if to step in. I didn't move.
"You're out of luck pal! You may head on somewhere else."
"The lady invited me ..."
"And I've just un-invited you."
Giving me the hard look, "I'd like to speak to Janet."
"Tony I ..."
Without looking away from Tony I said, "Janet you've done enough here tonight, so don't go making things worse."
"I think Janet is capable of speaking for herself."
"Listen chum! Right now the night is young, you can go somewhere else, and pick up someone else to fuck. But you sure as hell not fucking my wife in my house."
He surveyed me, seeing nothing more than a slightly run to fat, five foot nine, middle aged man. "Do you think you are going to be able to stop me?"
"I'll give you the good word here Tony. You may be bigger than me, and you may be younger than me, but you won't get in here without a fight. And I'll tell you this, I will mark you. So if you do get in you are going to hurt. This is a quiet neighborhood, so you can rest assured that the police will be called and will respond. So you will spend the evening sitting in a holding cell, making statements, and running up a solicitor's bill. And you won't get your wick dipped. If it all goes wrong and you do injure me badly you'll be slammed up for five with no tail. So is this piece of middle aged skank worth five years of wanking?"
He looked hard at me and said, "You are a very clever man. But I can come back."
I waved my hand in front of his face as if catching his breath. "Only if you go away now."
He leant forward into my face, "You have juice, man. But I will be back!"
I reached forward and plucked a hair from his head. "No! I have Ju-Ju!" His eyes narrowed. I stepped back into the house and closed the door.
"You, bitch, pack your fucking bags, you are out of here." I went to the study to calm myself.
"Off to make your little models?" she sneered.
I spun on my heel and bore down on her. Putting my thumb and forefinger together I hissed "You are this far from being put through that door without opening it. You made a very bad mistake today. Don't make it worse for yourself." I continued to the study.
An hour later I sat in the lounge, beer in hand, looking at my latest figurine, by the firelight, that was the only illumination in the room. Suddenly there was a burst of gunfire. The window shattered, and my newest model was plucked from the tables and spun into the fire. I dived below the level of the window sill and heard a car speed off, wheels screeching as they spun. I heard one more shot and then the sound of a car smashing into some thing, and the soft whump of it catching fire. I crawled to the grate, and using the poker, pulled my model from the flames.
The emergency services arrived, did what they do, and left. The police gathered some details and arranged to interview witnesses the next day. Residents were left to board up windows and gossip about the excitement visited on us. Janet had retired to bed in our bedroom. There was no way I was going to sleep with her, so I used one of the spare bedrooms that had been our childrens.
I was sitting at the kitchen table next morning, drinking coffee when my soon to be ex-wife came in, dressed in her pale blue dressing gown.
"David, we nee ..."
I held up my hand to silence her.
"And the news at eight o'clock. In the headlines. A man died last night, and two others were very seriously injured during what appears to be a Hallow E'en drive-by shooting. According to reports, a career criminal, Mr Antony Maguire was driving the vehicle involved in the shooting. Her was hit in the head by a bullet fired from within the car, causing it to crash. The vehicle burst into flames and Mr Maguire was burned to death. The other two injured were passengers in the car and police suspect they were the gunmen. In other news ...
I dropped my hand. She looked at the table and gasped. In front of me was a charred, headless, manikin. Beside it was a female figurine, dressed in a pale blue robe.